Madam Reverie

Beautifully put, honey. You definitely got what i said. I'm glad about that, because most of it was a random stream of consciousness! Or is that unconsciousness! Oh sod it. I was having a whinge! The line in the sand- as you so eloquently put it - is a milestone of significant fear for me. Glad I'm not alone in trying to fathom it out before Armageddon hits... and I realise (worst of all fears), that this experience was just a 'sticking plaster' for a festering boil still un-treated... -x-

Shake it, baby x

Nah, you're not honey. We're all in the same boat. Just some people wear their hearts on their sleeve and are seeking more meaning in this 'journey' (and I hate that phrase) than others.... No shame in that. No shame in any of it. x

LOL love it! x

What?! You don't love me every day, LV?!!! As for being here - we all need the humorous; but it has to be tempered with a deeper level of exploration as to how we got into this mess. Surely? If people need 'social' outlets - then start threads which have nothing to do with bariatric surgery and dietry constraints. Hell, I wouldn't mind if threads were entitled 'my kids are driving me bonkers' or 'my husband is as useful as tits on a bore-hog'! It would certainly break the monotony of pseudo relevance to what we've elected to do to ourselves or what people are considering electing to do to themselves. It might also make people seem more 'human', too.... But would this invalidate the purpose of the website? I don't know... I endeavored to touch on the 'emotional' with the 'dirty' little secrets thread as an attempt to furnish people, without condemnation, the ability to say 'hey, I'm human!' As it stood, it was completely misread, undermined and misrepresented by those who don't see further than their own noses and their own self-promulgating/promoting interests. So, I shrug and attempt to move it on... By spreading my own insecurities, weaknesses and vulnerabilities out there, for the world to see, I hope it encourages those to acknowledge why they are actually here. Not just focus on the gram-count that seems to engulf peoples' worlds for the sake of seeing smaller numbers. We are whole human beings. Not calculators. I hope this moves it on....

No thanks required, honey. It was borne out of a need to evaluate where we all came from, why we're all here and how we're going to conquer more than our immediate fat-laden desires. It is also a deft side step from the banality of pseudo 'helpful' statements which are fundamentally originated from individuals' need for self congratulation and reciprocal pats on the back. So you manage to eat 100grms of cottage cheese and fresh air for the day? Yes, marvelous. How about those demons that brought you to this place, you ever-so-slightly-patronising and supercilious individual? Still hiding in the closet - along with those 'extraneous' size 26's you still have left to throw out? Yeaaah.. It's one of 'those' days...

As an aside.. Does anyone know why my 'status' has been, what appears to be 'halved' over the last week? I've gone from 1,300 posts to 600 something?

I SOOOOOOO hear ya, Lauren. I haven't talked to my father in over 16 years. For pretty much the exact same reasons as you... I proffered the analogy to those disgusted in my isolationist actions 'Okay, if you were forced to meet someone sporadically who every time they met you, annihilated every shred of confidence in you, constantly reaffirming that you were 'lesser' than they desired - would you keep talking to them?'... I cut those conversations dead.... With that being said - my mother was and is, an emotional mess... I only 'forgave' her, her 'sins', when I got a bit older. I realised, she was a product of her abusive environment... It took this last weekend for my to realise that with age, my perception of my mother has been tempered with time and affection (I have massively redacted my story for the benefit of this thread). It took for my future husband to state in his broad (and I love it so dearly) southern drawl... 'Either way you look at it.. It was child abuse.. But you rose above it and now they want to use you as a trophy - despite doing nothin' to deserve the reflected glory.'... Sometimes it takes a HUGE dose of objectivity to realise that after all.. you're okay... and you're doing your best... I'm okay. I'm doing my best. I'm just finding the banality of Protein measurements, Water consumption, calorie counting and lofty statements of 'ooh, look at how much I've lost!' but the mere tip of the iceberg as to why I (and we) are here now and why I am struggling to conquer my demons. They're deep and I know where they lurk.... and I don't believe I'm alone. But on the plus side.. (scuse the pun)... I am a size 16.. one size bigger than my blonde-haired, blue eyed, supercilious, lesser educated, millionaire marrying and over-ovary stiumlated sister ;<sad and petty, but true>. I am also, smaller, better educated and better traveled than my millionaire brother. <sad, petty and true>. What are the measurements of success - outside the dropping of physical inches? Happiness without weight and freedom of conditional emotion? Yes, I'll take that.

Buckle down for 3 weeks, ladies. It gets MUCH better when you hit day 7, day 11... But when you hit the mushies - it's awesome! Hang in there

Don't be scared. Truly. We were all scared (all mouth and no trousers, most of us), but I doubt you'd find many that regret it after the fact. It is but a mere little mountain climb to reach the Protein enriched nirvana on the other side.

I can't have this stuff requested of me! My guttural genius presents itself in fits of inspiration.....

I'm clearly having a super 'mature' evening this evening...

But the important thing here, is do you really give a fiddlers fart?! You're tiny and she's twisted and bitter and... has a much larger bum than you now. Lalalalalalalala... You win, you win, you win! Yay!

