Nykee

I drank a half gallon of whole milk this night I am high on steroids and of course cant sleep and I am wide open. I find that the gallon of new milk in the fridge is whole (a kid musta made a BIG mistake, NO one likes whole in this family) I been up watching the movie RENT.. (I think its 4 hours long!!!!lol) WOW WOW WOW by the way WOW WOW I never knew what rent was about.. WOW and I been pissing all night (I pissed myself 3 times... thats sad but true, just a bit, I cant make it to the toilet when I get the urge.. its FATTIE incontinent leaks) I just went to fill my cup... again ... and its half gone.. and I opened it. And here I am on the computer again and watching the commentarty on RENT. Dilema Dilema.. I cant BE wide open like this.. LOOK WHAT I revert to doing. I will NEVER lose weight. I cant be as tight as I have been, having pains on my saliva till 4pm or its abusing my band. (and its causing me to drink sugar, not have meals) oh well.. what ever In case I forget.. (my food log is not in here) I ALREADY drank like 40 ounces of nesquick and 30 ounces of 1% milk... MAYBE I WILL TOP IT ALL OFF AT A GALLON.. if there was any nesquick left GUAREENTEED I WOULD. Friggin solumedrol.. I shoulda let that chex mix sit there for ever. (I had a little at 7am and it wouldnt go away, I didnt PB, but I could feel it.. obviously swollen.. I am too tight and tHIS TIME I CANT SEEM TO COPE WITH IT)

I drank a half gallon of whole milk this night I am high on steroids and of course cant sleep and I am wide open. I find that the gallon of new milk in the fridge is whole (a kid musta made a BIG mistake, NO one likes whole in this family) I been up watching the movie RENT.. (I think its 4 hours long!!!!lol) WOW WOW WOW by the way WOW WOW I never knew what rent was about.. WOW and I been pissing all night (I pissed myself 3 times... thats sad but true, just a bit, I cant make it to the toilet when I get the urge.. its FATTIE incontinent leaks) I just went to fill my cup... again ... and its half gone.. and I opened it. And here I am on the computer again and watching the commentarty on RENT. Dilema Dilema.. I cant BE wide open like this.. LOOK WHAT I revert to doing. I will NEVER lose weight. I cant be as tight as I have been, having pains on my saliva till 4pm or its abusing my band. (and its causing me to drink sugar, not have meals) oh well.. what ever In case I forget.. (my food log is not in here) I ALREADY drank like 40 ounces of nesquick and 30 ounces of 1% milk... MAYBE I WILL TOP IT ALL OFF AT A GALLON.. if there was any nesquick left GUAREENTEED I WOULD. Friggin solumedrol.. I shoulda let that chex mix sit there for ever. (I had a little at 7am and it wouldnt go away, I didnt PB, but I could feel it.. obviously swollen.. I am too tight and tHIS TIME I CANT SEEM TO COPE WITH IT)

Groan Everytime I even mention i wont do any food log, I have an uncontrolabe urge to log it... so here goes todays anyways Feb 24th 7am half a serving chex mix 8:45 pm half the mashed potatoes of a large KFc side (I was OUT at the doctors and coudnt help it, I was HUNGRY) all the gravy 40 ounces at least nesquick chocolate milk (GOOD NEWS, its GONE.. I wont BUy anymore, I SWEAR.. it was a giant one from costco) 9:30 pm five bites mac and cheese with peas from kids bowl (I was waiting for my noodles and chicken) 10pm 1 cup spegetti noodles with butter and milk and parm cheese (YUMMMM) one chicken tenderloin (2 ounces maybe?) 30 ounces 1% milk 3 hershey kisses (ripped them off a valentine, but hey didnt go out and buy any candy!!! and I could have, I resited the urge. WANT resses!) 12pm 2 cups juice (apple grape, 100% juice, all juice is gone. I am broke. eeek) 1;30 am 15 ounces MOUNTAN dew (WHY?? I DONT even LIKE it, my guess: SUGAR.. we have a vending machine and my daughter went to get her fix for the night and I had to ask her to get me something, if they sold juice there I woulda got that, we are out of juice) FITDAY calories: 3069 fat 92 carb 460 Protein 137 OUCH Seeee the problem with opening me up to eat IT OPENS me to drink and I cant seem to control my drinking! (that sounds like a thing one would say in AA, I need juice and milk annonymous!)

fitday.com is GREAT if you try it. try not to get discouraged (I did) at first it toook me a long time to get used to it but now I can fly through it ITS A REALLY REALLY good idea to keep track of your foods!!! good luck!

