gamergirl

Bad news. I've been depressed, lethargic and feeling blah, meh, blue, and blobby for the last three days. Good news: There is absolutely NOTHING wrong IRL, so I know this is just recovery/hormones.
 
I don't know what the heck is wrong with my body but really, everything is going well surgery-wise. No problem with intake, protein, fluids, etc. Blood tests came back looking great.
 
I'm just down.
 
I knew this would happen, but I didn't think it would last thing long. This whole week, I've struggled to do much of anything. I lack vim and vinegar and zip and zing. Over the last 3 days, it's been more pronounced. I'm sort of slug-like right now, and I'd like the old me back please. I suspect so would my employees who aren't used to me being quite so out of it. They all know I had surgery, only one of them knows what kind.
 
R of course is bouncing all over the place like nothing happened, but I notice that he gets angry easily and is very sensitive these days--which is his version of depression. So we're both having to be a bit gentle with each other and cut the other some slack. He's been great about giving me room to be depressed instead of trying to talk me out of it. I'm trying to do the same for him.
 
I lost a pitch yesterday. I HATE HATE HATE losing. I could not have made any profit at the price they finally paid another company, so it was okay to lose it.
 
But what surprised me was that my body reacted immediately and badly to it. As soon as I read the email, I broke out in a cold sweat and almost passed out. No exaggeration.
 
I think my new tummy handles emotion/adrenaline differently. I noticed this when we tried to watch a movie right after the surgery and the rather tame thriller upset my stomach and my nervous system so badly I had to stop watching it. I think with a smaller tummy, the same rush of adrenaline doesn't feel as it used to. It's a horrible, uncomfortable, tense feeling and you want it to go away. Don't know if all adrenaline junkies have to deal with this or not, but I now know that *I* have to deal with this.
 
I want to kick myself in the pants and "snap out of it". I'm keeping it from getting worse, but I haven't snapped out of it yet.
 
Welcome to recovery, emo-style

My dad arrives from India today so I have to make something his 90-year body (and teeth) can enjoy, AND tomorrow is soft foods day for us! yay! We were told to eat meats that were out of a crockpot or pressure cooker so they were soft. So here goes.
 
This is massively modified from Anupy Singla's Indian Crockpot book to a) not make enough to feed the entire state of Texas and not to blow the roof off your head with her version of spice.
 
I'm Indian. Believe me when I tell you, this is the BEST chicken curry I have ever had and the EASIEST.
 
Ingredients
1 onion peeled & quartered
5 garlic cloves peeled
2 inches ginger root sliced roughly
2 tomatoes, quartered
I tsp salt
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
2 tsp turmeric
1 tsp garam masala, can buy ready mixed or use this recipe
1/2 cup greek yogurt
1.5 lbs of chicken, skinned
1 bag of baby spinach
1 2 inch piece cinnamon
4 green cardamom
2 whole cloves
 
Method
1. In a food processor, grind together everything except the chicken and the spinach and whole spices. Make a nice, smooth paste. This may take a few minutes, be patient.
2. Put the chicken pieces in a crockpot, and pour over the yummy-smelling sauce you just made. Put in whole spices
3. Chop up the spinach and add during the last hour of cooking.
4. Cook on low for 8 hours or high for 4 until chicken is tender.
 
Us Sleevers may have to eat the chicken without the sauce and eat the sauce separately.
 
Makes 6 servings of chicken (3 oz each, 21 gms of protein each.

Bad news. I've been depressed, lethargic and feeling blah, meh, blue, and blobby for the last three days. Good news: There is absolutely NOTHING wrong IRL, so I know this is just recovery/hormones.
 
I don't know what the heck is wrong with my body but really, everything is going well surgery-wise. No problem with intake, protein, fluids, etc. Blood tests came back looking great.
 
I'm just down.
 
I knew this would happen, but I didn't think it would last thing long. This whole week, I've struggled to do much of anything. I lack vim and vinegar and zip and zing. Over the last 3 days, it's been more pronounced. I'm sort of slug-like right now, and I'd like the old me back please. I suspect so would my employees who aren't used to me being quite so out of it. They all know I had surgery, only one of them knows what kind.
 
R of course is bouncing all over the place like nothing happened, but I notice that he gets angry easily and is very sensitive these days--which is his version of depression. So we're both having to be a bit gentle with each other and cut the other some slack. He's been great about giving me room to be depressed instead of trying to talk me out of it. I'm trying to do the same for him.
 
I lost a pitch yesterday. I HATE HATE HATE losing. I could not have made any profit at the price they finally paid another company, so it was okay to lose it.
 
But what surprised me was that my body reacted immediately and badly to it. As soon as I read the email, I broke out in a cold sweat and almost passed out. No exaggeration.
 
I think my new tummy handles emotion/adrenaline differently. I noticed this when we tried to watch a movie right after the surgery and the rather tame thriller upset my stomach and my nervous system so badly I had to stop watching it. I think with a smaller tummy, the same rush of adrenaline doesn't feel as it used to. It's a horrible, uncomfortable, tense feeling and you want it to go away. Don't know if all adrenaline junkies have to deal with this or not, but I now know that *I* have to deal with this.
 
I want to kick myself in the pants and "snap out of it". I'm keeping it from getting worse, but I haven't snapped out of it yet.
 
Welcome to recovery, emo-style

Bad news. I've been depressed, lethargic and feeling blah, meh, blue, and blobby for the last three days. Good news: There is absolutely NOTHING wrong IRL, so I know this is just recovery/hormones.
 
I don't know what the heck is wrong with my body but really, everything is going well surgery-wise. No problem with intake, protein, fluids, etc. Blood tests came back looking great.
 
I'm just down.
 
