BowlingHooker

Well, I have surgery on July 16. Will physically be at work for one more week. After surgery, I will be working from home. Between that and going to the gym and sipping/walking/sipping/walking. I'm a bit nervous I guess because this surgery is no joke. Its really serious and the aftermath is serious and painful. I had knee replacement a few years ago and purposely did NOT research what I was getting into. I just knew I was quickly becoming a cripple with that bad knee and it had to be fixed or I couldnt bowl anymore (league bowling is what I do when I'm not at work!!!!). So the knee rehab took me by surprise and I didnt realize how painful that was gonna be but I got through it but wished I had researched the whole thing first. This time, I have researched what I'm getting into. I've read this website to death! My doctor's nurse is so good at answering my hundreds of emails questioning everyting that will be happening to me and I'm still nervous. I think I'm nervous at how my life will be affected after I reach my goal. I will look different and better and not sure what that will mean. I've lived my life so "safe" and now I'm doing something pretty radical that will change my life for the better and I'm wondering will I get crazy and leave my family to explore another type of lifestyle. I think about that alot. I've been married for 26 yrs to a nice guy, have two kids who are 26 yr old daughter and 20 yr old son. They are both college students (one commutes and the son lives on campus). Been at my job for 33 years. I've been a league bowler, bowling in multiple leagues for the past 25 years. I have always been heavy, big boned, chunky and then down right fat. So fat, that I stopped taking pictures because I was so ashamed of how I looked. I only went to work and to the bowling alley. Never wanted to go or do anything new because that was new people who would see me as a big fat woman. Being really fat has made me so lazy! I dont even get my bowling balls out of the locker. I go to my lanes and my husband gets my balls for me. The only time I get up is when its my turn to bowl. I've gained so much weight in the last 4 years, I'm always winded, can't walk far, cant stand up for long periods - 333 lbs is a major disability! I wonder if after I get to my goal (150 lbs.) - I might be tempted to walk away from everything and everybody. This is what I think about lately and it worries me a bit. I've read that some people suffer from depression after surgery. I hope its just temporary and not something that will linger more than a year and hope I dont get depressed. Did you think about wanting to change your life after you've met your goal?

I'm on day 8. Have cheated a bit. Havent lost a lot of weight but am losing. Surgery is Tuesday (7/16). Not excited about it anymore. Nervous. Second guessing my decision to have the surgery. I'm sure its normal - just nerves. I'll be okay. Just want to get this over with. I'm pissed at myself for overeating and getting fat. I'm pissed that the food I love to eat I cant anymore or can't eat the volume that I'm used to. I hate I'm in this position in needing surgery because I couldnt control what I put in my mouth. I'm just pissed right now. I'll be alright. I'm just having a massive pity party. I go on clear liquids tomorrow (day before surgery). I went to the gym this morning and will go tomorrow morning. Not much else to do but try to change my attitude. Have a good day all. I'll be okay.

I had a meltdown at the gym early this morning (Saturday). I'm on the treadmill listening to music and all of a sudden I started thinking about the surgery on Tuesday and I got so emotional and started crying on the treadmill. I immediately left the gym, drove across the street to this restaurant, ordered a coffee with sweet n low, a cup of grits, 1 bacon and english muffins and I ate it all. Then I went to the grocery store to finish buying all the foods I need for after I come home from the hospital and the liquids I need for the day before surgery. My 10 day pre-op diet consists of 2 Protein shakes, 2 fruits, tons of Water and 2 healthy choice/smart ones/weight watcher meals per day. I hope I didnt mess myself up by eating that piece of bacon and the english muffins. I stopped crying once I ate that food. I wonder why did that happen to me like that. It happened so suddenly.

I'm an administrative assistant in the dept of astronomy and astrophysics.

