Roo101769

I have nothing but compassion for you. What and ordeal! As the poster said above, maybe turning it around and trying to get her to work with you would be a good idea. Obviously the situation sucks. I cannot imagine dealing with it. My situation went so smoothly. From start to finish ( Going into the informational seminar to the surgery) was 3 months. I was extremely lucky, not a lot of people have such a smooth process. ( I guess I feel God was telling me this is what I needed to do) In that respect, if you are a religious woman, than maybe God is holding you back for some reason. But I wouldn't take it as a sign to quit, just resolve yourself to be stronger and push ahead. I will say this though, and please take it in the intent it is being said. ( as positive encouragement) Stress will happen in your life. It will not go away after surgery and weight loss. If you are a stress eater then now is the time to work on it. You have a goal, to meet the weigh in requirement to be approved for surgery. Don't allow stress eating to derail that goal. After surgery it can derail your weight loss efforts and even be risky for you. ( if you do it early in the healing process) Take a deep breath, regroup, count to ten, take a bubble bath or do some yoga....whatever it takes to get centered. Remember where you want to be and continue working to get there. Once it is done you will be so happy you did, and this moment in time will just be a blip on the radar overall. Best of luck to you!!!

I have wrote on this topic before, but it doesn't seem to go away. It is my very mixed feelings about a good friend who also had gastric sleeve surgery. Let me start with a little back story...I met my friend our senior year in high school. We clicked right away and soon were thick as thieves. He is a gay male that went through the very painful "coming out" after high school, in our late teens / early twenties. I supported him 100% in everything. When his mother was unable to accept who he was,( he was raised by a single mom as an only child) I stood by his side. As he went through the first years after coming out, learning how to navigate the gay world, I was there too. We were the best of friends. We took vacations together. We worked at the same hotel together for a couple of years. And he was there for me too, as my friend. As our lives took twists and turns our friendship remained. Over the years we had falling outs, but always made up. One year we had a gift of the Magi moment at Christmas when we gave each other the exact same gift! ( A framed picture of the two of us- we both had the exact same picture made into a 5x7 and framed ) About 13 years ago ( early 2000s) my friend was diagnosed with Hodgekins Lymphoma. By this time he had a partner for several years as well as his mother did come around to accept them. I was there for him any time he needed me, but I was more in the background by this point. I am happy to say he beat his cancer and has been free and clear for 10+ years. The point is, we have been close friends for over 20 years. Also during this time we have been diet buddies. There are countless sets of "before" pictures of the two of us as we were determined to work together to lose weight. We joined a gym together when my marriage ended and I needed to get back my life. We tried to influence each other in good ways, but we also sabotaged each other at times too. Over the last few years both of us gained a LOT of weight. Granted during this time our lives have taken us in different directions, but we have kept in touch. I have been over for birthdays and holidays. He has come to see me during my various stays in the hospital for blood clots. We have stayed friends...Until recently. Now I feel our friendship has been slipping away and it has me feeling all kinds of emotions. I had my surgery on October 21, 2013. I made the decision to do it the previous July and started on the path in earnest in August. When I told my friend of my decision he surprised me by saying he was thinking about it too. He had once before set out to have the Roux-n-Y done, but "chickened out" after the informational seminar. He said he had been thinking about surgery again and had happened upon gastric sleeve. We talked at length about the surgery and I told him I had made my decision, and would support him