nikkimarieislove

Well it all started probably about 12 years ago when I was 14 just starting in high school (that's when all the drama starts). I wasn't big then, but as I started getting older the pounds packed on. When I was 18 I was I could see myself getting heavier and using food as an anti-depressant. I struggled with depression since I was 14 and food was my outlet. I would eat 5 meals (big meals) a day and snack. When I started dating my husband at 20 I was in a size 18-20. When we got married I was pregnant but lost the baby 3 months in. I was devastated and gained more weight.
At age 22 I was pregnant with my first born and weighed about 280 with him. At age 23 got pregnant with my 2nd born and weighed 285. I lost 10 pounds here and there but always gained it back. Ever since I was 14 I've tried diet after diet and always lost some gained more. So at age 23 after my 2nd baby was born I was going to do the bypass went to the meeting but backed out. And again at age 24 went to the meeting, met with the Doctor but backed out. May of 2013 age 26 I went to the meeting, met with the doctor and now is on my journey to a new me.
I've prayed about this surgery long and hard and death was always the outcome in my mind. I was so scared of dying. So as I prayed about it God gave me the peace and I just felt like He said it was going to be out. I then a few days later heard on KLOVE the singer from MeryMe had the surgery and he was talking about it. And it gave me conformation that this was OK. And ever since then, I've had an overwhelming happiness and peace. Normally I back out on these things. Anything actually to do with Doctors. But I've done everything and I cannot wait for the surgery! I wanted to do this surgery not only for myself, but for my family. I realized that if I kept my eating habits up, that Id either end up with a serious problem or dead. I want to be around for my baby's. I want to be able to run and play with them. I want to be able to go out without feeling or "hiding" behind my kids. I also did this for my husband. For 5 years he has put up with me not wanting to go out to restaurants or go to parties or family gatherings because of my weight. And he deserves a confident me. A happier me. But most of all I'm doing this for me. I want the confidence and be able to shop in normal clothing stores where clothes are half the price for half the fabric. I want to wear skinny jeans and not yoga pants lol. I want to see the new me the me I was meant to be. I'm ready for a healthier Nikki.