MWilliams42

Surgery was July22, 2013; recovery time four weeks. No major problem other than morphine is not my friend.
 
The weight is coming off at a rate I can enjoy. Any faster and I'd have to go to work in a sack. Lol the slow weight loss allows me to purchase a few new clothes. All of my 22-20 size pants don't fit and I can assume my skirts won't either.
 
I don't get upset if the scale does not move. I just look in the mirror and can see the difference in the inches I've lost.
 
Best advise, follow the program outlined by your doctor, go to all follow up appointments, ask when and how often you will need blood work done. Continue to get your fluids in everyday. Take your vitamins and supplements, they are very important. Eat protein first.
 
When you are unsure, ask your doctor. We are all different so the way your doctor may have trained and performed the procedure will be different and the instructions you follow will be different from someone else. That does not make it wrong, just different.
 
Join a support group that is up lifting, I don't stay on this one much any more due to some bad vibes of folks and I've had to block them. I do check in from time to time because there are good people asking great questions and need help. Have more than one support outlet.
 
Lastly don't judge. How and why we became over weight is personal. How we opt to lose the weight is personal. When you start to judge, please stand in front of the mirror to ensure you include yourself in the mix. If anything play it forward, be a good mentor and friend. There are some out there that will truly benefit from it.
 
Stay true to the journey.
 
Karen

Well...GOOD morning!!!! I took the advice I was given and ran with it! I am trying...trying...trying to up my calorie intake, that is very difficult, but I am managing!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOO...as the title states, IT MOVED!!! The scale, it moved, it moved, it moved!!! And I got so excited, I told my hubs...he likes to joke around and he said, "well the scale does move when you get on!!" I just said, "HONEY!!" He laughed and I said my stall is gone for now, now that makes me HAPPY!!! It was stuck, on 208 forever! NOW...it reads 203.8!!! Yippee!!! I have to say, we are all on this journey and I am super thankful, daily, that I have the support that I have, and I will help be a support to anyone who needs it! This is for the rest of our lives and that is the really exciting part!!! We get to have energy, function without losing our breath, exercise and not still be jiggling even when we are done, live longer, have a healthy relationship with food, give our families the BEST of us...the list goes on and on! I'm just so excited to see and hear about everyone's progress, it just makes me smile!!!

My story, wow that's a broad statement. For the most part pretty normal. Great family, great childhood, normal height weight proportion up until the day I got married. Had two kids before I was 22 and everything went south from there. Started to gain a pound or two here and there and the next thing you know 100 pounds later..... Well, you all get the picture. From then on it was one diet after another. Oh I lost a ton of weight but I also gained a ton back. I had a loving husband who loved me for me and a family of the same but the funny thing was I didn't love me. Was my family enablers? Yes but only in a loving concerned way. Funny thing was I have 4 siblings all of whom had no weight issues along with my parents. Why was I the lucky one or should I say unlucky. Oh and did I mention I am 100% Italian?
So let's fast forward a few years because this could get long remember I started gaining the weight around the age of 22 I am now 53.
2012 was the darkest year of my life. My youngest son, my baby (although he was 29) passed away from an industrial accident. He was a commercial diver working a job in the Gulf of Mexico when on a normal routine dive something went tragically wrong. To hear those words that your son was in a fatal accident will always stab me like a knife and to this day I don't like to repeat them. But I did because it is an important part of why I am going through this journey today. The first year after Brad's death was actually the only time I never focused on weight, weight loss or anything even remotely pertaining to weight. After all I lost my son what else mattered? Except for the fact that I still had a husband, another son, a granddaughter and my loving family all,of whom tried to reach out to me. And as the grief got worse the weight did too. Remember I told you a while back I was 100% Italian well anyone who knows what that means knows that our families mean everything especially our children. I did take the advice of my doctor and joined a grief group. Thank God for that because the people I met made me feel I wasn't going through this alone and the more we became bonded through our grief the more I felt the fog start to lift. It saved my life because the tunnel I was going down just kept getting darker but after I joined this wonderful group of lifetime friends I was starting to see the light at the end of that tunnel as the cliche says.
So I don't remember gaining the next 50 pounds (ha ha) but now I was 150 lbs overweight. 165 pounds heavier than the day I said "I do". Although my husband, god bless him, still thought I was the bees knees. Ok time to get back on the diet go round. However this time I didn't have the energy. While watching my favorite soap opera "young and the restless" one day a commercial came on talking about an less invasive procedure called the Lapsleeve that could be performed on an out patient basis. Out came the laptop and the inquires were made. My grief counselor made me promise though I would wait a year just to make sure my emotional well being was healed. I took her advise but didn't wait to long past the one year mark to make my first appt.
Puget Sound Surgical Center in Edmonds, WA was my choice. The minute I met the staff and Dr Billing I knew this was the place for me. Well weighing in at a whopping 301 I figured it wasn't the worst they ever saw. After blood draws, nutrition classes, psych evaluations I was finally approved. June 27 was the day. The two week pre op diet I stuck to like glue. However the day before I was to start it I chowed down on every favorite thing I could get my hands on. Something by the way they highly do not recommend.
June 27, very nervous, very typical but the staff and dr's put me fast at ease. Surgery went well and was very surprised how well I felt those first 48 hrs. Unfortunately, that didn't last long.