whatever he chose to do. Several weeks later I hear from him to say he too has made the choice to have the sleeve, but his mother is not happy about it and his partner is against it. I go back into supportive friend mode, the same friend who was there for his coming out. We talk and share ideas and plans and information over the next couple of months. As my surgery grows closer and I am going through the pre op steps I share it all with him, to let him know what to expect. I have my surgery and he comes to visit me, once bringing his mother along. This helps her to accept his decision and from that point out she begins supporting him. (although his partner was against the idea up until he had his surgery) Shortly after my surgery I notice the first shift in things with my friend. He isn't as chatty. He doesn't seem to want to hear about what I am going through during my recovery and first weeks after surgery. I know he is now in his final weeks prepping for his own surgery and maybe that has a lot to do with it. All I know is I need MY friend and he was pulling away. He did no kind of dieting before his surgeon ordered pre op diet. While it was entirely his choice, I was trying to suggest maybe he change some of his eating habits on his own to help him be successful. Maybe my advice hit him the wrong way, I don't know. He had his surgery on 12/17/2013. He used a different surgeon and hospital so his experience was quite a bit different than mine had been. While I was wanting to talk and compare and support one another, he was just not interested. The last time I have physically been in his company was shortly before Christmas, about 5 days after his surgery. He stopped by my house to drop of CANDY!!! ( at this point he still wasn't "with the program") He has decided to blog his experience. This has been how I have kept up with him, through blogs. He no longer calls me. I have to call him several times to finally hear from him. He has done amazing in his weight loss. Being the over achiever he is once he sets his mind on a goal he was in the gym exercising by 3wks post surgery. He goes to the gym 5-6 days a week. (gets up at 3:30am and goes before work) He has a personal trainer he works with. And all of this makes me jealous- I admit it. I am a single mom. I can't get up and go to a gym at 3:30am. I can't go during lunch for various reasons. I could go after work, but feel guilty taking my daughter from a sitter where she has spent the past 9 hours only to drop her in a daycare at the Y. ( only place I could find that has child care service available for it's clients) I know they are excuses, but they are valid. I do not have the finances my friend has to hire a trainer either. This is where our different lifestyles play a huge role. His ability to focus more on himself has helped him achieve greater results than I have been able to. Ok, there is the whole genetic thing that he is a guy and men lose faster than women blah blah blah. I get it, on an intellectual basis. But to see his blog saying how he has lost 96lbs since his pre op diet started 12/7 and how great he has done. He has never stalled. ( I did at about 3wks out) He has only started to have to deal with thinning hair.( mine has almost all fallen out and I wear a wig) The jealousy is a stupid feeling, but I think it is because he has turned away from me. Had we been there as friends to support each other, I think I would just be happy for him. But I have learned about his life through Youtube! He changed jobs, I found out on a blog. He got a new cat, I found out on a blog. He gives shout outs to those who have supported him ( his mom, his partner) yet I was the one who has always supported him and he has forgotten me. It hurts me deeply. I have wrote this before and it was suggested I tell him. I just haven't had the courage. I know I need to, but I am afraid. I am afraid that the reality that our friendship may be gone will come true. It does happen, I get that. I even posted about it on another forum yesterday. I just feel this is different. We have gone through so much and have been friends for so long. I truly thought both of us having this surgery would just be another way our friendship could evolve. But it has not. I am so proud of him and happy he has had such success. At the same time I miss the friend he was....