I knew this would happen, but I didn't think it would last thing long. This whole week, I've struggled to do much of anything. I lack vim and vinegar and zip and zing. Over the last 3 days, it's been more pronounced. I'm sort of slug-like right now, and I'd like the old me back please. I suspect so would my employees who aren't used to me being quite so out of it. They all know I had surgery, only one of them knows what kind.
 
R of course is bouncing all over the place like nothing happened, but I notice that he gets angry easily and is very sensitive these days--which is his version of depression. So we're both having to be a bit gentle with each other and cut the other some slack. He's been great about giving me room to be depressed instead of trying to talk me out of it. I'm trying to do the same for him.
 
I lost a pitch yesterday. I HATE HATE HATE losing. I could not have made any profit at the price they finally paid another company, so it was okay to lose it.
 
But what surprised me was that my body reacted immediately and badly to it. As soon as I read the email, I broke out in a cold sweat and almost passed out. No exaggeration.
 
I think my new tummy handles emotion/adrenaline differently. I noticed this when we tried to watch a movie right after the surgery and the rather tame thriller upset my stomach and my nervous system so badly I had to stop watching it. I think with a smaller tummy, the same rush of adrenaline doesn't feel as it used to. It's a horrible, uncomfortable, tense feeling and you want it to go away. Don't know if all adrenaline junkies have to deal with this or not, but I now know that *I* have to deal with this.
 
I want to kick myself in the pants and "snap out of it". I'm keeping it from getting worse, but I haven't snapped out of it yet.
 
Welcome to recovery, emo-style

I feel like a different part of my brain has been activated over the last few weeks. Look at how much we all have to learn to prepare for this surgery. When was the last time you used the words "pyloric valve" in polite conversation, on a regular basis?
 
Eight weeks ago, I didn't realize I would be a "sleever", a "post-op" a "full liquids" stage. I was just me, loving life, my job, my husband, my kids, and reading Sci-Fi if I wanted to learn new words (China Mieville, anyone?)
 
Unfortunately, today I also know things like "sliders", "pre-op cheating", "slow loser", "stall", "head hunger", "weight re-gain", "falling off the wagon". And now, these words I've never used before have become imbued with emotions, with meaning--and another way to judge myself and others. Now these words are emotion-laden, and I have to work to make them rational. Now, if I'm not careful, I will categorize myself by these words and find another way in which I could be seen to have failed. For someone who is as motivated as am I by the fear of failure, now these can be new weapons.
 
Unless I refuse to let that happen.
 
Unless I say to myself and those around me, that everyday that I stick to the plan is a successful day. That everyday I veer off the plan is an opportunity presented to me to triumph the next day. That this is my new life, and I intend to live it, enjoy it, succeed at it, and let the Universe unfold the way it should.
 
So I will try not to throw out the old, happy life I had, and live instead by one where I can succeed or fail daily based on an outcome I may not be able to control--like when I stall, or what I lose. I can only control what I do, and that part, I know how to live by that.

GamerGirl writes some of the best stuff.....I didn't want to lose this, so I'm keeping it on my "blog".......the 2nd week after surgery I had 5 days where my weight stayed the same......was it a stall? I didn't know and didn't care.......with everything I've read about VSG, I knew there would be bumps on this journey and not to get discouraged......but for more information, GG has posted some great reads below.
 
 
 
Source: This is a Public Service Announcement concerning Stalls & Plateaus

Just because I understand why we plateau from time to time doesn't mean I have to like it. Which is just as well, because I do not like it.
 
I thought I would be really blase and nonchalant during this time of stalling because intellectually, I was prepared for it. What I'm realizing is that intellectual is the least of my problems. Isn't it always emotions that give you the highs and lows in life? How do you prepare for that?
 
How do you prepare for the fact that your heart and your head will clash, and that you will start to wonder if you are a freak of nature? That you are doing something wrong, hence the stall? That you were so excited about the weight coming off, and now, you're not losing any for a little bit? How do you keep the faith, that this is the thing that's going to work when every other diet you've tried has failed?
 
It brings back emotions and memories of all the other times I've tried whole-heartedly to lose weight by following the "latest science" and failed. Every one of those diets had oodles of testimonials of people that had made that plan work, and had lost all kinds of weight from doing it. I was the only freak of nature that couldn't lose it--or so I thought. Of course, I see from this board that there were thousands of others, equally frustrated and equally unsuccessful. But nevertheless, what worked for the vocal majority, the others did not work for me, in those cases. It brings back feelings of failure, or lack of success, of fear that nothing was ever going to work.
 
I suppose it is possible that the sleeve is the same for me--but I know it is not probable.
 
Fortunately, both R and I are stalled. If one of us was losing and the other wasn't, there would all kinds of conversation and superstitious behavior about mimic'ing exactly what the other was doing to lose the weight. Fortunately we've been spared that madness. This time. Next time it may not work like that so how are we going to get ready for that next time?
 
Even though I told myself there would be no second guessing, I am of course, second guessing. It's hard for my scientist-mind to not immediately attribute the stall to the fact that we were told to increase our calories and our carbs. Never mind that we were barely functional at previous levels, and that I still have be able to function and make a living, my cause-and-effect wired brain wants to know what would happen if I went back to the old calorie and carb levels?
 
THIS. This is what I said I would NOT do. This constant second-guessing, this "what if" scenario planning, this emotional ditch. This is what I told myself I would stay away from because I knew the "facts".
 
So I guess time to "man up" and do that eh? Time to put my money where my mouth was, time to feel whatever I feel, but to not allow it to influence my actions. To keep to the plan, and let go out of the outcome, you big control-freak. To look at this time as a time of growth, where you learn to let go--and still succeed.
 