Well...GOOD morning!!!! I took the advice I was given and ran with it! I am trying...trying...trying to up my calorie intake, that is very difficult, but I am managing!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOO...as the title states, IT MOVED!!! The scale, it moved, it moved, it moved!!! And I got so excited, I told my hubs...he likes to joke around and he said, "well the scale does move when you get on!!" I just said, "HONEY!!" He laughed and I said my stall is gone for now, now that makes me HAPPY!!! It was stuck, on 208 forever! NOW...it reads 203.8!!! Yippee!!! I have to say, we are all on this journey and I am super thankful, daily, that I have the support that I have, and I will help be a support to anyone who needs it! This is for the rest of our lives and that is the really exciting part!!! We get to have energy, function without losing our breath, exercise and not still be jiggling even when we are done, live longer, have a healthy relationship with food, give our families the BEST of us...the list goes on and on! I'm just so excited to see and hear about everyone's progress, it just makes me smile!!!

The problem with a stall is not just the lack of weight loss at a time you expect the weight to be peeling off–although that would be bad enough. The problem with a stall is that it comes with baggage.
All those times when you thought you’d found the “perfect” diet. All those times when there were hundreds of others boasting of their success with something that you were now trying. All those times that you were filled with hope that THIS was the thing that was going to work.
 
All those times that you failed.
 
We’ve been stuck at the same weight for 11 days, and it’s very difficult to focus on the now, instead of trying to think of what this means for the future. If I focus on the now, it tells me that my body is changing, my clothes fit differently, and even at 25 lbs, people see and comment on the difference all the time.
 
If I try to project for the future and imagine that this is the way it will always be, then I focus on the fact that this could be another thing at which others have succeeded, but at which I seem doomed to fail. Which of us has not believed, both before and after the surgery, that we would be the ones who would be the exception to the rule? That we would be that medical marvel that simply could not lose the weight despite doing everything we were told?
 
That we would be that singular failure while others around us kept posting their amazing before and after pictures?
 
And that’s the problem with a stall. Even knowing what we do, that every day is a different adventure when sleeved, that recovery, weight loss, and changes happen seemingly overnight, we still believe that this is the time, and we are the one that will fail. A very egocentric world-view if truth be told, but justifiable given our histories.
 
So if you thought this journey was just about eating your protein and drinking your water and not challenging your sleeve, I’ve got news for you my friend. It’s about battling your inner demons, about having faith in the unknown, and about believing that we are not that special after all.
 
And in that normalcy and mediocrity is perhaps where salvation lies.
 
(Follow my journey and my recipes at www.sleevers.wordpress.com)

Well...GOOD morning!!!! I took the advice I was given and ran with it! I am trying...trying...trying to up my calorie intake, that is very difficult, but I am managing!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOO...as the title states, IT MOVED!!! The scale, it moved, it moved, it moved!!! And I got so excited, I told my hubs...he likes to joke around and he said, "well the scale does move when you get on!!" I just said, "HONEY!!" He laughed and I said my stall is gone for now, now that makes me HAPPY!!! It was stuck, on 208 forever! NOW...it reads 203.8!!! Yippee!!! I have to say, we are all on this journey and I am super thankful, daily, that I have the support that I have, and I will help be a support to anyone who needs it! This is for the rest of our lives and that is the really exciting part!!! We get to have energy, function without losing our breath, exercise and not still be jiggling even when we are done, live longer, have a healthy relationship with food, give our families the BEST of us...the list goes on and on! I'm just so excited to see and hear about everyone's progress, it just makes me smile!!!

Good morning world!! I am waking up feeling like a new person! I have not been on the scale since Friday, but continued my walking and exercise all weekend. I feel great! I promised myself that I wouldn't continuously take pics, but for someone who LOVES being the one TAKING the pics, this has really helped me put things in perspective. I have always been asked if I'm pregnant, I carry the majority of my weight in the dreaded gut. I attached a pic and it has helped me see that while the scale isn't moving, I am STILL making progress! The bottom right pic is me the day before my surgery, the middle one was 2 weeks ago, and the top left is me last week. It has helped me to actually SEE what is going on, and that helps to wrap my mind around what changes are taking place. I guess I just wanted to post this because I am as frustrated as the rest of those I see on this site with the stall that I am facing, head on, but I have to say...take some pics, compare them to the day you went in for surgery and I think you will be pleasantly surprised! So...in about an hour or so I will be getting on the scale, have a Dr.'s appointment...hope it is positive! Have a great DAY!!!

Well the wedding was amazingly goreous and beautiful. Though it was my best friends day, I felt like a princess too. I shined in my own light. It was the first time since I was a teen (well maybe in grade school) where I didnt' cover my arms! I fussed and threw a fit because I couldn't find a shawl or jacket to wear over my dress. At the last minute, I decided against one. Partly because I did want to show off my tattoos. And for once, I didn't mind taking pictures, even willingly posing for a few. I was nervous about the ones in the wedding party, but I felt confident enough among all the other bridesmaids.
 
When the DJ was introducing the wedding paty, I was the only one who he called beautiful. silly to be excited over that, but i am! Granted he kept giving me the eye all night. which was hilarious to me, don't think i've been flirted with in awhile.
 
the rest of my 3 day weekend was nice. Sunday, didn't do much. Finally caught up on season 3 of game of thrones (YAY). MOnday, we got our workout in by washing all 3 vehicles, cleaning out the garage, sweeping the driveway, pulling weeds and fixing the landscape. it was nice. I wanted to be lazy, god how i wanted to be lazy. but my g/f refused to let me , and i'm glad. the garage and yard look amazing!
 
this month is going to be tough at work, my only fear is will i over eat snacking at my desk ( i dont take lunches or breaks). or will i undereat because i get so involved.
 
oh and on a minor note, my doc (he didn't do either one of my surgies, he just took over the clinic last month) scolded me for eating 5-6 mini meals. he said i won't maintain my weight loss or lose more. i've proved him wrong. I lost 2 more pounds this weekend. don't think my scale has ever shown 137!! so in your face doc! LOL ok that's harsh. I just was worried i was over-doing it, but i feel confident I will maintain what i've lost. All i can do is listen to my body. im so much more in tune with it than i've ever been.

