smryan

It's been a month since surgery and a while since I made an entry. All in all - no regrets! This has been a total change in lifestyle for me and so far so good. I've learned a ton about my body and what I can and can't eat. Yesterday I experienced the pain that comes from eating too fast and not choosing the correct foods. I had some steamed broccoli and salmon for lunch (left over from dinner out the night before). I had a tightness in my chest and severe nausea. And then it hit me - the vomiting. I was VERY uncomfortable for about an hour. I had some errands to run and jumped in the car. Big mistake - the seatbelt made it worse. Had to pull over on the side of the road. It happened at dinner the evening before as well. Had to run to the restroom at the restaurant. Lessen learned. I suppose there's a reason the NUT said soft foods ONLY at my 3 week appointment last week. So back to shmooshy foods I go and more shakes. I'm struggling to get in enough protein daily (80 grams) and forget to eat. I'm not losing as quickly as I was before and it's frustrating but I know I'm shrinking because my clothes are very loose. I'm down 36 lbs. from my high weight on 7/16 (19 pre and 17 post). I'm not napping nearly as much as I was and I do have more energy during the day. The next few weeks are going to be stressful as we are moving so I'm going to have to remember to take care of ME first during all of it. This is a new concept as I'm usually last in my life (after my kids, husband, pets, home, etc.). I have more confidence, I'm taking control and I'm EXCITED for a fresh start

It's been a month since surgery and a while since I made an entry. All in all - no regrets! This has been a total change in lifestyle for me and so far so good. I've learned a ton about my body and what I can and can't eat. Yesterday I experienced the pain that comes from eating too fast and not choosing the correct foods. I had some steamed broccoli and salmon for lunch (left over from dinner out the night before). I had a tightness in my chest and severe nausea. And then it hit me - the vomiting. I was VERY uncomfortable for about an hour. I had some errands to run and jumped in the car. Big mistake - the seatbelt made it worse. Had to pull over on the side of the road. It happened at dinner the evening before as well. Had to run to the restroom at the restaurant. Lessen learned. I suppose there's a reason the NUT said soft foods ONLY at my 3 week appointment last week. So back to shmooshy foods I go and more shakes. I'm struggling to get in enough protein daily (80 grams) and forget to eat. I'm not losing as quickly as I was before and it's frustrating but I know I'm shrinking because my clothes are very loose. I'm down 36 lbs. from my high weight on 7/16 (19 pre and 17 post). I'm not napping nearly as much as I was and I do have more energy during the day. The next few weeks are going to be stressful as we are moving so I'm going to have to remember to take care of ME first during all of it. This is a new concept as I'm usually last in my life (after my kids, husband, pets, home, etc.). I have more confidence, I'm taking control and I'm EXCITED for a fresh start

It's been a month since surgery and a while since I made an entry. All in all - no regrets! This has been a total change in lifestyle for me and so far so good. I've learned a ton about my body and what I can and can't eat. Yesterday I experienced the pain that comes from eating too fast and not choosing the correct foods. I had some steamed broccoli and salmon for lunch (left over from dinner out the night before). I had a tightness in my chest and severe nausea. And then it hit me - the vomiting. I was VERY uncomfortable for about an hour. I had some errands to run and jumped in the car. Big mistake - the seatbelt made it worse. Had to pull over on the side of the road. It happened at dinner the evening before as well. Had to run to the restroom at the restaurant. Lessen learned. I suppose there's a reason the NUT said soft foods ONLY at my 3 week appointment last week. So back to shmooshy foods I go and more shakes. I'm struggling to get in enough protein daily (80 grams) and forget to eat. I'm not losing as quickly as I was before and it's frustrating but I know I'm shrinking because my clothes are very loose. I'm down 36 lbs. from my high weight on 7/16 (19 pre and 17 post). I'm not napping nearly as much as I was and I do have more energy during the day. The next few weeks are going to be stressful as we are moving so I'm going to have to remember to take care of ME first during all of it. This is a new concept as I'm usually last in my life (after my kids, husband, pets, home, etc.). I have more confidence, I'm taking control and I'm EXCITED for a fresh start

