tizen33

Wow- kinda had a rough day today. Started out good in the morning.... except for the sour milk. I ended up eating three taquito today. I traded the calories by not drinking a slimfast. I still consumed less than 1500 cals. so I am trying not to beat myself up so bad. And I did exercise. And tomorrow is another day. I was just reading through some different threads and realized how thankful I am to have this forum and everyone in it. It is so inspiring and helpful to read everyone's answers and experiences to different questions. This pre-op diet is driving me nuts and it's nice to be able to have a place to get grounded. I just really can't wait to get this done. I've spent too many years in a heavy unhealthy state. I'm ready for change...........23 more days to go!!! Goodnight.

Wow- kinda had a rough day today. Started out good in the morning.... except for the sour milk. I ended up eating three taquito today. I traded the calories by not drinking a slimfast. I still consumed less than 1500 cals. so I am trying not to beat myself up so bad. And I did exercise. And tomorrow is another day. I was just reading through some different threads and realized how thankful I am to have this forum and everyone in it. It is so inspiring and helpful to read everyone's answers and experiences to different questions. This pre-op diet is driving me nuts and it's nice to be able to have a place to get grounded. I just really can't wait to get this done. I've spent too many years in a heavy unhealthy state. I'm ready for change...........23 more days to go!!! Goodnight.

I agree with Kitty. Get a second opinion if your insurance will take it. My eval was stupid to me. After the written tests (no I'm not afraid of the dark, I don't want to hurt myself or set things on fire ~just a few of the repeated questions in one of my tests~) the doctor basically took a quick history for his notes, looked at my size and gave me the go. Even befor my tests were scored. Granted he may be a crappy psyciatrist in it for the $500.00 but I didn't get denied. If it were me I'd check out the second opinion option. And if you feel you need counseling then do it also. For me I feel losing weight and getting healthy is going to improve my mental health more than anything. Good Luck!

Well I'm grossed out. I was drinking my morning protien shake and it took until about half of it was gone befor I started to think it tasted a little funnier than usual. The milk in my fridge had soured slightly. YUCK! The date on the milk says it's still good for a week but not for me it's not. :car: On a good note I lost 10lbs this first week on my pre-op diet. I know that number won't repeat itself but feel it is a good start. Still can't believe that I have three more weeks of this... I guess I'm a quarter of the way there. I'm trying to be optimistic but that sounds like a looooong time right now. Hope everyone's journey is going well! Until next time:). rode bike 30 min.

Well I'm grossed out. I was drinking my morning protien shake and it took until about half of it was gone befor I started to think it tasted a little funnier than usual. The milk in my fridge had soured slightly. YUCK! The date on the milk says it's still good for a week but not for me it's not. :mad: On a good note I lost 10lbs this first week on my pre-op diet. I know that number won't repeat itself but feel it is a good start. Still can't believe that I have three more weeks of this... I guess I'm a quarter of the way there. I'm trying to be optimistic but that sounds like a looooong time right now. Hope everyone's journey is going well! Until next time:). rode bike 30 min.

It makes complete sense to me to not want the attention. I don't remember what it feels like to be thinner. I've never been super thin but was healthy and inshape in high school and until about 20yrs old. In the past I've always self sabotaged myself. Just as soon as people would start to compliment me on my weight loss I'd always end up starting to put the lbs back on. Maybe I link attention with failure- That's a new one I hadn't thought of yet. Attention or no attention I just know I need to do this for me.... both mentally and physically. Good luck! Tina

I am on day 6 of my 30day pre-op diet. I get a protien shake for Breakfast, 3 slimfast shakes a day and vegi's for lunch and dinner. I've been using the costco brand of slimfast. They only have chocolate but for 15 bucks you get 24 cans of ready to drink shakes. And I've found the longer I'm on them the better they are. I actually look forward to my chocolaty treat three times a day. So if you have access to costco, like chocolate and these shakes are comperable I'd recomend them. Good luck on your journey! Take care- Tina

Hello there- My name is Tina and my surgery date is TENtively Oct 18th. Assuming insurance goes through with no problems. There've been a couple of little bumps so far but nothing that has stopped the ball. I am on day 5 of a four week pre-op diet. It's not the most pleasant thing but I feel like I'm really on my way. It's nice to meet you all and I look forward to our journey together. Now I'm gonna try to figure out how to get a weight ticker via the instructions I've read for other people. all of you take care!!

