Nykee

I still cant see them it says Invalid Attachment specified. If you followed a valid link, please notify the administrator BUt dont worry about me, looks like everyone else can see them???? <!-- / main error message -->

I didnt see any other thread for this.. so I did this one. I was banded last year on Feb. 15th and I think I am gonna clock in at 75 pounds loss for the year.. (IF I am lucky) I wanted 100 pounds loss.. But I think 75 is good enough.

Work in Progress I been using my computer (posting, emails, etc.) from a chair for a month now. I guess I must say I am in a comfortable rocking chair thing with cushions. BUT its UPRIGHT and so am I.. lol (Oh for those who dont know.. I always had to post from the couch, then later I got this neat lounge chair chaise (spell?) due to pain as I have some back injuries) I bleached my hair three time in the last two months.. and to rinse it out, I leaned over the tub and rinsed it in the tub facet. I mean I HAD to cuz I forgot my fancy disabled people shower thingie at my old place. (damn it, that was expensive!) And it was basically easy. I mean it wasnt easy. But it was WAY WAY WAY easier. Compared to before, it was a SNAP. I have had to do this before (use the facet) and it has left me in tears. I have had crisis interventions over this in the past. (I have to do my hair like every couple months) I either couldnt reach the facet it well enough to rinse thouroughly and fried my hair, absolutely could not hold my possition and had to leave the area before I was done, cried alot, needed someone to come with a picher to help me, had to get in the tub and let the bleach run all over my body and ect ect... lol, seems like alot to go through to dye my hair, but thats life ya know.. you do what you gotta do and you dont think about it.. UNTIL NOW when its so different. I can lay on the couch for more than an hour. This couch from goodwill..It has two reclyning chairs on the ends. I couldnt lay on it. It was extremely uncomfortable. (the mechanics inside, undetectable to the normal sized..) I tried and tried to get a place on this couch because Um I NEED to lay down and I need to be in my living room. I tried until it was completely clear that in NO way could I use this couch. My family loved it.. Its a pretty cool couch for everone else. I only had the chaise lounge chair that I could tolerate for semi long periods and it wasnt sufficient. I could only sit on the couch about an hour in its upright possition with the reclyner out. (not quite upright.. lol) And EVERY time I regretted it (pain pain pain) I had no where to "be" in my own living room if I was "bedridden' that day, I actually had to be in my bed.. and I dont like being isolated like that. So... My stuff was in storage.. I just got a new place... and GUESS WHAT.. I went to lay on the couch.. and I could. AND I CAN.. I HAVE A PLACE TO BE IN MY OWN LIVING ROOM NOW! WOW My Watch is loose. My friend gave me the watch in christmas of 04, she got it fit for me and it fit perfectly. Now its always upside down, dangling and at least three links could be removed. I dangle it everytime I need a pick me up. I can weigh on a normal scale and the scale at the ymca becasue I am under 350 pounds now. Nuff said. I had my first Orgasm from a Man, that I didnt have to help one bit. I am 35 and having my first one, unassisted. I thought it would NEVER happen. I was OBESE by age 16 and not sexually educated before that....Three kids by 19 and never did enjoy sex. and it was dead ever since because I felt so crappy about myself.. I almost never even touched myself. I felt so discusted. NO looking even. This O happened with a good friend who has never done anything wrong to me, who I have been seeing casually for over three years and who I have become increasingly comfortable with. (26 yr old hottie too) Last year on my 34th bday, I was able to have 7 multiple O's with him, (I did it, but it only happened cuz he was there and he was OMG AMAZING) So.. Its a mixture of my becoming increasingly comfortable with him as well as with myself.. In fact, the whole sex thing was so much better that also made me ready and capible.. This was never due to HIs lack of skill, I know he has the skill, I have known that from our first time. But I was dead and his skills mean nothing if I am dead. I am still in shock.. I mean you go 35 years and your mom and sister and best friends ALL know you have never had an orgasm from a man.. and that last year was my first one with a man at all (assisted) (and I date plenty, and many have tried and tried well) AND now, its not my story anymore.. lol. (I havent even told them yet!) Sex..Details later..MAYBE, kinda new and feeling too personal.. BUT ITS HUGE. WORK IN PROGRESS