Good choice. Clearly its because us Sleevers are the coolest of the bunch. Fact. <throws the hand grenade and awaits the holier than thou collateral whinging and faux protestations of cross-surgery love and appreciation> Muahaha

I went to a ceremony in a new dress two days ago. I had my hair done (badly, which wasn't helped by the rain) and despite feeling awful inside, everyone said I looked 'beautiful'. I was told by my much younger peers 'You win best dress and best cleavage of the day' I saw the photos today. I was in tears. I looked bloody awful and couldn't reconcile the changes in my body weight, with the look of my body and the look of my face. I looked awful and I knew it. Should have been elated I'm now in a size 16 (US 12/14). What I saw looking back at me in the photos was a worn, puffy-eyed and bloated-stomached mess. I spent the youth of my life being grossly overweight and I feel like I've missed my 'best' days. How's that for some serious dysmorphia? I share your pain, Lady x

Officially envious of your beach, Laura!

Okay, guys. I need your learned assistance. My Mother is visiting.. (ergo the Jaws music - or, if you prefer - a bit of Carl Orf) She doesn't know I've had surgery. No one knows, apart from my Fiance. (My choice, and with very good reasons for keeping it from her) Anyhooo... There will be a requirement to attend a very nice restaurant at some point, as we have something to Celebrate. I will not be able to get out of this. I will, however, be able to select the restaurant. Since being 'done', I have eaten out at mid-level eateries. However, I have been in the presence of fellow sleevers/RNY-ers or my Fiance. Consequently and in those circumstances, I can 'pick' at will and eat as little as I like without anyone turning a hair. My Mother, is different. She is a hawk-eye. She will undoubtedly notice in the first instance that I've shed a load of weight. This will undoubtedly result in her analysing everything I eat and drink - to make sure that I haven't got some secret disease or am pregnant or something. She's an ex-nurse, incredibly bright and has 'street-smarts' - so I'm not going to be able to BS my way through this one very easily. I have tried a variety of foods and some I can eat more of than others. Clearly, dense Protein is hefty and fills you up quickly. However, I need to find a meal that is light and in being so, allows me to fanny around with it over a period of time and look like I've eaten a 'decent' sized meal accordingly. I can't order a starter and be done with it - it has to be a main meal. I would also look odd to order a salad - given that it is approaching zero degrees here. I don't like a lot of fish (and she knows I'm not a fan, so to order it would appear out of character). And for reference, it would unlikely be a an asian/chinese/thai restaurant we'd go to - more French/European. Any suggestions folks? I'd be grateful for any inspiration -at all - 'cause I'm bamboozled and starting to freak out just a little bit. I can just imagine the mini 'show down' in the restaurant if she even smelt the whiff of deception.... :ph34r:

Hehe. TMI!

I just asked my man about the 'issue'... His answer? 'I don't care whether you bathe in it, snort it, eat it, smear it, throw it around or swallow it. I just LOVE the fact that you do it!!! - Do you know how many women refuse to do it? And you are the only woman who has ever made me.. <you know> AND you are AWESOME at it! So, you do what you like with it - I don't care!!!' Appears to be a day of compliments directed at me today. Yipppppeeeee

The mother arrived. Looking quite old and very fragile. Statements in order of delivery: 'My God, you look beautiful'. "You keep a very nice house, Revs.' 'Whatever you're doing, you're doing really well. See, you don't need to think about surgery after all. <cue shame> If you can manage your food intake like you are, then you're doing it. You look stunning.' I love my Mum. I told her that I ate little and often and not to get on at me for eating little. I cooked and ate a roast chicken with all the trimmings this evening. They had normal portions. I had a smaller portion with all the veg, gravy, etc. She didn't say a word and 'cause there was gravy involved, I didn't feel 'stuck'. I did, however, feel like I needed a wee nap afterwards... 30 minutes later though, i was all good in the hood. Maybe a meal out won't be insurmountable after all. Thanks for the advice, folks x

That's why I 'pre-fed' the line about suffering GERD. This was further corroborated when I went to Ireland recently and said to my Uncle (who speaks to my mother every day without fail) 'Oh, look, you're on the same tablets as me for GERD- omeprazole'.. THAT would have gone back that evening. My cover story is in place

I have no idea... Neither confirm or deny anything, I guess.... First rule of thumb for any defendant! I think this thread is amusing though. I actually asked for food recommendations and got excellent lessons in avoidance tactics. Hehe, I concede the inter-family shennanigans are more interesting.. I was just worried about what I can swallow in quantity to make myself 'appear' 'normal' (for a change)

Mmmm pomegranate juice.. my absolute favourite....

Well, she knows I've been dieting.. She knows I've lost weight. I just don't want her thinking there's something seriously wrong. And yes, your longing is my greatest fear. That's why I wanted to protect her. Feel for you, honey x

I was thinking of saying I'm on the Atkins diet. No carbs, more meat. Mix it with the GERD and I have to do 6 small meals a day to avoid keeling over... Careful there, that could stir many things in many people! The man is already my human dustbin, bless him. He has agreed to be complicit in the food disposal exercise The man will NOT be getting my wine. Ever I may go for the nervous exhaustion thing.. That normally kicks the intestines into overdrive, doesn't it? <poop poop!>