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Ruby, Kari, You are definitely not alone in the distorted body image arena. I can relate to all the things you've said, and Kari, I read your blog and can identify with what you so elequently wrote. DD said something today about not being able to remember me being fat and I immediately wondered why she was baiting me. How could that be? I am fat! Then I realized that it was a complement. I feel like a fat person who is imposing as a thin person. Someday the disguise will fall away and I will once again be exposed for what I really am--a morbidly obese woman with no self esteem. How sad we are! I was at the hairdresser's today as well. My hair is beginning to grow back. I've been taking Omega 3 oil and Biotin all along.

Today was weigh-in. I nervously got on the scale just now, and guess what? I weighed exactly the same as I did 3 weeks ago. So, I think it's fair to say that despite all the problems I've had with the thing, THE BAND WORKS!

Hi all. Going through a little post vacation depression here. The tropical weather has been replaced with 50's which doesn't help. To be honest, the trip didn't turn out as I had hoped/expected. Instead of a wonderful family vacation, the unmarried couples acted more or less as if it was their honeymoons, causing problems for my married son and his wife, and for me too--to be honest. The engaged couple was fine when asked to knock it off, but my dd and her bf were not. We finally had a "family meeting" to discuss it and they refused to talk, they just got an attitude, and now that we're home dd just runs off with her bf every evening. It's pretty dissapointing to think that you're going on a once-in-a life time family vacation, you pay extra for the kids to take along their siginificant other, and it ended up tearing the family apart. My dh says he'll never do it again and the married son and his wife aren't talking to dd and her bf at all. To top it off, the engaged son drove to Mass. yesterday and will start his new job next week. I just want my li'l babies back. As for getting the eating back on track: I'm trying. . .

Hi! Just jumping in quick to let you all know that we got back in the USA last night. I'm giving myself till Friday to weigh-in since that's my usual weigh-in day. I'm afraid that all that "inclusive" food and drink were too great a temptation, but the band did limit how much I could eat. I am sure that if I gained, it was not nearly as much as it was other times, which is a plus. Today was all about getting myself back to "normal." I also have to tell you that going to Mexico was much more fun as a 12-14 than it ever was as a 22-24! I wore a bathing suit and found out that I can't swim anymore (after 30 years of just sitting there watching). I went to the spa and had a facial which I never considered doing before. I "dressed up" and felt like a woman, not a spectacle. I had energy to walk and walk without feeling winded or worn out. It was wonderful!!! OK, I'm sorry I can't go back to p. 682 and catch up yet, but I have 12 voice mail messages at home, 100's of emails on my work account, and I haven't even checked my voice mail at work yet. Hopefully by Friday I will be caught up. I can't wait to see how you all did without me! Love you,

I'v been having problems sleeping the last 3 weeks due to reflux and it seems to be getting worse. Just when I start falling asleep I start having fits of coughing and end up sliming to the point where it even comes out my nose. The whole thing makes no sense to me. Why would the band get tighter? I thought it was supposed to loosen up as you lost weight? On the other hand, I've had no issues during the day and can eat and drink pretty much as much as I want of everything. Well, I do take Pepcid regularly, which I never had to do before surgery. I don't get physically hungry, but I do get that hot, burning sensation when my stomach is empty. Since I had surgery in Mexico, finding a doctor to provide care here is expensive, which is a whole other topic for Rants and Raves.

Just a quick check in to let you all know that I'm thinking about you, but won't be able to keep up for the next 10 days or so. We're off to Indy for DD's graduation and then to Chicago to get on a plane for the Rivera Maya. I am so pumped--I'm going as a "normal" person--maybe overweight, but not obese! You know what I'm saying. I did have 0.3 unfill yesterday afternoon. Last night I slept well for the first time in a month. I just hope I still have restriction. We're going to an all inclusive resort where I could eat (and drink) 24x7. I don't intend to loose while there, but I sure don't want to gain. So, bye for now. I'll be back on Memorial Day (May 26 for you Canadians)

Steph, Well, I have a different attitude about DQ. I think what you did is healthy and here's why: Once in awhile we have to allow ourselves a little slack. We can enjoy an occasional treat without threatening our weight loss or maintenance. We don't have to be perfect about this. So what if it takes one or two days more to reach our goals? The idea is to become realistic about food, and once in awhile even skinny people enjoy a treat. You've been through a rough time, and while you don't want to get into the habit of using food to sooth yourself, once in awhile it's OK. You are still in control, you are still eating 99% healthy. You're not throwing in the towel and saying "Heck with it--I give up." You're still posting and you are being honest with us and with yourself. I say "Good for you!"