So today, my task is the same as it was yesterday. Eat my protein, drink my water, exercise--and try to have a good, productive, love-filled day.
 
Wish me luck.

Just because I understand why we plateau from time to time doesn't mean I have to like it. Which is just as well, because I do not like it.
 
I thought I would be really blase and nonchalant during this time of stalling because intellectually, I was prepared for it. What I'm realizing is that intellectual is the least of my problems. Isn't it always emotions that give you the highs and lows in life? How do you prepare for that?
 
How do you prepare for the fact that your heart and your head will clash, and that you will start to wonder if you are a freak of nature? That you are doing something wrong, hence the stall? That you were so excited about the weight coming off, and now, you're not losing any for a little bit? How do you keep the faith, that this is the thing that's going to work when every other diet you've tried has failed?
 
It brings back emotions and memories of all the other times I've tried whole-heartedly to lose weight by following the "latest science" and failed. Every one of those diets had oodles of testimonials of people that had made that plan work, and had lost all kinds of weight from doing it. I was the only freak of nature that couldn't lose it--or so I thought. Of course, I see from this board that there were thousands of others, equally frustrated and equally unsuccessful. But nevertheless, what worked for the vocal majority, the others did not work for me, in those cases. It brings back feelings of failure, or lack of success, of fear that nothing was ever going to work.
 
I suppose it is possible that the sleeve is the same for me--but I know it is not probable.
 
Fortunately, both R and I are stalled. If one of us was losing and the other wasn't, there would all kinds of conversation and superstitious behavior about mimic'ing exactly what the other was doing to lose the weight. Fortunately we've been spared that madness. This time. Next time it may not work like that so how are we going to get ready for that next time?
 
Even though I told myself there would be no second guessing, I am of course, second guessing. It's hard for my scientist-mind to not immediately attribute the stall to the fact that we were told to increase our calories and our carbs. Never mind that we were barely functional at previous levels, and that I still have be able to function and make a living, my cause-and-effect wired brain wants to know what would happen if I went back to the old calorie and carb levels?
 
THIS. This is what I said I would NOT do. This constant second-guessing, this "what if" scenario planning, this emotional ditch. This is what I told myself I would stay away from because I knew the "facts".
 
So I guess time to "man up" and do that eh? Time to put my money where my mouth was, time to feel whatever I feel, but to not allow it to influence my actions. To keep to the plan, and let go out of the outcome, you big control-freak. To look at this time as a time of growth, where you learn to let go--and still succeed.
 
So today, my task is the same as it was yesterday. Eat my protein, drink my water, exercise--and try to have a good, productive, love-filled day.
 
Wish me luck.

No sense lying on this blog. I went on a carb bender last night. I'm scheduled to be sleeved on Aug. 22 and am supposed to be on a liquid diet. Note: if you are thinking about posting a comment telling me that maybe I'm not ready for surgery (mentally or physically) or how dangerous this is, etc., please do us both a favor and refrain. Nothing you could say could make me feel worse than I already do.
 
Not looking for excuses but instead explanations so that I don't let this happen again. I still have 4 days to eat clean before surgery. Here's what I discovered:
 
The quitting smoking/drinking has been weighing on me. Those were two of my favorite coping mechanisms and they are gone. Yesterday, I took my son, daughter, and two of their friends to an amusement park for my son's birthday. I was exhausted. My brand new CR-V died on the way home from the park. I took the boys out for Steak and Shake dinner while I sipped water. All the sudden, an overwhelming feeling of aloneness and self pity snuck in. (I know...I know... I should be feeling GRATEFUL about the privilege of having this surgery). I ate a pastry crisp. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then a PB&J. Then drank some milk. It was HORRIBLE. It brought back all those feelings of the past 10 years of feeling completely out of control when it comes to food. For me, once I put carbs in my body, I am sunk -- the cravings are insane. So...I did what I've been doing for the past 10 years -- beat the absolutely hell out of myself mentally and woke up feeling absolutely defeated.
 
Some lessons from the experience:
 
1. Don't let myself get too exhausted mentally or physically. I felt like I "had" to take the kids to the amusement park because it was my son's birthday, but I probably shouldn't have tried that under the circumstances.
 
2. I'm going to have to be super gentle with myself through this process. On the liquid part, I am consuming less than 700 calories per day. I'm also super emotional and on edge because of the surgery coming up. This all means that I need to slow down and cut myself some slack. Sit and watch TV. Troll the internet. Whatever...I don't have to clean, cook, run around town for these next few days.
 
3. In contrast to the "be super gentle," it's also time to get really firm about some things. It is time that I am going to have to exercise some discipline and self-control no matter how hard, how emotional, how much of a bad day I'm having. Food, smoking, and drinking aren't acceptable answers any longer. Period.
 
That raises the issue of asking, "Ok, but as a practical matter, HOW am I going to do better?" I resolve to:
 
a. Type a call for help on to this forum and wait 30 minutes before I eat.
b. Drink a big glass of water, Isopure, or crystal light while I'm waiting.
c. Make a list of at least 3 things that I will enjoy about being healthier.
d. If I still feel like eating, chose something with no carbs and no sweetness.
 
Here's to a diligent, self-controlled Sunday....
 
-Angela

After all the obsessing, the second-guessing, the tears, the food funerals, the binges "pre the pre-op," the failures on the pre-op, the successes on the pre-op, the hours reading on this site. And now.... the surgery is tomorrow!
 
Some musings:
 
--As I've posted, as surgery gets closer, I get calmer. Or at least that has been true up until today. I am going to post tonight to see if I start freaking out again, but right now I am solid and confident that this will all go well and I'll be very happy with the results.
 