My son called for his daily chat, a time I really look forward to. He says, "How was your day?"
 
Well I've had a lovely day. I got to go into the office, work with a team of 6 very smart people, we all got some great thinking and work done. I was able to join them in the lunch I ordered for us, and I've extremely been productive all day. What were the first words out of my mouth in response to my son's question?
 
"Well, I'm still stalled."
 
WTH?? That's all I can think of to tell him about my day?? So he's a very insightful smarty-pants and he says to me, "Mom it was one thing to rely on the scale when you could say 'oh maybe I should cut down a bit tomorrow' and use the scale to monitor and adjust your eating habits. But really, what role does the scale play in your life now??"
 
For a change, I was speechless. Well he wasn't about to stop there. He carries on saying,
 
"Maybe you should ask yourself if it's healthy to let what you see on a scale determine your feelings of success for the day? After all you're doing what you need to, and you told me you were going to focus on process vs. the outcome. Would anything change in your process if you just threw away the scale for 3 months?"
 
No of course it wouldn't but can i throw away the scale for 3 months? I cannot. Why? Because maybe I'm sick in the head and I associate my self-worth with success or failure at pounds lost. Not what I do to succeed, but whether the scale says I've lost weight today.
 
Unlike a lot of people here, over the last few years i could NOT lose weight. I could control my calories, my cardio-vascular health, what I put in my mouth, but I couldn't control my weight. Yet I continued to judge myself by my ability to lose weight. Not by my ability to do what was healthy, but whether or not I could lose weight. I may have been sleeved, but apparently that way of judging myself still persists.
 
So really, if we are eating our protein, drinking our water, and exercising to the degree that we can, what role does or should the scale play in our lives when we're trying to lose weight? Should we not focus on the process, monitor the crap out of the protein and water and calories, and let the scale go off on a long hike to TImbuktoo? And can we do that? Why not?

Good morning world!! I am waking up feeling like a new person! I have not been on the scale since Friday, but continued my walking and exercise all weekend. I feel great! I promised myself that I wouldn't continuously take pics, but for someone who LOVES being the one TAKING the pics, this has really helped me put things in perspective. I have always been asked if I'm pregnant, I carry the majority of my weight in the dreaded gut. I attached a pic and it has helped me see that while the scale isn't moving, I am STILL making progress! The bottom right pic is me the day before my surgery, the middle one was 2 weeks ago, and the top left is me last week. It has helped me to actually SEE what is going on, and that helps to wrap my mind around what changes are taking place. I guess I just wanted to post this because I am as frustrated as the rest of those I see on this site with the stall that I am facing, head on, but I have to say...take some pics, compare them to the day you went in for surgery and I think you will be pleasantly surprised! So...in about an hour or so I will be getting on the scale, have a Dr.'s appointment...hope it is positive! Have a great DAY!!!

Good morning world!! I am waking up feeling like a new person! I have not been on the scale since Friday, but continued my walking and exercise all weekend. I feel great! I promised myself that I wouldn't continuously take pics, but for someone who LOVES being the one TAKING the pics, this has really helped me put things in perspective. I have always been asked if I'm pregnant, I carry the majority of my weight in the dreaded gut. I attached a pic and it has helped me see that while the scale isn't moving, I am STILL making progress! The bottom right pic is me the day before my surgery, the middle one was 2 weeks ago, and the top left is me last week. It has helped me to actually SEE what is going on, and that helps to wrap my mind around what changes are taking place. I guess I just wanted to post this because I am as frustrated as the rest of those I see on this site with the stall that I am facing, head on, but I have to say...take some pics, compare them to the day you went in for surgery and I think you will be pleasantly surprised! So...in about an hour or so I will be getting on the scale, have a Dr.'s appointment...hope it is positive! Have a great DAY!!!

Good morning world!! I am waking up feeling like a new person! I have not been on the scale since Friday, but continued my walking and exercise all weekend. I feel great! I promised myself that I wouldn't continuously take pics, but for someone who LOVES being the one TAKING the pics, this has really helped me put things in perspective. I have always been asked if I'm pregnant, I carry the majority of my weight in the dreaded gut. I attached a pic and it has helped me see that while the scale isn't moving, I am STILL making progress! The bottom right pic is me the day before my surgery, the middle one was 2 weeks ago, and the top left is me last week. It has helped me to actually SEE what is going on, and that helps to wrap my mind around what changes are taking place. I guess I just wanted to post this because I am as frustrated as the rest of those I see on this site with the stall that I am facing, head on, but I have to say...take some pics, compare them to the day you went in for surgery and I think you will be pleasantly surprised! So...in about an hour or so I will be getting on the scale, have a Dr.'s appointment...hope it is positive! Have a great DAY!!!

Good morning world!! I am waking up feeling like a new person! I have not been on the scale since Friday, but continued my walking and exercise all weekend. I feel great! I promised myself that I wouldn't continuously take pics, but for someone who LOVES being the one TAKING the pics, this has really helped me put things in perspective. I have always been asked if I'm pregnant, I carry the majority of my weight in the dreaded gut. I attached a pic and it has helped me see that while the scale isn't moving, I am STILL making progress! The bottom right pic is me the day before my surgery, the middle one was 2 weeks ago, and the top left is me last week. It has helped me to actually SEE what is going on, and that helps to wrap my mind around what changes are taking place. I guess I just wanted to post this because I am as frustrated as the rest of those I see on this site with the stall that I am facing, head on, but I have to say...take some pics, compare them to the day you went in for surgery and I think you will be pleasantly surprised! So...in about an hour or so I will be getting on the scale, have a Dr.'s appointment...hope it is positive! Have a great DAY!!!

