Roo101769

My bariatric team was pretty informative, but honestly I did a lot of research on my own. I read the good, the bad and the ugly. I thought I knew it all. As for the actual surgery, post op diet / lifestyle , and general surgery related things I was informed. Where I have struggled has been mentally and emotionally. I was more addicted to food than I realized. I sailed through my one and only psych evaluation, but I think I could have use some counseling. I did not realize how emotional this would be for me. My weight loss has been slower than many you read about. I am a year out and still have 75 lbs to lose. ( 101lbs gone) I struggle all the time with what I put in my mouth. I have lost much of my early excitement. While I am happy as can be about losing over 100 lbs, I still focus on the 75lbs I need to lose. My life is no easier than it was before the surgery. Yes, my physical being is better. I can do so much more than I ever could at 316lbs. But I still have the exact same issues I had before. I work a sometimes stressful job, money is always tight, I am raising a six year old by myself. And my social life is no better now than it was before. I always blamed my lack of companionship ( ie: having a man) on being fat. Now I realize it is much more than that. Yes, I get more attention. But I don't get asked out anymore now than I did before. ( I don't think I am a big social pariah, I have many male and female friends. For some reason I just don't seem to attract romantic intentions.) I do know I look better than I did. I absolutely know I feel better. But I never imagined how hard emotionally the journey would be at times. I always blamed my fat for being unhappy, but once the fat is gone and I am still unhappy....now what?

Natalie, Trust me, you are far from alone. I do not have any degrees in psychology or social work but I have always been the knowledgeable person. People have often come to me for advice because I pride myself on being informed, non judgmental and fair. I believed going into this I would have absolutely have no issues. I researched and studied and found every bit of information I possibly could, both positive and negative. I sailed through my psych evaluation with no problems at all. I had the tiger by the tail going in and KNEW I would succeed. Yet during the past year I have struggled more than I ever imagined. Of course there is the "honeymoon" period when you have tons of restriction post op, where you want to eat but the urge is not that intense yet. Then you heal. Your body adapts to the new stomach. Your urges increase while the restriction isn't quite as limiting as it once was. I found myself slipping back. What I swore I would never eat again I started taking a bite of here and there. My will power started to dwindle. Yes, I lost weight. At first I lost well, was thrilled. Then the weight loss started to slow down. I hit a wall in June that absolutely killed me. I was within ten pounds of my first 100 lb lost, yet I could not manage to get over that hurdle. I finally started to work out and did drop enough to get down a few pounds. During this year I had a friend who also had the sleeve. He had his two months after me, yet he is now very close to goal, maybe 20lbs to go. I realize everyone is different. I know in my head I should never compare myself to anyone else, especially a male. Yet seeing how well he has done, seeing how close he is to his ideal weight, it has been hard. It messes with your mind. That is something I have struggled with more than any other in this process. I never imagined going in just how much of a mental battle this would be. I did not realize just how messed up I truly was in my relationship with food and my self image. I fooled myself in thinking I had this. I know now, looking back, I would have benefitted greatly with some counseling. ( not an option financially) I have used this site as a lifeline at times, it truly has been a saving grace. So a year out and a hundred pounds down I have learned these things...1) I am slow at losing weight. While many lose what they want or need to within the first year, I have not. I will have to work harder and keep going to reach my goals. 2) I am in this for the long haul. While I accepted this was a "forever" deal going in, I had assumed I would lose weight quickly then maintain it with the sleeve forever. That is not my reality. My long haul will be my weight loss journey. I know losing 100 lbs is nothing to sneeze at. But I still have quite a ways to go before I am "normal" weight. 3) I only fail if I quit. Each day I get up with the intent of doing my absolute best for my health and weight loss. Some days I am more successful than others. Long as I keep trying then I keep succeeding. 4) I have a life to live. For a few months post op life seemed "surreal". I felt I had shaken the very core of my existence and nothing would ever be the same. I was right and I was wrong. While changing myself through surgery and the resulting weight loss has dramatically changed many aspects of my life, it hasn't changed my life. I still have the same responsibilities as before. I have my daughter to raise, a job, bills to pay etc. I didn't suddenly become the most desirable creature on planet Earth so my love life hasn't really changed. ( Ok, I do get more attention paid to me but that hasn't lead me to finding a soulmate....yet.) I am still pretty much living the life I lived before. Granted it is more active. Not as much sitting on my butt doing nothing, I do get out much more. But overall I am still me and my life is still mine. And finally 5)..I thank God I had the surgery. While it has not been the perfect miracle I had dreamed or hoped for, it has saved me. Today I am better than I was last year. Next year I hope to be better than I am today. Because of this surgery I can have that hope. Before I had lost all hope of being healthy, having a body I could actively live in. I was drowning in a sea of despair. With each passing pound I went up I saw my future fading away. I have that future back now. I can see living a long life. I get to do so much more now with my daughter than I had, and I look forward to many more years spent with her. I thank God for being given the opportunity to lose 100 lbs and for the chance to go even further. I still need to work on my head and will power, to regain some of the early excitement I had for the sleeve. But I can say without shadow of doubt I am truly happy I decided to do this, the struggle has been more than worth it. (and continues to be) If you want to talk more I would be happy to do so in the messenger. It does help to have someone in your corner who KNOWS. Support is huge in this journey in my opinion.