It's been a month since surgery and a while since I made an entry. All in all - no regrets! This has been a total change in lifestyle for me and so far so good. I've learned a ton about my body and what I can and can't eat. Yesterday I experienced the pain that comes from eating too fast and not choosing the correct foods. I had some steamed broccoli and salmon for lunch (left over from dinner out the night before). I had a tightness in my chest and severe nausea. And then it hit me - the vomiting. I was VERY uncomfortable for about an hour. I had some errands to run and jumped in the car. Big mistake - the seatbelt made it worse. Had to pull over on the side of the road. It happened at dinner the evening before as well. Had to run to the restroom at the restaurant. Lessen learned. I suppose there's a reason the NUT said soft foods ONLY at my 3 week appointment last week. So back to shmooshy foods I go and more shakes. I'm struggling to get in enough protein daily (80 grams) and forget to eat. I'm not losing as quickly as I was before and it's frustrating but I know I'm shrinking because my clothes are very loose. I'm down 36 lbs. from my high weight on 7/16 (19 pre and 17 post). I'm not napping nearly as much as I was and I do have more energy during the day. The next few weeks are going to be stressful as we are moving so I'm going to have to remember to take care of ME first during all of it. This is a new concept as I'm usually last in my life (after my kids, husband, pets, home, etc.). I have more confidence, I'm taking control and I'm EXCITED for a fresh start

It's been a month since surgery and a while since I made an entry. All in all - no regrets! This has been a total change in lifestyle for me and so far so good. I've learned a ton about my body and what I can and can't eat. Yesterday I experienced the pain that comes from eating too fast and not choosing the correct foods. I had some steamed broccoli and salmon for lunch (left over from dinner out the night before). I had a tightness in my chest and severe nausea. And then it hit me - the vomiting. I was VERY uncomfortable for about an hour. I had some errands to run and jumped in the car. Big mistake - the seatbelt made it worse. Had to pull over on the side of the road. It happened at dinner the evening before as well. Had to run to the restroom at the restaurant. Lessen learned. I suppose there's a reason the NUT said soft foods ONLY at my 3 week appointment last week. So back to shmooshy foods I go and more shakes. I'm struggling to get in enough protein daily (80 grams) and forget to eat. I'm not losing as quickly as I was before and it's frustrating but I know I'm shrinking because my clothes are very loose. I'm down 36 lbs. from my high weight on 7/16 (19 pre and 17 post). I'm not napping nearly as much as I was and I do have more energy during the day. The next few weeks are going to be stressful as we are moving so I'm going to have to remember to take care of ME first during all of it. This is a new concept as I'm usually last in my life (after my kids, husband, pets, home, etc.). I have more confidence, I'm taking control and I'm EXCITED for a fresh start

It's been a month since surgery and a while since I made an entry. All in all - no regrets! This has been a total change in lifestyle for me and so far so good. I've learned a ton about my body and what I can and can't eat. Yesterday I experienced the pain that comes from eating too fast and not choosing the correct foods. I had some steamed broccoli and salmon for lunch (left over from dinner out the night before). I had a tightness in my chest and severe nausea. And then it hit me - the vomiting. I was VERY uncomfortable for about an hour. I had some errands to run and jumped in the car. Big mistake - the seatbelt made it worse. Had to pull over on the side of the road. It happened at dinner the evening before as well. Had to run to the restroom at the restaurant. Lessen learned. I suppose there's a reason the NUT said soft foods ONLY at my 3 week appointment last week. So back to shmooshy foods I go and more shakes. I'm struggling to get in enough protein daily (80 grams) and forget to eat. I'm not losing as quickly as I was before and it's frustrating but I know I'm shrinking because my clothes are very loose. I'm down 36 lbs. from my high weight on 7/16 (19 pre and 17 post). I'm not napping nearly as much as I was and I do have more energy during the day. The next few weeks are going to be stressful as we are moving so I'm going to have to remember to take care of ME first during all of it. This is a new concept as I'm usually last in my life (after my kids, husband, pets, home, etc.). I have more confidence, I'm taking control and I'm EXCITED for a fresh start

It's been a month since surgery and a while since I made an entry. All in all - no regrets! This has been a total change in lifestyle for me and so far so good. I've learned a ton about my body and what I can and can't eat. Yesterday I experienced the pain that comes from eating too fast and not choosing the correct foods. I had some steamed broccoli and salmon for lunch (left over from dinner out the night before). I had a tightness in my chest and severe nausea. And then it hit me - the vomiting. I was VERY uncomfortable for about an hour. I had some errands to run and jumped in the car. Big mistake - the seatbelt made it worse. Had to pull over on the side of the road. It happened at dinner the evening before as well. Had to run to the restroom at the restaurant. Lessen learned. I suppose there's a reason the NUT said soft foods ONLY at my 3 week appointment last week. So back to shmooshy foods I go and more shakes. I'm struggling to get in enough protein daily (80 grams) and forget to eat. I'm not losing as quickly as I was before and it's frustrating but I know I'm shrinking because my clothes are very loose. I'm down 36 lbs. from my high weight on 7/16 (19 pre and 17 post). I'm not napping nearly as much as I was and I do have more energy during the day. The next few weeks are going to be stressful as we are moving so I'm going to have to remember to take care of ME first during all of it. This is a new concept as I'm usually last in my life (after my kids, husband, pets, home, etc.). I have more confidence, I'm taking control and I'm EXCITED for a fresh start