I also have an ex husband who cheated on me... a lot. And I also feel or wonder if I've used my weight as a defense mechanism. There's nothing like saying I do and really believing it's forever and then going through the betrayal of a spouse. I really believe it's messed with my little head. I also believe that being aware of this and through support and journaling we can heal. Becoming attractive again kinda freaks me out. I've always been one of those that the minute people start to compliment me on my weight loss I pack the pounds right back on (plus a few to boot usually). So I've really been working on my head to try to figure out how to stop myself from self destructing once I'm banded. I really believe we have to go through just as much mentally as we will physically for the band to be successful. and I believe we can all find our sexy selves again- My second husband has only known me as heavy. We usually have sex 3-4 times a year although it has been 8 months now. I used to be very sexual and I almost feel sorry for him once I get my mojo back. Poor man's not gonna know what's hit him!:heh: Good luck on getting yours back!

I have had many concerns about who to tell. We live in a small town and inevitably I'm sure everyone will know. I have told a few people. My mother and father-in-law, my grandmother and a couple of close friends. What amazes me who has been the most supportive. My grandmother was really dissappointed (or at least came across that way). For me the surgery seems like common sense. My family on both sides is ridden with morbid obesity, heart disease, high blood preasure and cholesterol to name a few. I know this is the best choice for me. And although I believe/hope most people will be supportive I know not everyone will understand. And that's their problem, not mine. It's our life, not theirs. But what a journey to go on huh? Good luck.

Day 5 of pre-op diet. 25 more to go. I am so envious of all of you who didn't have to or won't have to do the pre-op for so long. But my surgeon is pretty strict about losing close to 10% total body weight. He said 25lbs for me. It's hard sometimes when my husband eats in front of me. It's also amazing now that I realize how many times a day I would just pop something in my mouth. Like when I am fixing my 15 month olds meals I usually take a bite here and there to make sure it's not too hot or that whatever it is tastes good. I also do that with cooking, putting away food, anytime I handle food. But I've stopped the misc bites and finger licking. Watching commercials can be difficult. I never realized just how many food commercials there are or how good they really make that food look. I've been trying to DVR everything I watch so I can skip the darn food commercials. I've started tracking the calories and protein I eat in a day. I first tried the website: mypyramid.gov but was unhappy with it. I found that slimfast's website has a free diet/nutrition tracker. I just have to delete the menu they come up with for me and put in what I actually eat. And if they don't have something you've eaten in their system you can add it and it will remember it (like the protein shake that I drink). They also have exercise trackers and a lot of other helpful tools all for free. Today I ate 1270 cals and rode my bike for 30min. Goodnight and goodluck to all.:car:

Day 5 of pre-op diet. 25 more to go. I am so envious of all of you who didn't have to or won't have to do the pre-op for so long. But my surgeon is pretty strict about losing close to 10% total body weight. He said 25lbs for me. It's hard sometimes when my husband eats in front of me. It's also amazing now that I realize how many times a day I would just pop something in my mouth. Like when I am fixing my 15 month olds meals I usually take a bite here and there to make sure it's not too hot or that whatever it is tastes good. I also do that with cooking, putting away food, anytime I handle food. But I've stopped the misc bites and finger licking. Watching commercials can be difficult. I never realized just how many food commercials there are or how good they really make that food look. I've been trying to DVR everything I watch so I can skip the darn food commercials. I've started tracking the calories and protein I eat in a day. I first tried the website: mypyramid.gov but was unhappy with it. I found that slimfast's website has a free diet/nutrition tracker. I just have to delete the menu they come up with for me and put in what I actually eat. And if they don't have something you've eaten in their system you can add it and it will remember it (like the protein shake that I drink). They also have exercise trackers and a lot of other helpful tools all for free. Today I ate 1270 cals and rode my bike for 30min. Goodnight and goodluck to all.:mad:

It is day 4 of my pre-op liquid/vegi diet. It actually has gotten better. By the end of yesterday my stomach wasn't begging for food like it was the first two days. And can you believe those chocolate slimfast shakes actually start to taste thick, creamy, chocolaty, yummy AND satisfying? And who knew that baked zucchini could be so delicious. I am sure that I won't feel that way in a couple of more weeks but at this point I am glad to not feel like I am starving. I got a call from the doctors office when I got home Friday evening. I am a little irritated. They said the insurance company is requiring weight records from 2004 til now and all documentation of weight loss attempts the doctors have. The reason that this is irritating is because I called the insurance three times to make sure that I had all my bases covered on all the crap that they require to approve the surgery and they said they only needed your primary physician and surgeons recommendation. I don't mind if they want more stuff, just be up front about it. Why would they tell me something different? I don't understand. So I will be calling them on Monday after I've taken care of the new requests and ask them if it's normal for them to not be upfront about their coverage requirements. Don't mess with a hungry woman damn it! rode bike 30 minutes

