Madam Reverie

Oooh, very exciting! Go get 'em tiger! Wishing you a very simple, easy and painfree surgery and recovery. See you on the losers bench

There's a before and after on my profile if you want to have a look. BGP and JNJ - Many thanks, glad you find them interesting. I'm just vomiting my innermost thoughts and insecurities onto a public website!

As I said in a previous thread.. When I hit goal, I'll be running around my high street stark-bollock-naked. I'm sure that'll get a modicum of attention.

Babe, you've got it bang on! Thank you for sharing my path with me x

Aww, bless you. Thanks. The Demi Moore thing was metaphorical, to be fair. To evince the difference between 'Sloth' from the Goonies and something considered 'beautful' and 'butterfly' like. I think we all know she's been 'enhanced' to the maximum and thats not a path I'd take.. But, i'd kill for her hair! As for the body issues. Yes, clearly have a ton of them. Where's my fairy with its magic wand?!

Up your water, up your protein, take your vitamins and dare I say it.. have a few carbs. The moment I did that, it improved greatly.

Glad its useful. I found on here (and I don't need to be flayed for this, anyone else who is reading this, tyvm!), people can get sooooooooooo obsessed with everything that it appears to consume their lives (and yes, I know that logging the ins and outs of a cows backside promotes accountability). But sorry, I have too much going on in my head to worry about anything else other than the fundamentals. Thats what I've condensed my diet to; the fundamentals. Protein -Water-Vitamins - General Calories and my food choices (wholesome/natural/un-processed/home-made) For me its far more manageable like that. I guess the logging will really come into play if you start eating sweets/desserts/chips/chocolate/ice-cream etc. Or towards goal, when shifting things becomes a tad more difficult. For me and as I'm relatively soon out of surgery (4.5 months), I'll cross the minute 'logging' bridge when I come to it N.B - I also don't measure my portions - because my sleeve takes care of that for me. I stop the moment I get the inkling I'm approaching full. Because of this, I avoid slider foods like the plague (because you don't know how much you're eating until its too late and in that way, grave danger lies). Additionally, if you're eating wholesome protein to start, there's no way you can chow down on too much without your sleeve letting you know 'OI! STOP FILLING ME UP OR ELSE I'M GONNA MAKE YOU PAY! '

its probably water. Stop freaking and get off the scale!

Here's what I'm working to... 42g of Protein per day - minimum - Anything above this is just all good. 1,500ml of Water per day - minimum - Anything above this is just all good. 800-1200 calories per day - focus on protein first, veg second and carbs third. Try to keep it low fat and low sugar and ideally stay away from the dreaded white bread, white Pasta and junky type/high sodium/sugar crapadoodle. Vitamins/Supplements: 1 x multi Vitamin, 1,000-3,000mg of B12, 3000mg of Vitamin D, 2 Fish Oil (I have bad knees), 1000mg of Calcium, 10000mg Biotin. I don't worry about how I eat the above. If I'm not hungry in the morning, I'll have a Protein shake. lunch, also quite light (my appetite kicks in in the afternoons/evenings) and a normal dinner with a snack later on.

I hear ya.. I knew I wouldn't look like Demi at the end of it, because of the age, the weight, the stress on my body... But was maybe lusting after a 'butterfly-like' reveal. Or even, just a change in the positive that was noticeable and allowed me to rationalise the years of misery...versus where I am now.. and allow me to 'celebrate' and congratulate myself for my efforts and results. As it stands, I feel like I cant be happy for what I have until, almost, someone lets off the starting pistol?! In short, I should care less about what people think and be happy with my smaller bottom.

And this is it.. If they do they're damned, if they don't they're damned.. Either way, I need data (any data) to allow myself the permission to feel like the butterfly moment has happened within me.... and to also remedy and put into context the years of misery I'd piled onto myself for being big. Could I have avoided that all together? Did I waste many years feeling hateful towards myself - impacting upon my relationships, my career, and on and on it goes...

Do I ever hear this... That's exactly what it is for me.. I need a different lens with which to view myself. I guess I'm seeking permission to do that.... BOOM!

Your post is very much in line with the saying 'its not the destination, it's the journey'.. Which is absolutely correct. This is not necessarily about self-promotion, however.. Its more to do with affirmation from somewhere, that I am no longer the back end of a bus and in particular, reconciling with how I viewed myself then and how I view myself now. Do I have the right to believe that I am no longer the horrendous blob I once was? Add to it the doubt thats been generated post my friends/family saying 'we never see your weight, we just see Revs' and the post weight loss tumbleweed around me, were the insecurities about my weight, really all in my head? As egotistical as it might seem (although that is not the intention) I need some form of feedback to confirm or deny all of it... and I know, this will probably only come from people who've known me the longest... I often find to gain greater clarity and appreciation of the now and of the future, you often have to look back. The analyst in me, I guess.

Thank you - I wish!.. I was just hoping that on some level, I'd get affirmation for my own mind and my own insecurities, that I no longer look like the back-end-of-a-bus, like I'd always felt...

I suppose in this there's an element of good attention, bad attention and too much attention... Maybe in this, there are many reasons why no attention or indifference is a very good thing.. The jury is out!

Crikey! That just made me blush! I don't normally do blushing! Thanks for the vote of confidence - sincerely

Take comfort in the fact there has been some sort of reaction - any reaction. No one has said a dickie-bird to me! As for how you perceive yourself.. I hear ya. I don't recognise who my bosom belongs to... They cant be mine? Surely?!

I hear ya. I don't want people to fall over me.. Just to recognise a difference.. Any difference would be good!

I know it's all about your own perception.. But you're looking pretty bloody fabulous to me, RJ! x

Lol go for it... If you can be nice to him, you can be nice to anyone! x

Thank you. When I attempt to write, I do endeavor not to leave the reader in a state of confusion as to what I'm trying to convey... Primarily (and this is from a purely selfish standpoint) because it drives me bonkers when you write things and people choose to go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off topic.... Or, worst still, twist what's been written to suit their own ends. I think everyone is right. I need to go and see my international crew for them to do the 'Whoooaaah' bit. At least I'm hoping they will! Failing that, maybe I need to go and get made up and take some photos because I just don't see it... But.. on reflection... am I an island unto myself with this issue, or have other people experienced the same thing? Are you happy with your transformation? Is it everything you expected it to be?

I get exactly what your saying.......Same thing happens to me when I look in the mirror and am shocked to find I do not look like the 20 year old my mind thinks I am......... Hehe. I don't want to be 20 again. Hell-to-the-no! I want to be late 30's (as I am), with all the lines and shading that time has given me.. Just with a much smaller profile, killer clothes and perhaps, the 'freshness' that weight loss can give some people, which as of yet, has alluded me... Make sense?

I think you're right. Maybe I need to hunt down some people I havent seen for a while and if nothing is said shout 'YO DUDES!!! I'VE LOST A TRUCK LOAD OF WEIGHT. SAY 'WHOAAAH' RIGHT NOW!!!' And I'm pretty good with the 'Demi' inside. Even more so when I'm dancing round my bedroom in a new dress and heels on my own, like I'm 10 years old or something

Erm... but you just did?!! Lol thats funny...

so my Manhattans are out I take it? lol you can have a Manhattan, for sure.. Just be prepared for it to kick you in the butt far more quickly than you're used to!