Kat_C_2013

I have struggled with weight my entire life. But, it really came to head at age 20. I gained a lot of weight around that time and although I am 5'10'', was at 270 lbs at my college graduation at 22 (in 2005) and that is a very unhealthy weight even though I am tall. I was, however, diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and understanding that condition and its symptoms helped me to at least have the knowledge that my body is insulin-resistant and I should try to make better eating choices. I then had a traumatic event in my family and hit 290 lbs without even blinking. I knew I needed a major change and decided to enlist a personal trainer and enroll in Weight Watchers. In 10 months, I lost 108 lbs, however, I was crazier than ever because I wasn't following the healthy advice of the trainer and Weight Watchers, but instead binging for a few days, purging at times, restricting often, and over exercising. And I had very black and white thinking and had made the weight loss the center of my universe so when it hit Dec 31[sup][size="2"]st[/size][/sup] and I lost 108 and not the 114lb goal, I was devastated. So I turned my back on the trainer and Weight Watchers. So as I am sure you predicted the story would go, I started gaining a lot of the weight back. I had not done the emotional/psychological work on myself. After about a 50 lb. gain I tried Overeaters Anonymous and Food Addicts Anonymous, but both of those programs while they can work are very restrictive with the diet and the other rules. So after some weight loss, I turned my back on those programs, too. I had started seeing a psychologist around that time and this was a good step for me. I really consider her more like a “life coach” and I actually continue to see her to this day (just less frequently now than then.) I considered going back to Weight Watchers and following the plan and doing it the healthy way, but my pride and ego got in the way as I knew I would have to face the Leaders and Members I had turned back on. So I thought I would just use all of the information and knowledge I had acquired from so many programs I had done in the past and self-help books I had read. This only worked out well in spurts - a week here, two weeks there, but eventually I was back up to 270 lbs. and searching for stronger tools to help me improve my health and well- being. I had known and read about WLS options for quite some time (many, many years) and thought that was the “easy way out”. But after taking my body up and down such a significant amount of weight so many times, both my primary physician and psychologist suggested I think about and explore the option of WLS. And both professionals always felt WLS was just one tool of many and should not be seen as a “cure” or “fix all”. I am indebted to them for keeping me realistic and grounded throughout the process.

At the time (early 2009), I was completely against the bypass (because of the re-routing of the anatomy) and the sleeve was not covered by my insurance at that time. I also had a change in thoughts around WLS at this point because I did talk to some post-op patients and could tell from them that a major surgery is not an “easy way out”. So after some research and talking to my family, I decided to pursue approval for the Lap Band. Coincidentally, my Mom herself had been looking into WLS and despite our very close relationship we both had not mentioned this to each other and so it wasn’t until I brought my decision up to my parents that my Mom said she was going to get the Band, too. Despite different insurance and health circumstances, we both were approved and she had surgery September 2009 and I had surgery October 2009. Unfortunately she had a great experience with it until she eventually had a pro-lapse, but I had a poor experience from the start. I almost never was able to eat solid foods and was resigned to a life of pureed foods and liquids, except for all the times I thought, “This time will be different” and would eat some solid food and then would throw it all up. And about a year after the surgery, I was so depressed that I couldn’t enjoy salad, meat and so forth that I was psychologically depressed, as well as ingesting a diet of almost all sugar – smoothies, milkshakes, soda and so forth. And very early on, the saline fills should have been my red flag. The Physician or Physician Assistant (PA) who performed the fills even they said there had to be a better way to ensure accuracy of the amount of saline inserted versus air blockage, etc. And more accuracy around how the filled band would squish one's anatomy. That all being said because the Band was such a great idea in theory, I felt like the problem had to be me and not the Band itself. So I plugged on trying to have healthy pureed foods and liquids, only to be defeated and go back to milkshakes after a few days’ time. During all of this (Oct. 2009 forward) I was married, had promotions at work, bought a house, and so forth. Really my life was wonderful and full, but clouded by the unhealthy weight and physical issues associated because of the Lap band complications. In December 2011, my husband and I decided to start a family. I was almost 30 and he was almost 40, so I think we were feeling some pressure and did not have the best judgment. Despite my PCOS, after three months off of birth control, I became pregnant, my first time ever. It was an amazing feeling and we were both elated. I immediately tried to force myself to trade in milkshakes and candy for pureed soups and protein shakes. But then, after seeing the heartbeat at 6 weeks along, at 8 weeks’ time the heartbeat was gone. I have never been so devastated in my life and felt like a complete failure. Again, the problem had to be me.
By December 2012, thanks to my high sugar-no nutrient-grief diet, I was at a staggering 350 lbs. I was soooooo uncomfortable in my body, slow moving, sweaty, and so forth. I was having back, knee and feet issues. It was terrible. And on top of all of that, the Lap Band complications were worsening. I finally reached my breaking point spoke to my Surgeon to let him know the hell I was living in. My final straw to tell him everything came when I had the PA take out all of the saline and I still continued to throw up pureed food and liquids on a daily basis. Looking back I threw up 1-6 times per day for at least 2 years. My surgeon ordered an x-ray, and he could tell something was going on, but the x-ray was not definitive. I also admitted that for the last 6 months I had to sleep nearly completely upright or else I would wake up choking on vomit in the middle of the night. My surgeon was extremely alarmed. He said that alone was reason enough to remove it. He suggested I get the bypass or the sleeve. He felt the sleeve would be the best option, but either surgery was medically necessary for me. I prepared myself to fight with my insurance company, but to my shock and amazement they approved the removal of the band and the sleeve surgery. And, they approved it all in one. Normally, they are done separately, but in my case I did not have diabetes or high blood pressure (amazing that I didn’t) and at just shy of 30 years old, my surgeon felt comfortable doing it all at once. He also requested labs and I was very nutrient deficient, which could help explain my chronic exhaustion. The process took from that appointment on December 6, 2012 to the surgery date on February 12, 2013. I was impressed with the turnaround time from my insurance and their full coverage of the surgery.

