Nykee

What a funny thread, I read your replies and I cant imagine being bothered by many of these things, BUt then again I avoid a serious committed relatioship like the plague.. I guess I can join in, this isnt a complaint thread its a "weird" thread. My favorite boyfriend is the weirdest one. Most people dont think he is weird, but becasue my own little family thinks everyone not like us is weird, He is weird. He almost NEVEr does anything that bothers me.. BUt on our last date this was close to bothering me. He says 'Steve-o" Is way better than "BAM" And when I pointed out the absurbity of that 'oppinion" of his. He didnt change it or even consider it. For the record.. BAM is God if Stevo-O is anything.. LOL OH and He needs a hair cut.. I dont care how popular the fro is these days,.. I am old and I dont like it. OH and OMG OMG, We got a flat tire and he HAD NEVER changed a tire before.. He was like 'triple A" and I was like 'get your ass in gear man" OH and he lost his DS and said he searched the van and we had to drive back to the beach (well he said we didnt have to) where we were locked out and he had removed his jacket (holding the DS),,, and he found it in the van the next morning. But those things didnt bother me at all. He is too completely sweet all the time.

Who cares about what the guys want? lol Well, Delarla.. I have noticed how hot your man is.. I would care too.:cool:

whos doing what? I dont notice. Just so ya know. No one has teed me off yet.

OH.. I did my technical writing report in college on "Pregnancy and subsequent obesity"... I was searching for the answer to why I went from 135 to 335 in a few years and NEVER EVER EVER cold get rid of it.. LIKE MY fat didnt follow science. I do still think the sudden gain messed me up alittle, but not so much that It was impossible to lose.

Now that I am banded I find myself being overly observent of how much food people eat and what kind. Does everyone do that?? Or am I just overly sensitive?? >>>>>>>>>>No your not. I was always this way. I despised glutony and I was always noticing others who ate like you described and telling myself how glad I was that I wasnt that way, I didnt understand. I also felt it was so unfair, cuz these gluttons were like 250 pounds and here I am at 400 pounds. If anyone has read my pre band food habits, you might think I am being a hiprocrite... I'm not. I was obsessed in many ways and I overate tons of crap. BUt I did it in small doses. I also was very paranoid about looking like a pig, or getting food on me, or eating in front of people. So.. when I saw 250 pound families, frying batches of chicken in oil and making sausage, eggs, biscuits and gravy EVERY morning and shoving HUGE sausage dogs in their mouths.... driving around with hourds of food all over their car and by their beds and own like three fridgerators and freezers and bring enough Snacks to a pick nic or outing to feed the entire neighborhood..... They can eat whole pizzas, a box of donuts, and order two bigmacs from fast food before they go home and make the ritchual dinner, you get the idea. I am NOT saying that type of family is any better or worse than mine... I had different kinds of problems, BUt at the time I didnt see how bad my problems were. I compared my self to that kind of family or eater all the time to make myself look better, to feel sorry for myself and to keep the denial that my eating habits were the cause of my 400 pounds. Sometimes I still think this way. All THEy had to do was STOP drinking the whole milk, (I drank skim) never use oil again (I never did) and substitute some low sugar and low fat foods (I was already doing) AND they would lose Soooooo much weight! I wished it was so easy for me.. I would look at my One dollar plain cheeseburger and my milk.. and look at my cousins Whopper and fries, my sons two Famous stars, their dads 10 tacos.. and FEEEL life was so unfair. I almost never finished a meal at a resturant in one sitting, I never heaped my buffet over and over like so many normal people, I never ate more than 4 slices of pizza in my life, I didnt sit down with a carton of ice cream and a spoon.. etc ect.. (I did drink a gallon of milk a day, but I was in denial about that, IT WASNT FOOD! lol) ANYWAY... As I keep my food journals.. I see that I can take in a ton of calories whether I eat that way or not. BANDED.. I guess I COULD still eat a little cheeseburger (at night) But I wouldnt be able to drink (not alchohal) and drinking is NUMBER ONE. WHAT AM I TRYING TO SAY? I think this: I am as gluttoness and a freak of nature as those I tend to judge.. I drink milk and juice by the gallon, THATS SERIOUSLY strange. I need to stop trying to tell myself that I am better somehow.. or excempt from responsibilty for my obesity.. sometimes I do that wiht the band because of how easily I have gave up foods, HELLO.. I am better, I AM ADDICTED TO MILK AND JUICE IS ALL. grrrrr, I am having emotions.. last few days