I am a wee bit worried about summer I am out ALL summer and I drink (drank) GALLONS 100 pounds lighter MIGHT make me not need to drink so friggin much But I will take it as it comes IF I have to unfill alittle and not loose so much than SO BE IT NO ONE will take away my summer fun I have the winter blues SOOOOO bad right now.. Its getting pretty bad I CAnt wait till summer

My bandversity was Feb. 14th I weighed in today, alittle late (cuz I was being so lazy, its in another town) AND I am 335 pounds.. THATS 80 pounds.. LOST.. in a year I CANT beleive it.. but its all true.. My life is really happening.. I HAVE NOT weighed this little since I was in college in 94-96 THATS ten FUCKING years (this does not include yo yo dieting of course) I AM FUCKING AMAZING.... (not really, I am SUCH a BAD banster.. I cant even imagine how much I coulda lost if I was a good badster) I am realy motivated now to be a better bandster.. we will see.. I was hoping all along this kind of thing would transform me into someone who can Do something right with my body for once and MAYBE IT can! I LOVE ME.. I DO. :clap2: P.s... (as if this is a small thing) He checked my blood sugar and it was 160 I asked "is that ok" (yes I am a very nieve diabeties patient) HE said "its great, i exspected alot worse frankly" This wasnt my Regualar docter, he was kinda a dick.. SO HA HA.. he had mentioned maybe giving me some insolin since the solumederal is not a good idea to give someone with high sugars. I NEVER take my metformin (THATS A secret.. I NEVER take it.. I havent like EVER took it.. I mean ever regularily and SO WHAT IF I DID?? I would BE NORMAL blood by now (under 100) I SHOULD really take it and BLOW their freaking minds!

My bandversity was Feb. 14th I weighed in today, alittle late (cuz I was being so lazy, its in another town) AND I am 335 pounds.. THATS 80 pounds.. LOST.. in a year I CANT beleive it.. but its all true.. My life is really happening.. I HAVE NOT weighed this little since I was in college in 94-96 THATS ten FUCKING years (this does not include yo yo dieting of course) I AM FUCKING AMAZING.... (not really, I am SUCH a BAD banster.. I cant even imagine how much I coulda lost if I was a good badster) I am realy motivated now to be a better bandster.. we will see.. I was hoping all along this kind of thing would transform me into someone who can Do something right with my body for once and MAYBE IT can! I LOVE ME.. I DO. :clap2: P.s... (as if this is a small thing) He checked my blood sugar and it was 160 I asked "is that ok" (yes I am a very nieve diabeties patient) HE said "its great, i exspected alot worse frankly" This wasnt my Regualar docter, he was kinda a dick.. SO HA HA.. he had mentioned maybe giving me some insolin since the solumederal is not a good idea to give someone with high sugars. I NEVER take my metformin (THATS A secret.. I NEVER take it.. I havent like EVER took it.. I mean ever regularily and SO WHAT IF I DID?? I would BE NORMAL blood by now (under 100) I SHOULD really take it and BLOW their freaking minds!

Today I went to the doctor I got some Solumederal as I am too tight Due to sleeping too much and being extrememly inactive I also weighed on the official scale. Finally.. I havent weighed in a while and I was gonna weigh on my BANDversary.. FEB 14th.. but I never did. I am 335 pounds! This is the size I was 9months pregnant with my 15 yr old daughter.. WOW THATS 80 pounds in one year.. IMAGINE if I was being a good bandster and having my food logs all nice and good and minus all the sugar and milk... I am not doing food logs for a while.. Soon I will again cuz I am gonna start a new thing next month called "eating meals.. green foods, Proteins and wheat not white stuff.. cut sugar" lol I am really happy about my weight loss

lamadam) Try it after your pouch is full and you will find out very quickly ....OUCH:omg: You will not do it again :confused: me) DITTO!!!!

