gamergirl

I put on the dress that I have on in my before picture...I asked my 7 yr old to take a picture of me today! Just 2 months out! He said, "mom, you don't like taking pictures!" So I told him to just take it! I was so surprised when I did the side by side photo, what did we ever do without these!!! Holy crap...I SAW the difference!
 
Is it possible to look at yourself everyday and NOT see the changes? In my case YES!!! I'm still working on my mind seeing me as a lighter version of myself...and sometimes I just don't see it...but today I did! And for the first time in a long time I like what I am seeing!
 
Happy Friday, and thanks for listening to my rant!!!!

What an incredible journey so far! Today is the 9 month Anniversary of my surgery, and I am in the best shape of my life!! I feel great and I am keepin' on keepin' on. I can wear belts, now. Wooooohooooo! I am blown away with how easy things are for me physically, now that I have lost a super model (actually, they weigh less than 112, so I've lost a super model and a toddler). The benefits of my weight loss are too many to list, and I am so very thankful I made this decision to LIVE!!!
 
I am doing my very best to make the right food choices, and I am staying active. I am looking forward to what life has in store for me.
 
Thanks for listening!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

Just barely but I’m there. This is a term I learned from hanging out on various online forums. Onderland. That magic place when your weight starts with the number 1.
I have to say, it’s less exciting for me than for some others because I didn’t start that much above it, and only had to lose 30 lbs to get there, but it’s a nice, mini-milestone.
But here’s another way to look at it, and this does indeed excite me. Today, I have lost a third of the excess weight I need to lose. A third of the way there! Now that’s something to celebrate.
It’s also a good way to know that the surgery is working, or rather than I am working it. Once I came off the stall, I seem to have lost .4 lbs, .2 lbs, .6 lbs, but it’s still a wonderful downward trend, and I think I’ll take it!

I don't like exercise. I don't get that post workout rush so many people talk about. "Oh, I have so much energy after a workout." I call B.S. I think this is a buch of hype created by marketers, much like women who've had children encouraging other women to have kids by saying, "Oh, childbirth is painful, but it's the kind of pain you forget." Yeah, right! They just want you to suffer like they did. :-P
 
So post-op, I had to figure out how to get in some exercise without thinking I was really exercising.
Here are the ways I've been able to sneak in more exercise without really exercising:
 
Parking far away from the entrance at the mall or superstores. If you've ever been to a mall or Super-Wal-Mart, you know what I'm talking about.
 
Wearing a backpack to work. I started using an old backpack as my lunch box after my old lunch box became overflowing with vitamins, protein powders and shaker bottles. It was an old one I had bought a few years ago when I went to college. It still had the school supplies (pens, pencils, calculator, screwdrives, and floppy disks (yes! we still used 3.5" floppies in 2005!)) and one of my old school books. The book weighs about 5lbs and I just left everythinging in the bag. It probably weighs around 20lbs with all my junk in it. I park at the far end of my office parking lot and wear it into work. It's almost a thousand feet from my car to my office. Do that twice a day and I've gotten in almost an extra quarter mile of walking. That's a sneaky way of burning a few extra calories without really exercising. Now if only I could get Security to let me walk up the stairwell to my office. :-P
 
Bathroom workouts - squats, wall push-ups. Another sneaky way to slip in a little extra exercise is to workout in the bathroom. Each bathroom break, I do 40 wall push-ups and 15 squats.
 
It's easy if you have a handicap stall. The one in my office has handrails that are perfect for using my arms to help support my weight when I do toilet seat squats. They're really simple, I stand up and sit down on the toilet, trying to use my legs (and not my arms) as much as possible.
 
The wall push-ups are really simple as well. I stand as far away from the wall as I can - and still be able to lean forward safely. I lean forward with my hands about shoulder width apart and rest my weight on my hands. Then do a push-up, 1 second down, 1 second to complete the up motion.
I started out at 10 push-ups and now 2 months later I can easily do 40, 2 to 4 times a day.
 
Stairwell workout. My office moved from a single story building to a multi-story office building in January. Now I have access to the stairwell on the 5th floor. I walk down to the 1st floor and time myself going back up to the 5th. A round trip takes approximately 5 minutes. Do that 2 or 3 times a day and you can build some endurance in the legs.
 
Walking the long way around the building. My office is pretty big and is shaped like a baseball diamond, so no matter which direction I turn when I leave my office, I can make a loop around the building and get back where I started. So I always make a complete loop around my floor whenever I leave my office. Or if I have the time, I make a loop on the 5th floor, walk down to the 4th, make a loop there and walk back up to the 5th. Pretty sneaky, huh?
 
