sharonlaff

It's been a busy few weeks. The week before last, I was out at Camp Keystone in Starke, FL for our youth Junior Soldier Camp. I had a great week of walking and enjoying nature as well as getting a good meal 3x's a day with the choice of salad as a meal in itself or something to go along with my meal. I did well and ate what I knew I could and kept away from a lot of what I knew I couldn't. I was proud of myself as I began to take my Calcium Citrate pills again (for the first time in almost a year) that week and now I am able to take them faithfully! Last week I came home to my Day Camp Kids and felt so glad to be back. While I was away though I had many moments to think about what is going on with me and to admit some things. I kept reflecting on my "Desires". Coming back home I thought that I'd be ready to get right in there and go after those things that I wanna start focusing on...nope, it's actually a greater struggle. I have to pray often and consider what will help me change the mindset that I am stuck and can't move forward. It's almost as if I need someone to take me by the hand, grab my running shoes, put my buds in my ears and go until I sweat to death! Why do I need someone to do that for me when I was the one that got me to where I needed to be in the first place? Why do I need someone to challenge me to do something that I have always been able to do on my own? Why can't I get up and get motivated to go to the gym? Why can't I do all that on my own anymore? Why doesn't it matter as much as it had before? Why haven't I been able to make this a huge priority in my life anymore? I keep asking these questions and I know that I won't see the answers or the results until I am 100% completely ready. But here I am, I am at the point of desire to do something better for myself...to fight the struggle...to beat the wanna and just do it! I know that initially I had a wonderful support system; I had my team of Doctors, Surgeons, Nurses, Dieticians, therapists, friends and family. I now have an anxiety med, a great distance between my family (a sister that I moved here to be near and haven't seen in almost a year now due to her own life's circumstances) and almost a year and a half without working out when I had been doing it up to 75 minutes daily. Where is the joy that I had? Where's the love of a new life gone? I need it back!!! I need the desire back!!! I have had lots of time to process all of this and lately it has been heavy on my heart. I need to find the right person, the perfect scenery and make it to my destination...rejoicing together along the drive. So I pray tonight, I pray for the person God has planned just for me, the place to enjoy and the results to show the best I can possibly be. It is my desire, a strong, deep desire, to be back on track physically. I lay it at the altar Lord, I leave it before You...striving for Holiness, moving from the burden of the sin to accept staying where I'm at to the reality of what is right and what I need to do to feel better. Holiness is my desire...

I'm doing good! Both surgeries went well. The doctor said the gall bladder was more difficult than he thought but was successful. He called my sleeve "beautiful" and all went without a hitch there. Can't eat very much at all and still having pain but its only 4 days post op. I was in the hospital 3 nights because my blood pressure and pain were a little out of hand. They got the blood pressure under control by Saturday evening. They had to do a test on Sunday because they gave me 4 pills to take by mouth and it gave me a lot of pain. They had me drink this special liquid while they took pictures and the doctor said there were no leaks but the sleeve is really tight and it's going to take a while for the inflammation to go down. He also said that because the sleeve is so tight that even over time as my stomach might stretch some it will never be all that big. All in all, I'm doing better and just waiting to get to my "new" normal. My tongue has been slightly numb since surgery and I'm still waiting for that to go away. I have a follow up with Dr. Shukla next week. Thanks to all who have checked on me!

Today I am 3 weeks post op and I tell you what, many things have happened in the past 3 weeks. I am going to tell you about the positives things because those are the ones that matter and are worth remembering!
 
I’ll start with the fact that I have lost 31 lbs so far! I am 2 pounds away from being in Onederland! At this point I have mostly figured out how much I am able to eat. I sometimes eat a little fast or a little too much and feel uncomfortable for about 30 minutes but then it passes. The only thing my stomach hasn't really liked was some creamed corn I ate from Rudy’s BBQ. Other than that I have been able to keep everything down…ground beef, fish, chicken, turkey, rice, beans, etc. I have not had the problems others have had with eating bread. I can eat pretty much anything, just not a lot. For example, we took our youngest daughter out to eat for her birthday yesterday and my husband and I split a plate. I basically took enough food for about 8 bites and he ate the rest. My girls both ate and the whole thing was just $32 with tip for all 4 of us. That’s another great thing…saving money when we go out!
 
Something else I love is that many of my clothes are very loose and you can tell I have lost weight which is cool. I had to go digging in my closet for some smaller jeans that I haven’t worn in a while and they fit perfectly. I also wore a dress that I haven’t fit into since my husband and I were engaged over 5 years ago. That was a nice feeling! I am excited about fitting into other things that have been just sitting in my closet waiting to be used!
 
Now to get a little more personal, a difficult but great thing happened to me last week. I was dealing with some emotional issues that made me cry a lot. I walked home from where I was and on the way there I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to go stuff my face. I got home, opened the fridge and just imagined myself getting sick if I did it. I couldn’t do it. In that moment I was forced to deal with my emotions a different way. I cried some more and then talk to God about it. About 30 minutes after that I talk to my husband about it too. It was such a big moment for me. To realize that I can walk away from the food that will do nothing but make me sick in that moment and over time and rely on a God that loves me unconditionally. It came to the surface…what I already knew….that I wasn’t giving Him all of me. Now I am surrendering the rest of me…slowly but surely. He deserves it all, not just the parts I am comfortable giving. What a wonderful experience! Such a moment of growth!
 
I am grateful for all the special moments I have had so far and I can’t wait to see what new adventures await me!