Work in Progress :mad: I been using my computer (posting, emails, etc.) from a chair for a month now. I guess I must say I am in a comfortable rocking chair thing with cushions. BUT its UPRIGHT and so am I.. lol (Oh for those who dont know.. I always had to post from the couch, then later I got this neat lounge chair chaise (spell?) due to pain as I have some back injuries) I bleached my hair three time in the last two months.. and to rinse it out, I leaned over the tub and rinsed it in the tub facet. I mean I HAD to cuz I forgot my fancy disabled people shower thingie at my old place. (damn it, that was expensive!) And it was basically easy. I mean it wasnt easy. But it was WAY WAY WAY easier. Compared to before, it was a SNAP. I have had to do this before (use the facet) and it has left me in tears. I have had crisis interventions over this in the past. (I have to do my hair like every couple months) I either couldnt reach the facet it well enough to rinse thouroughly and fried my hair, absolutely could not hold my possition and had to leave the area before I was done, cried alot, needed someone to come with a picher to help me, had to get in the tub and let the bleach run all over my body and ect ect... lol, seems like alot to go through to dye my hair, but thats life ya know.. you do what you gotta do and you dont think about it.. UNTIL NOW when its so different. I can lay on the couch for more than an hour. This couch from goodwill..It has two reclyning chairs on the ends. I couldnt lay on it. It was extremely uncomfortable. (the mechanics inside, undetectable to the normal sized..) I tried and tried to get a place on this couch because Um I NEED to lay down and I need to be in my living room. I tried until it was completely clear that in NO way could I use this couch. My family loved it.. Its a pretty cool couch for everone else. I only had the chaise lounge chair that I could tolerate for semi long periods and it wasnt sufficient. I could only sit on the couch about an hour in its upright possition with the reclyner out. (not quite upright.. lol) And EVERY time I regretted it (pain pain pain) I had no where to "be" in my own living room if I was "bedridden' that day, I actually had to be in my bed.. and I dont like being isolated like that. So... My stuff was in storage.. I just got a new place... and GUESS WHAT.. I went to lay on the couch.. and I could. AND I CAN.. I HAVE A PLACE TO BE IN MY OWN LIVING ROOM NOW! WOW My Watch is loose. My friend gave me the watch in christmas of 04, she got it fit for me and it fit perfectly. Now its always upside down, dangling and at least three links could be removed. I dangle it everytime I need a pick me up. I can weigh on a normal scale and the scale at the ymca becasue I am under 350 pounds now. Nuff said. I had my first Orgasm from a Man, that I didnt have to help one bit. I am 35 and having my first one, unassisted. I thought it would NEVER happen. I was OBESE by age 16 and not sexually educated before that....Three kids by 19 and never did enjoy sex. and it was dead ever since because I felt so crappy about myself.. I almost never even touched myself. I felt so discusted. NO looking even. This O happened with a good friend who has never done anything wrong to me, who I have been seeing casually for over three years and who I have become increasingly comfortable with. (26 yr old hottie too) Last year on my 34th bday, I was able to have 7 multiple O's with him, (I did it, but it only happened cuz he was there and he was OMG AMAZING) So.. Its a mixture of my becoming increasingly comfortable with him as well as with myself.. In fact, the whole sex thing was so much better that also made me ready and capible.. This was never due to HIs lack of skill, I know he has the skill, I have known that from our first time. But I was dead and his skills mean nothing if I am dead. I am still in shock.. I mean you go 35 years and your mom and sister and best friends ALL know you have never had an orgasm from a man.. and that last year was my first one with a man at all (assisted) (and I date plenty, and many have tried and tried well) AND now, its not my story anymore.. lol. (I havent even told them yet!) Sex..Details later..MAYBE, kinda new and feeling too personal.. BUT ITS HUGE. WORK IN PROGRESS