I'm so excited this morning!! I just want to share it with everyone! I have been in a 2 1/2 week stall and just patiently waiting. I read many blogs and forums of people sharing the fact that stalls happen and you just gotta keep going so that's what I was doing. I have been at 201 this whole time just waiting to get to Onederland. I had not weighed myself since Monday because I honestly didn't want to keep seeing the same thing again. This morning my husband asked me if I had weighed myself and I said no. I thought, I'll just see where I stand today. And to my VERY pleasant surprise I weighed in at 198! I'm so happy to be in Onederland!!! I also went into my closet and found some brand new jeans that I had bought 7 years ago but never wore because I gained too much weight and was able to put them on! Plus today is Friday, and payday and I'm taking portraits of a beautiful bride to be this afternoon! Today is just an awesome day! I hope everyone is doing just as awesome!

I thought it would never happen...EVER...NOT chocolate! Before surgery life would be over without my daily bit o chocolate! NOW...it's weird, I like chocolate protein shakes, sometimes. But I tried chocolate sugar free pudding, I loved it before...now, YUCK, doesn't even taste the same! Today, my son had Hershey's...who doesn't like a square of a Hershey bar once in a while??? Well, NOT me anymore, I had to spit it out, it tasted so gross. I thought is this the same mouth that would just let the chocolate melt on my tongue and thoroughly enjoy every last bite??? It can't be, because if it was I would have swallowed that chocolate...then I stopped to think of what else is tasting different...
 
cottage cheese - tasted like styrofoam to me - loved it before!
grapes - could take them or leave them before - NOW...little nuggets of sweetness!
turkey burgers - had one last night, LOVED my turkey burgers before, but I don't know if I am ready for that yet...I hope my love for this comes back!
tomatoes - not always my favorite - but NOW...I have a new LOVE!!! My hubs is sorta jealous of this love affair!!! LOL
ice cream - KILLED my stomach! so NO MORE!
 
I guess what I am trying to say is that NOW...I eat to live, and I am not living to eat! And the choices I am making are way better than what I have ever made, and my taste buds are dancing as I am now putting in my mouth what is GOOD for me!!! It's a great feeling!

Lately, I’ve been thinking about judgments & why people feel compelled to judge others. People post a lot here about feeling judged by friends and family members for deciding to have surgery, or feeling judged by skinny people for being fat in the first place. Personally, I have been fortunate that not one single negative word has been said to me with regards to having surgery. My family and friends have all been very supportive. Intellectually, I know I am (or have been) judged negatively by other people for my weight, but I honestly don’t usually notice those judgments. If I do happen to notice or feel judged by somebody, I don’t generally internalize the judgment and allow it to continue to affect me.
 
But it seems to me that there is also a fair amount of judgment happening among members of the WLS community. Sometimes it’s subtle and sometimes it quite overt, but it’s all judgmental bulls**t that says more about the person making the judgment than it does about the person being judged. Here are just a few judgments I have observed being made here and elsewhere among members of the WLS community. Some of these judgments have been directed at me, some I’ve observed in others, and one or two I am guilty of making.
 
Everyone who needs/wants WLS has a food addiction or depression or very low self-esteem. If you say you don’t, then you are either lying or in denial.
 
People who go to Mexico for surgery are less prepared mentally and emotionally than those who have surgery in the US.
 
My surgeon does things the “right” way. If your surgeon tells you something different, he/she is wrong and I am justified in telling you to ignore your surgeon’s instructions.
 
People who slip up on the preop diet are not ready for surgery and will likely fail.
 
People who do not follow instructions to the letter in the first couple of months post-op are not committed to the process and will likely fail.
 
People who do not commit wholeheartedly to an exercise plan postop are not committed to the process and will likely fail.
 
People who drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or smoke weed postop are not committed to the process and will likely fail.
 
People who come here posting questions without first searching for the answer are dumb or lazy.
 
People who credit their faith with helping them get through this process are annoying and should not talk about their faith in relation to WLS.
 
People who are atheist or agnostic are missing the most important part of life and should be pitied.
 
People who have plastics after WLS are vain.
 
People who struggle to put their own needs ahead of others aren't trying hard enough or valuing themselves enough.
 
 
I’m sure other folks can think of more, and there is also a whole raft of judgments that we frequently make against ourselves. The point is that none of these judgments are true and none of these judgments are supportive or helpful in any way. We all have our own path to travel, and I believe we each generally do the best we can at any given time. At various times, my “best” will be better than some and not nearly as good as others, and that’s true for everybody. I don’t know if judging others is a way to feel better about ourselves, or just a bad habit we fall into, but it certainly does seem to come naturally to us. In my opinion, reaching out for support is a healthy, intelligent, and wise thing to do. Let’s try to respect the courage it takes to be here, and check our judgments at the door.

Bad news. I've been depressed, lethargic and feeling blah, meh, blue, and blobby for the last three days. Good news: There is absolutely NOTHING wrong IRL, so I know this is just recovery/hormones.
 
I don't know what the heck is wrong with my body but really, everything is going well surgery-wise. No problem with intake, protein, fluids, etc. Blood tests came back looking great.
 
I'm just down.
 
I knew this would happen, but I didn't think it would last thing long. This whole week, I've struggled to do much of anything. I lack vim and vinegar and zip and zing. Over the last 3 days, it's been more pronounced. I'm sort of slug-like right now, and I'd like the old me back please. I suspect so would my employees who aren't used to me being quite so out of it. They all know I had surgery, only one of them knows what kind.
 