--As I look around my community at women and men who are as overweight or more overweight as I am, I feel such compassion. I know how that feels to be in this body and not believe I could ever get out. The feeling of a sugar binge, the out of control feeling, the horrible remorse and beating of self, then the starving myself to "make up for" the binge. And then the entire cycle starting again. So many people will remain stuck there because they don't know about the surgical option, cannot afford the surgical option, or are too scared to go with the surgical option. I feel so blessed today. Although I have no illusions about how tough this is going to be, at least I have hope of a real and lasting change.
 
--I keep remembering my surgeon telling me that this is the only real cure for obesity. A CURE - not a bandaid this time!
 
--The risks of this surgery are less than the risk of gallbladder surgery or hip replacement surgery. I have weighed the risks and benefits and I'm not going to start the mental mindf--ck of second guessing myself this late in the game. Now is not the time to start re-questioning my decision. I thought long and hard about this before I made my decision. Now is the time to trust.
 
--I'm feeling grateful for this forum. It has been such a blessing to be able to read about your experiences, share my experiences, ask for help, ask for advice, and receive inspiration and support. You guys are like an online family. Only a lot more understanding about the weight stuff LOL!
 
--Because I am so grateful for being able to learn about this process by reading your experiences, I am resolved to "give back" by blogging my own experience. I've blogged pre-op. I fully intend to blog as soon as I get home from surgery and for the time I am home from work so that others can get another perspective on "what it is really like."
 
Okay...that's it for me this morning.
 
I'll check in tonight.
 
P.S. I stayed on my pre-op diet again yesterday - put together 3 days plus today (assuming I stick to it). Also, 2 week anniversary of quitting smoking. I rarely have cravings and I love not always wondering "where are my cigarettes?" "do I have enough cigarettes?" "how much longer til my kids go to bed so that I can sneak outside and have a cigarette." Etc.
 
Love to all,
Keep the faith,
Angela

Omg I just made the best lobster "bisque". I made it up as I went, hence the note below.
 
Half an onion sliced thin
3 cloves garlic smashed
1in ginger sliced thin and julienned
5 Campari tomatoes
1/2 head cauliflower
3 c chicken stock
2 tablespoons pesto
1 lb frozen langoustine or lobster (see note below)
Salt
Pepper
 
Sauté onions, garlic and ginger until browned (I used ghee, you can use fat of choice or spray w Pam). Pour in chicken broth and dump everything except frozen langoustine. Season with salt and pepper. Cook until veggies are tender. Put in langoustines and cook over slow heat until cooked through.
 
Purée soup until smooth and voila!
 
Note: We took out two cups of soup and puréed 6 oz of langoustines. That gives us 3 oz each or 14 gms of protein! I'm saving the rest to purée with shrimp tomorrow. If I had a recipe, I might not have so much soup left over but it's very good.
 
Rich, creamy, flavorful and maybe I won't have to do another protein shake tonight. I've had worse in pricey restaurants.

I feel like a different part of my brain has been activated over the last few weeks. Look at how much we all have to learn to prepare for this surgery. When was the last time you used the words "pyloric valve" in polite conversation, on a regular basis?
 
Eight weeks ago, I didn't realize I would be a "sleever", a "post-op" a "full liquids" stage. I was just me, loving life, my job, my husband, my kids, and reading Sci-Fi if I wanted to learn new words (China Mieville, anyone?)
 
Unfortunately, today I also know things like "sliders", "pre-op cheating", "slow loser", "stall", "head hunger", "weight re-gain", "falling off the wagon". And now, these words I've never used before have become imbued with emotions, with meaning--and another way to judge myself and others. Now these words are emotion-laden, and I have to work to make them rational. Now, if I'm not careful, I will categorize myself by these words and find another way in which I could be seen to have failed. For someone who is as motivated as am I by the fear of failure, now these can be new weapons.
 
Unless I refuse to let that happen.
 
Unless I say to myself and those around me, that everyday that I stick to the plan is a successful day. That everyday I veer off the plan is an opportunity presented to me to triumph the next day. That this is my new life, and I intend to live it, enjoy it, succeed at it, and let the Universe unfold the way it should.
 
So I will try not to throw out the old, happy life I had, and live instead by one where I can succeed or fail daily based on an outcome I may not be able to control--like when I stall, or what I lose. I can only control what I do, and that part, I know how to live by that.

I feel like a different part of my brain has been activated over the last few weeks. Look at how much we all have to learn to prepare for this surgery. When was the last time you used the words "pyloric valve" in polite conversation, on a regular basis?
 
Eight weeks ago, I didn't realize I would be a "sleever", a "post-op" a "full liquids" stage. I was just me, loving life, my job, my husband, my kids, and reading Sci-Fi if I wanted to learn new words (China Mieville, anyone?)
 
Unfortunately, today I also know things like "sliders", "pre-op cheating", "slow loser", "stall", "head hunger", "weight re-gain", "falling off the wagon". And now, these words I've never used before have become imbued with emotions, with meaning--and another way to judge myself and others. Now these words are emotion-laden, and I have to work to make them rational. Now, if I'm not careful, I will categorize myself by these words and find another way in which I could be seen to have failed. For someone who is as motivated as am I by the fear of failure, now these can be new weapons.
 
Unless I refuse to let that happen.
 
Unless I say to myself and those around me, that everyday that I stick to the plan is a successful day. That everyday I veer off the plan is an opportunity presented to me to triumph the next day. That this is my new life, and I intend to live it, enjoy it, succeed at it, and let the Universe unfold the way it should.
 
So I will try not to throw out the old, happy life I had, and live instead by one where I can succeed or fail daily based on an outcome I may not be able to control--like when I stall, or what I lose. I can only control what I do, and that part, I know how to live by that.