All I see are X's

ITS MY PERIOD!! YEAH. I got the cramps around 10pm and just now found some pink. So... I am gonna assume its my menstral. Now, I just feel so much better about it all.:mad: I dont know for sure, but I have a feeling I can stick to some lower calorie eating for a few days now. I didnt want this Journal to be about all this crap.. BUT, I guess it will be what ever it is... Go with the flow. ............. Tonight I almost went to the coast with my daughter.. she jsut got back today, but had to go back cuz Dono forgot his wallet in her car. I was gonna ride along. But in the end chose not to go. I was debating whether to go, cuz I know it would be painfull and it was a quick trip, not for any certain kind of fun or activity, but I have been bored and it was something to do.. Plus I could stay at my friends house for the night and thats something to do too.. BUt my daughter said "cuz I can" to something I asked her and I acted like I didnt want her company..... Well, that was obviously me using that as a way to justify my social anxiety and sheer lazyness and fear of pain. All of which I HATE allowing to control me. I layed on the couch and watched Southpark all night, helping Cry with her nonexistant family tree and fighting with Ambree to do her chore. I coulda been in bed with my friend feeling all calm and relaxed knowing the ocean was nearby and feeling wonderfully small. I have a date this weekend with Reese. I AM going, no matter what. If I find a way to weasal out, I may as well give it all up and But I am nervous. I think its gonna last Saturday to Monday cuz his work schedule. Well, I will talk about this later.

ITS MY PERIOD!! YEAH. I got the cramps around 10pm and just now found some pink. So... I am gonna assume its my menstral. Now, I just feel so much better about it all. I dont know for sure, but I have a feeling I can stick to some lower calorie eating for a few days now. I didnt want this Journal to be about all this crap.. BUT, I guess it will be what ever it is... Go with the flow. ............. Tonight I almost went to the coast with my daughter.. she jsut got back today, but had to go back cuz Dono forgot his wallet in her car. I was gonna ride along. But in the end chose not to go. I was debating whether to go, cuz I know it would be painfull and it was a quick trip, not for any certain kind of fun or activity, but I have been bored and it was something to do.. Plus I could stay at my friends house for the night and thats something to do too.. BUt my daughter said "cuz I can" to something I asked her and I acted like I didnt want her company..... Well, that was obviously me using that as a way to justify my social anxiety and sheer lazyness and fear of pain. All of which I HATE allowing to control me. I layed on the couch and watched Southpark all night, helping Cry with her nonexistant family tree and fighting with Ambree to do her chore. I coulda been in bed with my friend feeling all calm and relaxed knowing the ocean was nearby and feeling wonderfully small. I have a date this weekend with Reese. I AM going, no matter what. If I find a way to weasal out, I may as well give it all up and But I am nervous. I think its gonna last Saturday to Monday cuz his work schedule. Well, I will talk about this later.

Queen, No Doubt, Marilyn Manson, and Black sabbath are some more absolute loves.

Rob Zombie, Metallica and Ozzy mostly. I also love Hedwig.

I am watching it right now.. LOL cool

I have one , but I dont go there. My kids live there however.

FEB 6th The whole day I have been restricted. Right now I am going to bed, But that doesnt ensure I will actually sleep and not eat anything else,.. BUt if I dont, that will be a good thing.. CUZ.. I finally have low calories.. I didnt eat right, AT ALL... BUt the band is working not to let me pig out. 12pm 1 ounce of milk (I took this drink right before I left the house.. I made gurgling noises for over an hour on the milk and then it was obvious I was making the little noises over my saliva) 2;30pm Two little bites of mashed potatoes and gravy from KFC (Here I was trying to see if I could eat somthing more solid and maybe fill my pouch without risking it on anything solid.. it didnt work, It still felt funny and I had to put it away. 3pm to 5pm I tried some broth (2 bites) I tried some chocolate chips (a few) I tried a bite of mashed potatoes again (one bite) I ended up eating a few chocolate chips, (1/4 a cup) 6pm to 7pm 1 reses pb cup. 1.5 cups carmel corn (My daughter brought one home from the coast along with the carmel corn and It took me an hour to eat this much and I didnt dare drink with any of it.. BUt FINALLy I got something yummy.. LOL) 8pm Slice of procesed cheese Tomatoe Soup, 1/2 cup 9pm rest of the can of tomatoe soup one slice processed cheese 10pm to 12pm 2 cups nesquick 1.5 cups 1% milk Half a serving of almonds 1am: NOW.. going to bed Fitday calories.. 1698 fat....74 carb 209 Protein.. 59 Well, I ate more after 10pm cuz I never went to bed after all.. But hey I am still down alot of calories and I got my protein in.. lol Soooooooooooooooooooo TONIGHT after I got off, I got pains and alittle bit of blood, so Its official,, I AM on my period.. and THUS, I am atributing these last two days of extra tightness to my period and will wait for it to subside. Plus for some reason knowing I am on my period and thats causing the tight restriction, I am less worried and I THINK I am gonna be able to go on a nice liquid diet while I am tight.. HOPEfully i can stay around 1500 calories for a few days? I DONT KNOW, just wrtiting down goals makes me feeel like a fool, cuz I never stick with them. WE WILL SEE. Goals for tomarrow. Dont sip anything before appointments. Do the 1 oclock and the 2 oclock Go grocery shopping Try to have some juice (4pm?) See how it goes.. Have tomatoe soup and parm if possible for dinner Have milk and juice the rest of the night Have SHERBERT NOT CHOCOLATE OR CANDY Dont munch on chocolate chips Revel in the deprivation and feel good your such a cool bitch for it.