So these are some ways I have been able to sneak in some extra exercise without it really feeling like I'm exercising. Hopefully, you will take some inspiration from my tricks to find your own ways of working just a little more exercise into your life.
 
Keep Pimpin' that Sleeve!
 

When I look at this picture, a song comes to mind. (I was almost at my largest, think i was 10-15 larger than this at one point). The song is called reflections
 
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
 
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
 
 
This has always been one of my favorite songs..and I guess in so many ways it was MY song for so many years. When I was larger, I didn't feel like that was the true me. Everytime I looked in the mirror its as if the reflection was a stranger. Who is she? And what made it worse is I also hid the fact I gay. I didn't hide that too long, I did come out within a couple of years of realizing who I truly am. Maybe that's what started my journey to self discovery. Would I have had the surgery had I not come out? I spent so many years wondering who the hell I am (well was rather). The day I came out to myself was a wonderful moment. Admitting to myself WHO I AM. Coming out to my family was the second most wonderful moment. Dad took it ok. Mom went through a range of emotions. I wasn't looking for acceptance, however, the freedom of being who i am was beyond words. Now 10 years later, my life has been the best it's ever been. The only and final struggle was the girl in the mirror..
 
It's been 2 years since my 1st surgery...and I look in the mirror each morning, Smile wide..and giggle "There she is..." There's the person I was supposed to be all this time.. I am so grateful to God for giving me the strength to proceed with my life change. And to my family and friends for being 100% supportive (well minus 1 person, but it is what it is). Each and every day they keep me in check. At first I had issues with some of them sneaking a peek at what I was eating. now however, it's a welcome glance! My favorite person is my co-worker and wonderful friend Granny Cathy. She has been so supportive and such a wonderful friend. I was being bad a few weeks ago and grabbed a kit-kat (sorry those are and always will be my weakness). After I nibbled one piece of it, she looked over, saw it...and took it from me! I almost died laughing. i knew i shouldn't eat it. and she knew i would do it anyway. i love her for that.
 
i know some individuals struggle with this surgery before, during and after...i can't express to them enough how wonderful this life change truly is. I wish I had done this in my 30's, but i'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. just thankful i did it when i did. no regrets....

Why, yes it is. My mother is two weeks post op, I get my surgery date in two weeks, and My sister really wants to loose a few extra pounds. So what could three fantastic ladies do to accomplish thier goals of skinny jeans, and shirt sizes with no Xs on them? They start training for a 5k! More specifically, the Dirty Girl Mud Run. The proceeds go the help with breast cancer research, it isn't timed, its only for wemon, it has mud AND obstacles! And as if it couldn't get any better, if the obstacales are too much for you, they have detours. This sounds like a recipe for the warm and tingly feelings of accoplishment, pride, girl power! It also sounds like a perfect starting 5k for someone who wouldn't run if you were chasing me with a knife. This may sound mundane to you but our idea of a family endurance sport is seeing who stays awake the longest after dinner. We aren't athletic and never have been. In fact, in my current state, I would probably get about a quarter mie before I curled up in the fetal position and cried. But I have high hopes for the future runner buried deep, deep,deeep within me. We are stating C25K, as soon as my surgeon clears me. It will be interesting to see how we handle this. I think its going to be awesome! They have a mud slide, you guys, a mud slide. nuff said.

I'm reading post after post in regards to whom people have told. And it seems very few are telling people outside of their 'cirle'.
 
Me, I've told the world. If someone at work asks, I tell them. My job knew the second i started contemplating the surgery.
 
I think part of my decision to tell everyone was I work for the company/hospital who does the surgery. i was the first one at my insurance company to get lapband. and now i am the first one to get the revision. i actually considered trying to get a job at the bariatric clinic. everyone at work has been so amazingly supportive. two of my close friends at work have gotten surgeries too. i feel like i've inspired others to follow suit, or to at least go to a clnic. i've sort of become the poster child for the surgery. matter of a fact, i may soon literally be the post child. marketing has asked if i'd be willing to be part of our 'my story' campaign. I have already put a testimonial on the website. they want to do a photo shoot (WHAT?? WHO? ME?? really? YIKES, YAY) most of the posters i would be on are within the insurance company and the hospitals. there's a very slight (NO WAY! YIKES) possibility i may be on a billboard.
 
see here in new mexico, not very many doctors offer the surgery. matter of a fact, it appears to just be our hospital here in albuquerque and one in santa fe. so it's a huge deal to have success stories and advertisement when a huge part of your advertising is 'only hospital in alb to offer wls'. i don't know if all this will come to light, but i'm willing to do what it takes to inspire others. or to be there for anyone who has questions. granted, one of my best friends is the manager of the clinic now, so i doubt she'll let it go. she'll make sure my mug shot is out there! haha..
 