At 3 months out I have lost 62 lbs:
Starting weight: 240
Current weight: 178
 
I still have quite a bit to go (as my height is 4' 11").
 
I'm so happy with this progress! I LOVE LOVE LOVE my sleeve.
I've learned and lived through quite a bit in the last couple months....
 
THE GOOD:
 
- Doing 175 squats will not kill you
- I can see my clavicles! (This was a very happy NSV for me)
- Eating at restaurants and parties is more manageable than I thought (just remember: protein first)
- While shopping one day, I looked down and realized I couldn't see my belly, just boobs
- I reached my surgeons first goal on 7/22/13, which gave me even more motivation to keep on track
- NSV: I can wrap a bath towel around me!
- I entered ONEDERLAND on 7/31/13
- This, to me, is by far the most exciting... My resting heart rate went from 120's- 130's down to the 70's!!!
 
THE BAD
 
- "Hunger" during your time of the month: oh wow, I feel like a monster! Lol. Just a tip: don't weigh yourself during your period, it'll just lead to frustration that isn't needed!!
- I've come to terms that negative people will be negative. No use in trying to please or understand these people.
 
THE UGLY
 
- CONSTIPATION... Def never had this as an issue before surgery. My norm before was a couple times a day. Now, a couple times a week. Um, ouch. But I recently starting taking Colace. Hopefully that'll help.
- Hair loss: Ok, I knew hair loss is a side effect, and it usually happens around month 3 or 4, BUT I wasn't really prepared for what it'd actually look like... Like a horror movie! It's quite disturbing to look have hand- fulls of hair while washing it or to look down in the shower and have a hair ball the size of a chinchilla near your drain! I'm lucky I have such thick (and long) hair to begin with, which is why I think it looks so disturbing.
 
WHAT I'M DOING:
 
Well, what I'm supposed to be doing. Protein first, lots of water, low carbs, and exercising. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I find following this plan pretty simple. I don't feel deprived and I rarely feel hungry. It requires work, but the results are so worth the sacrifices.
Just working towards and hoping for continued success!!!

I checked in to the hospital earlier than anticipated Monday, Aug. 26th (they called and said they had a cancellation and could I come in early!).  After a few hours of prep and waiting and more waiting, I was finally wheeled away.  Surgery went quickly, doc said about an hour and NO hiatal hernia to repair after all!  Apparently sometimes the endoscopy will pick something up but then when they actually get in there, there's nothing to sew up.  Recovery was long for me.  I had a hard time waking up from the anesthesia.  I was in a ton of pain and almost collapsed when they got me out of bed the first time to go to the bathroom (no catheter for me) but thank goodness for my husband and a strong nurse that held on tight.  First night was rough - not going to lie.  I wasn't prepared for the pain from the gas they fill your tummy up with.  I have 6 2 inch incisions on my stomach and no bandages!  I came home yesterday the 27th and took my pain pills religiously thru the night to allow me to sleep.  Each hour gets easier and easier pain wise.  I'm up and walking a bit and doing 2 oz. or protein shakes at the top of each hour and as much water as I can get in.  My daughter just shared her chicken noodle soup broth with me and it was HEAVEN.  It feels very strange at first to have anything going down to the stomach pouch but I'm getting used to it.  I weighed 266 going in to surgery and gained a few pounds from the gas, fluids, etc. but my weight is going down quickly.  I can't eat until 9/19 when I go back for my 3 week appointment but I'm prepared with all my shakes and supplements, etc.  I'm so happy to have the actual surgery behind me and be moving on.  And I can't say enough about the staff at Swedish Hospital in Seattle - they are AMAZING! 