Well, Its 8pm and I am STILL having problems.. sipping tomatoe soup and its sitting in my throat.. ugh. EITHER its my period a coming, OR the restriciton has "kicked in" like many people have described it doing to them. I will give it a couple of weeks.. Making sure not to irritate it to the point that It hurts or causing the chest pains. LASt thing I want is an unfill. But OF course if I get the pain, I WILL get an unfill ... I am KINDA excited and QUITE frusterated. I want to lose weight like I did with my last fill.. BUT unlike my last fill, I am not so happy and overjoyed about NOT eating.. They called it the honeymoon period and I thought it was divine majic or something.. lol I cant imagine I would get an unfill to simply be able to eat.... BUT, I also dont see it as impossible.. OF course.. 25 pounds or so will losen the band anyway.... well thats what happened last time.. MY calories have been averaging 2500, my fat 100 and my carbs 300.. I have GOT to be under that today.. But thats what I thought yesterday. lol .......................................... Today we had an appointment with Joe.. and tomarrow is the school and the center. Dawn goes to her thing on wednesday. Lots of changes. I need to turn in my request to MOVE!!!!

Well, Its 8pm and I am STILL having problems.. sipping tomatoe soup and its sitting in my throat.. ugh. EITHER its my period a coming, OR the restriciton has "kicked in" like many people have described it doing to them. I will give it a couple of weeks.. Making sure not to irritate it to the point that It hurts or causing the chest pains. LASt thing I want is an unfill. But OF course if I get the pain, I WILL get an unfill ... I am KINDA excited and QUITE frusterated. I want to lose weight like I did with my last fill.. BUT unlike my last fill, I am not so happy and overjoyed about NOT eating.. They called it the honeymoon period and I thought it was divine majic or something.. lol I cant imagine I would get an unfill to simply be able to eat.... BUT, I also dont see it as impossible.. OF course.. 25 pounds or so will losen the band anyway.... well thats what happened last time.. MY calories have been averaging 2500, my fat 100 and my carbs 300.. I have GOT to be under that today.. But thats what I thought yesterday. lol .......................................... Today we had an appointment with Joe.. and tomarrow is the school and the center. Dawn goes to her thing on wednesday. Lots of changes. I need to turn in my request to MOVE!!!!

JACK) So please....apply what you know to what you do... girl) OK, since you said please. (((HUGS)))