princess, thats what I would of liked to have done.. I did in my own way low level way, but the ritz cookie is hillarious. My famiy fattness: My moms wasnt fat until she became a mother. Her highest weight prolly 225, her average 180 and NOW she has been kinda skinny for a couple years around 165.. 5 foot2 Her family has some obesity, mostly old people getting fat. My dad was fit, he ran marathons and such. But now he is like OLD and getting alittle fat in the waiste from all the beer. Prolly weighs 190 or something. 5 foot 11 My dads brother, my uncle is the only other obese family member besides me. He is jolly and everyone loves his fattness. His daughter was fat until she was 19 and then she got all skinny and has stayed that way. Most of my family is thin. Like normal on the charts or maybe 20 pounds overweight. I have a ton of family that gets together at christmas on my dads side. I am the most fattest family member .. I have been since it happened when I was 19. Everyone has been decent to me, but I always felt so HUGE They are good people for the most part who take care of themselves and I know they never understand how I could of let that happen to me and continue not to do anything about it. Its not like we ever spoke of it. My sister wasnt fat as a kid.. got fat in pregnancy, hovering around 180 to 240 UNTIL this summer and now she is 165 pounds and So skinny. My other sister has never known a fat day in her life and SHE happens to have a major eating disorder (excersizes 3 to 6 hours a day to work off a whole bag of candy or such) and has the lowest body image of us all and just got liposuction on her thighs and knees.. Hummm. Yes it does suck being the ONLY obese person in your family. It sucks too that everyone who was overweight just happens to be getting skinny when I get the band.