(((((huggs))))

I am reading it.. (kathleen Desmainsons PhD) someone here reccomended it to me and I ordered it and since It came I havent been able to put it down. and I thought I knew everything.. Its about sugar addcition.. Its amazing, It has alot of scientific fact in it that I understand and Thats REAL imortant to me when I am trying to take in what someone is trying to tell me.. I am Not into the food plan stage yet, but I did read in one part so far that I can eat a potatoe with skin at night... and that will help. (sugar cravings and all the ups and downs I experience due to it) THATS something I can do.. the first step is keep a food journal.. DONE.. Here are some things in the book that really hit home with me.. if you know me than you know how I frequently say how I am addicted to milk and juice and how drinking them makes me feel and how not having them makes me feel.. from the book: when you eat sweet things regularily, your beta-endorphin system downregulkates over time, shuttinh down many of its receptors in an attempt to stem the influx of sugar-stimulated beta-endorphin and keep things on an even keel, so you need more sugar to get those good feelings. YOu end up feeling desperate. It has become even harder to stop because now you have withdrawl symptoms if you do.... You spend your life crawling through the days trying to keep withdrawl at bay. You end up feeling like a true addict-you cant live with your drug and you cant live without it. And you think the whole thing is stupid because, afyter all, for goodness sakes, its "just" sugar. I mean I kinda knew all this but I never heard anyone state it like this author does.. I am really excited about reading and trying to follow this books advice.

Donali, THANK YOU for reminding me who gave me the advice for this book.. I AM LOVING IT.. I am usually cynical and think things like "I know, I know" BUt this book is really motivating.. its very scientific and its just really really really something I needed.. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Someone on this site is sending me another one of her books for free.. (ISNT THAT SOOOOO KIND) I am really ready to try this.. I mean its simple really (the concept).. its just trying to cut sugars, use complex carbs.. (its the south beach diet.. lol) BUt its not SHOWN as any diet and it really validates my addictions and how I feel day to day, its like the Book was meant JUST FOR ME.. I have said that I have tried it all... I have tried this in a small way, but I am going all for it this next time I go shopping.. in a week and a half WHOLE grains.. wheat bread, wheat tortillas, green veggies.. etc.. I gotta kid who is going crazy (as I am) and it seems like it coiuld VERY easily be this sugar sensitivity... and I am extremeely motivated to TRY to get her on an even keel.. HOW wonderful if I DIDNT have to subject her to Prozac! I AM EVEN considering a slight unfill.. so I can do this.. MEALS is KEY.. Protein is KEY (hard ones) (I know many of you have been trying to tell me this) I DID CALL my fill doctor TODAY .. I was gonna go TODAY BUT she isnt in till APRIL.. so, we will see what happens... YEAH!!!!

sooo. how much weight did I lose in the month of march..?? ok, easy

fupa, makes me sick

Happy Birthday!! ((hugs))

I feel the same. I feel more discusting than ever I lost the weight but nothing really looks better (YET!)

Share.. I am having some issues in this area.. I am making some changes so here I gooo.. discuss, ask questions, feel free to say whatever, I am open. So.... If your single and you date, you can do it a number of ways. I turned into a casual dater who was never looking for a relationship cuz I dont want one. This is an exact science I have down and works well for me. Its been about 10 years and is still going strong. I like it alot. BUT I am moving to a small town, I have planned this for a while. I have decided to date while seeking a real relatioship that I think could have a future. To loook for and open my self and risk relationships that may or may not work, until one does and settle down. EEEEEK I DONT want to do that.. AT ALL. This is what I am thinking... I am 35. My kids are almost grown. The normal thing that most people do is have relationships and seek love and look for lifemates. MAYBE I should just try it and see if I will be surprised and actually like it and benifit from it. Maybe I am just scared and once I go for it, It wont be as bad as I think it is. I admit I dont know for sure. I dont think waiting until I 'want' to is ever goonna happen. My best friend cant even give me an answer. She says I shouldnt do anything that I dont want to do or doesnt feel right,or settle or lower myself.. and especially in relationships and matters of the heart.. She also says the casual way I date is superficial and I should not feel content and saticefied at never finding true love in my life. Its hard.