 

The problem with a stall is not just the lack of weight loss at a time you expect the weight to be peeling off–although that would be bad enough. The problem with a stall is that it comes with baggage.
All those times when you thought you’d found the “perfect” diet. All those times when there were hundreds of others boasting of their success with something that you were now trying. All those times that you were filled with hope that THIS was the thing that was going to work.
 
All those times that you failed.
 
We’ve been stuck at the same weight for 11 days, and it’s very difficult to focus on the now, instead of trying to think of what this means for the future. If I focus on the now, it tells me that my body is changing, my clothes fit differently, and even at 25 lbs, people see and comment on the difference all the time.
 
If I try to project for the future and imagine that this is the way it will always be, then I focus on the fact that this could be another thing at which others have succeeded, but at which I seem doomed to fail. Which of us has not believed, both before and after the surgery, that we would be the ones who would be the exception to the rule? That we would be that medical marvel that simply could not lose the weight despite doing everything we were told?
 
That we would be that singular failure while others around us kept posting their amazing before and after pictures?
 
And that’s the problem with a stall. Even knowing what we do, that every day is a different adventure when sleeved, that recovery, weight loss, and changes happen seemingly overnight, we still believe that this is the time, and we are the one that will fail. A very egocentric world-view if truth be told, but justifiable given our histories.
 
So if you thought this journey was just about eating your protein and drinking your water and not challenging your sleeve, I’ve got news for you my friend. It’s about battling your inner demons, about having faith in the unknown, and about believing that we are not that special after all.
 
And in that normalcy and mediocrity is perhaps where salvation lies.
 
(Follow my journey and my recipes at www.sleevers.wordpress.com)

The problem with a stall is not just the lack of weight loss at a time you expect the weight to be peeling off–although that would be bad enough. The problem with a stall is that it comes with baggage.
All those times when you thought you’d found the “perfect” diet. All those times when there were hundreds of others boasting of their success with something that you were now trying. All those times that you were filled with hope that THIS was the thing that was going to work.
 
All those times that you failed.
 
We’ve been stuck at the same weight for 11 days, and it’s very difficult to focus on the now, instead of trying to think of what this means for the future. If I focus on the now, it tells me that my body is changing, my clothes fit differently, and even at 25 lbs, people see and comment on the difference all the time.
 
If I try to project for the future and imagine that this is the way it will always be, then I focus on the fact that this could be another thing at which others have succeeded, but at which I seem doomed to fail. Which of us has not believed, both before and after the surgery, that we would be the ones who would be the exception to the rule? That we would be that medical marvel that simply could not lose the weight despite doing everything we were told?
 
That we would be that singular failure while others around us kept posting their amazing before and after pictures?
 
And that’s the problem with a stall. Even knowing what we do, that every day is a different adventure when sleeved, that recovery, weight loss, and changes happen seemingly overnight, we still believe that this is the time, and we are the one that will fail. A very egocentric world-view if truth be told, but justifiable given our histories.
 
So if you thought this journey was just about eating your protein and drinking your water and not challenging your sleeve, I’ve got news for you my friend. It’s about battling your inner demons, about having faith in the unknown, and about believing that we are not that special after all.
 
And in that normalcy and mediocrity is perhaps where salvation lies.
 
(Follow my journey and my recipes at www.sleevers.wordpress.com)

The problem with a stall is not just the lack of weight loss at a time you expect the weight to be peeling off–although that would be bad enough. The problem with a stall is that it comes with baggage.
All those times when you thought you’d found the “perfect” diet. All those times when there were hundreds of others boasting of their success with something that you were now trying. All those times that you were filled with hope that THIS was the thing that was going to work.
 
All those times that you failed.
 
We’ve been stuck at the same weight for 11 days, and it’s very difficult to focus on the now, instead of trying to think of what this means for the future. If I focus on the now, it tells me that my body is changing, my clothes fit differently, and even at 25 lbs, people see and comment on the difference all the time.
 
If I try to project for the future and imagine that this is the way it will always be, then I focus on the fact that this could be another thing at which others have succeeded, but at which I seem doomed to fail. Which of us has not believed, both before and after the surgery, that we would be the ones who would be the exception to the rule? That we would be that medical marvel that simply could not lose the weight despite doing everything we were told?
 
That we would be that singular failure while others around us kept posting their amazing before and after pictures?
 
