Mel1071

In my first 7 days being sleeved, the top 10 things I have learned :
 
1) In the world of competitive sleeping, I am a Gold Medalist. I can (& do) nap anytime, anywhere.
2) I am hanging up my stethoscope. My new fulltime job is to "sip, sip, sip". Staying hydrated is hard work.
3) The sounds coming from my new stomach are not lady like.
4) I am no longer a bashful burper.
5) Daytime TV sucks.
6) Not every belly twinge is a potential leak. I am a nurse, so I always look at the worst case health scenarios first. Hard habit to break.
7) Isopure gags me, but is tolerable if made into SF jello.
8) Old Navy makes super comfy yoga pants, even if I never assume a "Lotus" pose.
9) Clear liquid diets are doable for a few days. My favorite flavor is blue.
 
and last, but definitely not least, as a wise forum member once advised me:
 
10) Never trust a shart!

So my two week stay in lovely Florida has come to an end. I had an awesome time and will definitely be returning. Thanks to the bariatric staff at Florida a Medical Center for giving me my life back. I'll take the reigns from here. Back to kids, work, school, and my personal and social life...back to stress. I can do this! My family and friends are all so excited I'm coming home...so am I. The friends I made here are sad to see me go, but they know this party kitten will be back .
 
 
THE WEIGHT IS OVER...my life begins...again.

So today I met with my surgeon for the first time since surgery. (Surgery date 9/11/13) He was very pleased with everything including the 15 pounds that I have loss since 8/30/13 one month ago when I had my pre surgery appointment. I have been cleared to start back up my work out/exercise program. I have been doing the Lesile Sansone walking DVDs since February when I started my 6 month pre surgery wait. I swear by them and give them the credit for my 64 pound pre-surgery weight loss. Also cleared me to be romanic with my husband again! yippee! And also I leave pureed behind and start introducing more textrued foods. Today for dinner we grilled Maui Maui and I ate 1.7 ounces just by chewing and chewing and did I mention chewing. I had a tiny bit of heart burn, but over all nothing bad.
I feel great and overall am excited to begin a more normal routine.

Well...GOOD morning!!!! I took the advice I was given and ran with it! I am trying...trying...trying to up my calorie intake, that is very difficult, but I am managing!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOO...as the title states, IT MOVED!!! The scale, it moved, it moved, it moved!!! And I got so excited, I told my hubs...he likes to joke around and he said, "well the scale does move when you get on!!" I just said, "HONEY!!" He laughed and I said my stall is gone for now, now that makes me HAPPY!!! It was stuck, on 208 forever! NOW...it reads 203.8!!! Yippee!!! I have to say, we are all on this journey and I am super thankful, daily, that I have the support that I have, and I will help be a support to anyone who needs it! This is for the rest of our lives and that is the really exciting part!!! We get to have energy, function without losing our breath, exercise and not still be jiggling even when we are done, live longer, have a healthy relationship with food, give our families the BEST of us...the list goes on and on! I'm just so excited to see and hear about everyone's progress, it just makes me smile!!!

I have to say that reading blogs and viewing photos are so inspirational to me. When I made the decision to have this surgery it took me a year to say "I am going to do it". Now I am so excited to know that I am making the right choice for me and only me. I can't wait to have my surgery which is scheduled for Dec. 26th, 2013.
Just want to thank everyone on here for the good and bad stories reguarding their experiences and I wish EVERYONE success on their healthy weight loss journey!

After all the obsessing, the second-guessing, the tears, the food funerals, the binges "pre the pre-op," the failures on the pre-op, the successes on the pre-op, the hours reading on this site. And now.... the surgery is tomorrow!
 
Some musings:
 
--As I've posted, as surgery gets closer, I get calmer. Or at least that has been true up until today. I am going to post tonight to see if I start freaking out again, but right now I am solid and confident that this will all go well and I'll be very happy with the results.
 
--As I look around my community at women and men who are as overweight or more overweight as I am, I feel such compassion. I know how that feels to be in this body and not believe I could ever get out. The feeling of a sugar binge, the out of control feeling, the horrible remorse and beating of self, then the starving myself to "make up for" the binge. And then the entire cycle starting again. So many people will remain stuck there because they don't know about the surgical option, cannot afford the surgical option, or are too scared to go with the surgical option. I feel so blessed today. Although I have no illusions about how tough this is going to be, at least I have hope of a real and lasting change.
 
