luvmyiggy

Two weeks ago I had a fill done. It was 1 cc. It was my 4th fill. When I got home I was only able to sip water, and even then it was hurting. If I took a normal drink it would come back up. I called the clinic and they had me come in for an unfill of .5 cc. That took care of it. I was then able to drink with out any problems. I am also eating solid foods fine. There have been some changes...I can no longer eat bread and potatos with out feeling stuck. But I am still able to eat more than I want to be eating. Since my last fill had to be "let out" some does that mean I can't have any more fills? Does that mean that I am as full as I can be? I am worried that I don't have the restriction I need yet and won't be able to have anymore fills. I also weighed today and I have only lost 3 pounds since my last fill.

My initial weightloss is expected to be higher than most because I weighed almost 500 pounds when I started. My doctor told me that the first 100 would be very fast and the next 100 would slow down and then after that I will end up at a normal weight loss. I have been told by several doctors and have read over and over that folk who start out at 500 or over tend too lose thieir first 100 - 200 pounds very quickly. So far this has been true for me becasue I have lost 35 pounds in just 2 months. Plus I am eating more than has been suggested and still face some hunger after meals.

I weigh 444 pounds and my ideal weight is 140 pounds. Is that even possible? Is there anyone out there who has done it?

I am sick of feeling like I am 80 years old when I am not even 30 yet.

I was talking to one of the ladies at my surgeon's office about all of this one day. I had noticed that one of my payments was less that one of the other ladies I had seen in the waiting room. What my Dr.'s assistant said was that because I was a self pay patient (my ins. would not cover it) the office staff has a lot less work to do in dealing with me. She said the insurance applications, approvals, and follow up paperwork takes a lot more time than we all realize. More time means more money and they have to defer that cost to the paitient. I figure your doctor may be charging a flat fee up front because they may put all of this time and effort into things for 3 or 6 months and the someone gets rejected, the office has spent a lot of time dealing with the insurance company and they won't get reimbursed for that. It sounds cold, but when she told me they have 2 people devoted to insurance company work it really put it in prespective. Does that make any sense? Please pardon my spelling I am typing on the fly.

I am at 465 and I don’t necessarily think your road is easier, but I don’t believe that you could possibly understand what I go through. How do you think I feel when someone who is 250 talks over and over about how huge they are? It feels like crap because if you think you are huge, I can’t imagine what you think of me. I see and hear people all of the time talk about how awful being in a size 28 is. I am a 38 and the only place I can find clothes is online and the clothes are ugly. I don’t have trouble fitting in airline seats or waiting room seat because I don’t fit in them at all. I have had bruises on my hip a large number of times from trying to force my way into a seat. I don’t know how many times I have had to stand because I could not fit in any of the seats. Talk about gaining some attention and stares. Also, lower BMI folks often look at me and go “Thank God I am not that fat”. I often say that I am so fat that even fat people make fun of me…and it is true. And, how many people do you know that weight around 250? I can’t even count how many I know. I only know one person who is larger than I am, or that weighs what I weigh. That means I only have one person who knows what it is like that can give me support. I am always the fattest person in the room. Even at my bariatric Dr.’s office. I am terrified that I am going to die any day now…and I am only 28. I am humiliated to think of how big my casket would have to be and how many people it would take to carry me. I can’t fit in MRI or CT machines. I am too heavy to have a stress test done because none of equipment can hold me. There have been many tests that Dr’s have wanted to run, but they can’t because I am so heavy. Most scales can’t even weigh me. I would have to order one online and they are prohibitively expensive. The look on the nurse’s face when I tell her the scale won’t weigh me makes me want to crawl in a hole and cry. The only Dr.’s office that I go to that has a scale to weigh me is my Bariatric Surgeon’s. I have been in a wreck and would not let the ambulance take me to the hospital because I didn’t want to have to see them trying to figure out how to get me in the ambulance. I just waited and let my husband take me. When I fall I break bones because of my weight. I don’t just get bruises. And no, I don’t have any bone abnormalities. People sneer and make comments on what I have in my basket at the grocery store. The people at restaurants look at me like I shouldn’t be there because the last thing I need to do is eat. I don’t fit in booths. The waiters automatically know that by looking at me. They don’t even ask if I want a booth or a table. I have to special order my bras because there is not a place to get them as large as I need. I work with children and I am always worried about a child throwing up on me because I can’t just run to Target and get a new shirt. I have to go all of the way home. I worry about a house fire and other disasters because if my clothes are destroyed I would be without clothes until I could get some ordered online. It sounds dumb to worry about this if you have never been in my shoes, but when you are as big as I am you have to think about these things. Think of how different your life would be if you knew you could not possibly run to the mall or run to a specialty shop and find underwear and clothes. And you sure wouldn’t pay $25 or $30 for a shirt, it would be more like $50 or $60 and God forbid you need something dressy. It even effects getting a job. Not just because of people looking at me badly but I also have a very hard time finding clothes that fit into the business dress code. I don’t know how many toilet seat I have broken because of my weight. It is really humiliating when I am over at someone’s house because I becomes obvious who did it. I am sure I could ramble on, but hopefully this list gives you a better picture. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

Thank you so much. I really needed those pep talks. You all are so right. I guess I just needed to hear it from other people. You all are kind and uplifting. Thank you.