I feel like a different part of my brain has been activated over the last few weeks. Look at how much we all have to learn to prepare for this surgery. When was the last time you used the words "pyloric valve" in polite conversation, on a regular basis?
 
Eight weeks ago, I didn't realize I would be a "sleever", a "post-op" a "full liquids" stage. I was just me, loving life, my job, my husband, my kids, and reading Sci-Fi if I wanted to learn new words (China Mieville, anyone?)
 
Unfortunately, today I also know things like "sliders", "pre-op cheating", "slow loser", "stall", "head hunger", "weight re-gain", "falling off the wagon". And now, these words I've never used before have become imbued with emotions, with meaning--and another way to judge myself and others. Now these words are emotion-laden, and I have to work to make them rational. Now, if I'm not careful, I will categorize myself by these words and find another way in which I could be seen to have failed. For someone who is as motivated as am I by the fear of failure, now these can be new weapons.
 
Unless I refuse to let that happen.
 
Unless I say to myself and those around me, that everyday that I stick to the plan is a successful day. That everyday I veer off the plan is an opportunity presented to me to triumph the next day. That this is my new life, and I intend to live it, enjoy it, succeed at it, and let the Universe unfold the way it should.
 
So I will try not to throw out the old, happy life I had, and live instead by one where I can succeed or fail daily based on an outcome I may not be able to control--like when I stall, or what I lose. I can only control what I do, and that part, I know how to live by that.

I feel like a different part of my brain has been activated over the last few weeks. Look at how much we all have to learn to prepare for this surgery. When was the last time you used the words "pyloric valve" in polite conversation, on a regular basis?
 
Eight weeks ago, I didn't realize I would be a "sleever", a "post-op" a "full liquids" stage. I was just me, loving life, my job, my husband, my kids, and reading Sci-Fi if I wanted to learn new words (China Mieville, anyone?)
 
Unfortunately, today I also know things like "sliders", "pre-op cheating", "slow loser", "stall", "head hunger", "weight re-gain", "falling off the wagon". And now, these words I've never used before have become imbued with emotions, with meaning--and another way to judge myself and others. Now these words are emotion-laden, and I have to work to make them rational. Now, if I'm not careful, I will categorize myself by these words and find another way in which I could be seen to have failed. For someone who is as motivated as am I by the fear of failure, now these can be new weapons.
 
Unless I refuse to let that happen.
 
Unless I say to myself and those around me, that everyday that I stick to the plan is a successful day. That everyday I veer off the plan is an opportunity presented to me to triumph the next day. That this is my new life, and I intend to live it, enjoy it, succeed at it, and let the Universe unfold the way it should.
 
So I will try not to throw out the old, happy life I had, and live instead by one where I can succeed or fail daily based on an outcome I may not be able to control--like when I stall, or what I lose. I can only control what I do, and that part, I know how to live by that.

Made up this recipe tonight by simplifying a cookbook one. Very rich mushroom flavor. Enjoy!
 
1 onion sliced thin
3 gloves garlic crushed
4 c mixed fresh mushrooms
1 sweet potato peeled and diced
1lb boneless skinless chicken breast
3 c Chicken Stock
Salt
pepper
Dried Oregano & thyme or Poultry Seasoning
2 c water or broth for pureeing
 
Simple Recipe: put all ingredients In a pot and boil until chicken is tender (medium low). Purée adding 2 additional c of broth or more.
 
Slightly more fidgety recipe: Sauté onions and garlic until soft and lightly caramelized. Caramelize sweet potato at the edges. Add remaining ingredients. Pressure cook for 7 mins (high) or cook on stove until chicken is tender (low-medium heat). Purée adding stock to thin as necessary. This is how I made it to get the sweetness and a richer depth of flavor from the veg, but it will taste good either way.
 
Makes 10 cups. Each c has 1.5 oz of chicken for 11 gms of protein.

I got this from the "Eating well after weight loss surgery" book. I've modified for my usual shortcuts
 
http://www.amazon.co...t loss surgery
 
Ingredients
1 cup cauliflower steamed in microwave for 5 minutes until very soft
Cooking Spray
1/4 c onion chopped
1 tsp chopped garlic
1 oz low fat ham (I used a little bacon)
1/4 tsp lemon pepper
1 bottle clam juice
1 c evaporated fat free milk
1/2 Lb shrimp shelled, cleaned deveined
salt
Pepper
( I added paprika)
 
Directions
1. Spray large saucepan with cooking spray and cook onions, garlic & ham/bacon until soft and brown
2. Add lemon pepper, clam juice, evaporated milk, cauliflower and shrimp and let it come to a boil, stirring often. Cook until shrimp are pink.
3. Add salt, pepper, paprika.
4. Puree in vitamix or blender.
 
SOOO yummy! Tastes like a creamy bisque with potatoes, thanks to the cauliflower.
 
Serves 4
 
Calories: 130
Protein: 22 gms (!!)
Fat: 1.3 gms
Carbs: 11 gms

Omg I just made the best lobster "bisque". I made it up as I went, hence the note below.
 
Half an onion sliced thin
3 cloves garlic smashed
1in ginger sliced thin and julienned
5 Campari tomatoes
1/2 head cauliflower
3 c chicken stock
2 tablespoons pesto
1 lb frozen langoustine or lobster (see note below)
Salt
Pepper
 
Sauté onions, garlic and ginger until browned (I used ghee, you can use fat of choice or spray w Pam). Pour in chicken broth and dump everything except frozen langoustine. Season with salt and pepper. Cook until veggies are tender. Put in langoustines and cook over slow heat until cooked through.
 
Purée soup until smooth and voila!
 