Jealousy is a petty emotion, yet a human one. Sounds to me your siblings are jealous that you chose to change your life and improve your health. You decided for a real change, not a fly by night lose 20lbs, gain back 30lbs solution. It is possible they are even scared. Scared that you will somehow change and not be the sister they are "used to" and you know what? They are probably right. As people who have spent years obese or morbidly obese lose the weight attitudes do change. A LOT of us spent our heavy lives doing all we could to get along, not rock the boat. When you have weight issues and the associated self image problems ( not to mention health problems) you tend to be more accommodating of others. As you lose the weight and start to discover yourself, find out who was hiding under all the fat, a lot of times we become less accommodating as we become more self assured. People who have taken advantage of our "giving" nature suddenly see we won't take the abuse or neglect we once did. It does change a lot of interpersonal relationships. Those who truly love us, who want the best for us, will change along with us. Your family may also struggle with their own self images. It is always easier to be around someone bigger so you aren't the biggest person. For YEARS this was a dynamic with my own sister. ( although we have MUCH more going on to cause issue than comparing BMI) I did this for me, no one else. Same goes for you. They will eventually give up their lost cause. In fact, your decision may motivate them to make changes in their own lives. Until that day comes though you just do what you do for YOU. You are on a path to better yourself and be healthy. Don't let their negativity divert you from your goals.

Today is my one year "surgi-versary". I did not buy Halloween candy last year because I was just a bit out from surgery, but I remember well the years of eating the candy. I did buy two bags of candy for Trick or Treat, but they are remaining closed until Beggar's night. Whatever is left over ( if any) will make it into my work for my co-workers to feast on. I am not at goal yet, still have a way to go. But...I do not ever want to regain the 100+ pounds I have lost. This surgery has changed my life. Maybe not in the dramatic ways I once thought it would, but in so many meaningful ways. I am blessed I was able to find my way to this, it is an amazing thing.

I had to go and renew driver's license today. Good thing because I really didn't look like my old picture at all anymore. LOL So my weight is my ACTUAL weight, not my "lie" weight. I was always too embarrassed to give my true weight for the past three licenses, so I lied. First time I said 250 and stuck to it, even when I ballooned up to 300 lbs and higher. Well not this time, I gave my real weight, 215lbs. Granted, that is still a big number and I really hope in four years I can give a lower real weight. But it feels pretty darn good to not feel such shame and take a pretty good picture!!!! LOL