I had surgery a week and a half ago. I am still on my post op diets and I am doing well. The problem is that my first fill is a month away. I am going to be starving for a month! I am so sick of being hungry. I was on a liquid diet the 2 weeks before my surgery too, so I am really going crazy. I know I am being a baby. Please, I need some encouraging words. :help:

By this time tomorrow I will be banded. I can't stand myself I am so excited. I bet I don't sleep a wink tonight. Ok my goodness, oh my goodness. Less than 24 hours!

When I first got my surgery date about two weeks ago you could not peel me off the ceiling I was so excited. But now my excitement is fading fast and being replaced with nerves and discoragement. There is no doubt in my mind that I need to do this, I am just starting to get worried about the results. I weigh 465 and I am scared that I am not going to be able to lose enough to make a real difference. For someone who weighs as much as I do 100 pounds doesn't make that much of a difference. I noticed that with a friend of mine who had it done. He weighed a bit more than I do, but he lost 120 and people were just starting to notice. They thought he had lost about 40 pounds. What a slap in the face. I am just scared of getting discoraged and getting depressed. Is it realistic to lose 250 pounds? I haven't met or seen anyone yet who was able to get even close to a "normal" weight when they started out weighing what I weigh. I am I being unrealistic?

Well I am very excited as I am sure you all can imagine. I am 5 ft. 9 in. tall and I weight 465. (I am so fat that even fat people make fun of me...those of you who weight what I weigh know what I mean.) Besides getting rid of a ton of weight I am also hoping my boobs shrink drastically. I have been trying to donate them to science for a long time, but the bastards don't want them. I am on a 2 week liquid diet and it is going very well. I haven't had a whole lot of cravings and I no longer feel hungry unless it is time for another shake. I have been thinking of it as somewhat of a detox like a drug addict would have to go through. I am seriously considering staying on the protien shake diet until my first fill. I am going to talk to my Dr. about that. A few things about me that's not realated to weight: I have been married for 10 years. I was very lucky and found a wonderful guy. He supports me in everything I do. I have a social work degree and I work for Child Protective Services as an investigator. And yes, it takes a huge emotional toll. I often have nightmares and deal with some of the sickest people out there. I also feel like my coworkers, my husband and myself are the only human beings on earth that don't use drugs. I am so sick of Meth I could just scream. I have no children, but have 5 dogs and a cat. They are our children. They bring a huge amount of joy to my life. I can't wait until I can take them for walks and play with them at the dog park. I guess that is all I can think of right now. Sorry for being so long winded.

Ok, I don't cook. And when I say I don't cook, I mean it. I hate it. I am terrified of fire and I am scared of the stove and oven. (It's a long story that has to do with fire trauma from childhood). I eat a lot of microwavable stuff. Am I going to be able to eat Lean Cuisines and Heathy Choice meals? I can't wait to fix one and not be able to finish it becaue I get full. Is this possible?

Thank yo so much. That is a lot of good advice. I really appreciate you taking the time to write that post. I gives me other ideas to. You ROCK!

I am on my 10th day of my liquid diet. All I have had it protien shakes. It gets eaiser every day. I am no longer hungry and I only feel empty when it is getting time for me to have another shake. I have been treating this as somewhat of a detox like they do for heroin addicts. It has also given me some time to really focus on my addiction and my thinking. I promise it gets better. I kind of enojoy it now. I don't have to go through all of that crap when trying to pick out something to eat. That was always so stressful for me. I want this, but I shouldn't have it...but I want it so bad. No...I should eat something healthy, but I don't want that. Then all of the horrible things I would say to myself. Arrrrrggggg. Hang in there you will make it. Just think....if you can do this you truly can do ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have they gotten any better? God there is nothing worse.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am going to be banded in 5 days and I was not aware of the hair loss problem. It doesn't bother me at all though, because my step dad had cancer and when he lost his hair I shaved my head. It was very liberating. I can understand that for most women this is worse than being fat. I wish I could give you my hair. I am sending you lots of hair growing energy.

I think I would rather vomit...and I HATE to vomit.

Ok, so I am at my grandmother’s funeral and I am devastated by her death. We are sitting around a few minutes before the funeral begins and one of my grandmother’s neighbors (about 80 years old) walks over to me and asks “What happened to you?” I asked her what she meant and she said “you got so big, you used to be so beautiful.” I can’t tell you how bad I wanted to crawl in the casket with my grandmother and let them burry me.