I checked in to the hospital earlier than anticipated Monday, Aug. 26th (they called and said they had a cancellation and could I come in early!).  After a few hours of prep and waiting and more waiting, I was finally wheeled away.  Surgery went quickly, doc said about an hour and NO hiatal hernia to repair after all!  Apparently sometimes the endoscopy will pick something up but then when they actually get in there, there's nothing to sew up.  Recovery was long for me.  I had a hard time waking up from the anesthesia.  I was in a ton of pain and almost collapsed when they got me out of bed the first time to go to the bathroom (no catheter for me) but thank goodness for my husband and a strong nurse that held on tight.  First night was rough - not going to lie.  I wasn't prepared for the pain from the gas they fill your tummy up with.  I have 6 2 inch incisions on my stomach and no bandages!  I came home yesterday the 27th and took my pain pills religiously thru the night to allow me to sleep.  Each hour gets easier and easier pain wise.  I'm up and walking a bit and doing 2 oz. or protein shakes at the top of each hour and as much water as I can get in.  My daughter just shared her chicken noodle soup broth with me and it was HEAVEN.  It feels very strange at first to have anything going down to the stomach pouch but I'm getting used to it.  I weighed 266 going in to surgery and gained a few pounds from the gas, fluids, etc. but my weight is going down quickly.  I can't eat until 9/19 when I go back for my 3 week appointment but I'm prepared with all my shakes and supplements, etc.  I'm so happy to have the actual surgery behind me and be moving on.  And I can't say enough about the staff at Swedish Hospital in Seattle - they are AMAZING! 

I did something I didn't think I'd EVER be able to do Saturday night: I attended a bachelorette party for a good friend, jumped on a party bus with 11 other ladies and didn't touch a DROP of alcohol the entire night. Well, ok, there was ONE sip at a comedy club after my friend sent her margarita back twice claiming it had soda in it so I just had to see for myself how truly hideous it was. And it WAS. But that was it! We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant. My FAV food in the world. Not a chip passed my lips. No beans. No rice. Just some grilled chicken with a bit of salsa on it and a few black beans. The moral? If I can spend 7 hours on a bus full of crazy drunk people, pass on Mexican, (oh and did I mention there was cake?), pass on cake (I shall leave the "shape" of cake to your imagination) - I CAN DO THIS. Just how tough was this? Oh so hard. Normally I'm the life of the party, and at my current height/weight I can put it away. Bottom line - WILL POWER. One week until surgery. I've turned down fruit, beer (gulp), chips, etc. My size 0, 19 year old daughter left a 1/3 eaten Snickers bar on the counter the other day (who DOES that?!) and I wrapped it up and stuck it away for her later. I wasn't even tempted to finish it as I would have been a month ago. I want to be healthy more than I want the 2 second gratification of tasting chocolate. The other thing I'm learning is that food is for FUEL, not for emotions. Old me: "Hey! It's sunny! I need a bowl of cereal! Oh crap, it's raining, I should probably make a pot of pasta and have 3 huge bowls. Look at that, I'm sad - better grab some chips and dip" (you get the idea). Now I'm listening to my tummy for cues that it needs fuel. Let me close this post by saying - to know me is to know how hard this has been and will be for me. BUT I'm doing it and so can you. Stay positive - eye on the prize.

I checked in to the hospital earlier than anticipated Monday, Aug. 26th (they called and said they had a cancellation and could I come in early!).  After a few hours of prep and waiting and more waiting, I was finally wheeled away.  Surgery went quickly, doc said about an hour and NO hiatal hernia to repair after all!  Apparently sometimes the endoscopy will pick something up but then when they actually get in there, there's nothing to sew up.  Recovery was long for me.  I had a hard time waking up from the anesthesia.  I was in a ton of pain and almost collapsed when they got me out of bed the first time to go to the bathroom (no catheter for me) but thank goodness for my husband and a strong nurse that held on tight.  First night was rough - not going to lie.  I wasn't prepared for the pain from the gas they fill your tummy up with.  I have 6 2 inch incisions on my stomach and no bandages!  I came home yesterday the 27th and took my pain pills religiously thru the night to allow me to sleep.  Each hour gets easier and easier pain wise.  I'm up and walking a bit and doing 2 oz. or protein shakes at the top of each hour and as much water as I can get in.  My daughter just shared her chicken noodle soup broth with me and it was HEAVEN.  It feels very strange at first to have anything going down to the stomach pouch but I'm getting used to it.  I weighed 266 going in to surgery and gained a few pounds from the gas, fluids, etc. but my weight is going down quickly.  I can't eat until 9/19 when I go back for my 3 week appointment but I'm prepared with all my shakes and supplements, etc.  I'm so happy to have the actual surgery behind me and be moving on.  And I can't say enough about the staff at Swedish Hospital in Seattle - they are AMAZING! 