--I keep remembering my surgeon telling me that this is the only real cure for obesity. A CURE - not a bandaid this time!
 
--The risks of this surgery are less than the risk of gallbladder surgery or hip replacement surgery. I have weighed the risks and benefits and I'm not going to start the mental mindf--ck of second guessing myself this late in the game. Now is not the time to start re-questioning my decision. I thought long and hard about this before I made my decision. Now is the time to trust.
 
--I'm feeling grateful for this forum. It has been such a blessing to be able to read about your experiences, share my experiences, ask for help, ask for advice, and receive inspiration and support. You guys are like an online family. Only a lot more understanding about the weight stuff LOL!
 
--Because I am so grateful for being able to learn about this process by reading your experiences, I am resolved to "give back" by blogging my own experience. I've blogged pre-op. I fully intend to blog as soon as I get home from surgery and for the time I am home from work so that others can get another perspective on "what it is really like."
 
Okay...that's it for me this morning.
 
I'll check in tonight.
 
P.S. I stayed on my pre-op diet again yesterday - put together 3 days plus today (assuming I stick to it). Also, 2 week anniversary of quitting smoking. I rarely have cravings and I love not always wondering "where are my cigarettes?" "do I have enough cigarettes?" "how much longer til my kids go to bed so that I can sneak outside and have a cigarette." Etc.
 
Love to all,
Keep the faith,
Angela

Day of surgery: I pop out of bed at 6:30 am because I am SO excited to get this over with. My sister drives me to the surgery center. I ask my surgeon again what are the chances that I'm going to die. My surgeon smiles and says he has done over 5,000 of these and he's never lost a patient. That helps some. I still beg for some "chill out" meds. They give me some and all seems okay. Then, the mask and that's all I remember until waking up in recovery.
 
Recovery: I woke up feeling very sore where the biggest incision is. I had to move from the surgery bed to a wheel chair to get me down to the outpatient recovery center. That sucked. I remember thinking, "This is not do-able." But it passed. I was ready to walk pretty quickly.
 
Nighttime: I got no sleep, but it wasn't bad. The nurse kept coming in to check my vital signs and I was vigilant about pressing my morphine button. I feel about morphine about the same way I felt about the epidural when my kids were born. They don't give out a medal for extra suffering...!
 
Day one post-op: The soreness increases some but it is manageable. Also, I am drinking water and ice chips at a quicker rate than I should be. Nurse tells me to slow down. The dreaded pulling out of the drain turns out to be not that big of a deal. At this point, before leaving the hospital, I feel pretty darn good.
 
Day one post-op once I get home. Things get a little dicey here. I find I can't hardly drink any water and I'm burping all the time. I vomit once. Then I crawl back in bed. Later, went to Target just to walk around some. Now, trying to get some more water in (I should say Crystal Light). Also, I'm on psych meds (Celexa and Lamictal). Doc says I can start taking them right away when I get home. I crush them and take them. I think it added some to my upset stomach, but for me it's totally worth it because I can't imagine having a full blown panic attack at this juncture!
 
Also, I'll add this because I worried whether it was normal: My stomach is WAY swollen. I look like I am 6 mos pregnant. I haven't lost any weight since I got home. From what I hear, this is fairly normal so I'm not going to freak out about it. I mean, seriously, I just had 80% of my stomach removed - my body has to be in shock. Still... the bloating/swollen feeling is yucky (I'm way less concerned with the weight loss at this point - the weight will come off -- it has to given what I'm (not) eating!
 
My biggest complaint: the burping, which makes me feel like I might vomit. Also, the soreness. The best way to describe it is like the pain you would get after doing a million sit ups. But, again, all-in-all, not too bad.
 
IF I CAN DO THIS, YOU GUYS CAN DO THIS TOO!!!!
 
I'll check in with Day 2 post-op tomorrow!

How To explain away my scars?
 
OK, this is awful so don't read if you are easily offended and do not appreciate a sick sense of humor.
 