And that’s the problem with a stall. Even knowing what we do, that every day is a different adventure when sleeved, that recovery, weight loss, and changes happen seemingly overnight, we still believe that this is the time, and we are the one that will fail. A very egocentric world-view if truth be told, but justifiable given our histories.
 
So if you thought this journey was just about eating your protein and drinking your water and not challenging your sleeve, I’ve got news for you my friend. It’s about battling your inner demons, about having faith in the unknown, and about believing that we are not that special after all.
 
And in that normalcy and mediocrity is perhaps where salvation lies.
 
(Follow my journey and my recipes at www.sleevers.wordpress.com)

When pre-sleeved, I wondered what it was going to feel like right after the surgery. i read everything I could, but I still wanted more, more, more. I'm writing about my experiences to give back to the community that helped me prepare for this surgery. It's a very long post but hopefully it answers some questions about what we might go through, physically, mentally and emotionally.
 
I'm 5'6, HW 230, SW 222, CW 215.4 and I'm 47 years old.
 
Day of Surgery (Friday)
I find myself calm, not nervous and ready and prepared thanks to hours spent on this site. I move to a gurney where they inject me, and the next thing i know I'm waking up and there's an oxygen mask on my nose.I keep trying to take it off, and they tell me not to, that I need the oxygen. I fight it a little. Finally, I say I know I'm not supposed to take it off, but I need to breathe, I'll put it back. The doctor checks on me and sees me fighting it, and says it's okay to take it off. I tell them I'm nauseated and they give me something.
 
I feel so little pain that in my dream state, I keep waking up from a half-sleep thinking, Oh I have to go to surgery today. And then my brain reminds me it's already over. I can't believe it. My husband comes out of his surgery and once he is awake, I make him walk with me. We push our IVs along, marveling at how okay we feel.
 
I'm okay, he's not so great. He's nauseated his chest feels tight, but there's not too much pain. We walk all day in little bits. My mouth is dry but I rinse it several times, and use my chapstick. We're fine.
 
Night-time is not fun. Nurses in and out every two hours, injecting one or the other of us. R has really bad heartburn so I'm trying to take care of him. We get through the night.
 
First Day Post-Op (Saturday)
Cannot WAIT for the ice chips! such a gourmet treat! They arrive and we find we can't really eat them as we should. Two little ice chips and it feels like you have an elephant on your chest. R is worrying about shoulder and chest pain, and I assure him it's not a heart-attack, just gas pains, and keep walking. I nap a lot. He sneaks out and overdoes the walking and increases his pain. But the doc says his gut sounds better than mine, and to keep in mind that pain & symptoms don't mean a poor recovery.
 
I wonder how the heck we'll ever consume 64 oz of fluid.
 
Second Day Post Op (Sunday)
Time to go home. We get a bottle of grape juice. Yum! but again, can't imagine how I will finish that little 8 oz bottle. We drive for 12 hours today. Well, I drive. R sleeps the whole time, which is how his body recovers from anything he ever has. I'm happy to be able to do this for him. We stop in Austin to see my son, try to drink some Unjury chicken. The warm soup feels good. We sleep for an hour and I'm refreshed enough to drive home. Keep trying to drink, probably didn't even get in 16 oz this day.
 
That night, I force the fluids and I'm miserable. Walking up and down the hallways after a long day. I realize this is a lesson. If I ever overdo the food, this is what it's going to feel like. No bueno.
 
This is my "WTF did I just do?" day. Thanks to this forum, I know that's common and I let the emotions come.
 
Third Day Post Op (Monday)
Lots of sleeping going on but guess what? We can drink easier now! At least 38-40 oz today including a Nectar Fuzzy Navel! I'm amazed at the progress in just three days. I stop the pain pills. R is cranky and depressed today.We're arguing about stupid sh*t. I tell him it's the hormones, the trauma, the lack of calories and carbs and that it will all be okay. I do 20 mins on a stationary cycle, R walks the dog a mile.
 
Now my brain shifts to the big changes. Such as, if I'm not always thinking of food, what am I going to do with that spare time?
 
I kid you not. My existential crisis? What the hell am I going to pin on Pinterest now if not recipes?? I realize front and center food has been in my life and am so grateful we were able to get this surgery.
 
Fourth Day Post Op (Tuesday)
Feeling like a pro today! I forget I've had surgery and gulp. Ouch. But a shake, an unjury chicken soup, egg drop soup, 2 G-2s, and 2 popsicles! Yay me!
 
So of course, now that is good, I'm the weepy one today. There's nothing wrong, I just want to cry. But I don't cry easily so even though I try, I can't cry .
 