Tomorrow is my surgery. I feel like I'm going to wake up and it's Christmas. The future is bright! I can envision a HEALTHIER me now - being more active, less self-conscious about how I look, how I'm always the biggest in the room, etc. People keep asking me if I'm scared or nervous. I can honestly say I'm not. I've put a ton of thought and planning in to this. I've followed my Center's directions. I've lost weight pre-surgery. I have amazing support. And I want this BADLY. 99% of weight loss is MENTAL. I've got this and I will be successful. I'm excited to fit into smaller clothes, shop for amazing jeans at The Gap or Levis (no offense Lane Bryant and Macy's Plus Size, but this girl's MOVING ON), walk up a flight of stairs without feeling like I will fall over, tie my shoes with ease, use a smaller bath towel and have it wrap around me, sit in an airplane seat without the buckle being all the way extended, go sideways to fit around people and not worry about bumping in to them...I could go on and on. Wheels up - let's do this!

I checked in to the hospital earlier than anticipated Monday, Aug. 26th (they called and said they had a cancellation and could I come in early!).  After a few hours of prep and waiting and more waiting, I was finally wheeled away.  Surgery went quickly, doc said about an hour and NO hiatal hernia to repair after all!  Apparently sometimes the endoscopy will pick something up but then when they actually get in there, there's nothing to sew up.  Recovery was long for me.  I had a hard time waking up from the anesthesia.  I was in a ton of pain and almost collapsed when they got me out of bed the first time to go to the bathroom (no catheter for me) but thank goodness for my husband and a strong nurse that held on tight.  First night was rough - not going to lie.  I wasn't prepared for the pain from the gas they fill your tummy up with.  I have 6 2 inch incisions on my stomach and no bandages!  I came home yesterday the 27th and took my pain pills religiously thru the night to allow me to sleep.  Each hour gets easier and easier pain wise.  I'm up and walking a bit and doing 2 oz. or protein shakes at the top of each hour and as much water as I can get in.  My daughter just shared her chicken noodle soup broth with me and it was HEAVEN.  It feels very strange at first to have anything going down to the stomach pouch but I'm getting used to it.  I weighed 266 going in to surgery and gained a few pounds from the gas, fluids, etc. but my weight is going down quickly.  I can't eat until 9/19 when I go back for my 3 week appointment but I'm prepared with all my shakes and supplements, etc.  I'm so happy to have the actual surgery behind me and be moving on.  And I can't say enough about the staff at Swedish Hospital in Seattle - they are AMAZING! 

This is the last weekend of my current life as I know it. No remorse, no regrets, just an urge to get a move on with surgery. I'm going to enjoy these last 2 days of actually being able to eat and chew food for a few weeks, but stick to my low carb, high protein ways as I've become very accustomed to it. Sunday is liquids only, no shakes, just WATER. Monday is NOTHING by mouth and a check-in time of 1:00. I'm more nervous about not being able to drink anything for a half a day than I am about surgery. I've grown so used to drinking approx. 64 oz. of water a day that I find I can't go long without sipping. I'm hoping the next 2 days will fly by, filled with fun activities with great friends. I find that with a bit of pre-planning I can go just about anywhere now. I make sure I have a shake with me, some water, a cheese stick, etc. with me to snack on. This will be my new way of life.

Six months ago today marks the anniversary of a very important day. The day I put my foot in the Jordan River (metaphorically speaking, of course) and took a leap of faith. I decided to quit my extremely stressful, horrible, high-paying corporate job at a large wireless company, put my house on the market, had my last panic attack and jumped head first, heart open into my new life. Little did I know the changes that were in store for me, including the miracle of stumbling on to this surgery I'm about to undergo. I couldn't imagine then what I know now - happiness, serenity & peace. I don't know what the future holds but I do know this: I'm where I'm supposed to be and being guided by something greater and bigger than I could ever imagine. Don't get me wrong - it's not all roses, sunshine and butterflies, but I'm choosing to make the most of every day, despite the fact I'm selling my home, a business, a rental cabin, no full-time job (yet), a daughter that will be leaving the nest (most likely permanently) in a few weeks, a son who is starting his senior year of high school and no idea where I will land in a few months. What I DO have is faith - faith in me (after a very long time, tons of therapy, etc.), faith in my husband of 23+ years, faith in my weight loss (down 10 lbs. from high protein/low carbs in just a week!) and faith that a year from now I will be a completely different person. Just five more "sleeps" (as my kids used to say) until I check in the hospital. My husband asked me this morning if I was scared. I can honestly say I'm not. Just super excited to get rolling.

