Roo101769

I have to start this out by saying I am absolutely a success. I have lost 100lbs, weight I would have NEVER lost had I not had the VSG surgery. I do not regret for one minute making that decision. What I am regretting is where I have put myself right now. I did not use my tool to the best of it's ability early on. I used the sleeve to lose the weight for the first 10 months. I didn't even try to exercise. I was more active, yes. But I was losing and I was happy so I didn't put much effort in. My eating was under control for the most part during that time too. As time passed and weight loss slowed then stopped I did start to go to the gym. I figured I rode the sleeve as far as it would take me and now it was up to me. Except I stopped that too after a short while. I wasn't seeing many results and my schedule got in the way. Yes, I made excuses. Now I am in a horrible head space and I am trying desperately to figure out how to change it. My weight stays within a 5-7lbs zone, but that is still over 70lbs from my weight loss goal. I am still clinically obese. I have a friend who had surgery two months after mine and he is within 20lbs of his goal weight, and has lost over 200lbs! Of course there are differences in our lifestyles that attribute to that. First he is a male. He is also a gay male that does not have children. He gets up at 4am every day and goes to the gym to work out for 2.5 hours. I cannot do that, period. I have a six year old daughter that deserves time with me, not being bounced from daytime daycare to the daycare at the Y each and every day. ( and I would have to go AFTER work, not before) My friend struggles to with his eating, but his extreme exercise routine has made the difference for him. I am feeling sort of depressed because I am coming to terms with my food addiction. I have to admit I totally shammed myself and the doctor in my psych eval pre op. I honestly didn't know the depths of my addiction until recently. I said all the right things and, at the time, believed I had a handle on it all. But if I was so truly self aware then how the HECK did I get to 316lbs?? Anyway, my eating has been off the charts of late. I eat entirely too big of portions. I eat a lot of wrong choices. I graze. All the things we learn not to do, and cannot do early after surgery, I have fallen back into. My very first inclination that I was going to have problems was hunger. Mine did not go away. Yes, for some time it seemed to have taken a back seat. I had a lot of swelling during my healing process, so my early restriction was crazy tight. I thought I had won a lottery because I never wanted anything and , if I did happen to get hungry, one or two bites and I was done. Well that all went away as soon as the swelling did. I felt hunger, real hunger. I tried to play it off as head hunger. I did all the tricks, drank more. Made myself wait to be sure I was really hungry and not just thinking so. I tried to distract myself. But it was real. I was hungry, too much. Then about two months or so out I made my first major misstep, I ate carbs. I just wanted to see if I could, what would happen. I will tell you what happened. The carbs went down very easy and created no issue. I didn't get sick. They didn't make me feel over full or bloated. What they did do though was end my ketosis phase and make my carb addiction kick right back in. I have battled now for over a year to try to stay away from those bad carbs with varying success. Some days I got it and some days they got me. Recently I have been trying to be mindful of my eating. I have connected with a group of old high school friends who have either already had WLS or are in the process. It has, at least, made me more conscience of what I am doing. Even though having this surgery is major and effects the rest of your life, it is also easy to go about living your life to the point you sort of forget you have done it. You go from the early days/ weeks/ months where it consumes your life to a place where it is in the back of your mind. Anyway, I am trying really hard to pay closer attention to my self sabotage. ( I am the QUEEN of that apparently!) Today I decided to log my intake. For those early out that probably seems obvious. But honestly I wasn't much of a logger, I didn't have the time. I just used my head, made wise choices and relied on the sleeve to keep me in line on portions. That was all well in good until it stopped working! Anyway today I have made a very conscience effort to be aware of exactly what I am putting in my mouth, and to tell you I am shocked is an understatement. After eating lunch I decided to tally things up so far. Being as honest as I could ( ok- I left off my coffee with a bit of creamer in it but that was all) I figured up what I have put in my mouth today. At this point I have consumed 980 calories and 26.6 grams of fat, and I haven't even had dinner yet. I didn't tally carbs because I know they are high. These numbers are not through the roof or anything but....Given the fact I still have weight to lose they are too high. And the fact that I have really tried to be good today, and this is how bad I have done, it just boggles my mind. What the heck happened to me? Where is all the excitement I had early on? Why am I having such a hard time getting back to where I need to be? As I write this I already figure some responses are that I should seek a therapist, and I really probably should. But given my finances that isn't in the cards. I am not looking for justification or anyone to say it is ok to be this way. I am just being as open and honest as I can because that is who I am. Maybe my struggle is not as uncommon as I think and maybe someone else out there can relate. I would love to hear from those folks. And if someone knows a magic switch I can flip to get my head back on right, PLEASE tell me!!!! LOL