I woke up on Feb. 12, 2013 calm and collected. I was happy and joyful and felt like even though the baby I lost would have been born just a month prior, that 2013 was still looking to be a GREAT year for me. And, it wasn’t until I woke up from surgery that I would find out just how great. My surgeon completed the Band removal and sleeve surgery robotically. I have to say that the operating room is daunting and then add to it a big robotics machine, but he said it gives him the 3-D imaging that isn’t possible with doing surgery laproscopically. And, in doing my surgery he told me he encountered a much worse situation than anticipated. I had a LOT of scar tissue, a LOT of pressure on my anatomy, and a pro-lapse of the stomach that wasn’t so bad on one side, but really bad on the other side (which could explain that x-ray that did not seem to be helpful in telling the story of my complications.) He said he spent a lot of time dealing with the band removal, but after that, the sleeve surgery went just as expected and very well.

My recovery from surgery was exactly 2 weeks, and then I felt like myself again. I followed the post-op stages diet and I got lots of rest. I think the biggest difference between band and sleeve recovery for me was that with the sleeve I was truly exhausted until I woke up the morning of Day 14. But, I immediately felt like I was alive again. In the weeks since surgery, I have spoken to my OB/GYN and Primary doctor and they have said that miscarriages are the result of the body knowing the right thing to do. While it hurt so bad at the time to experience that loss, it does make sense that since my insides were quite messed up and my nutrition was really messed up that my body said loud and clear - No baby, right now! On that note, I am taking 2013 to lose the weight and may consider trying again for a pregnancy once the weight is off and stabilized. This year has to be really focused on health and wellness. And I feel truly alive again!! It isn’t until you get your new lease on life that you truly realize how you weren’t living before. I spent a lot of time over a toilet and sitting in bed watching TV. I was depressed and lacked energy. Now I have a lot of energy, I am not depressed at all, I am out being social, eating a nutrient rich diet and exercising moderately.

I thanked my surgeon again at my 3-month post op appointment in May – which I do every time I see him. He is the type of surgeon who truly cares about his patients and wants our lives to improve. He is humble and he has an overall wonderful demeanor. This time I thanked him was different, with tears in my eyes, I thanked him for SAVING MY LIFE. As the weeks progress, I am filled with ever increasing gratitude and I truly, truly believe he saved my life. Dr. U (as I call him because he has a long name to pronounce) of course simply replied, “I just did a little cutting and a little sewing.” I replied back, “Then you would have made one hell of a tailor!” We had a good laugh.

As I continue along my journey, I thought joining a support network would be a good idea, so here I am and I look forward to getting to know other members, reading others’ stories, and interacting with this community of such courageous people who are getting healthy, one day at a time!