It is day 4 of my pre-op liquid/vegi diet. It actually has gotten better. By the end of yesterday my stomach wasn't begging for food like it was the first two days. And can you believe those chocolate slimfast shakes actually start to taste thick, creamy, chocolaty, yummy AND satisfying? And who knew that baked zucchini could be so delicious. I am sure that I won't feel that way in a couple of more weeks but at this point I am glad to not feel like I am starving. I got a call from the doctors office when I got home Friday evening. I am a little irritated. They said the insurance company is requiring weight records from 2004 til now and all documentation of weight loss attempts the doctors have. The reason that this is irritating is because I called the insurance three times to make sure that I had all my bases covered on all the crap that they require to approve the surgery and they said they only needed your primary physician and surgeons recommendation. I don't mind if they want more stuff, just be up front about it. Why would they tell me something different? I don't understand. So I will be calling them on Monday after I've taken care of the new requests and ask them if it's normal for them to not be upfront about their coverage requirements. Don't mess with a hungry woman damn it! rode bike 30 minutes

Day 2 of pre-op diet. It really sucks. The doc did say after 3-5 days your body adjusts to it. God I hope so. I can do it but it's not pleasant. 28 more days to go. That sounds like a long frickin' time!:straight But at least I am on my way:p. rode bike 30 minutes

Day 2 of pre-op diet. It really sucks. The doc did say after 3-5 days your body adjusts to it. God I hope so. I can do it but it's not pleasant. 28 more days to go. That sounds like a long frickin' time!:straight But at least I am on my way:p. rode bike 30 minutes

So this was my first day of the pre-op diet. Right now I could definitely eat but it's not terrible. I bought my husband a bunch of frozen/easy foods for him to fix for himself while I'm on this liquid/vegetable diet. He just won't cook, at least not regularly and I'm not quite ready to torture my self yet. I'm having a hard time contemplating drinking slimfast and eating vegetables only for another 29 days. Yet I know it is what must be done. I rode my bike for the 30 minutes of exercise the doctor wants done daily. As I sit here my stomach feels like a pit. I might have to go eat some broccoli. Just so it's noted I will post my starting weight and current weight weekly. My measurements I will do monthly. Those posts will always be done in green for those of you who want to see what kind of progress I've made (none as of yet- but a week from now there'll be some changes;)). Good luck to all. Goodnight.

So this was my first day of the pre-op diet. Right now I could definitely eat but it's not terrible. I bought my husband a bunch of frozen/easy foods for him to fix for himself while I'm on this liquid/vegetable diet. He just won't cook, at least not regularly and I'm not quite ready to torture my self yet. I'm having a hard time contemplating drinking slimfast and eating vegetables only for another 29 days. Yet I know it is what must be done. I rode my bike for the 30 minutes of exercise the doctor wants done daily. As I sit here my stomach feels like a pit. I might have to go eat some broccoli. Just so it's noted I will post my starting weight and current weight weekly. My measurements I will do monthly. Those posts will always be done in green for those of you who want to see what kind of progress I've made (none as of yet- but a week from now there'll be some changes;)). Good luck to all. Goodnight.