@@kimpossible67 My deepest condolences. I lost my mom after a very brief illness back in 2003. There are no words to describe what you are feeling, but just know I know how you feel. Do not stress anything but feel your feelings and go through your emotions, it is best. The rest can wait and will all be there when you are ready to tackle it again. @kindle- I want to offer my condolences to you too. I am so sorry for your loss, and for whatever your dear friend suffered through to lead him to such a desperate place. Again, as I advised above, feel your feelings then deal with the rest. ( food & eating issues)

There has been years of discussion and arguments over that very topic. I, for one, have used them most of my life with no issue. My mom used Sweet & Low in her iced tea and we only drank diet soda. ( and not in mass quantities either) Now there are more "natural" options if you want to try to avoid the purely chemical ones. Things made with Stevia or monk fruit. Personally I don't get cravings from artificial sweeteners. It is only when I give in and eat things with refined sugar does my carb addiction kick in full tilt. For me the artificial stuff just makes things more palatable and gives me the taste of how I used to eat without the guilt.

I ordered this book and can't wait to read. I am willing to try anything, be open minded. If I can gain some insight to my issues with food, and ways to help over come them, then by all means I will give it a shot. The struggle with food doesn't end just because you have surgery. ( at least not for me) It is a life long battle I believe. I have had a LOT of stress and emotional turmoil of late that I think I have been trying to eat my way through...I know it is not healthy. So I hope I might find some nugget of wisdom in this book that I can take away and help work on me with. There's a very good book I'm reading (I'm 2 weeks pre-op) called "It Aint Over 'til the Thin Lady Sings" by Michelle Ritchie, who is a certified substance abuse counselor and who had WLS surgery and really understands the ins and outs of compulsive eating. I struggle with it myself. I use food to decompress, and to "anchor" myself upon arrival, i.e., when I arrive at a friend's house, or at work, or home after work. Eating for me has historically had NOTHING to do with hunger. This book makes you do some serious soul-searching. You know what they say, it's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you... Anyway, I like the book, and it's important to do some serious exploration of why we overeat. Restriction is just a tool. I get so sick of hearing that and reading it, but it's true. You can build a house with a hammer, but you gotta swing it, baby! I feel pretty sure you'll get back on track. Just don't chew your paw off, the stress will only make it worse.

Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done about the table. There is no where it can be moved and my desk cannot be moved either. This table has sat there for at least the last 17-18 years, full of treats. Sometimes I have no problem ignoring it. But days when my will power is low, it is the hardest thing to walk by. The table is stocked by one individual for the most part. ( I would say he provides 99.8% of the goodies) I have tried to talk to him about bring healthier options, or not bringing so much. It falls on deaf ears. He is a kind man but he just does not get it. And yes, I have heard others complain about all the food too, yet it keeps being eaten. Here is what is currently on the table... A bag of Fritos, a bag of Herr's creamy dill potato chips, a bag of Cheetos, a bag of Combos, a box of Cheese-its, a container of pretzels, jelly Beans, caramel bulls eyes and cow tails, Keebler soft batch chocolate chip Cookies and Keebler fudge sticks, and a jar of peanuts. This is the end of the week, supplies are low. On Monday there will be about three times this amount of junk food. Every other Wednesday he brings in donuts. Yes, I do try to bring my own Snacks. My biggest problem is definitely self control. So needless to say, 40 hrs a week I am being tested. We went live on new computer system at work last November (that STILL does not work properly) and that has upped the stress level here ten fold. When I am at my weakest I have all this temptation in front of me, and it isn't going anywhere. But all of this is just one explanation, some would say an excuse. I am trying. But I am also being honest when I say I am struggling. Each day is a new start, a new chance. Today I started my day with a big Protein smoothie. I am going to try to bump up my protein levels to see if that helps. ( I read an interesting article about signs you are not getting enough protein yesterday, it does explain a lot. ) Anyway, thanks to all for advice and concern. That is why I turn to this site when I have problems. It is a support site after all, and sometimes we all need that extra help. @@Roo101769 Is there any way to move the snack table? If not, could you chat with who is in charge and ask if your desk could be moved elsewhere? If you explain you are trying to deal with weight issues, it may help get it or you moved. Is there any way to turn your desk around, so you don't have to see it? If you have meetings, could it be brought up where people could leave their snacks in their desks, and not in public? You are probably not the only one with an issue with the snack table! Or like a previous poster noted, have healthier snacks available? I don't envy you this one, hopefully folks will understand and accommodate you on this. Good luck!

That is a good idea Lisa. I blogged a lot early on in the process. ( Here on this site) I need to sit and reread those. I do remember exactly why I did it. My thing is trying to recapture the excitement. I am sure I was like countless others who went into this expecting great things. I HAVE had great results, just not all I wanted. I need to recapture that feeling of great hope and possibility. Back when the idea of being thin was a dream. ( which to be honest I never was able to picture myself thin) I have not given up on the idea of losing more. And I am not trying to be negative towards the surgery itself. I think it is a great and wonderful option that did give me back part of my life. I just want more... or less. LOL

Control at home is mostly me, but I do have an adult niece currently living with me. ( that tends to snack) Work is an entirely different monster. There is a snack table that sits about 4 feet from my desk that is ALWAYS loaded with chips and Cookies and candy. I cannot do a darn thing about that. I sit and look at this stuff for 8 hours a day. Truth is I am the only one responsible. I am the only one liable. I am just at a hard place trying to get back some of my will power. Every day is a new day and a new chance.

If WLS surgery is taking the "easy" way out then I would not be 18 months post op and still obese. While I have lost 100lbs, I am only a little over half way to goal. It is not easy. It takes work. The surgery is a tool that helps you, but it doesn't do everything for you. I am in no way trying to discourage you because I wouldn't change my decision to have the surgery. I am 100lbs lighter than I was, which I would have not lost on my own. If I could have dieted and exercised that off then I wouldn't be fat now. It is a fact I have a problem. I have control issues and a major carb addiction. To this day I struggle with my choices. My surgery helped me get past the initial roadblocks to get a lot of the excess off. Now I need to figure out how to get my head back into the game to get the rest off. Weight loss is probably 85% mental and 15% physical. ( Ok, just my opinion) Please do not follow the mass delusion that WLS is taking an easy way out because that is simply not true. Be proud that you have the courage to face your reality as to why you are heavy and that you are making an informed and proactive decision to change it!

I am 18 months post op and I STILL take Protonix daily. My doctor keeps refilling so I keep taking. I did not have issues with acid reflux or anything pre op. I do know if I forget to take the Protonix for a couple days ( like over a weekend) I start to feel sort of sick to my stomach. It is pretty inexpensive (for generic) so I have no issue with continuing it. Just part of my daily routine with vitamins and such.