The sad part is, I only have three friends I consider "close". One lives in Florida, is a professor who teaches several classes both online and in the classroom and works for her dad's exterminating company. Although we try hard to stay in touch there are long periods of time where I may not hear from her, but I understand that completely.. My second close friend lives in another part of Ohio and has her own issues. We stay in better touch, but certainly do not see one another regularly. Last year we saw each other all of once. But we do communicate frequently so it seems we are still close. And of course the person I wrote about above. I did reach out to him one last time after writing this post. I sent him an email congratulating him on his weight loss, then I said I was sad I only keep up with his life happenings through his blogs. He wrote back and admitted he too thought we would be in more contact after surgery and apologized he hasn't been. He said he is free next week after work so there is plans to get together to reconnect and see if we can turn things around. Fingers crossed. He is a friend worth fighting for, that is what was making me so terribly sad. I plan to tell him how I feel and hopefully it is the motivation he needs to remember how good of friends we have been.

I can drink prior to eating with very little issue. But... I cannot drink while eating or at least 1/2 an hour after. (usually longer) It physically hurts to do so for me. So getting used to the "no drinking" rule was much easier than I ever expected it would be!

RIGHT after surgery it makes sense you would bruise easily. You receive anti coagulants in the hospital ( Lovenox injections) to prevent blood clots. But those are short acting and would be out of your system within days of last injection. You may be low on Iron due to deficiency in diet. Make sure you are taking your Vitamins recommended by your surgeon / NUT. Some will say regular otc vitamins are fine. ( My friend was told Centrum was acceptable) But I believe bariatric formulated vitamins are better personally. They are designed with higher averages of vitamins for your daily requirement. ( as you no longer get enough through food) And they are made to absorb faster into your system. Best advice is to ask your doctor if the bruises are concerning.

I made corned beef and cabbage for the first time ever this past weekend. My local grocery store actually offered the regular cut and a special lean cut of the brisket. I bought the lean cut and it did not have the fat pad on top and just a small amount of marbling. While the fat is probably the tastiest part, it still tasted good and brought back memories of my mom's corned beef. ( My mom passed away in 2003) There are some things I might do different when cooking again, but overall I was very pleased with it. ( Even my 94yr old grandma gave it her stamp of approval!)

I did not wake up from chills, but early on I did get chilled MUCH easier. It all ties into rapid weight loss/ deficiency in certain areas of diet/ body reaction after major surgery etc. I think it started to subside a bit a month ago, so about 4 months out. I still do not get as hot as I used to, and I do get chilled a bit easier, but the extreme cold has seemed to pass.

My good friend from high school used Dr. Teel while I used Dr. Bruce from Grandview Hospital. I loved my experience and my friend has had very good luck himself. I will say it is startling when you see how much difference there is between practices. ( tests run, pre op diets, time in hospital etc) I guess the main thing to remember is each journey is different, but the road is the same. Good luck!!!!!!!

This weekend I tackled a job that I had been avoiding for a while. I decided to clean out my clothes closet. To be honest it was loooong overdue. I actually have two others that need cleaned too, and will be done in the next few weeks. ( Spring cleaning even if it doesn't feel like spring!) I had so much in my closet (hanging clothes) that I had been resorting to throwing my clothes over a chair in my room. Well I finally got sick of seeing that pile so I busted out the big green garbage bags and got busy. I honestly believe I had a mini emotional breakdown during the process because I suddenly got VERY sleepy and took a two - three hour nap. ( I wasn't tired but I was overwhelmed) I woke up and decided to "git er done" and finished the task. I had to try on a lot of items that I had stored in there, not knowing what would or would not fit. Everything is sized so differently, so the only way to know was to put it on. I ended up with FOUR 1/2 of those green leaf bags FULL of clothes to donate, as well as a full bag of ones I threw out because of stains or holes. I also have my double closet bar about 2/3rds full again of hanging clothes, although they are not crammed together. There is a lot of room to let them hang and not get wrinkled. Anyway, I found that I have a lot of capri length pants I can wear for spring that fit me nicely right now. Hopefully by summer they too will go to the donation pile, but for now I have a decent amount of clothes to chose from. And they really FIT nice! Two pair of denim capris fit well around the waist ( so don't feel like they are falling off) but are actually baggy everywhere else. Last time I remember wearing them they cut into my stomach at the waist and were tight around my gut and hips. Now there was a small let down in a couple pair of pants I just knew would be too big, but they weren't. I think I have a warped sense of memory as to how they really used to fit. I weigh less now than I have since I owned anything in there. ( except for maybe a couple sweaters) I did have a hard time letting some things go. I am not someone who buys clothes a lot. I find good pieces and will wear them for years. I had a few tops/sweaters that I strongly considered holding on to, only to end up putting them in the bag. I never have been one to wear tight clothes so if the were sort of baggy on me at 316lbs, then they would be ridiculous on me at 238lbs! ( and even worse by next fall /winter when I would wear again) I think this whole thing was a little hard for me because I still have a hard time seeing the me I am now, not who I was 78lbs ago. I still have major "fat" days. I still struggle with eating the right things. And heck, I still have PMS so that compounds ALL the negative!!! LOL I am trying, I really am. I think getting rid of the old clothes is a step in the right direction for me. I am finally saying "never again". Even if I never drop further than I am now, ( God willing that does NOT happen and I get down to goal) at least I won't be where I was.