Nykee: This post is sent with all the love and support I can give you. >>>>>>>I KNOW. I DO> I am defensive of my situation NOT of you caring and sharing and posting to me!!!! Please don't take offense to anything I am saying here but honey you are definetly taking in way too many calories and certainly WAY too much sugar. If I were to eat like you are I would not be losing weight. >>>>>>>>>>My weightloss will prolly stop when i get beyond a certain level too.. Hopefully I will be able to make better chocies by then, havent been able to in 20 years.. but hey, maybe some weight loss will help that. I too have lived on $300 in food stamps for myself and 4 small children so I know how difficult it can be. IT SUCKS!! But if I remember your children are teenagers and more specifically they are 18 and 19 is that correct? If that is accurate then they can certainly fend for themselves for meals. It is TIME to start taking care of NYKEE. >>>yeah, well they take care of me.. I dont really know what you mean.. my son works and my daughter is in college and we do have to buy more food than the foodstamps I get.. BUT MY KIDS ARE NOT READY TO leave, they DO fend for themselves in food. I dont cook, and I only sometimes do the shopping (like once a month) Find a Farmer's Market that accepts Food Stamps. They are out there. Find a Co-op that you can barter with for fresh veggies. They are out there. >>>>>>My town doesnt have that stuff. but I been in towns that did and sometimes I went.. Just cuz they are there doesnt mean I will use them and do the right thing. You say you are bored. >>>>Hey I figured out why I keep saying that..I am not sipping on my cup of milk and juice all day cuz my fill is tight and its making me bored... that sounds crazy, but not really .. like a smoker who deosnt know what to do with themselves. I have been there as well. IT TOO SUCKS!! But find something you LIKE to do. Get up and do it. >>>OK Stop finding excuses to NOT do things. >>>OK No one can fix your issues but you. >>>NEVER said otherwise We here can offer all the support and encouragement there can be and it does no good if it falls on deaf ears. >>so you decide its falling on deaf ears..? I respect your situation cause I have been there. I know what it is like to want a better life for your children and the frustration because it seems hopeless. My life is not so bad,My kids have an obese mother.. and the shit that goes with it.. I COULD break out ALL that is GOOD and it will outshine MANY.. BUt I dont do that at places like here, I save the internet for my neggatives.. IT ISN'T hopeless unless you let it be. I am sooooooo far from hopeless.. I dont mean to make it sound that way,. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE IT. And when you realize that the possibilities are endless. >>so true OK if I haven't succeeded in pissing you off then know that I have the utmost respect for you and believe that you can succeed in whatever you want out of life. I almost never get mad.. I LOVE it when people show me they know a thing or two.. ignorance makes me sad. thank you

Just my 2 cents here Nykee >>>>>>>I APPRECIATE IT, EVEN THOUGH IT might not sound like it when I respond. The reason you seem to want to eat more is because you are eating crap.. >>>>>>I dont know what I want to eat, I only know what I do eat and I log it.. I dont know if its more or not... I made that statement cuz I began to eat my kids solid foods and drink less for like a day... I am trying to see how accurate I am at what I eat, when, why and the calories, fat and carb content. food that the band will not or does not restrict..liquids go right through.. Not always.. I gone all day to day getting stuck on liquids..but I know what you mean, once its open, I can drink and drink until I dont want to drink anymore due to fullness. (not band fullness) junk goes right through.. Yep, at night when I am open, this is very true,, and if you say you can not eat any solids ..then girlfreidn you are too tight... I can eat solids, look at my log.. I can. Just not all the time. I know I am too tight, but I have to be.. people can live never eating solids again.. But I dont abuse the band by going too far so its fine. (and if its not fine, too bad, its all I can do to lose weight right now) the band was not designed to just drink your meal or eat candy..you need some real food..protein, >I get real food. I get PLENTY of Protein too. the protein will curb your hunger >>That prolly explains why I am not hungry more often.. I get 60 to 90 grams of protein every day. so if you can not get anything down but liquids atleast drink protein drinks instead of grape juice and chocolate milk >BUT I get plenty of protein. IF I ever find myself able to cut out all the milk I drink and need to suppliment my protein, yes, I will do it and i know how to. all that sugar does is make you crave more sugar.. >>>>>BOY, do I KNOW THAT. its a vicious cycle in my opinion you have fallen itno the soft/liquid food syndrome... >>>>>>Prolly. NOTE: I drank OVER a gallon of milk and juice, coffee drinks, slurpees and milkshakes EVERY SINGLE DAY prebanded. and that my friend will not help you to lose weight, if anything you will take in more caloreis then if you ate solids.. >>>Maybe, I hope that wont happen. Thing is, If I can eat more solids.. I will be eating MORE solids.. CRAPPY fattning carb loaded solids. (plus I have lost almost 75 pounds in a year) .liquids and soft foods go right through the band, they do not stay in your pouch plain and simple which is exactly why you are hungry >>>>this isnt about hunger, I know I mentioned it a few times, but that doesnt really bother me much I AM POSTING THIS STUFF.. FOR me.. PLEEASE dont feel compelled to respond... I am not looking for attention, or trying to show off or claim I am right.. I am just doing it, to look at ,myself,.. I I know its bad

easy way out: those skinny bitches who never watch what they eat and do no more excersize than any other normal person. lol