Dating for me continues to be a huge challenge, although I really thought it would get easier once I lost weight. Boy was I wrong! When I was over 300lbs I always used my size as my internal reason why I couldn't meet a great guy. It is stupid I realize, because I am the same person at any size. I did become involved in several wrong, purely physical relationships while I was that heavy too. I tried to tell myself it was my choice, that I controlled what happened. These guys weren't using me, I chose not to look for more than FWB. Problem was, I did want more and just couldn't find it. When I had the surgery I thought dating and my love life would magically become easier. WRONG!!! I still have not found anyone genuine who wants to know me. I have certainly had more attention. I have had compliments galore and I even have been hit on a few times in a bar. ( Even by significantly younger guys!) But I still fail to make a connection with anyone who is looking for something real. At first it was completely ego zapping to think "I'm not good enough" still. But I have done a lot of soul searching about it and realize I do not put myself in environments that allow for me to find anything more substantial. I still use a lot of my "fat girl" fall backs. I still look for the wrong qualities in the wrong types. I know what I want, I really do. Problem is I settle all too often for much less. I need to be ok being alone if settling is all I will get. That all being said I have no issue telling anyone about my weight loss. In my opinion it is pretty obvious anyway from my turkey neck and bat wings. I realize I am still "obese" even after losing 100lbs, but I now look "acceptable". I am not self conscience in every social situation feeling like the heaviest person in the room. And if I meet a guy I will tell him the truth. Maybe not as my lead in but it certainly will come up in conversation. It is part of me, part of my life. If I ever want to have a "REAL" relationship then the guys I date have to know who I am... Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't. But I refuse to feel any shame from anyone for having weight loss surgery.

You only fail if you give up. And as long as you are breathing then never give up. I could go on and on stating all the obvious facts.. The sleeve is a tool and you need to do your part to make it work. That being said here is some honest advice..Do not let others influence what you need to do for you. I get how a relationship can add comfort or cause you eat ways you shouldn't. But your fiancé is his own person and you are yours. Be sure to do for YOU. I also get the struggle to make things for yourself that are healthy while sharing (what sounds to be) a chaotic environment. But it is worth the effort so do try...Take a day every weekend to get some things made you can freeze and reheat. Explore recipes that offer you the Protein you need without the fat/calories/carbs you don't. Trust me, most recipes make enough servings for several meals. Keep grab and go food that is healthy so you don't reach for other alternatives. As far as exercise, leave the house. Don't worry about them seeing you because they see you already sitting around. ( sorry if that is blunt or harsh) They will certainly be more impressed if you are working your tail off to make it smaller, a little sweat can be sexy. LOL But if moving in front of them really bothers you then go out for a walk. Find a park or a school athletic center. Maybe you could join a fitness center. Spend some quality YOU time. Please understand I am not a perfect role model. I need to practice a lot of what I preach myself. I have lost about 100lbs of my excess weight but have not reached goal. ( sleeved 10/21/13) The things is I am not giving up hope. I got this far and I can go further, it is up to me. Same for you...don't think you have failed. Try to regain your focus and get back up on the horse. You got this!

I agree it is hard to know the right way to talk to someone who is overweight about their options for a healthier lifestyle. Here is my two cents for what they are worth. ( Yes, I have not fallen off the face of the planet. I have been away from the site for a while because my life has just been BUSY!) I am trying to be a very vocal and positive advocate of bariatric surgery, and in my case VSG surgery. I believe a huge hurdle people face is the stigma of having WLS. Society as a whole takes the "it's the easy way out" approach. We really need to work hard to counter act that mindset. If we who have gone before keep quiet, then the nay sayers will rule. No. I am NOT ashamed I had weight loss surgery. I tried and I failed to lose weight on my own. Am I ashamed of that? Maybe. Am I alone? HECK NO. The weight crisis in this country has exploded. I remain to this day someone with serious food addictions. But at least I tried to take a stand and have had success with it. I am not ashamed I had the surgery, I am ashamed I waited so long. I wasted so many good years of my life living in an increasingly obese and useless body. I couldn't take the weight off myself once it got to a certain point. But instead of doing something about it, I did nothing. I spent years being one of the "do it by diet and exercise" believers who failed to do it that way. Now that was living with shame. We all say how these surgeries are merely tools, not magic bullets. So why be ashamed we chose this tool instead of say a stick of celery and a tread mill? It is perspective. If WLS is continued to be shamed then people who truly need it will continue to avoid it. We need to break the cycle. I applaud many celebrities who are embracing their choices and being advocates for change. Lisa Lampenelli, Rosie O'Donnel, Graham Elliot to name a few. They are proudly showing that real change comes with real commitment to what you believe in. All of us in the community know a healthy diet and exercise remain a key factor in a healthy lifestyle. It is important we all get that message out there, for those who don't know and need it. Let them know the surgery is ok.That it is a part of an entire life change that is positive and life changing. Obesity doesn't have to be a death sentence to be served for years of misery, you can change it.

