Texas Belle

Howdy, It deeply shames me to admit this, but I do have weight regain. I've noticed the moment I get extremely stressed out or extremely upset or both that all I want to do is simply just eat. I hate this. I've had my VSG on July 18th, 2012. My original weight was 330lbs before the surgery. I've lost 142lbs as result of the surgery. My current weight bounces between 182 to 195lbs based on my eating. It has been fairly easy up until this point. I will admit that I am miserable. I am at a point in my life that I wish I was not in, but unfortunately, I am in it. At this point: No steady job with benefits, still in college, left my lying boyfriend, and I don't really have any close friends anymore, because I moved back in with my parents due to economic difficulties. As result of my age (being 26), I was kicked off the extremely good health insurance that my family has. The other downside of being a VSG, not many insurance companies like to offer decent health insurance to you as result of being a VSG. My current insurance is Coordinated Health Benefits. For the record, they are *awful*. I do not recommend them. You are always billed later for any office visits, blood work, and you pay obscene prices for medications. I have explained to my parents that I am struggling to lose this remaining weight. All I am met with are comments of severe negativity and shame. Not support and encouragement. My parents are *NOT* supportive of me in the sense of encouragement and wanting to see me be successful as a VSG. They are not willing to be helpful at all. All they wish to do is tempt me with more junk food. They are of the personality, "It's OK for us to eat whatever we want and be fat, but it is not OK for you to be fat. Yet we are not willing to help you by changing our eating habits since we all live in the same house." I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone in my life who I can talk to about this. I can't afford to talk to someone who is a mental health provider, because I do not have a steady full-time job with benefits. I am in the process of wrapping up my Bachelors' degree in Legal Studies and Business Management. I am currently looking for a job that suits my skill set. I feel like I just do not have any hope. I wish I did have hope. I pray to God everyday to please bring me some hope. That's all I want is something good to believe in. I don't want to be my starting weight again, but I know if I continue on this destructive path that I will be... - Texas Belle

I am getting better at identifying my triggers that make me want to eat, but I am still struggling to find solutions to stop them. This is what I figured out so far. Triggers that make me want to eat: FEELING: - STRESSED -UPSET - DEGRADED -DEPRESSED - ANXIOUS -FEARFUL -UNCERTAIN -HOPELESS -SAD - EMPTY -WORTHLESS - TEMPTED -TAUNTED - LONELY - ISOLATED - SHAMED - JUDGED - PRESSURED - UNLOVEABLE - UNAPPRECIATED - STUCK -POWERLESS -HELPLESS - MISUNDERSTOOD - UNHEARD -DISRESPECTED The only solution that I keep seeing is maybe start chewing on a toothpick to quell the oral fixation aspect. For those who have been following my posts, you already know that my home life is horrid and the fact I am broke with horrid insurance. What other ways could I quell my triggers?

Unfortunately, I don't have the funding in order to receive professional help,. That is why I am trying to pull myself up by own boot straps.

I am trying to learn what is causing my weight regain. It didn't start happening until I had to move back home with my parents due to economic difficulties. I do have an urge to chew. That is why I originally thought maybe a toothpick. I tried the gum as a 'quick fix' to prevent today's overeating from going into a full blown binge. It seems to be helping. I've been post-op for over a year now. I wish all of my ghrelin was taken away to where I was never ever hungry again, but it didn't happen that way. As for the journaling, I don't do. My family is ultra nosy-parker and like to go through my things. I use to put my feelings down in fiction stories, but I've had stunted creativity since I've gotten here last May. As for the walking, I have to fight for literally anything I want to do. In my family opinion... This is a phrase I use a lot to describe them, they don't believe 'Lincoln freed the slaves'. Which means in too many words I while I stay here to finish up my Bachelors' degree and look for a job, I am basically equal to live-in maid. I have no rights in their opinion. I have no right to ever want anything. If I need something, I literally have to fight for it. I don't have anybody that I can honestly feel comfortable talking to about this who is not affiliated with my family. As I said in my previous posts, I do not meet the requirements of Medicaid. The insurance I do have is horrid. My university is online. Therefore, I don't have the opportunity to talk to a university counselor. That is why I turn to this forum for help.