 
 
 
Warning! Don't read if you are easily offended!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Last Warning! Sick Humor below!!!!!
 
 
 
 
Shanked in prison... Shuts them up every time! - VSGKirk
 
Some idiot: What happened?
You: I had abdominal surgery.
Idiot: What kind?
You: The kind that involves the abdominal area. - newat52
 
Tijuana knife fight. - Kristina J.
 
I had some "woman issues " - chell1978
 
Texas mosquito bites
 
I was knifed by an exotic dancer in TJ.
 
Full contact scrapbooking injury...
When you get the weird look, you can fill in that scrapbooking is getting really intense now that scrappers are trying to make the hobby "athletic enough" for the Olympics.
 
Bears. But never mind my scar, you should check out my awesome new rug!
 
My wife said somtimes I don't know my place.
 
Tell them you are trying to avenge your father and ask if they have six fingers on their right hand.
 
Two words, "Satin sheets"
 
I don't want to go into details, but suffice to say, I won't be allowed in that Benihana for a while.
 
The first rule of Fight Club is 'don't talk about Fight Club'
 
They say you can't get blood from a stone - well, the IRS tried!
 
Remember when your mom told you not to run with scissors?
 
I was watching the DIY network and they did a show on bodylifts...
 
A zombie tried to eat my brains and missed.
 
Tell them as much as you'd love to talk about it you just can't because your defense attorney and parole officer advised you to keep your mouth shut until after the trial.
 
I got this in a bar fight when I used to ride with Hells Angels.
 
That's where the aliens probed me
 
Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a to put on warning labels!
 
Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
 
"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
 
I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
 
I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
 
I slipped while making a salad.
 
I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
 
I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason.
 
I'm a blade sharpness tester
 
"I had an accident with a scalpel." [person asks why] "Well, you know that guy who woke up in an ice bath and his kidney was gone? Er... this had nothing to do with it. Honest."
 
You know how dogs chase their tails? Well it has nothing to do with that. Nor does it have anything to do with cat scratches. Or the faeries that visit me nightly *ramble on*... What was I talking about?
 
I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too.
 
"Oh, these?" *embarrassed face* "I know they look horrible, but the sex was INCREDIBLE!"
 
"...Are you consipring aginast me? What's with all the questions? Who wants to know the answers?" *and upon interrupting "I'm doing the talking here" and then continue to ramble until they back away. "...They'll come and get you too. Run while you still can"
 
Knifed by an exotic dancer. Terrible. Yes, they're nasty that way.
 
I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
 
I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
 
The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the paw prints on my truck.
 
The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
 
I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
 
The voices told me to do it.
 
I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile::
 
In my past life I was a ninja.
 
It sucks having parents who are sadists.
 
My boyfriend and I accidentally went overboard during our last S & M session.
 
I moon light as a stunt-woman who dives through glass windows.
 
Look at your scars and frown You mean you don’t have any?
 
Well, last time it was an alien baby. I’m actually kind of relieved.
 
I had a narrow escape from a firing squad.
 
Now that is an interesting question; it all ties in with the eternal enigma: why are we here, for what purpose does life on earth exist? go on about the meaning of life until everyone gets bored and goes away
 
Carving a turkey is harder than it looks
 
You want me to show you? smile evily
 
Don’t EVER give blood abroad!
 
Well, I tend to get a little violent with the computer when it doesn’t cooperate.
 
Oh those? Bad juggling accident. I don’t like to talk about it. I’m much better now
 
Oh these? Hmm, I dunno, they’ve just always been there. Well, I mean, ever since I took over this body, anyway. Strange, don’t you think?
 
Ozzy Osborne is my uncle and we have some kick butt family reunions!
 
Those psychology experiments are soooo not worth the extra credit…
 
Oh my god! Never, EVER try taking candy from a baby!
 
A reminder of my Pirating days....
 
My trained attack dragon did before I got him trained...
 
I had a duel.
 
Did you know chickens aren't all soft and fluffy?
 
Playing Slug Bug with a cat is a reaaally bad idea.
 
Oh this? *point at scar* That's where my twin used to be attached.
 