YOU GO GIRL!!!! Let's be honest...This is NOT an easy decision to make. A lot of people think it is an easy way out of obesity, it isn't that either. It is what it is, a tool to help you in your fight to get your life back. Opinions are like b*ttholes, everyone has one! You came to terms with your reality and chose to have WLS. That is your decision based on your life and your body. It is no one else's, period. Whether they are being caring, condescending, curious or whatever - YOU have to live with your choice. (NOT THEM) I applaud that you decided to do what you needed to do for your life and are sticking to your guns. Eventually you won't be the novelty act and they will get bored with the crusade. ( While you will go on living your life and enjoying all the wonderful things NOT weighing 300lbs will bring!) I started at 316lbs and let me tell you it is AWESOME the day you realize you don't hurt all the time... Not to mention the thousands of other benefits it will afford you. As said before - YOU GO GIRL!!!

I have thought a LOT about this. I actually haven't had any friends who have sabotaged me, but I have had friend issues. One friend has become very distant from me. The weird part? He had the surgery on 12/17! I thought for sure we would be closer than ever, that both of us having the surgery would just further bound our friendship. Instead he has virtually ignored me. It has hurt me deeply and I have all sorts of negative reasons floating around in my head. But at the end of the day I suppose it is because he is on his journey and I am on mine. I also have a coworker that I got into a fight with. This person is the type of coworker that everyone hates to have. She is nosey, opinionated, a liar, and just generally not nice to be around. But over the years those of us who have to deal with her daily have tolerated her behavior for the most part, just grew thick shells. ( because upper management obviously will not do anything about her and we have to work with her) Anyway, one day a month ago I had all I could take of her. It was a particularly bad day for me (just wasn't feeling well) and I snapped. I told her off in no uncertain words. I regret I did it at work, because it was unprofessional. But I don't regret doing it. This incident made me think about how many times people who have lost weight "change". The former friends of people who have lost weight say "so and so changed". They say our attitudes change. I think it is true. I think when you are obese you tend to go out of your way to please people. We have put up with far more BS than we should. I think it is because it is how we perceive our role in friendships and relationships. There is already a strong sense of "we aren't worthy" dealing with the obesity and it transfers over to other areas of our lives. We accept less than perfect friendships because they are better than no friendships. And many put up with bad personal relationships because it beats being alone. But then that all starts to change when we decide to do something for ourselves. By having WLS we are looking out for #1 first and foremost. It is our health, our bodies, our lives. We start to shift in our perception of life as we lose weight. Suddenly what we accepted before becomes less tolerable. It is NOT ok to be the "fat friend" because we aren't anymore. People who treat us badly are no longer acceptable because we don't accept treating ourselves badly anymore. It does change us, more than just physically. So when pondering the loss of a friend after WLS just remember it is because YOU are becoming the better person. YOU are worth better!!!!

Very good question. I would love to read something on the subject myself. I know I could use help with it. Getting some insight from a professional, and not just someone with an opinion wanting to make a buck. Hope to find this information....

Truer words have never been spoken. I am as guilty as the majority of society in the fact my 5 year old daughter now wants crap instead of nutritious food. As a baby, when she was too young to really ask for or get her own food she ate very well. Big on her veggies and fruits. But as she got older and I was being a lazy mom she was introduced to junk. I ate junk so she did too. I created the little food monster she is now. The only saving grace she has at this point is that she is not overweight. She tends to take after her father and doesn't struggle with weight issues. I did, even as a child. I am very aware of it and I am trying to turn the boat around, but it is like turning the Titanic. I know I would eat better and be less tempted if there was zero junk in our house. Yet I am still guilty, even after WLS, of wanting to buy treats for her. I have to really work on my mind set. I grew up in a family that ate a good, pretty nutritious home cooked dinner every night. But if you ate your dinner you got desert, so you cleaned your plate and then had junk after. I have to rewire my thinking that these "treats" are not a reward. They are not benefitting my daughter. The struggle is going to be now turning her away from the fast food, processed food and on to healthy eating. It is so easy to sabotage your life without even really knowing you are doing it. This post is a real eye opener and great advice!