R of course is bouncing all over the place like nothing happened, but I notice that he gets angry easily and is very sensitive these days--which is his version of depression. So we're both having to be a bit gentle with each other and cut the other some slack. He's been great about giving me room to be depressed instead of trying to talk me out of it. I'm trying to do the same for him.
 
I lost a pitch yesterday. I HATE HATE HATE losing. I could not have made any profit at the price they finally paid another company, so it was okay to lose it.
 
But what surprised me was that my body reacted immediately and badly to it. As soon as I read the email, I broke out in a cold sweat and almost passed out. No exaggeration.
 
I think my new tummy handles emotion/adrenaline differently. I noticed this when we tried to watch a movie right after the surgery and the rather tame thriller upset my stomach and my nervous system so badly I had to stop watching it. I think with a smaller tummy, the same rush of adrenaline doesn't feel as it used to. It's a horrible, uncomfortable, tense feeling and you want it to go away. Don't know if all adrenaline junkies have to deal with this or not, but I now know that *I* have to deal with this.
 
I want to kick myself in the pants and "snap out of it". I'm keeping it from getting worse, but I haven't snapped out of it yet.
 
Welcome to recovery, emo-style

How To explain away my scars?
 
OK, this is awful so don't read if you are easily offended and do not appreciate a sick sense of humor.
 
 
 
 
Warning! Don't read if you are easily offended!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Last Warning! Sick Humor below!!!!!
 
 
 
 
Shanked in prison... Shuts them up every time! - VSGKirk
 
Some idiot: What happened?
You: I had abdominal surgery.
Idiot: What kind?
You: The kind that involves the abdominal area. - newat52
 
Tijuana knife fight. - Kristina J.
 
I had some "woman issues " - chell1978
 
Texas mosquito bites
 
I was knifed by an exotic dancer in TJ.
 
Full contact scrapbooking injury...
When you get the weird look, you can fill in that scrapbooking is getting really intense now that scrappers are trying to make the hobby "athletic enough" for the Olympics.
 
Bears. But never mind my scar, you should check out my awesome new rug!
 
My wife said somtimes I don't know my place.
 
Tell them you are trying to avenge your father and ask if they have six fingers on their right hand.
 
Two words, "Satin sheets"
 
I don't want to go into details, but suffice to say, I won't be allowed in that Benihana for a while.
 
The first rule of Fight Club is 'don't talk about Fight Club'
 
They say you can't get blood from a stone - well, the IRS tried!
 
Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors?
 
I was watching the DIY network and they did a show on bodylifts...
 
A zombie tried to eat my brains and missed.
 
Tell them as much as you'd love to talk about it you just can't because your defense attorney and parole officer advised you to keep your mouth shut until after the trial.
 
I got this in a bar fight when I used to ride with Hells Angels.
 
That's where the aliens probed me
 
Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a to put on warning labels!
 
Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
 
"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
 
I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
 
I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
 
I slipped while making a salad.
 
I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
 
I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason.
 
I'm a blade sharpness tester
 
"I had an accident with a scalpel." [person asks why] "Well, you know that guy who woke up in an ice bath and his kidney was gone? Er... this had nothing to do with it. Honest."
 
You know how dogs chase their tails? Well it has nothing to do with that. Nor does it have anything to do with cat scratches. Or the faeries that visit me nightly *ramble on*... What was I talking about?
 
I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too.
 
"Oh, these?" *embarrassed face* "I know they look horrible, but the sex was INCREDIBLE!"
 
"...Are you consipring aginast me? What's with all the questions? Who wants to know the answers?" *and upon interrupting "I'm doing the talking here" and then continue to ramble until they back away. "...They'll come and get you too. Run while you still can"
 
Knifed by an exotic dancer. Terrible. Yes, they're nasty that way.
 
I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
 
I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
 
The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck.
 
The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
 
I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
 
The voices told me to do it.
 
I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile::
 
In my past life I was a ninja.
 
It sucks having parents who are sadists.
 
My boyfriend and I accidentally went overboard during our last S & M session.
 
I moon light as a stunt-woman who dives through glass windows.
 
Look at your scars and frown You mean you don’t have any?
 
Well, last time it was an alien baby. I’m actually kind of relieved.
 
I had a narrow escape from a firing squad.
 
Now that is an interesting question; it all ties in with the eternal enigma: why are we here, for what purpose does life on earth exist? go on about the meaning of life until everyone gets bored and goes away
 
Carving a turkey is harder than it looks
 
You want me to show you? smile evily
 
Don’t EVER give blood abroad!
 
Well, I tend to get a little violent with the computer when it doesn’t cooperate.
 
Oh those? Bad juggling accident. I don’t like to talk about it. I’m much better now
 
Oh these? Hmm, I dunno, they’ve just always been there. Well, I mean, ever since I took over this body, anyway. Strange, don’t you think?
 
Ozzy Osborne is my uncle and we have some kick butt family reunions!
 
Those psychology experiments are soooo not worth the extra credit…
 
Oh my god! Never, EVER try taking candy from a baby!
 
A reminder of my Pirating days....
 
My trained attack dragon did before I got him trained...
 
I had a duel.
 
Did you know chickens aren't all soft and fluffy?
 
Playing Slug Bug with a cat is a reaaally bad idea.
 
Oh this? *point at scar* That's where my twin used to be attached.
 
Lightsaber battle
 
I kicked Chuck Norris' ass all I got was this lousy scar!
 
Tell them you had to help Jack Bauer escape from the Russians and that's the last time you'll cover his pansy ass.
 