Finediva... I am going to answer you from my point of view, my experience. But as I stated in my original response post, everybody is different. I did really well my first 2 months post op. I had extreme restriction and stuck to the diet whole heartedly. I lost well, but nearly as quickly as many others. To be honest, I cannot tell you my exact stats in the first few months. I did stall at three weeks, actually mine started a bit earlier and lasted a while. But a few weeks later I started dropping again. No rhyme or reason, just kept with the program and it worked. At about 7- 8 months I stalled again. But this time it was more or less a plateau. From mid June until just this past week I had stayed in the same 5 lb area. (218-222bs) I went on vacation, I worked, I ate too much junk, I cut way back what I was eating. Nothing seemed to break the cycle. In fact I stayed at or just over 220lbs as my average. In August I realized I had rode the sleeve as far as it would go on its own. I can no longer lose the weight just by what I eat, but now I have to exercise. I really, honestly do not like exercise. To me it is a necessary evil. I should have started earlier but I didn't. I have been a member of the YMCA for over a year, but never took advantage of their fitness facility. I decided to bite the bullet and signed up for a 6 wk personal fitness program with a trainer. Three weeks into that they switched a computerized system. It has been good/ bad for me. With a trainer I feel guilty if I don't go frequently enough and would bust my tail to get to the gym. With the computer that guilt is not there, but the system does work me out so much better than I got with the trainer. It is up to me to get to the gym and yes, I can be a slacker there. Anyway...long story short. Since I have started working out I have dropped a couple pounds down and seem to be keeping them off. Biggest difference though is inches. I can tell a HUGE change in my shape. My body may not weigh a lot different, but the shape and size has certainly changed. Clothes that were skin tight on me a few weeks previous now have room. The exercise is making a difference, even if the scale doesn't reflect it like I would like. I am not sure where you are in your process, but do try to work in exercise as much as you can. Push yourself, see what you can accomplish. You may just surprise yourself. Hopefully you find what you need to get things moving again!

First of all...deep breath. You have not failed. Your surgery has not failed. The surgery is a tool to help you lose weight and you have. What you have also done is buy into the whole "I lost a ton of weight quickly after the sleeve" routine. I am not saying it doesn't happen, it certainly does. In fact, you see post after post after post on here saying as much. But what you don't see is how many post that they haven't lost as much or as fast. Is it because they failed? No, not at all. It is because each and every human is different. Our bodies are different and our metabolism is different. We all live different lives and do different things. Therefore it is completely and totally NORMAL that we all lose weight differently after VSG. I plan to write a blog or post about this when I hit my "surgi-versary" on 10/21. I too have been upset at times, but it was at myself. It took me a very long time to come to some kind of terms with the reality of it all. That reality is this...We ALL want quick results, a miracle for losing weight. We may research and know all the facts and numbers, but in our hearts we are praying to be the ones we read about. We ALL want to post big numbers lost in a short amount of time. We ALL want to finally be healthy, but mostly we want to be normal. We want to be accepted, by society and ourselves. We want all of our problems to disappear and our bodies to be what we dream of them being. But reality is it may not happen. Reality is we may only lose a little at a time. Reality is the surgery is documented as only losing up to a percentage of your excess weight, not every pound of that excess. Do some people lose every last excess pound? Yes, they do. But not everyone. I believe those of us who don't post that we have only lost a percentage and not all the weight feel guilt, or failure. I absolutely believed this would be my answer for my weight struggles, yet I still struggle. Does the sleeve do what is should? Yes it does. I am restricted in how much I can eat. Can I eat around it? Yep. Can I eat junk I should not? Absolutely. Has my restriction eased over the year? Without any doubt. Can I do better? You better believe it. Am I human and make mistakes? Do I try to do better? Every day for the rest of my life... I didn't want to "diet", but I know I cannot eat foods others do and lose weight. I really dislike exercise, but I know the sleeve will not lose me the weight alone. I know I have to do my part to put this body back into some semblance of order. I was morbidly obese and spent many years well over 150+ overweight. Rome wasn't built in a day...Today I am almost 100lbs thinner. I am over half way to goal. Do I give up because I am almost a year out and haven't lost all the extra weight yet? No. Never give up. Failure only wins if you give up. A year out I am very happy I did what I did. I am glad I had the surgery. Rather than focusing on the 70+ pounds I need to lose hit goal, I think of the 98lbs I lost to get where I am now! Sure I still want more from this, but getting my head in the right place has helped me accept where I have come so far.