The gum is helping a little and the more I think about the triggers... The longer the list is becoming. I would just need to log in the calories of the gum that I chew into Myfitnesspal

I will be honest, folks... I am finishing up the day by working out on the indoor exercise bike that my grandfather gave me. Since I moved back home, my parents decided to claim it for their own despite the fact they don't use it. I actually do. I have been doing very well logging in my food and being out of the house the majority of the day while doing errands. All of a sudden the "You're not good enough because..." statements start pouring in. The only difference between today's daily degrade and the usual amount. It was followed-up with "You don't do enough." All because I wasn't at the house being the equal to a live-in maid today. I exercised the dog, went to get the tired of my truck fixed, picked up groceries for the house, picked up an exercise schedule from the YMCA, and came back. I took an hour nap, exercised on the bike, made myself dinner, cleaned up the kitchen from 'their choice of dinner', and decided to relax for a little bit before I get back on the bike for my remaining 30 minutes. I typically ride the bike for an hour. After that, I will go into the front yard and exercise the dog again at dark thirty. Yet I am told "I don't do enough." on top the usual "You're not good enough." statements. You have to keep in mind the level of toxicity that my parents chose to be. The reason I say 'chose' because I think people have a choice in the type of person they want to be. They believe that I pretty much entitled to nothing, that I have no rights, and I am not entitled to ever want anything. Even if it is Cherub tomatoes for my salads or to eat as a snack. That argument over the cherub tomatoes lasted for months. As I said before my family is non-supportive. My parents do not care that I am struggling with my weight. They do not care that I left my lying boyfriend. They do not care that I am struggling to find a job. They would rather dump large amounts of negativity and shame on me than actually choose to be helpful and supportive. For the record, I don't eat out except when my family absolutely insists on it. I don't usually have any money to buy myself nice things, because whatever money I do earn from doing house chores is immediately given back to my parents in the form of 'rent', 'utilities', and etc. I typically don't go anywhere unless there is something needed to be done like an errand. Today, I am shamed for my errands. I just don't get it. What did I ever do to be told that 'you're not good enough' and 'you're not doing enough' statements'? I am taking 4 college courses online starting August 26th. I have a scholarship program paying for my textbooks, because I have documented learning disabilities. Yet all the obstacles I endure mean absolutely nothing to my family. I am just ... Please forgive this beyond crude statement, but they say this to me on a daily basis that I am a 'f*** up' and a 'waste of space'.

Well' in all practicalness... I have to be blessed with having a good man that I would want to have kids with. You are right that I will be determined not to do what my parents do to me. Their own level of superficial toxicity of 'You're not good enough because..." statements about anything and everything. It is truly damaging in more ways than one.

Howdy, Thank you all for your wonderful words of encouragement. I am deeply appreciative for all of your love and support. There are no words that can express how grateful I am. I will start addressing the recommendations that I was provided. Medicaid: Unfortunately, I do not meet the minimum requirements in order to receive benefits. Local Low-Income Mental Health Services: I've already investigated this. The particular rural Texas County that I live in does not provide such services to this county. Triggers: Yes, I am becoming slowly aware of my triggers. I am aware that when I am upset, sad, depressed, stressed, or a combination more than one of them that basically all I want to do is eat. The crude term that I would use is 'grazing', because literally there is no end until I ultimately make myself ill. Which is neither healthy or productive. Myfitnesspal: I do use this app. On the days that my triggers start going off, I slowly creep into this mindset of "I want to eat whatever I want today". The only problem when I get into this mindset is that one day turns into days. Mental Health Services via my University: In order to cut costs, I chose an online degree via University of Texas at Brownsville. It would give me the flexibility of being able to hold a full-time job. Since I am an online student and I live a solid 8 hours drive away from the campus, I do not have this option available to me. My family: I agree on the theory that their toxicity and negative attitudes are what helped contribute to my original starting weight. Church: I did participate in a church in the city I lived in before I moved back in with my parents due to economic difficulties. I have not found a church that makes me feel spiritually comfortable yet in the rural area that I live in. Living my own life: There was a recommendation that I basically just use the house to sleep and bathe. I pretty much did that today. I had to do errands in Bastrop, TX today. I stayed gone for the majority of the day. I also investigated what exercise programs are available at the YMCA. I have contacted a paralegal association out of Austin, TX. They have agreed to help me study for my national paralegal exam and match me with a mentor to 'show me the ropes' so to speak. Job Search: I am looking for a job that matching my skill set. I haven't found anything as of yet. I look everyday. This particular issue is causing a whole another set amount of negativity and shame from my parents. They are more than happy to remind me that I am fat and that I am a 'loser' in their book. In other news, I will be brave and explain why I left my boyfriend. I have zero tolerance for liars. That's just a general personal pet peeve of mine. He was a U.S. Marine. He was deployed in Afghanistan. He made me believe he was still deployed even though his group returned stateside in April 2013. He did not see me at all. Stupidly, I waited a year for him and hanging on to nothing, but hope. Sad part of all of this is that I genuinely unconditionally loved him. Yet it was not enough for him to love me as much in return. I realized this on last Friday morning. This is what led to the three days of (what I shamefully admit) 'grazing'. It was not until Sunday night that I posted this original thread requesting for guidance and help. I am still deeply hurt and depressed. This morning (Monday, August 19th, 2013) I dressed nicely, did my hair, did my make up, and did my errands. I looked beautiful, but on the inside I just felt so empty and still deeply hurt. I made good food choices, logged in my food, and went about my day with the question of : "What did I ever do so wrong in order to deserve to be this hurt?" I deeply appreciate all of your prayers. Please keep praying for me, because I know I still have a long way to go. I know it will take me a very long time until I find hope again. Thank you all so much, Texas Belle