I have to admit I am addicted to Quest bars. I have one every day, usually as my Breakfast. It is quick, easy, great Protein and tasty. I actually feel lost when I run out. As far as the "poo bomb" issue...not so much for me. Now, if for some reason one day I decide to eat two ( in a hurry and need a quick meal later in the day) then yes, "things" speed up. But overall I think the Quest bars have actually helped my situation. I was taking Probiotics ( still do when I remember) to help my "slow go" issues. But now I am a member of the pretty regular, once a day club again. If I have the Quest bars to thank for that then I owe them!!! LOL

The good news is that once you need to wear a wig most of your natural hair is gone, so it isn't nearly as hot to wear!!!. I have had no issues with heat for mine, but it has been winter. Ask me again in about six months. LOL

Update: He was SOOOOOO not "it". Long story short he is a scammer. Apparently I need to work on me a bit more before I am ready to consider finding a relationship. I still have a "fat brain" and all the insecurities that go with it. This guy managed to figure that out and used it for all it was worth. I will never say never, but for now I am not looking in particular.

In my youth I had super thick curly hair. In my mid twenties I developed "female issues" and was diagnosed with PCOS. At that time my once thick hair thinned considerably. Against all odds I became pregnant and had a child when I was 39yrs old. My hair had the thickness of youth during my pregnancy, but the fall out when my hormones balanced was devastating. It was thinner than it had ever been and I began using Toppik hair fibers. This did the trick and I was able to live with it until early last year. I was put on warfarin (generic for Coumadin) due to repeated blood clots and ever since my hair was thinning more. I started researching and looking at wigs before I ever had surgery knowing it was probably inevitable I would need one. When I was just over a month post op I decided to start wearing the wig. The thinning was becoming more pronounced and I had more Toppik than actual hair on my head! I was not happy that I had to wear the wig, but I was glad I prepared for it. Now I am about 3 1/2 months post op and there is no way in this God's green earth ANYONE will see me without the wig or something on my head. I try not to be vain, but it is very emotional when you lose your hair. ( especially for a woman) Currently I look as if I have been receiving chemotherapy. The back has thinned, but it is still the best area of what is left. I have nothing but thin, whispy hairs on my crown and sides. It is so bad I do not like to see myself in the mirror. I usually wear a chemo hat or scarf at home, when the wig is off. I agree with what you said about the difficulties of wearing the wig. I had to buy a swim hat/scarf for the pool and beach. I have had at least one close call during an "intimate" moment where my wig slipped.. I won't let anyone outside my 5yr old daughter see the reality of what is left of my hair. It took her a while, but she has adjusted to the wig. ( My horror was the first time I picked her up from school in it and she announced " Mommy, I didn't tell everyone you wear a wig!") I have been pretty honest and confessed to a lot of people it is a wig. A lot of my co workers envy me because I can get ready in a fraction of the time now. What they don't get is the wig is NOT and option. It is just my new reality. I do wish my hair would regrow one day, but to be honest I doubt it will.

I started looking at wigs online long before my surgery. With my history and already thin hair I knew it was only a matter of time once I had the surgery. ( that I would need them) I searched all kinds of sites looking at price and style. I am a working single mom and could not invest a ton of money in a vanity item. I found a site called Paula Young that had very reasonable prices. They offer synthetic and human hair varieties, depending on how much you want to spend. I found a style that was at least close to my natural length, although no wig was near my "real hair". ( I had a combo of curly/kinky/frizzy hair ) I bought two styles initially. One was a bit shorter and the other close to my natural length. I decided I did not like the short wig because, at the time I got it, I had not lost a lot of weight and it seemed too small for my head. The back hairline looked unnatural because of how it fit. The second wig was a bit longer at the nape, so it hid the hairline a lot better. I kept the wigs in my closet until Thanksgiving time. Although my hair loss wasn't as pronounced then as it is now, I decided to take the plunge after a long weekend. That way I hoped people would think I just went to a hairdresser over the holiday. ( oh yeah, for the record I bought synthetic wigs) My plan worked! Most people just thought I got a style / color job and didn't realize it was fake. I have had a hard time not being brutally honest about it so by now most know it is a wig. ( women more than men) I eventually bought a couple more of the same style, but in different colors. This helps go along with the "this is my hair" theory. I just decide to change the color now and then!! It actually has been a little bit hard to accept that my "hair hat" (as I like to think of it) gets so many compliments it is crazy, while I never got complimented on my natural hair. I chose a style and color that fits the me I am, not who I used to be. I wish I had my real hair for sure, because going swimming and intimate moments can be tricky when wearing fake hair. But I have grown used to my wigs and I don't hate them. Sure makes getting ready soooooooo much easier!