I started this whole process weighing 316lbs, my highest non- pregnant weight. By my surgery date I was down to 283lbs. Today I weigh 218lbs. ( For the record I have lost pretty slow and I have been at a stand still since mid-June, although it is starting to move down a little again!) Anyway, I am wearing between a 16/18 now, just depends on how things are cut. I have people tell me that I look far skinnier than I know I am. I am still clinically obese, yet no one believes that. My goal weight is still 140lbs, although I have no idea if I will get there or not. I chose that weight because that is the highest weight for my height to be in the "normal" range. If I weigh 141lbs I am over weight. I would love to just be normal...But, as it usually goes in my life I may not become "normal". If my body does not want to go that low I will accept it. I do try to eat healthy, although I still struggle at times. I have incorporated exercise into my life now. I am by no means a gym rat, but I am still doing something. I am accomplishing what I set out to do when I had this surgery, to get healthy. The fact I look smaller than I actually weigh is a bonus in my opinion. It helps my internal struggle with my slower weight loss not be as hard to accept if I hear others call me "skinny". LOL

Well the good news for me is, although my "bumps" continue, the soreness post workout is diminishing greatly. The more I work out the less I hurt. The YMCA I go to implemented a new computerized system, called ActiveTrax. It actually gives you your workout routine based on your goals, age, previous workout experience etc. I have noticed as I go further in it is increasing me a bit at a time. It has me working out all my muscle groups, but concentrates on specific ones more each workout. ( it varies from workout to workout) As you progress it very gradually increases the weights you use, and every so often it backs down to an "easier" workout. I am finding I love it. I quit rubbing my "bumps" after I exercise so I am not bruising as much. I am just careful and try not to get on or off a machine anything less than graceful. Let me tell you, some machines that is not so easy to do! LOL

My company does not have sick time and I had already used all my vacation time earlier in the year with a DVT/ PE. I took off a week and two days and returned to work. I was tired, exhausted, the first week or so back. But physically that was my only issue. Mentally I wish I had another few days to have got my head in the game so to speak, but it just wasn't possible. I didn't have to sign up for FMLA because my job was never in jeopardy, I just had to be off without pay. ( Of course they failed to mention that part until the day before I returned to work!) All seems like forever ago, I am almost at my 1st "surgi-vesary".

Funny you wrote this...I too noticed "bumps" under my skin after working out. ( only notice on my arms) They don't bruise unless I mess with them. ( First time I noticed it I kept rubbing over them, then the next day I had several bruises) I have to mention I am on blood thinners ( just switched to Xarelto from Warfarin) due to DVTs in my leg resulting in pulmonary embolism. (twice) I thought these bumps had something to do with my clotting issues/ blood thinners, but now I am a bit more intrigued. They feel small, pea sized or smaller mostly. I have felt them on the outer part of my upper arm as well as the inside of my lower arm...I would be very interested to see if anyone else has had similar experience.