I'm sorry.. I asked for your input and I didnt even finish.. I got all funky feeling, cant seem to spit out what I mean.. and feel foolish.. Thanks for your response though.. you made good points. lianna) I dont know that there is the same kind of normal for everyone. People look for what they need in their lives to feel happy and complete. Not all people need a spouse or "lifemate" for that. Some people dont feel lonely when they are alone. If you dont want a deeper relationship than casual dating maybe you dont need one to be content. me) This seems to explain me.. BUT, I dont know if its all some kind of protection thing... I mean, its not like I am the happiest person in the world.. I wonder if I dont feel lonley cuz I am cold and hard.. LOl I figure I should try it. lianna) If you are keeping yourself out of deeper relationships because you are afraid to let anyone get close, that is a different matter. me) I think this is a very rational fear. I dont even call it fear. I call it common sense. Nothing rocks my boat enough to think getting deeper is worth it. mykdsdad) So what you basically are looking for is a friendly booty call??? Believe me, small towns have that advantage as well as others. How small a town are you moving to? Our town is just barely over 3,000 and the rumor mill never lacks for material. me) I want to try to find a real committed like relationship and see where it can go and maybe lead to something secure and creating enough love to care about it.. The small town has men my age, in farming communities, looking for love of a good women.. I want to try that.. I mean I DONT, but I do.. I love casual dating with younger sexy men who are my friends totally but know how to leave me alone.. BUt wonder if I should knock that off now. jay) It sounds like to me that you want a relationship but you are afraid. me) I dont want one. I want to try one.. Maybe it IS not so bad as I think it is.. even good ones can bother me I think. jay) You can be just as lonely in a relationship as not being in one. me) I KNOW.. I would NEVEr be in one that I didnt like.. BUT NOW, I KNOW I wont like it much.. I have to see if I can give and take and tolerate and just wait and see if that in itself has its rewards..?? funny duddies) Don't look for a relationship, because you will prematurely possibly jump into something unhealthy...looking for that solid love. Instead, just be open for it. me) right.. this is what I will try to do.. this entails NOT going for anything thats obvioulsy NOT going to EVER be anything (cuz I want to leave the casual stufff behind, it will muck up my new mission) THANKS.. I wonder if I should even put so much thought into it at all.. Its just that two totally different kinds of men are involved in the casual vs looking for a relationship.. grrrr.. sorry

I think I could prolly manage that opperation myself.. lol

there are many areas in this site. I think the diversity is great

is this it? the gina thread?

NOTES: MY bandversary was the 14th,... I DIDNE EVEN WEIGH myself yet,. I will soon.. Its in another town and its been COLd and I been lazy. I want to be 340 pounds at leaste.. I think I am.. Cant wait to know officially,. (thats 75 pounds loss for a year and I can feel OK with that) I am trying a new thing, using journal, fitday and food log and this place to be accountable and learn from myself and see if I really know what I think I know. I was not happy to learn how many calories I was able to get in with a tight fill. I drink my calories and eat alot of junk. My average calories are 2500 plus calories, 100 fat, 350 carbs ..... I have lost a good amount of weight but it wont continue if I keep it up. My goal now would be to never go over 2500 calories..EVER. My intake has been somewhat lower.. AVERAGE cal 1945 fat 50 carb 260