Ok. I will be the very first person to admit I have struggled with my weight loss and motivation post op. I have lost weight and I am happy I got the sleeve, no doubt about that. But I have had issues with controlling my head hunger and staying the course, not eating slider foods. ( which I can and have) I do try to stick with plan for the most part, but some days it is simply easier than others. I am trying a new zen approach in my thinking and I hope it works for me. Rather than being down on myself continually I have decided to be happy I am where I am. I could still weigh 316 lbs. I still could be unable to do many things I now can do. I could be in constant pain from the stress the weight was putting on my joints. But I am not these things. What I am is 77lbs down from my highest weight. I am able to do so much more than I had been doing. My joints do not cause me constant pain. And I do eat so much better than I had been. Maybe I won't reach my goal weight in a year as I had hoped, or maybe I will. I will continue to live my life and try to be thankful for the good and learn to process the negative in a healthier way. That all being said I did something this weekend that has me very happy. I was able to take my 5yr old to several community parks and play for hours. I was able to interact with her too, not just find the closest place to sit down. I climbed up on a jungle gym set at one park and went down a slide!! Granted my rear got a little wedged at the bottom where the slide narrowed, but I still did it! And the bigger accomplishment was going up "the Mound". There is an Adena Indian burial mound located in my hometown. If I'm not mistaken the tallest point on the mound is 65'. What I do know is there are 116 steps to the top look out point. I decided we were going to try it, and I made it!!! I haven't been to the top since I was in my teens, and my daughter has never been. It was awesome. I was so proud of myself for being able to do this. It was something I had told myself before I would do again someday, and I did it! I wish the day had been a little nicer because the view is awesome on a sunny day. But to me it looked darn good as I sat there marveling at my accomplishment. Oh it won't be the last time we go up. It is great exercise for sure. Yeah, I had to take breaks to stop and catch my breath but I didn't stop. And the most fabulous part came after as we continued to hit different community parks to play. I didn't stop! That climb was just one of the things I did, not the only thing. I was able to keep going. Sure I was a little stiff afterward but heck , that stiff achey feel was a norm every day I was so grossly overweight. I lived with it daily. Now it is just a by product of a little extra exertion and it felt great! Needless to say I am more motivated to try other things. As the weather breaks my daughter and I are going to find a lot of other things we can get outside and do. I can't wait!!!!!!!!!

I have hit this topic before, but let me say I totally get what you are saying and how it feels. When I was young I had a head FULL of hair. Now it was curly/frizzy/kinky and I hated it at the time, but boy do I wish I had it back now! In my mid twenties I had a significant thinning due to PCOS. It was thinner, but I could still live with it. I had a baby at age 39. During pregnancy my hair was AWESOME thick. Then, about three months after giving birth it fell out again. (thanks to hormones rebalancing) It was now thinner than it had ever been previously. I started using the hair fibers at that time to help hide the thinning. Trust me, they work. ( just be sure to spray in well and careful when laying on white pillows in exam rooms!) This camoflauge worked until last year when I went on blood thinners. I noticed the longer I took the warfarin the thinner my hair was getting. Then I had surgery on 10/21. By Thanksgiving I started wearing a wig and have been ever since. I didn't even make it to the 3 month fall...Of course now I have reached that point and let's just say it is a good darn thing the wig was already in play. I could very easily pass for a person receiving chemo at this point. Think "the Crypt Keeper". Yeah, it is bad.. It has caused me more mental anguish than anything else. It is hard to see myself without the wig because I get very emotional. But I try to look at it this way...The wig is very attractive. I get TONS of compliments on it, from people who know me and strangers. ( one lady asked if I colored my hair because she loved the color, another commented about loving the cut) And the wig makes getting ready to leave the house MUCH simpler! Just brush it out, out it on and a quick style then I am done. Would I rather have my own hair as it was? Yes, for many reasons. But it has not been the end of the world wearing my "hair hat". Because this weekend me and my fake hair had an amazing time going to parks and playing with my 5 year old, something my hairy fat self never could have done!!! ] [