For me it is not a question of "want" it is simply "can't". I too used to drink before, during and after meals. I thought there was absolutely no way I would ever get used to not having something there to drink while I ate. Boy I was wrong...Initially I did it because I was told it was a rule. But eventually I learned it was an easy rule to follow. I have had no problems with food feeling stuck while eating, so that wasn't the issue. Sometime I am just thirsty after I eat. ( all depends on what was in the meal) For instance if I eat something with onions I want a drink pretty soon after. Yet if I drink too soon, I hurt. Doesn't matter what it is I drink ( Water, tea, milk etc) it causes discomfort and pain. I have to hold to pretty much an hour after I eat to not feel it. ( And depending on what the meal is, sometimes longer) I will admit I probably do not get enough fluids in. It hasn't caused me great issues with dehydration, I just know I could do better. I will also admit I do drink before meals. That has never been an issue either. I don't drink mass amounts, but I may finish a beverage I have been sipping on then go have my meal. But these are my experiences. I saw someone post a video demonstration as to why we should not drink while we eat. They put applesauce in a sieve. It dripped very slowly and most of the applesauce stayed on top, just a small amount coming through. Then they added water...The more they added the faster the applesauce went through the sieve. It only took seconds once the Fluid was added for the sieve to be empty. Same concept with your stomach and food and drinking. If you add fluid too soon you just push the food through, leading to over eating.

I HATED the Peanut Butter cups. Once you have been to Reece's there is no compare..LOL But I love Quest bars. There are a couple flavors I don't like, but overall they are a win for me.

As the single mother of a beautiful little girl, I applaud you for making the decision to be there for your daughter. To be healthy. To be an active part of her life. To be a positive role model. All of these things I wanted for my daughter when I decided to have my surgery. As for your relationship...You are probably correct in assuming it won't last. While I was never a full advocate of BBW ( I didn't actually LIKE being obese) I did understand the lifestyle. I did have men physically attracted to my size, but at the same time they didn't ask me out. ( they basically just wanted the physical) I tried to convey a positive attitude, but in my heart I wasn't happy. But now, 100lbs down I can tell you this. I look at large women and sort of feel sorry. I don't want to judge, not my intent. But I can put myself in their shoes and I remember how it felt. I never understood what anyone saw in me when I was obese ( as I was never attracted to big men) and I still have no idea what the attraction is. But I am on a tangent here...My thought was basically this. If the relationship is based on attraction more than anything else, and he is no longer going to be attracted because you lose weight, then it will probably end. I think that is the best thing because it should be about something so much deeper than the outside, physical beauty. You deserve to be loved for the person you are, not the body that carries you. I am glad you love yourself ( and your daughter) enough to make the change that will lead to a long and healthy life. As for the food you are giving up...After your surgery will be easy anyway. As you heal you won't want all that junk. Concentrate on other holiday traditions that do not revolve around food. Enjoy the fun and try to forget the food. Word of advice...work hard during this time ( "honeymoon" period) to get your perspective in check. I mourned food too. I got by on the thought " someday I can have again.." I wish I had never gone down that road as it is a very slippery slope. Yes, once day you will be able to eat a bit more, tolerate things you may not right after surgery. What I would not give to rewind the clock and check my food obsession while I still had the extreme restriction post op. Now I struggle. I know good choices from bad, it is mental. I encourage you to get a lot of support in this area. If you are already thinking about what you are giving up you may struggle later on. Good luck. I wish you much success. I hope you have many years of health and happiness to spend with your pride and joy!