Good weight loss, Steph. Hope the headache's better today. Phyl--How you doing? I'll be going in for an unfill tomorrow. Been having problems sleeping the last 3 weeks (reflux) and it seems to be getting worse. Don't want to have any issues while on vacation next week. The whole thing makes no sense to me. Why would the band get tighter? I thought it was supposed to loosen up as you lost weight? On the other hand, I've had no issues during the day and can eat pretty much everything and as much as I want. . . I don't get physically hungry, but I do have a hot, burning sensation when my stomach is empty. Arrggghhh

Jackie--What you said and did sound perfect to me. Kids need boundaries, and you are clearly and firmly showing them where yours are. You taught them to behave better than this, and now you are showing them what happens when they mess up. Just keep your voice soft and don't let them push your buttons. Allow them to experience the consequences of their actions in a gentle, loving, but firm way. I hope you were actually able to enjoy your dinner out. As for how you're feeling: to me, it seems to be an apporpriate resonse to what's been going on. Anyone in your situation would be tearful and strung out. Does that mean that you need medication? Well, I am in no position to give an opinion on that, but I do encourage you to get yourself into some long-term counseling or a good support group to help you get though the next 4 or 5 years. As someone who just made it to the other side, I can tell you that they were the worst years of parenting for me. Give me a 2-year-old temper tantrum ANY DAY! They're a lot easier to handle than the 16-year-old versions!

Oh Jackie, Your story strikes a familiar cord. You must be feeling so alone. I'm glad that you were able to sit down and tell us about it. I hope that helped a little bit. I think you are doing the right thing by seeking out counseling. I'm not sure that you need a psychiatrist however. My perception of them is that they mostly manage medications, but don't provide much in terms of counseling. Instead, you might think about looking for a psychologist or therapist who is trained in family counseling. They are the ones who have the kind of experience and training in helping people develop insights into their feelings and behaviors and learn new ways of coping with difficult issues. There is no easy fix to what you're dealing with. One thought I have in reading your post is that your daughter sounds very angry. When I went through this with a couple of my kids, one insight that I got was that while the anger seemed to be directed at me, the truth was that they were displacing their anger onto me. In other words, I was someone that they considered "safe" to be angry at. You may never know what your daughter is really angry about. I know that's not a lot of help right now, but it would be great if you could get a counselor for her to help her work through thoes issues. Where to go from here? Well, my apporoach was tough love. At 16, you daughter is still dependent on you. You have a responsibility to provide shelter, food and clothing for her, but she does not have the right to more than that. I took the car keys away from my kids. I refused to buy them CD's, pay for their cell phones (I took the cell phones away and only let them have them when it was convenient for ME), or buy them more than basic jeans and tee shirts. I "cleaned" my daugher's room and put all her clothes that were laying around in garbage bags, which I then brought to a neighbor's for awhile. When my daugher yelled at me, I told her that I loved her and walked away. That was really hard, but she had to know that I wasn't going to listen to it. Things got worse for awhile. She went running to her bf's mom, who was happy to play "good mother" to my "bad mother" which didn't help one bit! Things weren't much better with one of her brothers either. We had to drive to his college late one night and pick him up b/c he was threatening suicide. He later told his therapist, in a family session, ablut all the "abusive" things I did to him--like being angry with him about something. It was absurd, but again, I was the target of his anger--the reason for his unhappiness. At 18, my daugher went away to college. She picked a college that, while still within driving distance, was as far away from me as she could get. Today, she is driving back there for the last time. She is a mature 21-year old who who earned a double major with honors in 3 years. She came home for the weekend to spend mother's day shopping with me and we had a wonderful time. My point is that while I would never have thought it could be like this when she was 16, it did turn around. As for my son, At 26, he lives on the other side of the country now and is working on his Ph.D. in Psychology (of all things) We still are not as close as I would like, but I did get a one-line happy mother's day email from him yesterday. The thing is that he survived too. What you're going thorugh right now is awful and it sucks. I am so sorry that you have to walk though this. I pray that you can get tough to the insults, and I pray for wisdom for you in how to respond to them. DO NOT let these kids sabotage your weight loss. Take care of yourself, Jackie! Try to believe that while the insults hurt, they are NOT the truth. The truth is that you love your kids, and you are doing the best you can to give them what they need--which may not always be what think they want.