Wow. I cannot believe I haven't blogged since surgery! I will blame it in the problems incurred from the switch over from the old site to new, but the truth is I have had a lot of emotions that have blocked me. I truly and honestly thought I was 100% ready and motivated for this surgery. Early out I held in there so well, being super careful to follow the plan to the letter. Heck I even had a lot of restriction early on, almost too much. But then it all changed. One day I realized I didn't feel the restriction I once had. I could eat more. I assume I healed and swelling went down and this is what I have, my new stomach. But I liked the post op one better, then one that couldn't hold as much. This one gets hungry. Hunger still feels the same post op, it just doesn't take the same amount of food to make hunger go away. I have learned the difference between what I feel like eating protein dense food, and what it feels like to eat junk. I wasn't going to be the person to mess back with junk, no not me!! Until the day I put that first bite of whatever it was in my mouth. My stomach didn't complain. I tolerated it. Flood gates opened back up. No, I haven't binged on a daily basis since I had my first slider food. But I have had entirely too many sliders since that occurred. It is only by the grace of God I have continued to lose weight, although slowly. To date I have lost 42 lbs in four months post op. I am just not one who posts the big numbers, for whatever reason. Maybe because I had lost a bit pre op, on my own diet. ( 33 lbs) Maybe I am just a slow loser. Or maybe , and yes I realize this is more likely than not, maybe it is because of my lack of conviction of late. Not only have I taken a walk on the slider side, I am also guilty of Couch Potato-itis. I have all kinds of ideas, plans to get up and get moving. But the end of the day I am not up, I am home sitting. I can blame it on a thousand different things.. I am a single mom (it is hard to make time with a 5yr old) I work 40+ hrs a week, I have other stuff to do etc. But the bottom line is I haven't done it. I need to exercise. At least part of me wants to. Yet I am a big lazy blob once the work day is over and I go home, take care of the dogs, and make supper. Weekends are only slightly better. At least one of the two days I spend hours running up and down stairs doing housework and laundry. The other day may or may not consist of watching tv. Occasionally we go do something...something. It has been a rather cruddy winter so I am ready to go outside and DO something, so is my daughter. There is a lot of outdoor activities I want to do this year as I have been unable to do them in years past with my weight, things I want to do with my daughter. But I also sort of worry I will cop out of that too, as I have done with each and every other thing I had planned to get myself moving. I just do no know what has caused this "ugh" factor in me. I was so darn pumped to get this surgery. I was so darn excited to lose the weight finally. Is it because I was have fantasies of returning to an "old" version of me? One that last hit one-derland in my twenties? I haven't been twenty in over twenty years, I can't go back! And let's not start on the toll the weight took on my body. I haven't been at my current weight in at least the past 17 years, but it is hard to enjoy it as much because of how bad I look. The decade of obesity has stretched the skin past its rebound point. I have rolls, just more deflated. My double chin is mostly gone but in its place are deep ridges no amount of facial exercise and firming cream is going to fix I fear. And my hair is....gone. As I have said many times over my situation is unique with other factors contributing to my hair loss. But dang....it is harder than I thought. I hate having to wear a wig, even if it does look good. And when the wig is off I absolutely cannot stand to see what is left. I look horrible. I look sick. It is so hard to stand and look at myself and enjoy what is happening (losing weight) when I cannot stand to look at my true self. Maybe that is why I stopped blogging. I am depressed. I am so hurt by what I allowed myself to become and now what it has done to my body. I can't go back, only forward. I still want to get the weight off. I want to reach goal, but I admit I am very scared. If I am so unhappy now (with my body) what will I feel when there is nothing left but sagging skin, wrinkles, a bald head and smaller clothes? Maybe some of my slider sabotage has been to stall that from coming. Maybe I am afraid I won't be happy when I am at goal, and then what? I have a lot to deal with, but then again who doesn't? I am going to try to blog more and hope I can talk my way through all of it. Sometimes just getting it out can be a first step. ( I hope)