I knew the moment I had kids that it was my lifes mission to make sure they never got fat. I never thought I might fail. I knew it was under my control as well as my duty. I did a very good job.. No one really understands how its ALL because of my constant efforts that my kids were always fit and lean and 'perfect' Most think its just how it turned out. But I know differently. I did not feed them healthy, good meals, balanced diets.. That was too much for me, They had junk all the time. There was no real rules on food. But what I did do, saved them from being chubby or obese. None of them were skin and bones. None of them had high metabolisms. They all ate alot. They could have easily all been fat raised by me. What I did do, was use sugar free foods and fat free foods and all kind of things like that, ever since they were little, they never knew what 'fat free' and 'sugar free' was. They munched on sugar free gummy bears and fat free fudge cycles, pop was always diet and kool aid was always gugar free, mayo was fat free, milk was skim, icecream cones was fat free soft serve frozen yogart cones, cheese slices were fat free and hot dogs were low fat, butter was lite but rarely used, cerial was not the junk kind and they never put sugar on anything, at resturants that glob of butter on pancakes was immediately tossed in discust, yogart was fat free, Jello was sugar free, cream cheese was lite, I could go on and on and on. These things made a Huge difference and I know it. I cant even imagine the amount of sugar and fat that they avoided. It was kinda funny when friends would come over and say "these gummy bears taste funny, this cheese is rubbery, you only have DIET pop?, wheres the sugar for the cerial, this milk looks like water" My kids were clueless. I also made sure they took every sport.. and ran and excersized and at constant play. My kids did it all. I made sure. LAST thing I wanted was slim kids who were slow and lazy and weak. That almost bothers me more than a fat kid who is. So.. I know all this shouldnt matter so much.. But as an obese person and having felt fat my whole childhood and beleieved it ruined my life.. I think many of you can understand. yes, I obsessed alittle.. I really tried to keep my neggative thoughts to my self.. plus I didnt talk about the 'diet' foods like they were always on a diet .. I tried so hard NOT to give them eating disorders. BUT, I HAD eating disorders for them.. DOES that sound crazy? With My middle child. She was skinny, but not a toothpick. In fact, I saw fat on her all the time. I often worried about her going through a growth spurt and becoming bigger. I wanted to to stay alittle underweight so that when she had a growth spurt she had NO chance of being chubby at all. Then, I would see a picture of her at the lake, all ribs and bones. I often thought it was just a freak picture. She didnt look like that all the time. She was always told she was skinny, BUT thats cuz almost all kids had a tad bit of fat on them even though they werent fat one bit. She was NOT a skin and bones freak.! I woudnt of wanted or liked that. In 5th grade. I went to the pool with her school and I was shocked. She was the skinniest girl, and small too.. I never saw her like that at home. I didnt see a girl who was so slender and petite. This was when I began to wonder if I had an eating disorder in her honor. She got some chub at age 16.. Lost some for about a year, and is now officially fat. She is 18 and weighs about 160 pounds. She is 5foot6. Thank god I made sure she had the best self esteem I ever saw. She rather be smaller, but she doesnt let it hold her down. BUT, SHE CANT GET ANY BIGGER, OR I will have to WAKE her up! My oldest son was real chubby as a baby and I was paniced. He was so cute but everyone called him fat (like it was cute). By age 9 my son had a six pack and a body a boy is lucky to have never gone through a ugly or gangly or awkward phase. He was adored by girls and guys alike.. Seems like every kid has something wrong with them, my son was just right. Around age 14, I noticed he had stopped taking off his shirt at outings. (this was a boy who lived in shorts and sandles all his life) He was NOT fat, but he wasnt fit.. and it was ME who had kept pointing it out, I bought him a weight set, he played video games. I thought he WANTED a nice body, I was wrong. He didnt care about those things. He had always been fit but he didnt see himself in those ways (I tried to make my kids humble and naturally great,,lol) NOW, My son who never lacked any confidence of anykind.. suddenly felt ugly or not good enough.. OMG, I hated myself.. HE WAS GOOD ENOUGH, He was still better than most but I had made him think FINE was substandard. This was when I thought I had an image disorder in my sons honor. My son is almost 19 now.. at 16 he got all lean and fit and hard bodied again... then he went shot up to 240 last winter and then this summer he got back to around 220.. a good size for his 6 foot 4 frame. (He is flabby) No one considers him fat, but us. My youngest was always normal sized. she wasnt thin, she wasnt fat. She was perfect. I always thought she was kinda fat, but NO ONE else did and I knew it was all in my head. I feared a growth spurt and what happened with her was she got big boobs, and a hourglass figure. Much different than my middle childs skinny muscular flat frame. She had some flab on her belly that I just HATED. I had always had a flat tummy and my middle child still does.. She was easily able to hide it, she still looked fine in two peice suits, BUT when she lounged around the house, and I saw that flab, it was hard.. I knew it was heriditary and nothing much could be done, so I tried not to give her a complex. She was lavished with praise for her looks all the time and she didnt like it or care. She kinda got one anyway, even though she had the body every girl dreams of, she thought her sister was so skinny and she was so fat, they wore the same size for a while and sadly she became convinced she was fat. SHE WASNT. Then her gma died and she gianed 20 pounds and became about 145 pounds at 5 foot 2 or so.. last year Now she is 135 about, age 15 and thinks she is so fat, but she has decided to just deal with it.. ALL THAT SAYS that NO my kids are NOT fat, BUt I sure do have alot of fat issues about them dont I?? I am lucky they are all so happy with themselves. Really good self esteems compared to how I was or how so many teens are today. None of my kids are especially good looking, THATS NOT whats important. Its that they are all happy with their looks and like themselves just fine. THAT I DID TOO.!