Well, this is going to be an interesting journey - however way it turns out. Ever since President Obama was elected president, I've had this feeling that I'm not being the best that I could be. I looked at Michelle Obama, Valerie Jarrett, and others from Chicago that made that move to DC and wished I could have been with them. They were hiring people from The University of Chicago (where I work) and I didnt fill out applications. I wished I had that much extensive education, different, challenging, exciting jobs over the years. I was feeling so irrevelant because the major stumbling block was my weight. This isnt the first time I've talked about this. Others have reminded me that few people are lucky enough to keep the same job for 33 years so I guess I should be grateful about that. I guess my kids could have dropped out high school, daughter could have been a teenage mother and son could be in gangs and in and out of jail. My husband could be a serial cheater and one who beats on me. Our house could be in foreclosure and we could be filing for bankruptcy. But none of that happened because the "safe" life I've led all these years kept that from happening. Now a new journey is looming forward and I think I will just ride with it (of course with God by my side) and it will be what it will be. I felt conversation coming out of me so thanks to erbody who read and thanks to the one who commented. Sometimes when you have thoughts in your head and you share them, its not as bad as you originally think it is - or someone comes up with a better solution, suggestion, thought or encouragement. Thanks Everyone! Val

Yeah, my 50DDD Tig old Bitties gots to go!!!!!!!

I'm also a salt addict so thats probably why I am longing for the Boston Market. Okay, nevermind, its not good for me. I can make my own rotissere/baked chicken. Thanks everybody.

Before surgery, I plan to have myself measured from my neck down to my ankles and measure once a month just to see how I'm losing in inches. Its easier to buy clothes based on inches and I dont want to waste money guessing on what size I should be wearing as I lose weight I have one question though: When I measure the breast area - is it with a bra or without a bra?

I'm only planning on getting maybe one pair of pants to match my size as I keep losing. I will keep wearing the tops. I just dont want to go to work with baggy pants on. I'm not that much concerned about clothing. I havent bought clothes for myself in years. Everything I have is outdated. I just wasnt sure how to measure my breast area - with bra or without bra.

When I attended the final pre-op meeting, the nurse practioner told us not to feel that we had to have the surgery, that we can back out at any time because this is a permanent decision and a major lifechange. She said just recently, a woman got as far as on the table and just before they gave her the anesthesia, she changed her mind and the surgeon said "okay, call us when you are ready" and she went home. Another guy just didnt show up period on the day of surgery and never called them. My surgery is Tuesday (July 16). I sit here and think about whats gonna be happening and tell myself, "self, this is too much. I'm not ready for this. I'll just try again and do it on my own." Then I remember that I've told myself that so many times and lost some weight for a minute, then went to Harold's or Church's and bought a bucket of chicken and practically ate it all by myself. So much for doing it on my own. So I had to do it the old fashioned way. I got in a corner and prayed on it and whatever happens, I feel comfortable that God has my back and will see me through this cause I asked Him to. My coworkers (they are not religious folks) keep asking me if I'm scared and I said not anymore and they asked what changed and I said because I'm leaving all my worries to God and will just go there July 16 expecting to come out of the anesthesia and seeing my hubby, kids and my mom. They look at me like "really?"

Congrats to the July surgery folks so far. Currently, I'm in day 5 of my 10 day pre-op diet. July 16 - hurry up and come!!!!!!

Well, I'm a 50DDD and I welcome some shrinkage!!!!!! My tig old bitties are killing my back! Makes me look even worse as a fat woman. The three things I want gone and soon after my surgery are: 1) double chin 2) boob shrinkage 3) belly gone If I lose nothing else, I'll be totally satisfied to have those 3 areas gone!

I see pictures like this and my depression and fear lifts. Thanks for sharing.

I'm on day 5 of my pre-op diet. Surgery is July 16. I think I'm over the hump with the anger at being hungry and can't eat what I want. The job had a massive pizza and beer party yesterday. I got so disgusted that I couldnt eat, I went home early! Usually, I'm right there eating Giordano's Stuffed sausage/pepperoni pizza and throwing back beers. I'll never be able to do that again. While they were eating, I put my lunch in the microwave - a Healthy Choice frozen dinner! I feel my life is changing already! I know it will be worth it - eventually, but oh, what a eating ride I have had over the years. I must admit, I've eaten some really good food *tear*.