I lived on refried Beans and cheese (along with scrambled egg) for a while. I used low sodium beans. Make sure nothing is added to them. ( they are naturally low fat) I added fat free cheese and sometimes a small amount of fat free sour cream. ( if the beans seemed dry or I just wanted the change) A small can of beans made 4 or so meals back in the beginning. I do remember they tasted like heaven, I was so done with the sweet Protein shakes! LOL

You are beautiful, then and now. But now you are beautiful and healthy. Congrats on the success so far and keep up the great work!! ( and motivation)

In my humble opinion I think MANY interpersonal relationships change when you have WLS. Family dynamics shift, depending on your place in the family. I have always been the one to support and give of myself to everyone. If I had nothing, I would still try to give. I would be suffering, in pain, yet I was always thinking of others. I had been off over two months from work and had spent 6 days in the hospital, yet in May 2013 I made sure to get to my nephew's wedding. ( Four days after I was released from hospital for a major DVT/PE) I was not perfect, but I tried. Then I decided to have the surgery for ME. As I lost weight I became more and more aware of how certain family members used me, and I put a stop to it. Then there was work. Most of my work associates supported my decision and have praised me for the weight I have lost. One coworker though has always been difficult. She is extremely passive aggressive and difficult to get along with. I put up with her nonsense for over 12 years, biting my tongue. Earlier this year I couldn't hold it in anymore. I let her know in no uncertain terms exactly what I thought of her. It got tense and ugly in the office for a while, but I didn't regret it. The old fat me did everything to keep the peace, don't rock the boat. The new thinner me isn't going to put up with the same BS. I am very over that. And then there is my "personal" relationships. I will admit 100% I thought it would be easier to find a nice guy to date if I weighed less. I never got asked out on dates at 300 lbs +, I really thought when I became physically more attractive that would change. It has not. I haven't dated more than once or twice since I have lost weight. Yet I have made a change in this area too. I used to be available for "FWB" friendships. The problem was they weren't really friends and the only benefit was mostly for them. They didn't want to hang out. Heck most of the guys I have had "benefits" with over the past 10 years have had significant other women in their lives at the time! No, once again I did things just to have a guy pay attention to me. I believed I was desirable to the men, but the truth be known I was just easy. Well since I have lost weight that has stopped. I no longer have FWB. If I am not good enough for a man to take out on a date, been seen together in a social setting and want to actually spend time with me, I am not good for the other either. I think a lot of overweight people will do this, settle for less than ideal rather than nothing at all. Whether it be getting involved with people who are not the best for you or having intimate relationships that are without a relationship, obese people will put others before themselves. I think with weight loss after surgery we begin to find some confidence. We want better for ourselves. And those who have used us don't always like this change. They accuse us of being different people, that we have "changed"- like it is a bad thing. What has changed is we are learning to love ourselves enough to want better. And yes, it does often lead to changes within our social and familial dynamics.

Ok..I am a Quest bar junkie. Let me be clear about that. No more than one a day though for good reason. While a few posters are saying the Fiber numbers are inaccurate, I am here to tell you there is a good amount of fiber in them. How do I know? Probably because I went about a week without them and when I started eating again I spent a good amount of time visiting my bathroom! Yes, they ARE good for that! ( FYI to those with constipation issues) I have read online sources about impending lawsuits due to mislabeling. but I also read the response from the Quest brand CEO. He emphatically denies the allegations and will fight any lawsuit. ( For the record there has been talk of said lawsuit for some time, but no follow through as of yet) They have had their nutritional information evaluated from independent sources and the results are the same as the labeling. That being said they are sort of high in calories and carbs but low in sugar. The carbs are mostly from fiber, which to me is a good thing. ( They fall well under my bariatric team's guidelines for sugar intake) The calories may be high, but I take that into account with my daily totals. I am always rushed and cannot make time in the morning for a lean, Protein dense Breakfast. Therefore, Quest bars are my meal of choice. I purchase at GNC, have been for many months. They are always buy 3 get one free, with the occasional sale of buy two get one free. I find that better than buying by the case. Also, I like variety. I can pick and choose the flavors I want. While they do offer variety boxes, I prefer to make my own variety pack. ( also cheaper)