Note: We took out two cups of soup and puréed 6 oz of langoustines. That gives us 3 oz each or 14 gms of protein! I'm saving the rest to purée with shrimp tomorrow. If I had a recipe, I might not have so much soup left over but it's very good.
 
Rich, creamy, flavorful and maybe I won't have to do another protein shake tonight. I've had worse in pricey restaurants.

I feel like a different part of my brain has been activated over the last few weeks. Look at how much we all have to learn to prepare for this surgery. When was the last time you used the words "pyloric valve" in polite conversation, on a regular basis?
 
Eight weeks ago, I didn't realize I would be a "sleever", a "post-op" a "full liquids" stage. I was just me, loving life, my job, my husband, my kids, and reading Sci-Fi if I wanted to learn new words (China Mieville, anyone?)
 
Unfortunately, today I also know things like "sliders", "pre-op cheating", "slow loser", "stall", "head hunger", "weight re-gain", "falling off the wagon". And now, these words I've never used before have become imbued with emotions, with meaning--and another way to judge myself and others. Now these words are emotion-laden, and I have to work to make them rational. Now, if I'm not careful, I will categorize myself by these words and find another way in which I could be seen to have failed. For someone who is as motivated as am I by the fear of failure, now these can be new weapons.
 
Unless I refuse to let that happen.
 
Unless I say to myself and those around me, that everyday that I stick to the plan is a successful day. That everyday I veer off the plan is an opportunity presented to me to triumph the next day. That this is my new life, and I intend to live it, enjoy it, succeed at it, and let the Universe unfold the way it should.
 
So I will try not to throw out the old, happy life I had, and live instead by one where I can succeed or fail daily based on an outcome I may not be able to control--like when I stall, or what I lose. I can only control what I do, and that part, I know how to live by that.

I feel like a different part of my brain has been activated over the last few weeks. Look at how much we all have to learn to prepare for this surgery. When was the last time you used the words "pyloric valve" in polite conversation, on a regular basis?
 
Eight weeks ago, I didn't realize I would be a "sleever", a "post-op" a "full liquids" stage. I was just me, loving life, my job, my husband, my kids, and reading Sci-Fi if I wanted to learn new words (China Mieville, anyone?)
 
Unfortunately, today I also know things like "sliders", "pre-op cheating", "slow loser", "stall", "head hunger", "weight re-gain", "falling off the wagon". And now, these words I've never used before have become imbued with emotions, with meaning--and another way to judge myself and others. Now these words are emotion-laden, and I have to work to make them rational. Now, if I'm not careful, I will categorize myself by these words and find another way in which I could be seen to have failed. For someone who is as motivated as am I by the fear of failure, now these can be new weapons.
 
Unless I refuse to let that happen.
 
Unless I say to myself and those around me, that everyday that I stick to the plan is a successful day. That everyday I veer off the plan is an opportunity presented to me to triumph the next day. That this is my new life, and I intend to live it, enjoy it, succeed at it, and let the Universe unfold the way it should.
 
So I will try not to throw out the old, happy life I had, and live instead by one where I can succeed or fail daily based on an outcome I may not be able to control--like when I stall, or what I lose. I can only control what I do, and that part, I know how to live by that.

I feel like a different part of my brain has been activated over the last few weeks. Look at how much we all have to learn to prepare for this surgery. When was the last time you used the words "pyloric valve" in polite conversation, on a regular basis?
 
Eight weeks ago, I didn't realize I would be a "sleever", a "post-op" a "full liquids" stage. I was just me, loving life, my job, my husband, my kids, and reading Sci-Fi if I wanted to learn new words (China Mieville, anyone?)
 
Unfortunately, today I also know things like "sliders", "pre-op cheating", "slow loser", "stall", "head hunger", "weight re-gain", "falling off the wagon". And now, these words I've never used before have become imbued with emotions, with meaning--and another way to judge myself and others. Now these words are emotion-laden, and I have to work to make them rational. Now, if I'm not careful, I will categorize myself by these words and find another way in which I could be seen to have failed. For someone who is as motivated as am I by the fear of failure, now these can be new weapons.
 
Unless I refuse to let that happen.
 
Unless I say to myself and those around me, that everyday that I stick to the plan is a successful day. That everyday I veer off the plan is an opportunity presented to me to triumph the next day. That this is my new life, and I intend to live it, enjoy it, succeed at it, and let the Universe unfold the way it should.
 
So I will try not to throw out the old, happy life I had, and live instead by one where I can succeed or fail daily based on an outcome I may not be able to control--like when I stall, or what I lose. I can only control what I do, and that part, I know how to live by that.

When pre-sleeved, I wondered what it was going to feel like right after the surgery. i read everything I could, but I still wanted more, more, more. I'm writing about my experiences to give back to the community that helped me prepare for this surgery. It's a very long post but hopefully it answers some questions about what we might go through, physically, mentally and emotionally.
 
I'm 5'6, HW 230, SW 222, CW 215.4 and I'm 47 years old.
 
Day of Surgery (Friday)
I find myself calm, not nervous and ready and prepared thanks to hours spent on this site. I move to a gurney where they inject me, and the next thing i know I'm waking up and there's an oxygen mask on my nose.I keep trying to take it off, and they tell me not to, that I need the oxygen. I fight it a little. Finally, I say I know I'm not supposed to take it off, but I need to breathe, I'll put it back. The doctor checks on me and sees me fighting it, and says it's okay to take it off. I tell them I'm nauseated and they give me something.
 
I feel so little pain that in my dream state, I keep waking up from a half-sleep thinking, Oh I have to go to surgery today. And then my brain reminds me it's already over. I can't believe it. My husband comes out of his surgery and once he is awake, I make him walk with me. We push our IVs along, marveling at how okay we feel.
 