Good Morning and Happy Mother's Day to all you moms and grandmas. Phyl, summer's coming. Hopefully the clouds will soon blow away (both figuratively and in reality) and things will brighten up. BTW: I was an OB nurse in my "other" life before teaching. I even "caught" 10 of 'em myself! What fun (most of the time). Janet, How is DIL? I still can't get over the horror of it all. Something similar just happened to a friend of DD's; she got away, thankfully, but is understandably quite traumatized. Kari, I think you will be amazed after your tt at how little you weigh. I am getting a little concerned that you are still losing however. Have you had your body fat % checked at all? I have a feeling that it is actually getting quite low with all the exercise you're getting. Ruby--Wow! 3 pounds in one week at this point is a great boost! It must have been quite an upper to see that on the scale! Good for you! Steph, Have fun shopping--hope you find some cool summer things! Where is Minot? My dd came home for the weekend. She has an interview on Monday. We're actually skipping church today to go tanning and then do some much needed shopping--for me! We did get to TJ Maxx last night and I bought a denim skirt and capris! I still go into the fitting rooms with stuff that's too big, and I can't believe it when it doesn't fit. I think I have some body image issues going on.

Janet! That's horrible. I am so sorry, and yes, I already said a prayer and will continue to do so. I am thankful there was no serious injury or worse, but none of us can imagine the psychological trauma. Oh my goodness. Thanks for letting us know, and please keep us posted.

Janet--I am really, really, really, really happy for you! It must have been unbelieveably amazing to look down at that scale and see a 5 after the one! I hope that you spent the rest of the day flying high! Congratulations!

Hi all, Just trying to get caught up before things get out of control again. Bummer about the knee, Phyl. I'm glad you aren't a lot of pain, but ya sure don't want things to get any worse. Take it easy. Did he happen to mention what kinds of exercising would be "safe?" or did he offer to write up a PT consult? Wish I could chime in more on what's going on with everyone. Got to run now (again). DH's bringing some friends in. . .

Phyl, What a good hubby! Hope you feel better soon. Isn't it nice to be able to be sick and not worry about going to work? No time to go clothes shopping today after all. I've got to get some food in the house and clean the rooms--make beds and all of that. Who was looking for some food ideas? I think I'll get some marrinated pork tenderloins that we can barbeque on the grill; I'll make a potato casserole with hash browns, lite sour cream, and cheese (not exactly diet food, but I'm not the only one eating), some salad and cook up some veggies. That'll be an easy meal. Well, off to the store. Hope Janet's enjoying herself and Karri's foot is OK. Phyl--drink your water! You too Mango.

$700?! That's awesome!! Congratulations!!!

It was me that is looking for some summer clothes. This is a Wallmart community--not that there's anything wrong with Wallmart--but I need some things a little more upscale for this summer. Lots of events--trips, graduations, a wedding, showers. The nearest shopping malls are in Milwaukee--an hour or so away. No good thrift shops either, plus I don't have time to search for stuff. Once the weather warms up, I am going to be in big trouble. Well, maybe I can run to Milwaukee this afternoon, in which case I better get the laundry going. My son (who passed his Radiation Therapy national board exam last week!) and his fiancee are comming today for a few days so I got beds to make and rooms to clean!

Steph, You sound like me back in the days when amphetamines were legal. It was great, until they went off the market. I think I was addicted b/c I seriously crashed--laid on the floor and cried for days. I hope your landing is a little softer than that! TGIF! I am totally whipped out. I have to go shopping tomorrow though. I don't have anything to wear to Mexico. Does anyone have some 14's they'd like to sell? I need capri's, shorts, tops, a (very modest) bathing suit, cover ups, something nice to wear for dinner--we're celebrating our 33rd anniversary while there--making everyone go out to dinner with us.

