Gojogo

Well after 7 weeks and an already monumental transformation of both weight and body shape as well as the nagging from my wife over the past two weeks in regards to how silly I look in my old "Fat" clothes I submitted and went shopping for my first new wardrobe (I say first as I think there'll likely be another new one before this is all finished!!).
I was sleeved on the 19th Dec '13 and well there's been as many difficult moments as happy ones, it's a huge transition to make and bad habits die hard. My overriding decision to have this surgery though still holds true now because it was those choices that put me where I was, but not only the choices but the amount that I poured down my throat.................Now whether I want to or not my body simply will not tolerate it and to go against it means I actually lose a meal and those very important nutrients I need because too much now spells a trip to the toilet and a vomiting session. It's now been 2 weeks since my last session like that and i'm now both confident and comfortable in what I can eat, I've learnt to listen to my body where before I reacted through my eyes.
I began as slave to the scales as all of us overweight people do jumping on every other day looking for that high generated from declining numbers, but then had two episodes where the number actually went up yet I knew within myself I was slimmer. It's now been 2 weeks since I last stepped onto the scales and I don't care what the numbers might say I know I've lost further weight and my biggest confirmation came over the weekend shopping for some new work and casual clothes.................
At the commencement of my journey middle November '13 my clothing sizes were as follows:
 
Pants - 112-117 (44-46) waist
Shirt - 4xl (50 neck)
Pullovers - (3xl - 5xl depending on label)
 
As I said I knew and felt that I had dropped weight but us "Fat" people still look in the mirror and only see that Fat person we've known for so many years and don't register the new person emerging. So therefore I kept on wearing the big clothes, over sized t-shirts etc and would close my belt an extra loop each week or so. My wife kept telling me I needed to get some new clothes as i looked ridiculous in my old stuff. So finally I relented as I said above and cleaned out my old stuff of which I had to agree did now feel and look silly (some stuff was tight 3 mths ago and now are huge on me!!!).
It's been over 15yrs since I was able to walk into a department store and shop from the rack, years...... My wife made it clear that we would not be just selecting the size I believed I was, we would be trying everything on and purchasing what fits firmly now to cope with the additional losses still to come...................My "Fat" mind was saying sure, sure this is gonna be a shameful and fruitless exercise, but I humored her and said ok.
And here are my results.....................
 
Pants - (Jeans, dress pants & shorts) 92cm waist
Shirt - XL, dress shirt 43
Pullover - XL-XXL
 
About 3/4 through this expedition I stopped and remarked to my wife that I was struggling to believe what was happening and was actually a little emotional, of course in the back of my mind I fantasized about being that slim person but you all know the drill after trying and failing for so many years it felt just that, a fantasy. But to actually now see the changes and feel the changes and see the sizes on the labels of the clothes was simply crazy I just couldn't comprehend it...............I can now though and I am so grateful I decided to take this step and am thrilled at the man emerging from that great shadow cast by the guy that occupied my body before........................

Sleeved in Nov 2011 started at 330 now almost 2 years after I'm about 255. About a year back I sort of went into maint mode. Down to a comfy size 18 I was very content. I did want to go down one more pant size so I attempted to "diet" to lose more weight. I excersied, joined a gym ( URGH!! ) I so hate gyms, I so hate excersise. I bought the Wi Fitness Zumba Kit,, Did enjoy that for quite a while. My daughter and I really got into the dances. But as with most things time gets in the way. Got home too late from work to get in a good zumba session before having to cook, eat diner and get the grandson ready for bed. Went back to the NUT she suggested a 3::2 way of eating.. Stick to 3 low carb high protein meals a day and only 2 snacks. Did that.. and careful tracking of everything I ate. Found that I had been snacking more than I realized. Eating the 3:2 way helped me stop the food grazing and gain some control. With that I did lose another 5 pounds,, which got me to 255.. Where I've been stuck again for many many months. I"ve recently stumbled on Intermittent Fasting (IF). yes another FAD.. but appears to be working. You basically eat normally ( what ever your normal is ) for 5 days and eat 25% less calories for 2 days called fasting days. I call them CONTROL days. Having done that for about 4 weeks the scale is moving in the right direction again. During the normal 5 days, I eat what I consider sleeve normal, low carb high protein with added veggies. Portion sized are larger than in the very beginning of the sleeve, but still smaller than most. I do track what I eat using my Fat Secret phone app and I can see I average between 1200 - 1700 calories a day for normal eating days. I've cut back on the snacks, but will admit to having the occasional bad snack a couple of times a week. Then on what I call CONTROL days ( Monday and Thursday) I don't eat until evening diner. Then its my normal chicken, fish, pork, minimal days beef, with hearty veggie, on occasion small amount of rice, or pasta, totals to about 300 cal meal. Followed by a power crunch bar (200 cals). The rest of the day I drink, typically hot green tea. there is science behind the IF way of eating.. Might very well be another FAD, but the theory is two fold. One of course obvious.. eating less calories 2 days a week, then you'll average out eating less calories for the week, resulting in weight loss. The other, not so obvious.. is making the body rest from eating for a length of time caused the body to " eat its on fat" for energy. Therefore I stop eating from 7pm on Sunday night and don't eat again until Monday night around 7pm, giving my body 24 hours of rest..hence the term Intermitting Fasting. MOnday would be considered my FAST day. I call it my CONTROL day. because that's the day I start off with a cup of protein hot chocolate, then control my urge to eat until my diner meal. If the urge to eat ( typically not hungry ) gets the best of me I eat a small salad. These days have helped me gain control over my grazing and junk food eating binges. So.. I'll be bloging on my goal to go down at least one more pant size. I'm on my way!!