I couldnt help but continue to go to fit day.. But I may of left some things out, just a few things. Feb 10 Cherry limeaid, 1 cup coconut candies, 10 carmels, 10 brocolii cheddar soup, 1 cup oyster crackerrs, 20 chocolate milk, 3 cups milk, 1 cup apple juice, 1 cup potatoes, gravy and chicken strip, half a meal from winco 2633 94 391 73 Feb. 11th 2 cups roasted red pepper soup 4 tbs parm 2 cups milk 1 cup apple juice 2 coconut Cookies half a serving frtito twists one bite of corndog 1040 32 153 53

Sweetheart, I think you are taking a step in a better direction in trying to find some healthier substitutions for some of the things you like eating and drinking! >>>>>>>>yes I am. Thank you for noticing and awknowleging that. Its nice to have your support. I have took steps in a better direction more times than I can count, many times HUGE steps... I have tried every healthier substitution that exists. Just last month I bought all low carb foods and made this huge batch of low fat, no potaote vegtable chicken soup. I mashed the veggies to use in place of KFC potatoes and such and so on.. The soup had to be frozen as I did not utilize it and I dont think I did even ONe day that was low carb. Now I am doing this thing. I made this chart last night. I made it for four days. MOn-thu. .. I made checks for the number of cups of milk and juice and other things I can have.. Once the checks are gone they are gone and it all added up to 1500 calories a day on average plus I gave my self 300 more calories a day in food I may eat but didnt plan on. It took me forever to decide what to do. I just dont trust anything anymore. Doesnt mean Stop trying. I been upset. I didnt eat much at all yesterday. Sugarfree grape koolaid is NOT grape juice, but it is still pretty darn tasty. >>>>It taste like crap. lol, But it is the only sugar free drink I can tolerate. I have crystal lite on the go, cases of bottled Water, cases of flavored water and the Sunrise orange drink, plus diet tea mix in the house almost at all times. (my kids live on this stuff, THANK goodness) That switch alone will save you hundreds of calories and cut down on the sugar! >>>>I will be trying to drink it as much as possible in place of the milk and juice. I know that if I simply switched to sugar free drinks I would cut my calories in half easy. I have tried hundreds of times. I once didnt drink any milk for almost a month. The sugarfree drinks, no matter how pleasant they taste, make me feel deprived, condemmed and violated. The juice makes me feel alive and euphoric and the milk makes me feel safe and well.. its been hard to let go of that. I am not cutting them out, just trying to have less. I have told you before that I would NEVER criticize your choices...you are just too brave in being so honest in posting them...and this is YOUR battle. >>>>>Well, you could if you wanted to.. I wouldnt mind. I only posted them to see and be accountable and gain anything I could from it. It worked. I am all kinds of worked up. However, I am happy to see you trying to make better choices. I hope you make your 340 goal, but if you dont it wont be far away!!! >>>>> Thank you..

When I look at pics, I notice NO One has as many streach marks as I do. I want to post my scar stages but the wriggly lines all over my stomach are so hideous. I want from like 135 pounds to 235 pounds from age 15 to 19.. (3 kids) The only place I dont have streach marks is on my hands, lower arms and ankles and feet and face. AGE 15 I had NO stretch marks at all. NOT ONE. I had big boobs but they had always been big and I was curvy but that happened at a young age and my stomach was really flat. I knew friends who had stretch marks who were thinner than me but I never did. Then I had my first born. (age 16) MY SON, gave me these HUGE streach marks, they look like big fat slugs. They are like 10 inches long and up to 3 inches wide, maybe more (I should measure.) All over my stomach. I also got these HUGE ones on my pubic bone, behind my knees and under my arms. AND MY BOOBS have never looked the same.. Long, deep marks that have never ever gone away and he almost 19 yrs old now Then my daughter came not even 10 months later and gave me TONS and tons of these long white and red thin lines that made me look like a zebra, all over my stomach along side the Big slug ones and higher. All over my calves and the front of my legs and the front of my upper arms.. zigzaggin all down the back of my legs right to my ankles. My thighs are like the moon with craters of long holes.. THEN.. my next child came at 19, and she went and gave me a bunch of these sideways nicks.. They ran verticle instead of horizontal.. and instead of being long, they were short, like stab wounds or something.. So, I bet no one can beat that stretch mark story.. lol Once in teen parenting class, this really really skinny girl, who was like no more than 105 pounds.. got pregnant and I exspected the same thing to happen to her.. BUt she got two tiny nicks on each side of her stomach and thats all.. I was so jealous.. But then I realized, Hey she didnt gain 100 extra pounds.. BUT still, her belly was HUGE after being completely flat.. so OH well.