Natalie, Let me start by saying congratulations on losing 100lbs! That is seriously an accomplishment. As I read your story I noticed how similar part of our stories are. I was sleeved just about a year ago. ( 10/21/13) I lost weight pretty steadily until this past June. Since then I have fluctuated in a 5lb zone, really only dropping maybe 3-4lbs total. I did not exercise early out either. I had some things that made it hard to exercise at a higher weight. ( BAD knees, vascular damage in my right leg) I started going to the YMCA gym back in August. It was very hard and painful at first, but with time has become "easier". ( not as much pain from my bad issues, just the usual sore muscles) I am by no means a gym rat but I am doing what I can. Every little bit counts. I have not started losing yet because I struggle with my eating. I have a 5 year old daughter ( almost 6) and now my 24yr old niece living at home. Buying food and preparing things that we will ALL eat is a HUGE challenge. ( not to mention my gym time is after I work all day, so I really have no time to cook ) I could prepare and freeze things on the weekend, but that is time I spend with my daughter. It is hard, no doubt. I eat chicken a lot myself. I also eat a lot of turkey. I will make spaghetti with ground turkey, high Fiber spaghetti noodles and "light" sauce. This is something everyone is happy with ( I flavor mine with lots of garlic and spices) and pretty easy to make. I also like turkey burgers. ( plain, no bun and fat free cheese) I know there are recipes out there I could find, it is just about managing my time to do it all. I echo an above poster who said to pick one thing. I realize you are in a hard space emotionally due to the recent divorce and health issues. Try to remember what it was that motivated you to have the surgery. Hold on to that because it was a time you cared enough to put yourself first. Find little ways to add to your day. I have no doubt you will struggle and possibly not wish to do it. But the feeling of accomplishment after you do will more than make up for the discomfort. Just push, even a little. As I said, every little bit counts. Look for exercises for people who are disabled. These will help your muscles and you will actually burn some calories. And hopefully taking these small steps will help you obtain some of your physical and emotional goals. I wish you well and the best of luck!

I had a friend point this out to me as sort of a NSV. It is actually something that never would have happened if I had not had the surgery and lost weight.. I had a small claims case filed in my hometown court. It was a family member who I helped out and was supposed to pay me back, but never did. Long story short I wanted what he owed, so I filed the case. On Sept. 23rd I received a UPS envelope that contained a letter from the tv show "Hot Bench". It is a new daytime court show featuring a three judge panel. They found my case filing and were inviting me to have my case heard on the show. At first I thought I was being punked, no way this was true. I did a Google search and hound out the show was legit. I decided what the heck and replied to them. Less than a week later I was on a flight to Los Angeles!!! We taped the show Tuesday the 30th and I was heading back home Wednesday. It was completely surreal and hard to believe I really went to Hollywood and will be on tv. ( Air date of the show is unknown right now) I never, ever would have considered being on tv at my former weight. Even the size I am now I felt a bit odd, but not enough to keep me from a once in a lifetime opportunity. When do you get an all expense paid trip out to LA and the chance at 15 minutes of fame? ( Literally - 15 minutes. Half hour show split into two 15 minute segments...LOL) It was pretty amazing. And while I cannot tell you the outcome of the case I will encourage you all to watch "Hot Bench" and be looking for me!!!!

Yes the defendant went, and his wife. ( who was his "witness") They must have viewed it as a free vacation considering she had nothing to do with it...But everyone will have to watch our episode to see what happens! LOL

When I had my surgery last year I did a lot of what you describe too. My daughter was 4( almost 5) at the time and I am a single mom. I did the will and living will thing, but I also had to seriously contemplate what would happen to my daughter. (Her father uninvolved) I have had issues with developing DVTs and the clots going into my lungs. (pulmonary embolism) You hear of many relatively healthy, often young people suddenly dropping dead of the exact same thing. Needless to say I was at increased odds of a bad outcome and actually had to have additional clearances and take extra precautions. Thing was, I wasn't really nervous about dying. I was more scared of the future I faced at the weight I was and the pounds I kept adding. I knew this was my last resort, my only chance of turning things around. I went through my surgery and recovery and had really no problems. I am one of those "slow losers". I have definitely struggled at times with how life has changed ( and in some ways has not changed) and all this journey entails. I am nearly a year out yet I am just over half way to goal. When you read about folks who reach goal in a few months it can be discouraging. But I always try to remember this, I wouldn't be half way to anything if I had not done this procedure. I would not have lost nearly 100lbs, I would not have the ability to do things in this body that I had not done forever. And...I might not have had the chance to be the mom I can be now for my girl. Sure, I am still heavy. Heck I am still "clinically obese" . But guess what? I am a 219lb girl and not a 316lb girl. I can better live my life. I feel better. I look better. And I do not regret having the surgery for one minute. It has become just another part of this thing I call my life... So keep your chin up and expect great things. It is natural to be scared, you wouldn't be human if your weren't. Just know you will be fine, have faith in it. A positive attitude can go a very long way when facing an unknown. Your kids are lucky to have you and will be even luckier to get many more years of a healthy you around!