Narrowly escaped a zombie attack
 
Fell on the runway-it's Fashion Week
 
Rachel Ray's dog attacked me.
 
I just tell people it's a "sex wound."
 
My husband is ... just ... a WILD MAN, what can I say?
 
 
 
 
 
 
That's all folks!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Really, that's all there is.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
No hablo the english? There isn't anymore. Stop scrolling!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ok, okay, one last one.
 
It's where the alien burst out. What, you think they only come out of chests?
 
 
 
 
Satisfied!??????????

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you greater than any obstacle." - Christian D. Larson...I have to constantly surround myself with positive thoughts and quotes, etc. I have been doing this for a long time, it has helped renew my mind, focusing on what is going to help and not hinder me. Sometimes my mind can be a frightening place, and it has been that for years of emotional eating, out of control habits where food is concerned and all to the detriment of my health. I developed Diabetes, and was on oral meds and 5 shots a day and my numbers were still not where they were supposed to be. So I realized, a while ago, I had to change my mindset first, and the rest will follow. It's so easy to listen to and believe the negative things you tell yourself. I honestly remember telling myself how much I hated me and what I had become, I could not look at myself in the mirror without disgust at what I saw. My kids would judge how much weight mom lost according to if they could connect their hands around me when they hugged me. So after a bad marriage, and a bad 5 year relationship, I decided to work on ME. In doing so, I found the person I lost, and surprisingly she was waiting to make an entrance. She sat in the background being emotionally battered for long enough and food was her only friend. I tried denying the Diabetes and it got worse, they had to change insulin doses all the time just to see what might work, and it caused me to feel sick more often than not. But I had to press through, and had to realize that I AM worth fighting for, I AM worth my time, and I don't want my kids to know life without me at this point, I'm still young. That's where the positive talk came in to play and I can honestly say that with all things this helps me the most. I feel better because I am working on me from the inside out. This surgery was just icing on the "virtual" cake!!! Now I am self motivating me for the start of the rest of my life, and it feels great!!! I try not to let the negative things get me down, because I've been down that depression/anxiety road before and I don't like that path in life at all. Some things I say over and over that really help are as follows: "There is nothing to great of accomplishment for one who knows the power of one's word and follows one's intuitive leads." - "The perfect plan includes health, wealth, love and perfect self-expression. this is the square of life, which brings perfect happiness." - "When you feel the world pushing against you...drop your head, lower your shoulder and dig in deep and push back." - and the best one so far, by Joel Osteen: "You need to associate with people that inspire you, people tat challenge you to rise higher, people that make you better. Don't waste your valuable time with people that are not adding to your growth. Your destiny is too important." Believe that...YOU are important, YOU are so worth the effort you put in to yourself and YOU will be the BEST YOU that you can possibly be. As the song says...."YOU are AMAZING, JUST the way YOU ARE!!!"

I am in a pretty good mood right now. Have to admit I am one of those emotional rollercoaster types. Not that I am into drama or anything, I just feel things strongly. ( and often wear my emotions on my "sleeve"...LOL) You know it is bad when you shed tears watching really crazy things on tv and your four year old scolds you.."Mommy, you need to do something about all the crying". Hey, mommy is hormonal and emotional and changing her entire relationship with food after 43 years. I am entitled to a little random crying now and then. But I am getting away from the reason I am blogging today. As I have said several times I decided to start eating a diet similar to post surgery. Very high in protein, low in fat, calories and carbs. My thought process was I needed to make eating like this habit now, to make it easier on me later. I will be dealing with enough at that time, why compound it with trying to change everything I have ever done at the same time? So, as of August 1st I took on the challenge of changing my brain and how I relate to food. It has been hard at times, but not as bad as I had imagined. I guess the fact I am very focused on where I need to go makes it a little easier. IDK. Anyway, I work in a manufacturing plant and we have industrial scales used to weigh rolls of paper before shipping. They are calibrated often so I feel they are fairly accurate. I was unable to get on them August 1st because there were just too many guys around in the plant to do so. ( I am NOT ready to weigh in with an audience) So on August 2nd I was able to sneak on them with no one looking. I weighed 316lbs., which is my all time (non-pregnant) high weight. It is also the weight I had been when weighing at my doctor's, so again I feel it accurate. Well today was the first time I have been able to get on them again with no one around. I hopped on and it said 303lbs! I did a double take.. I have lost 13 lbs in 20 days!!! Whoop whoop. I am excited because I know it is getting my body to where it needs to be for an easier surgery and recovery. Of course I have already heard from a few people "well at that rate you won't need surgery". I just shake my head at their ignorance...LOL We all who have come to WLS know that is such a misconception. All this weight loss shows is just how fat I have become and how badly I have been eating. This 13lbs is a drop in the proverbial bucket. Yet I am excited that I can see I am doing the right thing. I see I can do this. I see a light at the end of my tunnel. I have hope.