I was stood up.. (not really, but didnt go out just the same)

I was stood up.. (not really, but didnt go out just the same)

I went shopping last night at midnight. It was on a whim. I decided to do something cuz I HAVE TO keep trying.. I cant think of anything new.. I can only try again and if I fluck it all up than forgive myself. I didnt want to buy a bunch of things for me only, for me to use to try to eat better and lower my calories... Cuz everytime I do, I dont use the foods, I end up eating what I want and buying what I want anyway. It ends up being a big waste and its not cool.. BUt,, I MUST DO something. So, I bought these things. Tuna Reduced fat wheat thins Organic tomatoe Soup sugar free grape koolaid vanilla slim fast chocolate slim fast chicken tenderloins Diet root beer Lite vanilla icecream diet lemonaid sugar free rasberry syrup lime sherbert orange sherbert baked layes baked bbq lays baked doreto's honeydew mellon kiwi southbeach peanutbutter Cookies 100 calories packs nutter butter 100 calorie pack sugar free oreo's Sugar free carmels. Chex mix I am starting monday. The idea is to replace the resses candy and cookies with the 100 calorie packs and lite cookies and carmel. To replace the crunchy of chips and cheetos witht he baked layes and chex mix. To replace the milk and juice with slim fast and lite grape aid. To eat tuna and crackers instead of nachos and cheese To have sherbert for nighttime desire for sugar and milk or cold To have some fruit in between meals .. well see

Here is a pic of one of my small scars and of my big scar.. its been a year. The big scar is wrinkling.. it used to be smooth, but as I lost weight it wrinkled up like my stretchmarks are doing.

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

In fourth grade, I got my first bra.. My parents were called and told to get me a bra before I came back to school. It was a 32 B. I was 10 I also made a friend at this same time and she was fat (fatter than me) and she also had bigger boobs like me. I was 120 pounds in 6th grade. I can only guess what I was when I was in 4th. Anyway... I spent the night at her house and it was the first time I had ever seen stretch marks, I didnt even know what they were. They were really red and all over boobs... They looked like she had been whiped or sliced with a knife. I gasped and asked her what happened. I didnt mean to be so shocked and rude but I was totally freaked out. She said everyone gets them, especuially when they get real bigger boobs than normal, her mom had told her this. I said I didnt have any and she made me show her.. THEN SHE was shocked. Then she went straight to her mom grabbing me along the way and it was this HUGE issue and ordeal about how her mom said everyone got them and how come nykee doesnt have them... I had no clue.. I was embarrassed. First of all she talked to her mom about something so personal and then she argued and confronted her mom in hostility a way I never would dare to my parents. She was convinced it was because she was so much fatter than me. She called her mom a liar, and in MY mind I figured it WAS because she was fat and I wasnt as fat. (I wasnt really even fat, I wasnt skinny, but I thought I was fat, but this friend of mine really was alittle chubby so that everyone thought so) I kinds checked out at that time, but I am sure her mom tried to tell her it was becasue hers had grown suddenly.. I had had boobs my whole life. So,, later I realized how many friedns had them and I liked that I didnt.. they had then on their hips too... and I didnt. I asked my mom and she said everyone has them,and I said I dont and she said becasue I was born tall, ?? I began to HATE them, I really thought they were the ugliest things in the world. They made me sick to look at. I always wondered how the girls put up with them. When I got them, I didnt get naked again for a long long time, not in the day. I didnt look at myself, or in mirrors. They were the most discusting things I ever saw.. and I have never seen any one whos worse. I almost feel like posting a pick of my biggest ones.. LOL I have the pic cuz I got a rash on one side and I took a pic of the rash and of the healthy side to compare it to.. (medical reasons for future skin removal) I was never convinved that guys didnt care or it was ok to show expose them at all.. even though my skinniest cousins had them all over from pregnancies and still wore bikinins.. I would just be sick inside and wonder how they could do such a thing. Plus I started to meet guys who also had some.. they werent even fat guys.. They sicked me out badly. Even when the guy was a total cutie. I am a total stretch mark hater. We can put people on the moon, but we cant figure out how to stop this devestation of our bodies.