I did something I didn't think I'd EVER be able to do Saturday night: I attended a bachelorette party for a good friend, jumped on a party bus with 11 other ladies and didn't touch a DROP of alcohol the entire night. Well, ok, there was ONE sip at a comedy club after my friend sent her margarita back twice claiming it had soda in it so I just had to see for myself how truly hideous it was. And it WAS. But that was it! We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant. My FAV food in the world. Not a chip passed my lips. No beans. No rice. Just some grilled chicken with a bit of salsa on it and a few black beans. The moral? If I can spend 7 hours on a bus full of crazy drunk people, pass on Mexican, (oh and did I mention there was cake?), pass on cake (I shall leave the "shape" of cake to your imagination) - I CAN DO THIS. Just how tough was this? Oh so hard. Normally I'm the life of the party, and at my current height/weight I can put it away. Bottom line - WILL POWER. One week until surgery. I've turned down fruit, beer (gulp), chips, etc. My size 0, 19 year old daughter left a 1/3 eaten Snickers bar on the counter the other day (who DOES that?!) and I wrapped it up and stuck it away for her later. I wasn't even tempted to finish it as I would have been a month ago. I want to be healthy more than I want the 2 second gratification of tasting chocolate. The other thing I'm learning is that food is for FUEL, not for emotions. Old me: "Hey! It's sunny! I need a bowl of cereal! Oh crap, it's raining, I should probably make a pot of pasta and have 3 huge bowls. Look at that, I'm sad - better grab some chips and dip" (you get the idea). Now I'm listening to my tummy for cues that it needs fuel. Let me close this post by saying - to know me is to know how hard this has been and will be for me. BUT I'm doing it and so can you. Stay positive - eye on the prize.

This is the last weekend of my current life as I know it. No remorse, no regrets, just an urge to get a move on with surgery. I'm going to enjoy these last 2 days of actually being able to eat and chew food for a few weeks, but stick to my low carb, high protein ways as I've become very accustomed to it. Sunday is liquids only, no shakes, just WATER. Monday is NOTHING by mouth and a check-in time of 1:00. I'm more nervous about not being able to drink anything for a half a day than I am about surgery. I've grown so used to drinking approx. 64 oz. of water a day that I find I can't go long without sipping. I'm hoping the next 2 days will fly by, filled with fun activities with great friends. I find that with a bit of pre-planning I can go just about anywhere now. I make sure I have a shake with me, some water, a cheese stick, etc. with me to snack on. This will be my new way of life.

Six months ago today marks the anniversary of a very important day. The day I put my foot in the Jordan River (metaphorically speaking, of course) and took a leap of faith. I decided to quit my extremely stressful, horrible, high-paying corporate job at a large wireless company, put my house on the market, had my last panic attack and jumped head first, heart open into my new life. Little did I know the changes that were in store for me, including the miracle of stumbling on to this surgery I'm about to undergo. I couldn't imagine then what I know now - happiness, serenity & peace. I don't know what the future holds but I do know this: I'm where I'm supposed to be and being guided by something greater and bigger than I could ever imagine. Don't get me wrong - it's not all roses, sunshine and butterflies, but I'm choosing to make the most of every day, despite the fact I'm selling my home, a business, a rental cabin, no full-time job (yet), a daughter that will be leaving the nest (most likely permanently) in a few weeks, a son who is starting his senior year of high school and no idea where I will land in a few months. What I DO have is faith - faith in me (after a very long time, tons of therapy, etc.), faith in my husband of 23+ years, faith in my weight loss (down 10 lbs. from high protein/low carbs in just a week!) and faith that a year from now I will be a completely different person. Just five more "sleeps" (as my kids used to say) until I check in the hospital. My husband asked me this morning if I was scared. I can honestly say I'm not. Just super excited to get rolling.