I been freezing to death... (cold here) and Its hard for me to stand being on the computer when I am cold.. But I have been keeping track on paper... and finally today I am adding it all up.. I must admit.. its not 100%..(like usual) as I slacked alittle. But its close enough to give me an idea. I will be adding commentarty as I recall it.. feb. 14th Woke up begging for slurpee at 7-11, drank it all slowly big hunk white resses hunk (kid from v-day) 1 cup milk 1/2 hard candy (gross, spit out) lunch as usual: 1 cup roasted red pepper 2 tbs parm 1 cup milk dinner (leftovers) chicken and rice terriaki Thought I was doing real good, untill I felt wide open..and WENT ALL obsessive,...(see below) 2 cups milk with ice in a slurpee cup 3 cups nesquick in same cup with ice (this is old habits.. and it didnt hurt band like, but I was full in the stomach, feeling all engorged and ugh) 2 servings chex mix (wiht the milk) cal 2163 fat 55 carb 339 Protein 94 15th 12 smarities or so (tight all morning and wanting something, 2 hours time) Doteros, the light kind,, about 1 servings (still tight, cant drink) afternoon vanilla slimfast,1 (tried it instead of soup.. was filling and tasted good) night lasangue frozen dinner (was so good, I tried to EAT,. not drink.. it worked. late night slimfast chocolate.. I was craving chocolate and a drink, so I tried it. It was too soon after the lasangue and made me feel tooooo full (2nd day doing that!) later night 6 chocolate kisses 2 cups milk (Week, watching tv, kids had some and I pigged out) night nightnight 2 c cherrylimead (before bed) cal 1790 fat 38 carb 292 pr 55 16th This day I was in bed all day and freezing and sleeping and feeling sorry for self... I ate from a bag of Lite dorettos all day (half a bag) I had only a few smarties instead of like 10 I tried the nutter butter 100 calories pack Cookies (ate 3cookies and were gross) I drank half a slim fast and wasnt into it. I only drank like two dixie cups of milk Approx cal. 817 fat 11 carb 126 pr 18 17th 10 smarties (a new am habit) went to town around 4pm to bday shop and erronds lime pie..half slice hershey pie.. half slkice took bites rodeo burger and spit it out (count 1/4 to be safe) had to feed a kid before a dance and wanted a taste of pie and burger 8pm 1/2 can tomatoe soup made with Water parm, 4tbs a slice cheese 1 cup oj 10pm 3 south beach Peanut Butter bars (finally trying the diet foods I bought and end up eating 3, although they taste crappy, theres nothing junkier in house.) 3 c milk Later at night chex mix 2 1 cup oj later even chicken fajita soup 1 cup milk prolly 3 cups more OJ cal 3140 fat 84 carb 460 pro 89 TODAY... I ate a few baked lays around 11am decided to not eat a bunnch of chips or smarties and I starved but I was kinda mad at self for not using my foods yet, especially my lite drinks. I sulked in bed. Trying not to eat 6pm or so my first meal: 1 cup split pea soup 20 oyster crackers 2 cup milk I am thinking I will be good today..!! Then my little cousin (age7) comes to be babysat and he finds all the crap in the house and we go for it.. I eat carmels, coocnut neoploitan candies (10 or so) 20 smarties 20 almonds about 3 cups safeway chocloate milk 2 cups regular milk 2 cups juice at leaste 2517 54 444 66

Whats your story?