I put on the dress that I have on in my before picture...I asked my 7 yr old to take a picture of me today! Just 2 months out! He said, "mom, you don't like taking pictures!" So I told him to just take it! I was so surprised when I did the side by side photo, what did we ever do without these!!! Holy crap...I SAW the difference!
 
Is it possible to look at yourself everyday and NOT see the changes? In my case YES!!! I'm still working on my mind seeing me as a lighter version of myself...and sometimes I just don't see it...but today I did! And for the first time in a long time I like what I am seeing!
 
Happy Friday, and thanks for listening to my rant!!!!

I am writing this to myself as a reminder for the future when I need to drop a couple of pounds again.
 
3 days of protein first and 4 of the 5 pounds have just melted off.This sleeve works if you work it!

So I found it amusing my blog yesterday was titled "Reflections". I walked out of my building to meet a coworker of mine outside. As I was walking back in the building, I looked up and saw my reflection in the glass doors.. I literally giggled out loud like a giddy school girl. The reflection was...amazing. I was just your normal, average woman walking towards the door. My legs looks so thin...My entire body looked so thin. I know i've lost 100 lbs. I know I'm a new person..but there are days when I just don't see it. I just see me. But yesterday, Oh lord! I SAW IT!! HOLY SKINNY MINNIES BATMAN!! THAT'S ME IN THAT REFLECTION!! not a friend, not some stranger, ME.
 
I practically started skipping back to my desk. Oh what an amazing NSV moment. Just seeing ME. Who I was meant to be.. WHO I AM!!!
 
Now if I could just find another job or at least get a damn call back from 1 of the ones i've applied for... grr...but that's ok. God is watching...God has a plan...

I'm reading post after post in regards to whom people have told. And it seems very few are telling people outside of their 'cirle'.
 
Me, I've told the world. If someone at work asks, I tell them. My job knew the second i started contemplating the surgery.
 
I think part of my decision to tell everyone was I work for the company/hospital who does the surgery. i was the first one at my insurance company to get lapband. and now i am the first one to get the revision. i actually considered trying to get a job at the bariatric clinic. everyone at work has been so amazingly supportive. two of my close friends at work have gotten surgeries too. i feel like i've inspired others to follow suit, or to at least go to a clnic. i've sort of become the poster child for the surgery. matter of a fact, i may soon literally be the post child. marketing has asked if i'd be willing to be part of our 'my story' campaign. I have already put a testimonial on the website. they want to do a photo shoot (WHAT?? WHO? ME?? really? YIKES, YAY) most of the posters i would be on are within the insurance company and the hospitals. there's a very slight (NO WAY! YIKES) possibility i may be on a billboard.
 
see here in new mexico, not very many doctors offer the surgery. matter of a fact, it appears to just be our hospital here in albuquerque and one in santa fe. so it's a huge deal to have success stories and advertisement when a huge part of your advertising is 'only hospital in alb to offer wls'. i don't know if all this will come to light, but i'm willing to do what it takes to inspire others. or to be there for anyone who has questions. granted, one of my best friends is the manager of the clinic now, so i doubt she'll let it go. she'll make sure my mug shot is out there! haha..
 
 

Just a few notes on some of the changes I've noticed in myself over the last 9 weeks post-op.
 
1. I eat when I'm hungry now, don't really look forward to the "full" feeling or have a "taste" for anything in particular anymore - lovin' it. I use to get these overwhelming cravings for a certain taste (especially Whataburgers), they're gone now.
 
2. I do enjoy what I eat and sometimes I still catch myself trying to eat just one more bite, but I know I'll be feeling sick if I do. It takes time to learn the new "full" signals.
 
3. I feel satisfied and I get a small thrill seeing how little I actually eat now. Although sometimes, I catch myself trying to finish that last bite - even though I'm full. I've learned to leave it on the plate.
 
4. Once my staple line swelling went down, I was able to increase my eating to about 4oz per meal, and did start feeling more "normal" after the 2nd week, but it wasn't until about week 6 that I was back at my old energy levels.
 
5. I can eat pretty much what I want and walk away without gorging myself. I have always been able to take or leave stuff like cakes and cookies. Rice, pasta and potatoes were (I almost wrote "are") my thing. But I can easily pass up most starches now. Although pasta triggers my hunger cravings and I have to stop myself from overeating and making myself sick.
 
6. My feelings or attitudes has changed incredibly about food. Don't really care about food anymore. I have no "flavors" I desire. So I eat my own concoction of shredded grilled chicken, re-fried beans, cheese and salsa almost every meal - for the past month.
 