I'm okay, he's not so great. He's nauseated his chest feels tight, but there's not too much pain. We walk all day in little bits. My mouth is dry but I rinse it several times, and use my chapstick. We're fine.
 
Night-time is not fun. Nurses in and out every two hours, injecting one or the other of us. R has really bad heartburn so I'm trying to take care of him. We get through the night.
 
First Day Post-Op (Saturday)
Cannot WAIT for the ice chips! such a gourmet treat! They arrive and we find we can't really eat them as we should. Two little ice chips and it feels like you have an elephant on your chest. R is worrying about shoulder and chest pain, and I assure him it's not a heart-attack, just gas pains, and keep walking. I nap a lot. He sneaks out and overdoes the walking and increases his pain. But the doc says his gut sounds better than mine, and to keep in mind that pain & symptoms don't mean a poor recovery.
 
I wonder how the heck we'll ever consume 64 oz of fluid.
 
Second Day Post Op (Sunday)
Time to go home. We get a bottle of grape juice. Yum! but again, can't imagine how I will finish that little 8 oz bottle. We drive for 12 hours today. Well, I drive. R sleeps the whole time, which is how his body recovers from anything he ever has. I'm happy to be able to do this for him. We stop in Austin to see my son, try to drink some Unjury chicken. The warm soup feels good. We sleep for an hour and I'm refreshed enough to drive home. Keep trying to drink, probably didn't even get in 16 oz this day.
 
That night, I force the fluids and I'm miserable. Walking up and down the hallways after a long day. I realize this is a lesson. If I ever overdo the food, this is what it's going to feel like. No bueno.
 
This is my "WTF did I just do?" day. Thanks to this forum, I know that's common and I let the emotions come.
 
Third Day Post Op (Monday)
Lots of sleeping going on but guess what? We can drink easier now! At least 38-40 oz today including a Nectar Fuzzy Navel! I'm amazed at the progress in just three days. I stop the pain pills. R is cranky and depressed today.We're arguing about stupid sh*t. I tell him it's the hormones, the trauma, the lack of calories and carbs and that it will all be okay. I do 20 mins on a stationary cycle, R walks the dog a mile.
 
Now my brain shifts to the big changes. Such as, if I'm not always thinking of food, what am I going to do with that spare time?
 
I kid you not. My existential crisis? What the hell am I going to pin on Pinterest now if not recipes?? I realize front and center food has been in my life and am so grateful we were able to get this surgery.
 
Fourth Day Post Op (Tuesday)
Feeling like a pro today! I forget I've had surgery and gulp. Ouch. But a shake, an unjury chicken soup, egg drop soup, 2 G-2s, and 2 popsicles! Yay me!
 
So of course, now that is good, I'm the weepy one today. There's nothing wrong, I just want to cry. But I don't cry easily so even though I try, I can't cry .
 
No pain, all good. R gets energy back. I'm not there yet and want to sleep. We go out to get something, I'm exhausted. But I do 2 ten minute sessions on the stationary bike. We try Chike with caffeine. Mistake. Feel sick.
 
Today I make an important decision. In the past, I've always focused on the outcome. Was I losing weight? No? Then let me change my diet AGAIN. How about now? No? So what if it's only been 4 days I better change again. This time, I will not do that. There's a plan here. 800 calories, 80 gms of protein, less than 50 of carbs, 64 oz of water, and walking/cycling. That's it. Until I hit goal, that's the plan. Focus on the plan and the results will follow. I know this from reading others' experiences. I decide to focus on my actions and let go of the outcome. Big move for a control freak
 
I tell R that now that I am not constantly searching for the best diet, the superfoods, the one ultimate way to lose weight, It has freed up so much psychic energy, that I'm shocked at how much of my time I had devoted to obsessing about my weight. I chose the best way for me. The time to stop looking is over. Time to start DOING.
 
 
Fifth Day Post Op (Wednesday)
Liquids not a problem. Protein not a problem. Can you believe that? It's only day 5 but we're getting all liquids in. What a change. I can NOT stay awake and sleep from 9:30 am - 12:30 pm though.
 
Work intrudes and I take 3 meetings over the phone. Couldn't have done that without the nap. I feel energized. We go out to run and errand and go to the grocery store to buy ingredients for soup which we will start on Saturday while the kids are home. The grocery is full of sample ladies and although I rarely ate samples, it's a different feeling when you can't. I feel different to everyone around me. I realize that I'm different from the others around me in one more new way, but it's a way that doesn't show, unlike my skin, my weight, my ethnicity. It makes me feel like I'm harboring a secret. Weird feeling.
 
I am happy I'll be able to cook again. I make my son an omelet with cheese, and I find I'm a little tempted but not bad. But I've had food dreams all day today. I want a grilled cheese sandwich with the crisp outer crust and the gooey cheese, I want tomato soup, I want chicken kebabs, I want, I want. I drink my shake. I will do nothing to compromise my recovery.
 
Sixth Day Post Op (Thursday)
The day has just started who knows what awaits, but R has lost 20 lbs in 3 weeks, and I've lost 15 lbs. Last time I lost 15 lbs it took 6 months of clean eating and walking 4 miles a day. I'll take this!
 
I now believe that I will lose the weight. I was sure I was going to be that freak of nature that couldn't lose it because I only lost 6 lbs on 2 weeks of pre-op, but now I believe. Today we will do our liquids, our protein, our walk/cycle and tomorrow will be a better day.
 
My next goal? Visualize myself thin, and be able to see myself wearing cute clothes and start pinning those on Pinterest. Not there yet.
 
What a difference six days can make!

I am a little over a week post-op and I am feeling great. The biggest change I feel is real strength around food. I was hardcore addicted and now my relationship with it feels so much closer to normal.
 