No pain, all good. R gets energy back. I'm not there yet and want to sleep. We go out to get something, I'm exhausted. But I do 2 ten minute sessions on the stationary bike. We try Chike with caffeine. Mistake. Feel sick.
 
Today I make an important decision. In the past, I've always focused on the outcome. Was I losing weight? No? Then let me change my diet AGAIN. How about now? No? So what if it's only been 4 days I better change again. This time, I will not do that. There's a plan here. 800 calories, 80 gms of protein, less than 50 of carbs, 64 oz of water, and walking/cycling. That's it. Until I hit goal, that's the plan. Focus on the plan and the results will follow. I know this from reading others' experiences. I decide to focus on my actions and let go of the outcome. Big move for a control freak
 
I tell R that now that I am not constantly searching for the best diet, the superfoods, the one ultimate way to lose weight, It has freed up so much psychic energy, that I'm shocked at how much of my time I had devoted to obsessing about my weight. I chose the best way for me. The time to stop looking is over. Time to start DOING.
 
 
Fifth Day Post Op (Wednesday)
Liquids not a problem. Protein not a problem. Can you believe that? It's only day 5 but we're getting all liquids in. What a change. I can NOT stay awake and sleep from 9:30 am - 12:30 pm though.
 
Work intrudes and I take 3 meetings over the phone. Couldn't have done that without the nap. I feel energized. We go out to run and errand and go to the grocery store to buy ingredients for soup which we will start on Saturday while the kids are home. The grocery is full of sample ladies and although I rarely ate samples, it's a different feeling when you can't. I feel different to everyone around me. I realize that I'm different from the others around me in one more new way, but it's a way that doesn't show, unlike my skin, my weight, my ethnicity. It makes me feel like I'm harboring a secret. Weird feeling.
 
I am happy I'll be able to cook again. I make my son an omelet with cheese, and I find I'm a little tempted but not bad. But I've had food dreams all day today. I want a grilled cheese sandwich with the crisp outer crust and the gooey cheese, I want tomato soup, I want chicken kebabs, I want, I want. I drink my shake. I will do nothing to compromise my recovery.
 
Sixth Day Post Op (Thursday)
The day has just started who knows what awaits, but R has lost 20 lbs in 3 weeks, and I've lost 15 lbs. Last time I lost 15 lbs it took 6 months of clean eating and walking 4 miles a day. I'll take this!
 
I now believe that I will lose the weight. I was sure I was going to be that freak of nature that couldn't lose it because I only lost 6 lbs on 2 weeks of pre-op, but now I believe. Today we will do our liquids, our protein, our walk/cycle and tomorrow will be a better day.
 
My next goal? Visualize myself thin, and be able to see myself wearing cute clothes and start pinning those on Pinterest. Not there yet.
 
What a difference six days can make!

My son called for his daily chat, a time I really look forward to. He says, "How was your day?"
 
Well I've had a lovely day. I got to go into the office, work with a team of 6 very smart people, we all got some great thinking and work done. I was able to join them in the lunch I ordered for us, and I've extremely been productive all day. What were the first words out of my mouth in response to my son's question?
 
"Well, I'm still stalled."
 
WTH?? That's all I can think of to tell him about my day?? So he's a very insightful smarty-pants and he says to me, "Mom it was one thing to rely on the scale when you could say 'oh maybe I should cut down a bit tomorrow' and use the scale to monitor and adjust your eating habits. But really, what role does the scale play in your life now??"
 
For a change, I was speechless. Well he wasn't about to stop there. He carries on saying,
 
"Maybe you should ask yourself if it's healthy to let what you see on a scale determine your feelings of success for the day? After all you're doing what you need to, and you told me you were going to focus on process vs. the outcome. Would anything change in your process if you just threw away the scale for 3 months?"
 
No of course it wouldn't but can i throw away the scale for 3 months? I cannot. Why? Because maybe I'm sick in the head and I associate my self-worth with success or failure at pounds lost. Not what I do to succeed, but whether the scale says I've lost weight today.
 
Unlike a lot of people here, over the last few years i could NOT lose weight. I could control my calories, my cardio-vascular health, what I put in my mouth, but I couldn't control my weight. Yet I continued to judge myself by my ability to lose weight. Not by my ability to do what was healthy, but whether or not I could lose weight. I may have been sleeved, but apparently that way of judging myself still persists.
 
So really, if we are eating our protein, drinking our water, and exercising to the degree that we can, what role does or should the scale play in our lives when we're trying to lose weight? Should we not focus on the process, monitor the crap out of the protein and water and calories, and let the scale go off on a long hike to TImbuktoo? And can we do that? Why not?