I won't miss the paperwork and embarrassment of needing an MRI and cant fit in the darn machine so I have to get an open MRI and the only one available is many miles away and special permission and lots of paperwork is needed for that to happen. It too much so I say forget it, knowing I need that cortisone shot in my back just so I can walk a block down the street unaided! I wont miss: Needing a handicap placard for my car. I wont miss: When taking pictures, demanding people take only head shots. I wont miss: My mom calling me and asking "what are you doing" and I always say "in the bed watching tv". I'm tired and I just dont feel like doing stuff unless I really really have to. Yeah, being fat made me super lazy!

I'm taking only a chewable multivitamin. I was told to start now. The first two weeks after surgery, I am told only worry about getting in the water, protein and multivitamin, we'll talk about the other vitamins at my 2 week appointment.

2 protein shakes, 2 healthy choice/weight watchers/smart ones meals, 2 fruits, tons of water. I'm noticing my temper is a bit short with people at the office. Probably because I'm hungry. After the surgery I probably won't feel this way because I wont feel hungry and if I tried to eat any forbidden food, I will get sick and I dont want that. The pre-op diet is hard because if I cheat, there is no major consequence other than I won't lose a lot of weight before surgery. I'm still deep in the throes of food addiction so I think thats where my anger is coming from. Similar to when I quit smoking. I was angry all the time. So bad that I had to take antidepressants to mellow me out. Its a good thing this diet will only last 6 more days.

I'm doing okay but I cheated a little bit and ate a yogurt parfait. The yogurt wasnt sugar free. yesterday, I cut off a 1/4 of a piece of McDonalds quarter pounder with cheese. I was fine after eating that little piece. Other than that, I'm eating the things they told me to.

Well, I had my final WLS meeting today (surgery July 16). I got a quick physical, bloodwork, meeting with the nurse practioner (group meeting) detailing the surgery, giving me my finals papers, giving me my FMLA papers, and meeting with the NUT and detailing how I will be eating after the surgery. The only thing I dont like is giving myself shots for 2 weeks but I'll just have to grin and bear it!!! What I like: 1) no drainage tubes to go home with! 2) puree foods for first 2 weeks 3) surgeon will take care of my hiatal hernia during the surgery 4) we were given samples of Vitamins and I like the ones that melt under your tongue! This meeting made me very comfortable and certain that I'm making the right decision. We were told to bring our vitamins to the meeting and we sampled each other's vitamins and shared our pre-op stories and stuff. I felt so good today.

a few bites of rotissere chicken thigh dipped in catsup. I did that yesterday on day 1 of my pre-op diet. I felt bad, then I let it go because 1) chicken was not fried; 2) I did not eat the entire thigh; 3) had no fries with it; 4) no Pepsi either; 5) and the biggest thing I didnt have with it - no bread. So I forgave myself and told myself not to do it again.

My BMI is 54. I'll find out tomorrow if I will need one. I'm struggling with my first temptation - dodging regular food and PEPSI while on day 2 of the pre-op diet (surgery July 16). This is hard for me but I know it will get worse for so many other reasons but this is the first time I am fighting a temptation to eat what I want. My addiction to food is really bad and I have NO control!!!! I just wanted to put this on paper so I can look back at this a few months from now. LOL!

So some folks go home with drains and some don't. I wonder what constitutes needing to go home with a drain? My brother had rny surgery in November in Joliet and he came home without a drain. I go for my last pre-op physical and nutrition class tomorrow (surgery is July 16) and I will defintely ask if I have to have a drain when I leave the hospital.

Vicodin only muffles my knee pain. I realize how much it helps when I run out. So I've gotten used to the muffled pain. Dont know if I can keep taking vicodin after the surgery though. I'll talk that over with my doctor.

I have osteo in both shoulders, lower back, right knee. left knee was replaced in 2009. right knee is bone on bone, needs replacement, dont wanna do that again - too painful. Hoping losing the weight and cortisone will buy me some time - like, years from now before knee surgery happens.

I have to do the shots too and not sure if I have the courage. My daughter is going into her 4th year of nursing school so I think she will be drafted to do the deed.