O-kay so I got weighed officially at the surgeons office. And as I had suspected I had gained a lot (17lbs). So I changed my journal name to Tina 295 to reflect my starting weight. It's amazing how self destructive I can be. On a positive note I start the pre-op diet tomorrow. The diet consists of one protien shake in the morning. Three cans of slim fast a day. And vegetables (no corn or potato) for lunch and dinner. I get to do this for a month. I am suposed to lose 25lbs by then. The Doctor said that most people lose between 5 and 8 lbs a week on this diet so this should definately be doable. All of my paperwork, etc. is being sent to insurance for approval. The gals at the doc's office said that Blue Cross usually responds quickly. Assuming insurance approval goes smoothly and my weight loss goes smoothly they set a tenative surgery date for Oct. 18th. I am in awe. None of this seems real. I just feel like I'm jumping through another hoop to get to this far off dream that I have. But it is becoming a reality. I'm sure it will seem real when I'm sick of slimfast shakes and vegetables 4 weeks from now. I have told a few more people. I told my grandmother who raised me today and I told a close friend in town. The friend was very supportive. My Grandmother had a couple comments that kind of rubbed me wrong but I know she means well. She just has a hard time that I can't do it myself. She's talking about coming out when I have the surgery to help with the baby. Maybe I can explain it better to her then. I am still torn on when to tell other people. My husband thinks I should just be honest when asked, but that I don't need to volenteer any information. I think I agree with him. All I know is how tired I am of being fat and depressed about it. I'm tired of the self destructive behavior I indulge in. I am ready for the change. And it starts tomorrow. Here are my current stats: height: 5' 7" weight: 295 BMI: 46 bust: 53 1/2 in waist: 55 in hips: 57 in thigh: 35 in calves: 21 in arms: 17 in OMG!! I'm almost as round as I am tall!!!! but not for much longer!!:car: Good luck to all of you on your journey's.

O-kay so I got weighed officially at the surgeons office. And as I had suspected I had gained a lot (17lbs). So I changed my journal name to Tina 295 to reflect my starting weight. It's amazing how self destructive I can be. On a positive note I start the pre-op diet tomorrow. The diet consists of one protien shake in the morning. Three cans of slim fast a day. And vegetables (no corn or potato) for lunch and dinner. I get to do this for a month. I am suposed to lose 25lbs by then. The Doctor said that most people lose between 5 and 8 lbs a week on this diet so this should definately be doable. All of my paperwork, etc. is being sent to insurance for approval. The gals at the doc's office said that Blue Cross usually responds quickly. Assuming insurance approval goes smoothly and my weight loss goes smoothly they set a tenative surgery date for Oct. 18th. I am in awe. None of this seems real. I just feel like I'm jumping through another hoop to get to this far off dream that I have. But it is becoming a reality. I'm sure it will seem real when I'm sick of slimfast shakes and vegetables 4 weeks from now. I have told a few more people. I told my grandmother who raised me today and I told a close friend in town. The friend was very supportive. My Grandmother had a couple comments that kind of rubbed me wrong but I know she means well. She just has a hard time that I can't do it myself. She's talking about coming out when I have the surgery to help with the baby. Maybe I can explain it better to her then. I am still torn on when to tell other people. My husband thinks I should just be honest when asked, but that I don't need to volenteer any information. I think I agree with him. All I know is how tired I am of being fat and depressed about it. I'm tired of the self destructive behavior I indulge in. I am ready for the change. And it starts tomorrow. Here are my current stats: height: 5' 7" weight: 295 BMI: 46 bust: 53 1/2 in waist: 55 in hips: 57 in thigh: 35 in calves: 21 in arms: 17 in OMG!! I'm almost as round as I am tall!!!!:car: but not for much longer!! Good luck to all of you on your journey's.

Mother-in-law went shopping at Costco and got me two cases of their brand of slim-fast. I am still assuming that I will be starting my pre-op liquid diet on Wednesday being that Tuesday I have my first appointment with the surgeon. I am nervous. I am also ready to start actually losing weight. I'm ready to feel like I am doing something to better my life. Even the four and a half days until my doctor appointment seems forever away. I am just ready to know how long it will be until I am banded. I'm ready to start..... I'm ready for it all. I'll give an update on Tuesday after my appointment. Hopefully I'll know more by then.

Mother-in-law went shopping at Costco and got me two cases of their brand of slim-fast. I am still assuming that I will be starting my pre-op liquid diet on Wednesday being that Tuesday I have my first appointment with the surgeon. I am nervous. I am also ready to start actually losing weight. I'm ready to feel like I am doing something to better my life. Even the four and a half days until my doctor appointment seems forever away. I am just ready to know how long it will be until I am banded. I'm ready to start..... I'm ready for it all. I'll give an update on Tuesday after my appointment. Hopefully I'll know more by then.