Six months ago today marks the anniversary of a very important day. The day I put my foot in the Jordan River (metaphorically speaking, of course) and took a leap of faith. I decided to quit my extremely stressful, horrible, high-paying corporate job at a large wireless company, put my house on the market, had my last panic attack and jumped head first, heart open into my new life. Little did I know the changes that were in store for me, including the miracle of stumbling on to this surgery I'm about to undergo. I couldn't imagine then what I know now - happiness, serenity & peace. I don't know what the future holds but I do know this: I'm where I'm supposed to be and being guided by something greater and bigger than I could ever imagine. Don't get me wrong - it's not all roses, sunshine and butterflies, but I'm choosing to make the most of every day, despite the fact I'm selling my home, a business, a rental cabin, no full-time job (yet), a daughter that will be leaving the nest (most likely permanently) in a few weeks, a son who is starting his senior year of high school and no idea where I will land in a few months. What I DO have is faith - faith in me (after a very long time, tons of therapy, etc.), faith in my husband of 23+ years, faith in my weight loss (down 10 lbs. from high protein/low carbs in just a week!) and faith that a year from now I will be a completely different person. Just five more "sleeps" (as my kids used to say) until I check in the hospital. My husband asked me this morning if I was scared. I can honestly say I'm not. Just super excited to get rolling.

I feel like a different part of my brain has been activated over the last few weeks. Look at how much we all have to learn to prepare for this surgery. When was the last time you used the words "pyloric valve" in polite conversation, on a regular basis?
 
Eight weeks ago, I didn't realize I would be a "sleever", a "post-op" a "full liquids" stage. I was just me, loving life, my job, my husband, my kids, and reading Sci-Fi if I wanted to learn new words (China Mieville, anyone?)
 
Unfortunately, today I also know things like "sliders", "pre-op cheating", "slow loser", "stall", "head hunger", "weight re-gain", "falling off the wagon". And now, these words I've never used before have become imbued with emotions, with meaning--and another way to judge myself and others. Now these words are emotion-laden, and I have to work to make them rational. Now, if I'm not careful, I will categorize myself by these words and find another way in which I could be seen to have failed. For someone who is as motivated as am I by the fear of failure, now these can be new weapons.
 
Unless I refuse to let that happen.
 
Unless I say to myself and those around me, that everyday that I stick to the plan is a successful day. That everyday I veer off the plan is an opportunity presented to me to triumph the next day. That this is my new life, and I intend to live it, enjoy it, succeed at it, and let the Universe unfold the way it should.
 
So I will try not to throw out the old, happy life I had, and live instead by one where I can succeed or fail daily based on an outcome I may not be able to control--like when I stall, or what I lose. I can only control what I do, and that part, I know how to live by that.

I did something I didn't think I'd EVER be able to do Saturday night: I attended a bachelorette party for a good friend, jumped on a party bus with 11 other ladies and didn't touch a DROP of alcohol the entire night. Well, ok, there was ONE sip at a comedy club after my friend sent her margarita back twice claiming it had soda in it so I just had to see for myself how truly hideous it was. And it WAS. But that was it! We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant. My FAV food in the world. Not a chip passed my lips. No beans. No rice. Just some grilled chicken with a bit of salsa on it and a few black beans. The moral? If I can spend 7 hours on a bus full of crazy drunk people, pass on Mexican, (oh and did I mention there was cake?), pass on cake (I shall leave the "shape" of cake to your imagination) - I CAN DO THIS. Just how tough was this? Oh so hard. Normally I'm the life of the party, and at my current height/weight I can put it away. Bottom line - WILL POWER. One week until surgery. I've turned down fruit, beer (gulp), chips, etc. My size 0, 19 year old daughter left a 1/3 eaten Snickers bar on the counter the other day (who DOES that?!) and I wrapped it up and stuck it away for her later. I wasn't even tempted to finish it as I would have been a month ago. I want to be healthy more than I want the 2 second gratification of tasting chocolate. The other thing I'm learning is that food is for FUEL, not for emotions. Old me: "Hey! It's sunny! I need a bowl of cereal! Oh crap, it's raining, I should probably make a pot of pasta and have 3 huge bowls. Look at that, I'm sad - better grab some chips and dip" (you get the idea). Now I'm listening to my tummy for cues that it needs fuel. Let me close this post by saying - to know me is to know how hard this has been and will be for me. BUT I'm doing it and so can you. Stay positive - eye on the prize.

