So before I get too far, let's just acknowledge that the problem is me. For whatever reason, I find myself really irritable, even with people I ordinarily love and adore. NOTHING is wrong in reality but man! I'm cranky! Working hard at controlling it. This is not the usual me. It's not hunger, it could be hormones from the weight loss? I don't know.
But on the positive side, hey hey! First work-related trip yesterday! I just did fine and today, put in a whole days's worth of work with no trouble. Dinner with client still to be done, but feeling good. It feels really good to be back to normal.
And very scary. While I was at home, I could control the food we had around us, meal times, shakes, etc. Now, outside in the real world, it has become abundantly clear to me how people eat around their sleeve and gain weight. I still have to make smart choices. Cake still sounds better to me than grilled chicken breast. The bread that arrived with my dinner looked like it would taste just fine rolled around in the oil and butter that accompanied it.
Everywhere I go, there is food I have decided not to eat. I mean, EVERYWHERE. I read all the vets saying how this was just a tool, and that I still had to make the right choices, and each time, I nodded my head and I thought I knew what it meant. Honestly now? I don't think I understood it until I got on this trip. There is "bad" food everywhere. I always have a choice. And I will almost always have to fight temptation to not eat the bad food.
Now that I am on real food, it's a much bigger challenge. I am measuring my food out, because if I didn't, I'm quite sure I could comfortably eat more than 1/4 of a cup of food. I understand that down the road, maybe that's okay. But this early into soft foods, I shouldn't take a chance.
So I still have to make smart choices. And I still have the limit quantities. The sleeve won't do that for me. I will have to do that for the sleeve.
It's a rude awakening and a much-needed reality check. So although I'm irritable today, I'm also grateful that I learned this lesson, and that I did that without breaking the rules.
I think this is my next big challenge now that I have healed from the surgery. So bring it!