So I was kinda (totally) sad when after last nights journal entry that I weighed myself. I knew that on my recent trip to New Jersy and New York I was a somewhat indulgent with my caloretic intake but I thought that all of the walking and the humidity would have countered some of the damage. But no. Even though I experienced the worst sweating ever in my life and walked over 10 miles in four days I still gained weight. It seems like ever sinse I started looking into this surgury seriously I have been sabotaging myself. Some of it I've been aware of and some not. I really didn't expect to gain the NINE pounds that I did this last week. I about crapped myself. In the morning the first thing I'm gonna do is call the surgeon to see if I can get in to get weighed so I can start the pre-op diet. He won't go off of any weight except ones that are taken in his office or else I would have started this sooner. It just seems like if I'm not dieting than I am gaining weight. I am so tired of that. I am so tired of that being my reality. Dealing with obesity is one of the hardest things in my life. I concider myself a competent person. Even as a fat A** in New York I was the last one to complain about all the walking we did. I work hard. I am smart and successful in so many areas of my life and yet I can't win when it comes to losing weight. It at times makes me feel like such a failure. I get so pissed about the headtrip that humanity puts on looks. Even after I get the band and lose weight I won't be like models that we see on magazine covers everyday. My goal weight is 180. At that weight I am about a size 14. When I was in highschool in sports and very physically active my lowest weight was 170. Sometimes it is just so frustrating and I am looking forward to getting on with this process. Isn't it amazing the ups and downs we go through as fat people. Our coping mechanisms get us through so much hurt and pain. Granted we hide it as much as possible but it is still there. Ever feel like fat is a four letter word? Sorry, I'm kind of a downer today. But- as always time will move on and so will I. And all of us here reading these journals and writing in them are making choices to hopefully make a change for the better. And as long as we are striving for improvement we are striving for the change that is needed. Goodnight and take care.

My first pre-op appointment isn't until next Tuesday and for the first time I am feeling a real lag in this process. I'm also feeling apprehension for the first time. I went out and bought the chewable vitamins, calcium and whey protein. I'm still finding that I am making terrible food choices sinse I've decided to take this journey. It's like I'm having my last meal every meal for the last month! I will readjust my start weight once I get weighed at the doctors office. I'm sure my new journal name will be more like Tina- 290. I will also update all my start measurements at that time. If I keep going at this rate I might need a larger tape measure. I went to a support group meeting at the end of September. It is a pre-op requirement. One of the things dicussed that I found really interesting is different peoples experience with telling people about being banded. A lot of the people there who'd been banded had been really open and told everyone about getting banded. Everyone of them wished they hadn't been so open. I guess alot of them experienced people who would watch and comment on everything they ate. Sometimes people would bring up their weight loss and banding to total strangers and then the banded person would feel cornered into talking about weight loss surgery. Some people were told they took the easy way out or that they had it easy because of the surgery- and everyone has made it pretty clear that it isn't easy- it's still work even with the band. So I'm a little concerned because there is a group of us ladies at work who are all fat and we've all dieted together and gained together and discussed weight loss surgery together. Only one of the gals knows that I am actually going through with this process. I've asked her not to offer any information to our co-workers but I know at a certain point it will come out (most likely from the office manager when I put in for my FMLA) and everyone will know. Because we all know how news spreads at work and I just worry about what I'm going to have to deal with. I guess I'll just deal with things as they come along. Until next time............

My first pre-op appointment isn't until next Tuesday and for the first time I am feeling a real lag in this process. I'm also feeling apprehension for the first time. I went out and bought the chewable vitamins, calcium and whey protein. I'm still finding that I am making terrible food choices sinse I've decided to take this journey. It's like I'm having my last meal every meal for the last month! I will readjust my start weight once I get weighed at the doctors office. I'm sure my new journal name will be more like Tina- 290. I will also update all my start measurements at that time. If I keep going at this rate I might need a larger tape measure. I went to a support group meeting at the end of September. It is a pre-op requirement. One of the things dicussed that I found really interesting is different peoples experience with telling people about being banded. A lot of the people there who'd been banded had been really open and told everyone about getting banded. Everyone of them wished they hadn't been so open. I guess alot of them experienced people who would watch and comment on everything they ate. Sometimes people would bring up their weight loss and banding to total strangers and then the banded person would feel cornered into talking about weight loss surgery. Some people were told they took the easy way out or that they had it easy because of the surgery- and everyone has made it pretty clear that it isn't easy- it's still work even with the band. So I'm a little concerned because there is a group of us ladies at work who are all fat and we've all dieted together and gained together and discussed weight loss surgery together. Only one of the gals knows that I am actually going through with this process. I've asked her not to offer any information to our co-workers but I know at a certain point it will come out (most likely from the office manager when I put in for my FMLA) and everyone will know. Because we all know how news spreads at work and I just worry about what I'm going to have to deal with. I guess I'll just deal with things as they come along. Until next time............