7. There isn't anything that I "want" to eat anymore. I am so happy with my restriction and I don't miss anything, no food cravings, nothing I miss. And there is no food that I couldn't eat at the 3rd or 4th week. It may cause some stomach upset, but if I eat it slowly, I can eat it if I want. However, I do miss being able to chug 16oz of icy cold Crystal Light.
 
8. I can still eat spicy foods (curries, peppers, etc). I eat salsa almost daily and I found this sweet/spicy dip made with Greek yogurt that I like - very warm. I find it weird that the thing that bothers my stomach the most is healthy fibrous foods, like grape skins, bananas, apple peels, and pineapple.

It is time for me to set some new goals. I am half way through the ones I have already set and I am finding the most important aspect of all of this for me is not the scale, but my fitness level. I absolutely love the fact that I can stay on the stair mill longer than the thin people next to me. I love that I am always in the gym with all the regulars. I relish in the the fact that my cardiovascular fitness is soon to pass my husbands....bwuahahahahah (evil laugh).
 
I was working my biceps the other day and in the mirror I noticed a new definition in my forearm. I have never in my life seen that!
 
Just to recap: These are the goals I have accomplished
1. Get under 300 pounds
2. Get under 250 pounds
3. Weigh less than when I was preggo (230 lbs)
4. Be able to do a straight hour of moderate/intense cardio sesh
5. engagement ring fits again! (its tight, but it goes on)
 
Yet to accomplish:
1. Fit wedding ring again
2. Get under 200 pounds
3. run a mile in under 14 minutes
4. reach goal weight
5. Get below 25% body fat percentage
 
NEW GOALS
1. Sign up for a 5k (I have signed up just not done it yet...its in November)
2. Do a marathon next year (I have a year and a half to get this extra weight off and train for that)
3. Hike the stair master in Hawaii
4. Do a 10 mile hike
5. Go parasailing
I have many fitness goals...I think this is what motivates me

I swore to myself I wouldn't be one of those posters who whines about ONLY losing ______ pounds. "I lost 52 pounds the first two months, but only 12 this month. I was really hoping to weigh less than my cat by now. "
 
Well, I'm whining. It's a week after surgery and I've lost 2 pounds. While I'm sure this is not uncommon, I can't seem to find any supporting evidence to that end. Stalls seem to make their first appearance, for the most part, in the second and third weeks after surgery. Also, I'm full of gas. More gas than I had two days after surgery. I can't seem to take a sip of anything without swallowing three times as much air. And it won't come out. If I tied a basket to my feet, I could probably give balloon rides over the breathtaking Oregon coast (note to self: possible future career?).
 
I'm just crabby. Nothing's working the way it should and everyone else is to blame. I keep having these practice confrontations with make-believe opponents in which I am angrily defending myself in imaginary scenarios. These things that haven't happened are making me very upset. And my mom moved my $h!t around while I was in Mexico. And did my laundry (which was a very nice thing to do, but also implies my incompetence, right?). And bought the wrong kind of yogurt.
 
And I don't want to take Anatomy and Physiology from that @$$ho!e who won't let me change lab times, even though my schedule only permits me to take the online class but not the online class's lab. Oh, it's my responsibility to free my schedule up so you don't have to deal with the grading "nightmare", as you put it, of dealing with students in labs they aren't registered for? I suppose I should apologize for being the ONE student at Southwestern Oregon Community College who's ever gone for her second Master's? (statistic not confirmed) Really, Mr. "I don't even have a Master's! Just a Bachelor's in Biology and a f**king chiropractic certificate"!!! SERIOUSLY???? Maybe I just won't become a nurse practitioner. That'll show him.
 
And this website won't even let me curse. I have to use fµck¡n8 §Ymb@[$!!! First Amendment, anyone?
 
And my dog is stinky.

I must admit, I'm a "closet" sleever.
 
No family or friends know what I'm about to do because I choose not to share. i feel ashamed that i cannot lose the weight on my own. I've been trying for years only to regain the loss weight & then some.
 
My mother has been petite & tiny all of her life, so shes never understood my plight. If she knew, oh would I hear it... Yup, even at the age of 49, she still tries to be controlling. Our phone discussions are never about life events initially, the 2nd-4th question from her is, "HOW IS YOUR WEIGHT?". {I cringe at this question}
 
My friends are all shapes & sizes. My smaller friends call WLS a cop out. My overweight and obese friends say they're ok with their weight, but they're always on a "diet".
 
Instead of acceptance & encouragement, I'm sure I would receive critcism & hateration...{Hateration= a form of jealously and negative emotion about your situation or circumstance, b/c individual isn't able to obtain/acheive the same success}
 
The "excuse" I plan to use with all (including coworkers) is, I had my gallbladder removed & I'm now watching what I eat with a high protien & low carb diet with excercise incorporated within.
 
Yes....... this is my story & my truth. MY truth shall set me free.
Thanks for stopping by...I now feel a little lighter, less burdened.