This weekend my father in law baked homemade cookies while I was visiting. He loves baking and in the past I would have obsessed over them. The smell, then my thoughts would be consumed with "Should I eat one? No, I'm too fat I need to stop...but I deserve one...everyone gets the have them why deprive myself?" Then I would go eat 5 or 6 and send the rest of the night feeling guilty and beat myself up. Certainly no way to live!
 
This weekend I smelled them an thought...oh that smells good. The end. No obsessing, no guilt...the cookies just rolled off my back. It is just so empowering. This really needs to stay. It freed my mind to think about life, family, the future etc... I am just thrilled I made this decision and need my strength to last.
 
Things are looking up!

So I am 3 weeks out from surgery! Can I get a woo hoo! I am starting to feel more like me and not a weight loss patient. As I see it this feeling can only improve as I progress. I can actually sit down with my family and have meals. Albeit I can't eat exactly what they are eating but I can eat with them and have my own plate of food (I am offically on soft foods for a week or so)! Been loving my fish soft veggies and chicken salad! I notice too I can tolerate a whole 1/4 sometimes even 1/2 of cup of food! I ate nearly a whole tomato (a very small tomato from my garden like gold ball size) and 1/2 cup of chicken salad yesterday. I freaked out! I actually called myself a pig to my hubby! WHAT?! My hubby looked at me and said are you kidding our 18 month old eats more than that?! Yeah he is right, I was just having a OMG moment. I get them sometimes even this early out! I had to get rid of some clothes this week. I had some things that were baggy and needed to go. I am not going to be one of those people who are going to wear saggy sad clothes. I like my clothes to fit, saggy butt is not cute! I have always looked nice no matter what size. It ain't changing! But as I was getting rid of things I thought really Shannon you might needs these again! Where the hell did this negative girl come from? I ofcourse pushed on and thought shut up negative nelly these clothes are outta here. What a feeling of accomplishment! The scale has tempted me this week! I hopped on today after swearing I was going to only weigh in on Fridays! I had lost but I don't want the scale to determine my success. I knew I had lost because my clothes were getting loose. That stupid number is just a number! But it still has power over me and I was glad it went down! This is something I am working on! Stalls WILL HAPPEN and I need toprepare myself for that. Previous diet attempts this is usually were I would give up and go on a binge so to speak! Not this time thanks to my sidekick sleevey! We are going to get through stalls like nobody's business! (I hope I don't became a blubbering mess!) Anyway, I am thankful so far for my surgery and feel I have a realistic mindset and postive attitude through the very short sleeved experience. Hope I can keep this sunny outlook! Things that are working for me are...
I don't track my food calories or carbs. Nor will I ever do that again! I eat a healthy balanced diet. I try to keep a rough count of protein and make sure I get my water for the day (all in my head). I go by how I feel. I know what 64oz of water is. I know what dehydration feels like and the signals that I need more. I didn't get this surgery to became obsessed with every bit of food that passes my lips! Which honestly is not very much! I did that before and I am not living like that again! It didn't work and caused eating to be a form of punishment and when I failed (i.e. ate a cupcake) I would beat myself up. Plus I have two girls and I don't want to pass on those negative traits to them. I remember my mom always being on a diet growing up and it affected how I was! I thought my self worth was based on my weight and clothes size. Right now while I am healing I have to change things up but my girls know mommy's tummy is healing. I am not dieting! If I have moments of weakness I don't let them see it. (like calling my self fat or pig!) I am not perfect but I am trying not to pass this to them!
I love food and different flavors and still do! So I experiement with different spices and mix it up. I always ate healthy foods before and enjoyed them but let my weak moments sabatoge all the good I put in.
I am following my guidelines but also listening to my body. For instance I was not suppose to start pureed for 2 weeks but at 1 week 5 days I needed a little more fuel to fill me up and moved to pureeds. I am not advocating this but I am very in tuned to my body and it worked for me. I am active and needed more than I was getting! Next week I may not be ready for "real" foods and may hang on soft foods longer. We will see!
I take my measurements every week! I have lost 14 inches from my thighs waist hips arms and bust! Lets me see how my body is shrinking! That is more exciting than weighing and will get me through those stalls!
I don't talk alot to others about my weight loss or surgery. If they mention it I say yeah I am feeling great and I am doing well and that is it. If they mention my weight loss I say Thank you! I am Shannon not a SLEEVE. I happened to have surgery but people who had gallbladder surgery don't constantly talk about it! This is my outlet for that not my real day to day life. I had the surgery to get healthy and prevent future health problems. Not for it to become who I am!
I do not do fat free sugar free. I eat real foods! I can't wait to not need the protein drinks and shakes! As soon as I can consume enough protein from foods they are going out with the trash! I believe real whole foods are best for my body!
I eat a piece of chocolate everyday (started back when I went to soft foods)! I buy the good stuff and have a square every night! It give me sweet dreams! Plus a small piece of dark chocolate has health benefits! Moderation is key here!
Well that is what is on my mind today! Go out and enjoy life and have a great day!

I got on the scale this morning, and I am now 190 lbs, my surgeon's goal! I had gone camping for a week with my son's Boy Scout troop, and did pretty much EVERYTHING wrong. I tried my best, but it was hard. I didn't get nearly enough protein, water, ate too fast, and ate not the right things. I got home and was down a lb. But then, the next day I was down 2 more. And the next day (today), down another. I have lost 84 lbs from my top weight. My wife and a few other people are telling me I am starting to look too skinny. I don't agree, I'd like to lose another 10 or so lbs. I'm still not even considered in the 'normal' range yet, 189 is the upper end of the normal range for 6'1".