I did something I didn't think I'd EVER be able to do Saturday night: I attended a bachelorette party for a good friend, jumped on a party bus with 11 other ladies and didn't touch a DROP of alcohol the entire night. Well, ok, there was ONE sip at a comedy club after my friend sent her margarita back twice claiming it had soda in it so I just had to see for myself how truly hideous it was. And it WAS. But that was it! We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant. My FAV food in the world. Not a chip passed my lips. No beans. No rice. Just some grilled chicken with a bit of salsa on it and a few black beans. The moral? If I can spend 7 hours on a bus full of crazy drunk people, pass on Mexican, (oh and did I mention there was cake?), pass on cake (I shall leave the "shape" of cake to your imagination) - I CAN DO THIS. Just how tough was this? Oh so hard. Normally I'm the life of the party, and at my current height/weight I can put it away. Bottom line - WILL POWER. One week until surgery. I've turned down fruit, beer (gulp), chips, etc. My size 0, 19 year old daughter left a 1/3 eaten Snickers bar on the counter the other day (who DOES that?!) and I wrapped it up and stuck it away for her later. I wasn't even tempted to finish it as I would have been a month ago. I want to be healthy more than I want the 2 second gratification of tasting chocolate. The other thing I'm learning is that food is for FUEL, not for emotions. Old me: "Hey! It's sunny! I need a bowl of cereal! Oh crap, it's raining, I should probably make a pot of pasta and have 3 huge bowls. Look at that, I'm sad - better grab some chips and dip" (you get the idea). Now I'm listening to my tummy for cues that it needs fuel. Let me close this post by saying - to know me is to know how hard this has been and will be for me. BUT I'm doing it and so can you. Stay positive - eye on the prize.

I did something I didn't think I'd EVER be able to do Saturday night: I attended a bachelorette party for a good friend, jumped on a party bus with 11 other ladies and didn't touch a DROP of alcohol the entire night. Well, ok, there was ONE sip at a comedy club after my friend sent her margarita back twice claiming it had soda in it so I just had to see for myself how truly hideous it was. And it WAS. But that was it! We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant. My FAV food in the world. Not a chip passed my lips. No beans. No rice. Just some grilled chicken with a bit of salsa on it and a few black beans. The moral? If I can spend 7 hours on a bus full of crazy drunk people, pass on Mexican, (oh and did I mention there was cake?), pass on cake (I shall leave the "shape" of cake to your imagination) - I CAN DO THIS. Just how tough was this? Oh so hard. Normally I'm the life of the party, and at my current height/weight I can put it away. Bottom line - WILL POWER. One week until surgery. I've turned down fruit, beer (gulp), chips, etc. My size 0, 19 year old daughter left a 1/3 eaten Snickers bar on the counter the other day (who DOES that?!) and I wrapped it up and stuck it away for her later. I wasn't even tempted to finish it as I would have been a month ago. I want to be healthy more than I want the 2 second gratification of tasting chocolate. The other thing I'm learning is that food is for FUEL, not for emotions. Old me: "Hey! It's sunny! I need a bowl of cereal! Oh crap, it's raining, I should probably make a pot of pasta and have 3 huge bowls. Look at that, I'm sad - better grab some chips and dip" (you get the idea). Now I'm listening to my tummy for cues that it needs fuel. Let me close this post by saying - to know me is to know how hard this has been and will be for me. BUT I'm doing it and so can you. Stay positive - eye on the prize.

I did something I didn't think I'd EVER be able to do Saturday night: I attended a bachelorette party for a good friend, jumped on a party bus with 11 other ladies and didn't touch a DROP of alcohol the entire night. Well, ok, there was ONE sip at a comedy club after my friend sent her margarita back twice claiming it had soda in it so I just had to see for myself how truly hideous it was. And it WAS. But that was it! We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant. My FAV food in the world. Not a chip passed my lips. No beans. No rice. Just some grilled chicken with a bit of salsa on it and a few black beans. The moral? If I can spend 7 hours on a bus full of crazy drunk people, pass on Mexican, (oh and did I mention there was cake?), pass on cake (I shall leave the "shape" of cake to your imagination) - I CAN DO THIS. Just how tough was this? Oh so hard. Normally I'm the life of the party, and at my current height/weight I can put it away. Bottom line - WILL POWER. One week until surgery. I've turned down fruit, beer (gulp), chips, etc. My size 0, 19 year old daughter left a 1/3 eaten Snickers bar on the counter the other day (who DOES that?!) and I wrapped it up and stuck it away for her later. I wasn't even tempted to finish it as I would have been a month ago. I want to be healthy more than I want the 2 second gratification of tasting chocolate. The other thing I'm learning is that food is for FUEL, not for emotions. Old me: "Hey! It's sunny! I need a bowl of cereal! Oh crap, it's raining, I should probably make a pot of pasta and have 3 huge bowls. Look at that, I'm sad - better grab some chips and dip" (you get the idea). Now I'm listening to my tummy for cues that it needs fuel. Let me close this post by saying - to know me is to know how hard this has been and will be for me. BUT I'm doing it and so can you. Stay positive - eye on the prize.