Plus it looks like we were banded around the same time too... I prolly wont eat much as I am going out this weekend.. But the calories in the alcohal is sure to make up for it. I feel like weighing in sooner.. its hard to wait till tuesday!

Feb. 9th I am getting sick of doing this, it the same thing everyday.. This is my last food log for now Until I change some habits and want to see how it plays out.. Here is the list for yesterday 7 cups of 1% milk 1 cup roasted red pepper soup 1 tbs parm 5 reeses peanutbutter Cookies 6 cups of Cherry limeaid half a cup of nacho cheese sauce 6 nacho chips 2 small bowls of cocoa krispies cerial Half a sandwitch, cheese, ham, lettace, mayo, half slice bread 3 no sugar carmels 3 coconut candies 2 cubich inch of cheesecake 1/2 cup sweetened strawberries and sauce calories 3390 fat 106 carbs 547 Protein 93 I am weighing my self on the official scale on the 14th... I want to be 340 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (75 pounds loss in one year) IF I am not, I am going to be PISSEd but um NOT shocked.

Feb. 10th I took 60mg last night and it worked some because I was able to take drinks of jucie all through the night every time I got up to go pee. I was able to eat a few chewy carmels so far too.. its 11:30 am. I havent tried any hot soup or milk or anything yet... (since 7am or so) All the prednisone is going to do if I take it day after day is open me up all times of the day,.. meaning at night I will eat even more than I do now. Well the point of that was to be able to get a fill.. But I think its unwise to count on the antinflamitory to keep me from being way too tight in the AM.. I dont need to be causing problems.. and it all seems like one big problem. THE Real problem is I NEED TO DIET.. I NEED to diet a little bit. I HAVE TO. I have to DO SOMETHING.. Last night I had over 3000 calories again. I MUST do something. The band has made it alot easier to diet, but I still cant seem to do it. I have cut out so much.. My habits have changed soooo much.. BUt fact is, I get in over 2500 calories like every single day.. THAT cant be worth much more weight loss for much longer.

Feb. 10th I took 60mg last night and it worked some because I was able to take drinks of jucie all through the night every time I got up to go pee. I was able to eat a few chewy carmels so far too.. its 11:30 am. I havent tried any hot soup or milk or anything yet... (since 7am or so) All the prednisone is going to do if I take it day after day is open me up all times of the day,.. meaning at night I will eat even more than I do now. Well the point of that was to be able to get a fill.. But I think its unwise to count on the antinflamitory to keep me from being way too tight in the AM.. I dont need to be causing problems.. and it all seems like one big problem. THE Real problem is I NEED TO DIET.. I NEED to diet a little bit. I HAVE TO. I have to DO SOMETHING.. Last night I had over 3000 calories again. I MUST do something. The band has made it alot easier to diet, but I still cant seem to do it. I have cut out so much.. My habits have changed soooo much.. BUt fact is, I get in over 2500 calories like every single day.. THAT cant be worth much more weight loss for much longer.

Oh yes, Kid Rock and Disturbed and Danzig...

THAT was very well said..

I could take it or leave it.. I think I once went almost 5 years without it.. by choice and had no desire to do it.. Now I go out maybe once a month and thats fine by me.

I think I would win worst PB!!

unreal, I am so sorry you had to hear that.. WHAT a prick.. GRRRR These things dont happen to me (or I dont notice or something).. I have always exspected them to happen alot more often.. But I would of made the hugest scene, called him a mother fucker and OMG, I cant even imagine what I would of done.. I know this because I have not tolerated things said to my cousin or my kids or to me about any issue where someone is being a complete jerk.. I am not some tirant who goes off about everything.. (AT ALL) But when someone is being a pure DICK so completely outragoious and uncalled for, I CANT let it go.. its my duty to take them down a notch..lol I am not saying that is the right thing to do, I just know how I am.. MAYBe thats why I dont get cut down right to my face, they can tell I would KICK THERE TEETH IN!