Lightsaber battle
 
I kicked Chuck Norris' ass all I got was this lousy scar!
 
Tell them you had to help Jack Bauer escape from the Russians and that's the last time you'll cover his pansy ass.
 
Narrowly escaped a zombie attack
 
Fell on the runway-it's Fashion Week
 
Rachel Ray's dog attacked me.
 
I just tell people it's a "sex wound."
 
My husband is ... just ... a WILD MAN, what can I say?
 
 
 
 
 
 
That's all folks!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Really, that's all there is.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
No hablo the english? There isn't anymore. Stop scrolling!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Ok, okay, one last one.
 
It's where the alien burst out. What, you think they only come out of chests?
 
 
 
 
Satisfied!??????????

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you greater than any obstacle." - Christian D. Larson...I have to constantly surround myself with positive thoughts and quotes, etc. I have been doing this for a long time, it has helped renew my mind, focusing on what is going to help and not hinder me. Sometimes my mind can be a frightening place, and it has been that for years of emotional eating, out of control habits where food is concerned and all to the detriment of my health. I developed Diabetes, and was on oral meds and 5 shots a day and my numbers were still not where they were supposed to be. So I realized, a while ago, I had to change my mindset first, and the rest will follow. It's so easy to listen to and believe the negative things you tell yourself. I honestly remember telling myself how much I hated me and what I had become, I could not look at myself in the mirror without disgust at what I saw. My kids would judge how much weight mom lost according to if they could connect their hands around me when they hugged me. So after a bad marriage, and a bad 5 year relationship, I decided to work on ME. In doing so, I found the person I lost, and surprisingly she was waiting to make an entrance. She sat in the background being emotionally battered for long enough and food was her only friend. I tried denying the Diabetes and it got worse, they had to change insulin doses all the time just to see what might work, and it caused me to feel sick more often than not. But I had to press through, and had to realize that I AM worth fighting for, I AM worth my time, and I don't want my kids to know life without me at this point, I'm still young. That's where the positive talk came in to play and I can honestly say that with all things this helps me the most. I feel better because I am working on me from the inside out. This surgery was just icing on the "virtual" cake!!! Now I am self motivating me for the start of the rest of my life, and it feels great!!! I try not to let the negative things get me down, because I've been down that depression/anxiety road before and I don't like that path in life at all. Some things I say over and over that really help are as follows: "There is nothing to great of accomplishment for one who knows the power of one's word and follows one's intuitive leads." - "The perfect plan includes health, wealth, love and perfect self-expression. this is the square of life, which brings perfect happiness." - "When you feel the world pushing against you...drop your head, lower your shoulder and dig in deep and push back." - and the best one so far, by Joel Osteen: "You need to associate with people that inspire you, people tat challenge you to rise higher, people that make you better. Don't waste your valuable time with people that are not adding to your growth. Your destiny is too important." Believe that...YOU are important, YOU are so worth the effort you put in to yourself and YOU will be the BEST YOU that you can possibly be. As the song says...."YOU are AMAZING, JUST the way YOU ARE!!!"

Surgery complete. Half way to goal. Happy with the results thus far. But how far am I going? At the moment, I am just adrift in the currents of change and weight loss. Not a bad place to be, for now.
 
Societal pressures say I should be rail thin. The BMI (to which our insurance companies enslave our health standards to) says I should be very thin, when going by the ideal weight for all of my 63". My boyfriend would like for me to keep some curves. My doctor wants me to lose at least 80lbs, no more than 100. Everyone has an idea of where I should end up, and what I should be. What about me?
 
Yes, I know. I know. I should get to a place that makes me happy. But where is that? I know I don't want to be rail thin or too thin. I like having curves, but I don't want too many curves. That's why I got the surgery in the first place!
 
I'm half way to the Doctor's goal. I have time to figure this out. I have time to discover the new physical me that emerges. In the end, fat or skinny, I am still me. I like me. I didn't like the way I looked, but I like ME.
 
So, here I go, adrift in the currents of change and weight loss. Enjoying the journey.
 
To thine own self be true.

Well, it's been a whole week since that fateful appointment with the surgeon last Monday, and even though I haven't done perfectly, I have managed to make some changes.
 