Why bandsters and and the bandless, are you allowing temptation through your front door? >>>> the temptation was a the store where they couldnt resist, then it got to the front door. At this point, one could throw it all away, return it to the store.. or unable to resist the temptation once again and bring it in the house. Once in the house of course its a daily temptation. I dont think people bring tempting food into the house with the intent of not eating it.. the temptation was at the store and they brought it home. I have seen many posts, by many people (the most recent was the evil cookie dough thread that triggered this post) talking about the terrible food they are allowing in their house. >>>> They are allowing it in their bodies.. whats it matter if its in their house? I can run to the store and get any food I want at any time and so can most people. Having it 'in the house' doesnt really matter, if its in the house, you alreay decided to allow it into your body. If its not cookie dough, its pizza being brought home by the spouse, ice cream to italian food. >>>>>>>>this is alittle different. I am tempted many times by my kids food at times I prolly wouldnt have got it on my own. BUT If I didnt allow others to eat freely because of my disease, that would be wrong. Plus, the store is one block away.. not much of a differnce IMO NOW, IF I knew for a fact that a certain food item was a big problem for me and it was only a temptation when someone like a kid or a spouse brought it home. THAT WOULD ONLY HAPPEN ONCE. I would never let people disrespect me like that and be sad and hate them if they didnt care. I fully understand that many of us have a clearly defined eating disorder (because thats how I view a lot of obesity) and that we suffer terrible cravings, but I have to ask why more of us (you) aren't putting our foot down and saying "GET THIS CRAP OUTA MY HOUSE". >>>If I told anyone in my house to do do something specific like eat all your fast food before you get out of your car, or dont eat your bag of skittles or any candy in front of me, hide it and eat it alone. THEY would... This comes from my current dietary success. I am losing weight because there is no crap in the house. The chips are gone, the bread is gone, there's no ice cream, no beer, nothing I can go "ooo I want that" with. >>>>> WEll THATS becasue you didnt BUY it while at the store. And everyday you dont buy it again.. and every minute you resist the urge to go buy that crap.. Good for you!! I guess I just dont see how simply not having it in your house makes it so easy for you to avoid.. Now if I was completely unable to drive or shop and depended on others to fill my home with food and help me with meals, THAT would be GREAT.. lol, unable to have any access to bad food.. (break my legs please!) j/k I think its about time we started fwapping the Pizza Delivery spouse, beating the candy man and denying sexual favors to Kenny Cookiedough. >>> Sabotage runs rampent in many relationships.. and the victem often doesnt feel she has the right to complain or make such demands.. its sad. Come on folks, its hard enough to live the healthy life outside of your front door, please, my friends, stop bringing the crap inside your door >>>When I buy the crap I am not thinking "I shouldnt bring this home , I might be tempted to eat it.. I DONE decided to eat it already.. Perhaps you might cry "But what of my family? They like ...". Well one of two things has to happen, success in your weight loss and ultimate health, or your family eating cookie dough and pizza. >>>>There are lots of things I can buy for my family and I am not tempted by them, so thats what I do.. Like my kids can have ice cream cuz I dont get into it, if I do I just have a few bites to taste it.. They will heap their bowls and it doesnt temp me.. They can have muffins and donuts and pop and bagles and cream cheese, hot dogs and all sorts of stuff... dont matter to me. But they cant have all kinds of other things like cocoa puffs cerial, pop tarts, tv dinners, lunchables, cheeze whiz, hot pockets, motzerella sticks ETC ETc.. Not anymore cuz I am too tempted by those foods. Even if I cant have some of these foods anyway, who wants to have to look at the food you would realy like to eat but cant?? WHO cares, they still get tons of crap to choose from... About pizza.. I cant have it anymore and I still let it in my house all the time. I cant imagine making Pizza forbidden. Its unamerican. lol I sure did love pizza but my brain knows its impossible so it doesnt even feel deprived. (like it would if I had to resist it on my own will) I just think looks good, but so does brad pitt and I cant have him either and accept it as a fact of life.. For me? its a no brainer. >>>>> So, your real good about keeping foods out of the house to avoid temptations. Its a no brainer IYO, that if its not in the house, it doesnt temp you. I think the real ability to resist temtations for you lies far beyond the level of not having it in your house. Your resisting it in so many ways. Your in control over your food cravings alot more than some people. Give your self alot more credit, NO one can temp you more than your own weekness.. Not your spouse, kids or our cuppord contents. You choose everyday to resist those temptations.. THATS NOt a simple little non brainer thing. THATs real Acheivement! FOr me, My house can have no food in it at all and I will still be tempted. So what if its not in the fridge, or cuppord. Its in my mind. I aint gonna just forget it exists cuz its not in my home.. I would need the entire city to keep the tempting items OFF their shelves and unavailable for human consumption.. lol