RJ... I am late to the party but I most certainly want to chime in my two cents. My take on what happened is that doctor is one of many uneducated (to bariatrics) people out there who have uninformed opinions about weight loss surgery. There are MANY people, even in the medical field(s), that believe any type of wls is taking " the easy way out". I believe Dr Chubbs is one of those folks. He was seeing you for a complication you developed stemming back to your original surgery. I think he was passing judgment. He probably thought you wouldn't be in there, having to deal with this abscess after a long list of complications, if you had not "taken the easy way out". His response was very telling. He didn't expect you to give such an amazing number as your lost weight, and probably had some snide comment ready about putting yourself through all of it for nothing. But then you knocked that ball out of the air by giving your stats, hence the " ummmm...that's not bad". What else could he say? He probably did want to say more, much more. But the facts are you have successfully lost weight from your weight loss surgery. You have absolutely suffered more than your fair share of complications and for that I say GOD LOVE YOU. Yet at the end of the day, you weigh 211lbs less than you did. And for that you succeed. Dr. Chubbs sounds like he needs to get his own body in check. He has a high stress job and carrying that extra weight certainly won't be good for him. He may end up in that E.R. bed right next to you next time....LOL

No, I have not yet obtained "one-derland". No, I am not at goal. But today is still a special and important day to me none the less. Today I hit the 100 lbs lost mark. It is a deeply profound number to me. I have lost 100 lbs. It feels wonderful to say...( although it is tinged with some guilt to admit I had that much to lose to start with) I still have 76 lbs to lose to hit my ideal goal weight. It has taken me just shy of a year post op to make it down to my current weight, so as you can see I am NOT a fast loser. But here is what I am...I am a loser. I am a winner for being that loser. I have lost the equivalent of a small human being. ( not that darn small either!) I am 100 lbs thinner than I was when I started. Today I am celebrating this positive and not focusing on negative. ( That it has taken me almost a year, that I still have 76 lbs more to lose) I have a renewed sense of hope. While goal still seems so far away, a year ago 100lbs seemed like an insurmountable amount to lose. Not everyone who has spent most of their adult life morbidly obese gets to utter the words " I have lost 100lbs". I feel such joy. I feel that reaching my goal weight could be possible. I know my body is healthier today than just one year ago. My aches and pains have lessoned or disappeared. I can do more than I have in years. I fit places I only dreamed of, and can wear sizes I longed to see again. To anyone just starting this process please know it is not easy, but it is absolutely worth it. To anyone struggling with eating right, or not losing as fast as others please know it will happen. Have faith, give it time. This past year seems like a blink of the eye now that it has passed, yet during the year it has been hard. No, it has been more than hard. It is a constant emotional battle. I thought I was ready to go, as prepared as any one person could be for the surgery. But I fooled myself. I was ready for the physical, but certainly not the mental. I am just here to say I would not trade one day of it to get where I am now. I have lost 100 lbs. I have tears welling up, it makes me that emotional. I truly hated what had become of me physically, but now I am slowly learning to love myself again. It is dawning on me I am fairly close to "normal". Ok, I am still heavy. ( obese technically) But I am closer to normal now than I have been in 18+ years. I am still adjusting to being in social settings and not having that overwhelming feeling of shame for being the largest person in the room. I can walk through a mall ( or even recently through an airport) and I am just another person in the crowd. My size is no longer what I am instantly recognized or defined as. Trust me, that too is part of the mental battle. But it is becoming a part I am growing more and more comfortable with. I hated the fat lady, but she was I and I was her. Now I am just Rhonda.... minus 100 lbs!