One of my oldest and dearest friends had VSG surgery on 12/17/13. He has been doing absolutely fabulous. In fact, I am a little jealous at his success because he has trounced me in weight loss. ( He started his pre op diet 12/3 and since that date he has lost 85lbs. I started dieting on my own 8/1 and total, including post op weight loss since 10/21 surgery date, I have lost 75lbs) Ok, granted he is male. And he had a lot more weight to lose. But I have to admit I am jealous as all can be too. I know I should not be. And when we speak I do not mention my stupid, irrational feelings. Yet there is one issue that has me absolutely baffled and even more upset. I am two months ahead of him. I was a guide (of sorts) to him early on. I would share my experiences and thoughts with him as he prepared to journey through things I recently had. But since his surgery we have very little contact. I keep track of him through his weekly Youtube blogs. I can't understand what happened. We had planned to be there and support each other as we did this. We had discussed sharing food as neither of us could eat much, didn't want weeks worth of leftovers, yet wanted to create new recipes for our new lifestyles. I bought him a Yonana machine for his birthday last August, preparing for his coming surgery. In the two months between my surgery and his something happened, but what it was I don't know. Shortly after I had my surgery he sort of disappeared. I was not hearing from him and would have to reach out to him several times before we would actually connect. When he was struggling through the early stages of his pre op diet I tried to be as supportive as I could. I encouraged him and did all I could to be the friend he needed. Then he had his surgery. After that he shut down, at least towards me. During his recovery he was too tired or not feeling well and didn't want to chat. As he healed he continued the distance. He speaks about reconnecting with all his old friends on his video blogs, yet I am being left behind. I am not sure what the reason is. Maybe it is because I am his former fat friend, from his former fat life. Maybe he feels our friendship is toxic for his newfound healthier lifestyle. Yet I have changed too, I am not the fat friend I once was. I am the friend who has been there through many major life events with him. I held his had at his dad's funeral. I held his hand as he went through a fight with cancer. ( and came out of completely in remission) I accepted and supported him when he came out, even as he struggled with his family to accept. We have been through thick and thin together, literally. Yet now, when we were both at a place where support is critical and we are both on the same page....He has gone. Maybe I was expecting too much from him, I don't know. All I know is it really hurts me deeply that he is wanting to move on with his life so entirely while our friendship is being pushed aside. I truly thought both of us having the sleeve surgery would only ingrain our long time friendship that much deeper, but it appears I was wrong. Watching him from the sidelines is becoming hard to do. How do I celebrate my friend's success when it has meant our friendship is suffering?

I didn't have a chance to read the entire post, so forgive me if I repeat any information. First, it is not unusual to still feel the way you are three weeks out. When you said you have read others who are doing well with the same surgery date, well there are probably as many feeling as you do too. Most people don't want to post the negatives, only the positives. I am just past four months and let me tell you, relish this time. Soon enough you will be healed and it becomes more about you and your choices than what your body allows. Sure, you have restriction. But it is also entirely possible you will be able to eat many of the foods you once did, (in smaller quantities of course) even ones you should not eat. I have only had one episode of severe "slimies" since surgery, and that was just the other day. I ate a slider food and it made me sick. First time sick, not first slider. I was actually happy my body finally decided to reject somthing instead of allowing everything. But sorry, I am on a tanget. Make sure to get your fluids. Water is essential at this point. I have read and was confirmed by my NUT that the moleculor make up of water is sometimes difficult for the new tummy to handle. Change that make up and you may find getting in Fluid is easier. To this very day I cannot stomach a lot of plain H2O, but add a little Crystal Lite and no problems what so ever... If you haven't tried this already I encourage you to. The journey is not easy, period. It is a lot of emotions besides the physical. But I will try to encourage you the best I can by saying the physical does indeed get easier!

Miamisburg here, we are neighbors...LOL