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you greater than any obstacle." - Christian D. Larson...I have to constantly surround myself with positive thoughts and quotes, etc. I have been doing this for a long time, it has helped renew my mind, focusing on what is going to help and not hinder me. Sometimes my mind can be a frightening place, and it has been that for years of emotional eating, out of control habits where food is concerned and all to the detriment of my health. I developed Diabetes, and was on oral meds and 5 shots a day and my numbers were still not where they were supposed to be. So I realized, a while ago, I had to change my mindset first, and the rest will follow. It's so easy to listen to and believe the negative things you tell yourself. I honestly remember telling myself how much I hated me and what I had become, I could not look at myself in the mirror without disgust at what I saw. My kids would judge how much weight mom lost according to if they could connect their hands around me when they hugged me. So after a bad marriage, and a bad 5 year relationship, I decided to work on ME. In doing so, I found the person I lost, and surprisingly she was waiting to make an entrance. She sat in the background being emotionally battered for long enough and food was her only friend. I tried denying the Diabetes and it got worse, they had to change insulin doses all the time just to see what might work, and it caused me to feel sick more often than not. But I had to press through, and had to realize that I AM worth fighting for, I AM worth my time, and I don't want my kids to know life without me at this point, I'm still young. That's where the positive talk came in to play and I can honestly say that with all things this helps me the most. I feel better because I am working on me from the inside out. This surgery was just icing on the "virtual" cake!!! Now I am self motivating me for the start of the rest of my life, and it feels great!!! I try not to let the negative things get me down, because I've been down that depression/anxiety road before and I don't like that path in life at all. Some things I say over and over that really help are as follows: "There is nothing to great of accomplishment for one who knows the power of one's word and follows one's intuitive leads." - "The perfect plan includes health, wealth, love and perfect self-expression. this is the square of life, which brings perfect happiness." - "When you feel the world pushing against you...drop your head, lower your shoulder and dig in deep and push back." - and the best one so far, by Joel Osteen: "You need to associate with people that inspire you, people tat challenge you to rise higher, people that make you better. Don't waste your valuable time with people that are not adding to your growth. Your destiny is too important." Believe that...YOU are important, YOU are so worth the effort you put in to yourself and YOU will be the BEST YOU that you can possibly be. As the song says...."YOU are AMAZING, JUST the way YOU ARE!!!"

Six months ago today marks the anniversary of a very important day. The day I put my foot in the Jordan River (metaphorically speaking, of course) and took a leap of faith. I decided to quit my extremely stressful, horrible, high-paying corporate job at a large wireless company, put my house on the market, had my last panic attack and jumped head first, heart open into my new life. Little did I know the changes that were in store for me, including the miracle of stumbling on to this surgery I'm about to undergo. I couldn't imagine then what I know now - happiness, serenity & peace. I don't know what the future holds but I do know this: I'm where I'm supposed to be and being guided by something greater and bigger than I could ever imagine. Don't get me wrong - it's not all roses, sunshine and butterflies, but I'm choosing to make the most of every day, despite the fact I'm selling my home, a business, a rental cabin, no full-time job (yet), a daughter that will be leaving the nest (most likely permanently) in a few weeks, a son who is starting his senior year of high school and no idea where I will land in a few months. What I DO have is faith - faith in me (after a very long time, tons of therapy, etc.), faith in my husband of 23+ years, faith in my weight loss (down 10 lbs. from high protein/low carbs in just a week!) and faith that a year from now I will be a completely different person. Just five more "sleeps" (as my kids used to say) until I check in the hospital. My husband asked me this morning if I was scared. I can honestly say I'm not. Just super excited to get rolling.

Just because I understand why we plateau from time to time doesn't mean I have to like it. Which is just as well, because I do not like it.
 
I thought I would be really blase and nonchalant during this time of stalling because intellectually, I was prepared for it. What I'm realizing is that intellectual is the least of my problems. Isn't it always emotions that give you the highs and lows in life? How do you prepare for that?
 
How do you prepare for the fact that your heart and your head will clash, and that you will start to wonder if you are a freak of nature? That you are doing something wrong, hence the stall? That you were so excited about the weight coming off, and now, you're not losing any for a little bit? How do you keep the faith, that this is the thing that's going to work when every other diet you've tried has failed?
 
It brings back emotions and memories of all the other times I've tried whole-heartedly to lose weight by following the "latest science" and failed. Every one of those diets had oodles of testimonials of people that had made that plan work, and had lost all kinds of weight from doing it. I was the only freak of nature that couldn't lose it--or so I thought. Of course, I see from this board that there were thousands of others, equally frustrated and equally unsuccessful. But nevertheless, what worked for the vocal majority, the others did not work for me, in those cases. It brings back feelings of failure, or lack of success, of fear that nothing was ever going to work.
 
I suppose it is possible that the sleeve is the same for me--but I know it is not probable.
 
Fortunately, both R and I are stalled. If one of us was losing and the other wasn't, there would all kinds of conversation and superstitious behavior about mimic'ing exactly what the other was doing to lose the weight. Fortunately we've been spared that madness. This time. Next time it may not work like that so how are we going to get ready for that next time?
 
Even though I told myself there would be no second guessing, I am of course, second guessing. It's hard for my scientist-mind to not immediately attribute the stall to the fact that we were told to increase our calories and our carbs. Never mind that we were barely functional at previous levels, and that I still have be able to function and make a living, my cause-and-effect wired brain wants to know what would happen if I went back to the old calorie and carb levels?
 
THIS. This is what I said I would NOT do. This constant second-guessing, this "what if" scenario planning, this emotional ditch. This is what I told myself I would stay away from because I knew the "facts".
 
So I guess time to "man up" and do that eh? Time to put my money where my mouth was, time to feel whatever I feel, but to not allow it to influence my actions. To keep to the plan, and let go out of the outcome, you big control-freak. To look at this time as a time of growth, where you learn to let go--and still succeed.
 
So today, my task is the same as it was yesterday. Eat my protein, drink my water, exercise--and try to have a good, productive, love-filled day.
 
Wish me luck.