Bonus round NSV..I never could have flown across the country at 316lbs, would have been too uncomfortable. But this flight was awesome..Why? Because for the first time ever I flew without asking for a seat belt extender. Not only did I not need it, I had a few inches of excess belt!!! Wooo Hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not sure if age plays any role in how quickly or slowly one recovers from WLS. My story was of slow, baby steps towards feeling "normal". My surgery was on a Monday, released from hospital on Wednesday late afternoon. My recovery in hospital consisted of walking around the floor on occasion and going to the bathroom. My intake was ice chips and a few sips of apple juice the day I was sent home. The first 24 hrs at home were uncomfortable. I was told not to go up and down stairs a lot..And since my bathroom is on the second floor I was sort of "stuck" in my room. By day four and five I was off pain meds, getting ansty from being cooped up, but no where near ready to do much. My five year old daughter came home on day 5, I drove to pick her up. 8 days post op was my post surgical check where I was cleared to return to work. By this time I was able to get around fairly well, but my energy level was the pits. My first day back to work was exhausting. Worked 8-5, then took my daughter to a Halloween "trunk - or - treat" at a local church. I was wiped out by the time we returned home around 7:30pm. My intake was pretty low then too, could not get in enough liquids or Protein. ( just too much restriction...those were the days! LOL) I think it was around week three post op that I realized I felt pretty "normal". In the weeks between I worked, took care of my daughter, had her 5th birthday celebration and lived it day by day. Now, looking back almost 11 months later it seems like a dream almost. Certainly like childbirth...You forget any suffering or pain when you fall in love with your new body. Enjoy the ride and live an awesome new life!!

This is personal opinion and not based on any medical fact but....It does seem a bit early to be trying that. Those bars are also high in Fiber ( also check out Quest bars when you are ready- same Protein #s but less sugar) and that combination may be hard to digest. But then again maybe not. I personally was a couple months out before I tried the bars. Now I am addicted to Quest bars and eat one almost every day for breakfast!!! LOL Good luck on your journey!

I think the alcohol question is like so many other things, there are differences between each practice's guidelines. My doctor / NUT advised not drinking. Not only the whole empty calorie issue, but because of alcohol tolerance changes in most people. Also, there can be issues with cross addiction. Once you have to give up overeating as your vice many will turn to alcohol. But here is my two cents...I have drank. Not a lot, but on occasion I have been drunk. I know what I can and what I cannot tolerate. ( 1/2 of a margarita kicked my BUTT! Could have been the tequila or the sugar, or both) I have found if I stick with rum and diet Coke ( heavily iced to knock down the carbonation) I seem to do ok. And the day after? I usually weigh anywhere from 2-4 lbs lighter! Of course it all regulates when I rehydrate. And when I am drinking I believe I am the world's best dancer. Therefore I have also included a pretty good cardio workout in my night out, which my legs are not to happy about the next day...LOL Alcohol is like any many other life choices. Use your best judgment and you should be ok.

To this day I do try to avoid taking pills, almost a year out. ( ok, ten months) But it is personal choice more than anything else. I never liked taking pills to beg with. I still take liquid Vitamins just because I prefer them. I have taken Protonix (proton pump inhibitor) since day one and never had issue with it being a pill. ( small pill though) On occasion I will take a Tylenol and I am on blood thinners for life. ( which are pills I HAVE to take daily) I have had no issues with taking pills, but as I said I try not to take that many.