I dropped soda like a rock. I'm proud of that.
I got a bottle of water with ounce measurements on it and I'm up to drinking all the water I need to.
I've cut my carb intake in half, I think. Burgers without buns, breakfast without toast, things like that.
 
But, I still have some hurdles to jump.
 
Drop carbs completely.
Drop sweets completely.
Count calories and stay under 1200.
 
So, I'm not perfect, but I could be worse. I'm not gonna weigh myself every day or every week. That will make me nuts and my scale's not that accurate anyway. I got it at Wal-mart, after all. So, I'll update my weight each month, when I visit the doctor and use their vastly superior scale.

Haven’t blogged in a month, so this will be long.
Today marks 12 weeks since surgery and 14 weeks since the beginning of the pre-op. I’ve lost 43 lbs since surgery and 53 lbs in total. I’m damn happy with that!
 
How funny….at the end of that last sentence, I made a typo, and instead of an exclamation point, I typed a question mark. If that’s not my subconscious peeking through, I don’t know what is! No really, I’m happy. No way would I be at this point if I hadn’t had the surgery. I am impatient. I am dismayed that the weight loss is slowing a bit. But, I do find hope in knowing that if I apply myself, the losses will continue and time will pass and every little bit adds up to a lot. So much of weight loss is a mental game. This is the true test. To make sure that I stay the course, not just because eating healthfully is actually good for me, but because I cannot – will not – comfort myself with the wrong kinds of food. I will lose weight at exactly the rate that I am supposed to.
 
Now, I take this time to analyze what I am responsible for. I believe that I am eating the proper way and that I am getting a balanced diet. I am tracking my food, another plus for me. I will be downloading my sparkpeople logs and submitting them to my NUT so that she can review and give feedback. I am taking my vitamins. I am definitely reaching my protein goals. I do not feel that I am under eating nor do I feel that I am overeating.
 
What could I be doing better? I probably am not getting my fluids in. I am not tracking that, and how would I know for sure if I don’t track it? I am hiking 6 evenings a week, up the hills behind my house, for at least 30 minutes & sometimes longer. That is waaaaaay more than I used to do, so while I applaud myself for that, it is time to step it up again. And I have not been doing the strength training I should be doing.
 
I do sometimes have the fear that I will be someone for whom this surgery only gets me half way to goal. Or that the weight loss will stop altogether. I remind myself frequently that there are still things that I am responsible for, and I have no choice but to take responsibility. I have this sleeve as a tool, I have been lucky that my body has taken so well to this surgery, and I also have a tremendous source of support in the resources my surgeon’s team provides. I can contact my NUT and exercise specialist any time I want. For the rest of my life I have these tools.
 
What has changed for me since surgery that seems to be a Forever change for me now? Well, like I said, I am much more active. I am much more mobile and my balance is better. I love that because I can see evidence of things to come! As far as intake, I am still following a pretty pure, unprocessed, paleo type diet. I have had bread on about 2 occasions, in the form of ½ of those whole wheat skinny buns. Other than that, no bread, no rice, no pasta. No sugar! I am having fruit once a day and more vegetables than I was eating at the beginning of my diet progression.
 
The sleeve has certainly relaxed, so I am being careful to do the protein first thing. That definitely does the trick for filling me up, and it gives me peace of mind that I have the ability (for the rest of my life!) to be in control of my appetite. I got the sleeve because there have been times in my life that I felt insanely hungry. Now I know that I just need to eat some good dense protein and I will not feel that way! No doubt if I ate slider foods (and I could now if I wanted) I could eat and eat and feel that out of control hunger and keep eating. So I love that I have that control measure. I ALWAYS eat the protein first. And often I find that one last bite, the one bite that would be the One Bite Too Many, I discretely spit into my napkin. I will not push myself and make myself sick. I’ve gotten over the whole clean-my-plate thing. I’ve had alcohol on a couple of occasions and have been fascinated to discover that I have become a one-drink-nurse-it-all-night kind of gal. I was never like that before. I always felt driven to be gluttonous with food and drink in my previous life, and I no longer feel that way. I am so happy about that!
 
This is an amazing journey indeed. I am so very grateful to have been given this opportunity.
Onward!