I did something I didn't think I'd EVER be able to do Saturday night: I attended a bachelorette party for a good friend, jumped on a party bus with 11 other ladies and didn't touch a DROP of alcohol the entire night. Well, ok, there was ONE sip at a comedy club after my friend sent her margarita back twice claiming it had soda in it so I just had to see for myself how truly hideous it was. And it WAS. But that was it! We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant. My FAV food in the world. Not a chip passed my lips. No beans. No rice. Just some grilled chicken with a bit of salsa on it and a few black beans. The moral? If I can spend 7 hours on a bus full of crazy drunk people, pass on Mexican, (oh and did I mention there was cake?), pass on cake (I shall leave the "shape" of cake to your imagination) - I CAN DO THIS. Just how tough was this? Oh so hard. Normally I'm the life of the party, and at my current height/weight I can put it away. Bottom line - WILL POWER. One week until surgery. I've turned down fruit, beer (gulp), chips, etc. My size 0, 19 year old daughter left a 1/3 eaten Snickers bar on the counter the other day (who DOES that?!) and I wrapped it up and stuck it away for her later. I wasn't even tempted to finish it as I would have been a month ago. I want to be healthy more than I want the 2 second gratification of tasting chocolate. The other thing I'm learning is that food is for FUEL, not for emotions. Old me: "Hey! It's sunny! I need a bowl of cereal! Oh crap, it's raining, I should probably make a pot of pasta and have 3 huge bowls. Look at that, I'm sad - better grab some chips and dip" (you get the idea). Now I'm listening to my tummy for cues that it needs fuel. Let me close this post by saying - to know me is to know how hard this has been and will be for me. BUT I'm doing it and so can you. Stay positive - eye on the prize.

So I am 3 weeks out from surgery! Can I get a woo hoo! I am starting to feel more like me and not a weight loss patient. As I see it this feeling can only improve as I progress. I can actually sit down with my family and have meals. Albeit I can't eat exactly what they are eating but I can eat with them and have my own plate of food (I am offically on soft foods for a week or so)! Been loving my fish soft veggies and chicken salad! I notice too I can tolerate a whole 1/4 sometimes even 1/2 of cup of food! I ate nearly a whole tomato (a very small tomato from my garden like gold ball size) and 1/2 cup of chicken salad yesterday. I freaked out! I actually called myself a pig to my hubby! WHAT?! My hubby looked at me and said are you kidding our 18 month old eats more than that?! Yeah he is right, I was just having a OMG moment. I get them sometimes even this early out! I had to get rid of some clothes this week. I had some things that were baggy and needed to go. I am not going to be one of those people who are going to wear saggy sad clothes. I like my clothes to fit, saggy butt is not cute! I have always looked nice no matter what size. It ain't changing! But as I was getting rid of things I thought really Shannon you might needs these again! Where the hell did this negative girl come from? I ofcourse pushed on and thought shut up negative nelly these clothes are outta here. What a feeling of accomplishment! The scale has tempted me this week! I hopped on today after swearing I was going to only weigh in on Fridays! I had lost but I don't want the scale to determine my success. I knew I had lost because my clothes were getting loose. That stupid number is just a number! But it still has power over me and I was glad it went down! This is something I am working on! Stalls WILL HAPPEN and I need toprepare myself for that. Previous diet attempts this is usually were I would give up and go on a binge so to speak! Not this time thanks to my sidekick sleevey! We are going to get through stalls like nobody's business! (I hope I don't became a blubbering mess!) Anyway, I am thankful so far for my surgery and feel I have a realistic mindset and postive attitude through the very short sleeved experience. Hope I can keep this sunny outlook! Things that are working for me are...
I don't track my food calories or carbs. Nor will I ever do that again! I eat a healthy balanced diet. I try to keep a rough count of protein and make sure I get my water for the day (all in my head). I go by how I feel. I know what 64oz of water is. I know what dehydration feels like and the signals that I need more. I didn't get this surgery to became obsessed with every bit of food that passes my lips! Which honestly is not very much! I did that before and I am not living like that again! It didn't work and caused eating to be a form of punishment and when I failed (i.e. ate a cupcake) I would beat myself up. Plus I have two girls and I don't want to pass on those negative traits to them. I remember my mom always being on a diet growing up and it affected how I was! I thought my self worth was based on my weight and clothes size. Right now while I am healing I have to change things up but my girls know mommy's tummy is healing. I am not dieting! If I have moments of weakness I don't let them see it. (like calling my self fat or pig!) I am not perfect but I am trying not to pass this to them!
I love food and different flavors and still do! So I experiement with different spices and mix it up. I always ate healthy foods before and enjoyed them but let my weak moments sabatoge all the good I put in.
I am following my guidelines but also listening to my body. For instance I was not suppose to start pureed for 2 weeks but at 1 week 5 days I needed a little more fuel to fill me up and moved to pureeds. I am not advocating this but I am very in tuned to my body and it worked for me. I am active and needed more than I was getting! Next week I may not be ready for "real" foods and may hang on soft foods longer. We will see!
I take my measurements every week! I have lost 14 inches from my thighs waist hips arms and bust! Lets me see how my body is shrinking! That is more exciting than weighing and will get me through those stalls!
I don't talk alot to others about my weight loss or surgery. If they mention it I say yeah I am feeling great and I am doing well and that is it. If they mention my weight loss I say Thank you! I am Shannon not a SLEEVE. I happened to have surgery but people who had gallbladder surgery don't constantly talk about it! This is my outlet for that not my real day to day life. I had the surgery to get healthy and prevent future health problems. Not for it to become who I am!
I do not do fat free sugar free. I eat real foods! I can't wait to not need the protein drinks and shakes! As soon as I can consume enough protein from foods they are going out with the trash! I believe real whole foods are best for my body!
I eat a piece of chocolate everyday (started back when I went to soft foods)! I buy the good stuff and have a square every night! It give me sweet dreams! Plus a small piece of dark chocolate has health benefits! Moderation is key here!
Well that is what is on my mind today! Go out and enjoy life and have a great day!