For me it wasnt the easy way, it was the only way. and I dont even know if thats true yet.

FEB> 6th GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Ok.. So I did not eat any almonds this morning.. At noon, I took 1 ounce of milk and clear through a 1;00 appointment... I was burping and hiccuping it. Its now almost 3pm.. SO, NO.. ITS NOT THE ALMONDS causing the restrcition to last so long into the day. I AM HUNGRY, I used to NEVER EVER be hungry. WORSE .. I WANT TO TAKE A NAP, yet IF I do.. I wont be able to eat till midnight.. AND I AM BORED to death. AFTER my period, I will decide if I am overfilled to the point where I cant take it. IF I am not choking on my own saliva, I am NOT overfilled.. (this is MY rule.. IF I am not abusing the band by choling, sliming or PBing than its fine.. BUT I WOULD LIKE TO at leaste be able to drink) BUT then again I may get really frusterated not being able to drink even till 3pm. Even on my last fill I was able to drink milk and juice by noon,.,. So.. GRRRR. I think I will just go to the dang YMCA. (WHICH I HATE.. for many reasons) GAWD I CANT WAIT TILL SUMMER!

It occured to me while reading your logs that if you just switched from regular juices to sugar-free juices (like no-sugar lemonade and no-sugar grape drinks), and switched from milk to any other kind of no-calorie drink, you'd be saving yourself hundreds of calories every day. >>>>>>>>>that has occured to me too.. lol.. I have had them ALL,. Ibet you couldnt name one I havent had. Also, kids don't "have" to eat foods like mac-n-cheese, ramen, and corn dogs. All of these are really loaded with fat, salt, and calories (which I'm sure you know). I know, I meant they are cheap.. I get 220$ in foodstamps to feed us all a month.. and thats not meant to be an excuse for feeding them poorly.. just the truth of the matter Incorporating healthier (but still delicious) choices (low fat microwave popcorn, fruit, string cheese, frozen banannas, homemade Pasta with marinara and turkey meatballs, etc) will help both you and the kids. I know. I buy this stuff all the time. Low fat string cheese, lite microwave kettle korn, lowfat grahm crackers, non fat cream cheese, lite sorbet and sherbert, sugar free fudge bars, diet pop, always 7% lean beef, chicken breast patties, and much more are also the things my kids have regularily in the house. (I have two adult children) I also buy cases of flavored Water and crystal lite every month for my children, they like it jsut fine and know its better for them and prefer it. Also, I noticed that you don't seem to have many homemade meals or regular meal times. Nope.. rarely.. Could you make a goal to incorporate more regular meals into your schedule instead of snacking instead? You would think so. It seems like everything is a snack rather than a meal, and snack foods are so loaded with calories I can see that it would be a major deterrant to weight loss. YUP, it sure is. Small changes can add up to big ones. Boy, do i know it. But the main things is switching from the calorie-laden fluids to no-cal fluids. This alone would cut your calories drastically. I know everything there is to know about this stuff.. But you didnt know that and your advice is wise and appreciated, THANK YOU

Makes me all nervous about where to post what about what.. so many different rooms and threads..

I never had a pipe in my life.. I remember a bong though, but that was a long long time ago, and it was my step dads.. lol

Vegas aint so far from me.. But may as well be Mars .. lol Sounds like a blast for sure. Its real nice of you DeLarla!

OUCH All I want is OZZY on my fingers and I was told the letters would distrort ALOT if I lost alot of weight.. so I am waiting and MAYBE by then I will get the stupid idea outta my head, right now I feel if I dont get an Ozzy tat before he goes and dies on me, i will never forgive myself..