Phyl. I'm feeling so sad that you are having such problems with your daughter. I can't understand it b/c my own parents show so little interest in my kids--especially when it comes to problems that they may be having. I'd give anything to think that they'd care enough to show up at court if one of them had to appear--my parents never made it to a basketball/soccer/volleyball game or wrestling matches. Never mind any of the other activities the kids were involved in in high school (much less college). They're not even going to my son's wedding (MA is too far to travel--never mind that they're ivisiting my DS in PA right now!) My point is that I think it's wonderful that you guys went to court. Your daughter should be grateful. But then I think that my own kids don't show gratidude either. They expect a lot, and we keep giving it. Maybe we need to let them struggle more. IMO you did the right thing. I'm sorry that your daughter feels the need to punish you. You don't deserve that. I am proud of you and what you did and continue to do. More and more you are becomming a role model for me. I just want you to know that.

Janet--well, I'm glad that you didn't wait till New Year's to start your lapband journey. . . I'm not going to gang up on you--yet. Enjoy your victory over food for awhile. 1 1/2 pounds to goal is fabulous. I just succumed and had a bowl of chilie for lunch. It was wonderful, but that does it for me for today. From now on--only water.

Kathy--Great to hear from you--don't be a stranger! Sympathies to you and your family on the loss of your dad--that's tough. I've considered paying out of pocket for the PS, but with everything else going on this summer, I can't justify another major expense. So surgery's off the table for now. The silver lining is that it gives me until Aug 16 to lose the last 15 pounds. That's more do-able than July 1--especially with the Mexico trip in two weeks! AND, I won't have any problems going to Mall of America. Hey Janet--I heard something about an earthquake in Palm Springs yesterday. That's not far from you--right? Karri--I'm glad you're takiing a wait and see approach. I'd still want you to err on the side of caution. You are definitely not a wimp, but unless you have an x-ray of that foot looked at by a sprots medicine MD, there is no way to know for sure what's going on. Look, my son ran (and finished) the Chicago marathon, and he was living with us the summer he was training for it. I remember how brutral and intense the training was. Just be smart about it--OK?

Karri, Your body has undergone tremendous changes in the last year. It's wonderful that you are so determined, but at the same time, you are risking permanent dammage by pushing too hard, too fast. I think your foot injury is a sign that you need to be realistic about how much you can do. You are planning major surgery this summer. Healing from that is going to require that you be as well nourished and healthy as you can be. That's your first priority. If you push yourself to run 13K, that alone is going to deplete whatever reserve you have, and I'm a little surprised that your surgeon would even operate on you knowing that. Completing a marathon--even if you walk--is a huge first accomplishment. To me, if you have to do one or the other, I'd think run/walking the full marathon is more realistic. Bad news today: Insurance denied my PS. They said that at minimum I have to be 18 months post-op (from the surgery they refused to pay for) and maintain my target weight for 6 months. I'll have to wait till next summer or take time off of work next winter. I'm bummed.

Phyl--You're always good for a smile! I'm so glad you're one of us!! Another insane day today. I feel like I'm constantly on a treadmill that is going faster and faster with the incline getting higher and higher. The end is in sight, but about 2 weeks out yet. Until then, like Karri (?) my students are swirling about trying to make up a semester's worth of work. I don't even have time to shop for some clothes, which I desperately need. Poor DH is fending for his own food. I hope I make it. . .

OK--Let's see. I had med coffee on the way home from the sleep lab so that's 12 ounces. Then one bottle at work this morning = 8 ounces, another bottle in the afternoon = 8 more ounces plus I drank one during spanish class = 8 more, so that's 28 ounces total + 4 ounces for the ww sf icecream bar which brings me to 32 ounces. Calories = 1100. My problem is protein. . .

GOOD NEWS! It's official: Bye-bye CPAP machine! Thank you Lap Band! I drank my water and lost the pound I gained over the weekend, so all's well with the world today. Gotta hop in the shower and get my butt to work--I'm still behind there from taking off last Friday. Sorry I just don't have time to respond to you personally, but you are always on my mind.