I don't feel amazing. I actually don't feel much of anything. I am slammed with so much shame and negativity.

No. It was over the course of a year. I wrote the date wrong. It is actually July 18th, 2012.

Howdy, I've had my gasteric sleeve surgery on July 18th, 2012. My original pre-surgery weight was 330lbs. I've lost 140lbs after my surgery. I am officially one year out as of this week. I went from a size 30/32 to a size 12. I am 26 years old. I am 5'4". My build is somewhat petite. Of course, I am still heavy to me. My daily calorie in-take is 800 calories. I use myfitnesspal to track everything I eat. I stay away from carbs and non-starchy vegetables. The Protein shakes I use are Atkins vanilla and strawberry. The Protein Bars I use are Powercrunch. I use both of those brands, because I can actually stand them and stand eating them everyday. I have been working out on an exercise bike for roughly 2 weeks. I decided that I would continue this promise to be healthier. My fear is that my body has decided to just stop at size 12. It actually has started regaining 5lbs. When I noticed that, it made me do a blood curdling scream of "No!" What am I doing wrong? Could somebody please help me? Thanks, texasbelle

I got an email back from the nutritionist. She said I was eating too much Protein and too much fat. Not enough vegetables. On the way home, I stopped off at the grocery store. I made a stew out of fajita seasoned chicken breast, green cabbage, yellow onion, zucchini, yellow squash, broccoli, and cauliflower and chicken bullion. According to the email that I got today, the nutritionist said this, " I think your body is actually building muscle and maybe causing it to appear that you have gained weight when you are actually getting more toned!"

I emailed my nutritionist and maybe I will get an answer soon.

Unfortunately, I have limited funds. Otherwise, I would hire a personal trainer in a heartbeat. I just don't want to keep gaining weight. I am 194lbs as of this morning and I am screaming "NO!". It depresses me greatly, because I want to keep going down.

Thank you for all who repiled to my post! I deeply appreciate the support. Thanks again, texasbelle

Howdy, I've had my Gastric Sleeve surgery on July 18th, 2012. My pre-surgery weight was 330lbs. I am 195lbs right now. I've lost 135lbs so far. I have been in a plateau for over a month. What can I do to stop the plateau? Thanks, Belle

Thank you to all who have posted replies! I deeply appreciate it. I have pulled back to 800 calories per day. Thanks again, texasbelle

Howdy, What is the proper calorie range for gastric sleeve patients? I am almost a year out and I've been doing 1,000 calories. Is this too much?

Thank you to all of you who have posted replies! I deeply appreciate it. As for my target weight, I would like to get to my 'normal' BMI for my height. Which is 120lbs. It is a tough goal, but I really want to get there. As for the Protein question, I am maxing out between 100 grams to 149 grams of protein. I had to look at myfitnesspal. The only part that I am concerned is that I think my fat content is a little high in my book. I am not sure if that is normal for us or not considering we eat *A LOT* of protein. As for the exercise program, I did not have a exercise program prior to two weeks ago. I am just starting out. I figured that I would just suck it up and do it, because I noticed I was losing weight at a slower rate. As for the nutritionist, She is on my e-mail and I e-mail her immediately when I think something is off. As for my Water in-take, my mother (who lives with me) observes me drinking. She thinks I drink enough. Good example: One day, she made me drink a massive glass (I think it was 32 oz) of Powerade Zero with ice to see how my drinking was. We were walking around and I was drink like a fish. I finished drinking all of it in like 2 or 3 hours. I think the fact I was moving and it was usual Texas weather of super HOT helped that factor though. Since you have additional information, What am I doing wrong? Thanks, texasbelle