tbrown9

Haven't posted in a while mostly because well nothing too exciting happening. Staying the course with my diet. I am still doing a morning shake everyday. I use a scoop of unflavored unjury, skim milk and ice and a couple packets of truvia then add coffee, its been something I actually look forward to. I still have yet to find any food that does not agree with me. (not always a good thing) I find that bread and potatoes fill me up to the point of being uncomfortable so I just stay away, but things like chips and crackers do go down easy so I am not letting those come into the house. I am having fun with cooking, using the recipes I find on theworldaccordingtoeggface blog. I made some lettuce wraps that turned out great the other day. My husband even liked them. We grilled steak this weekend and it was amazing! I only have to buy one steak now and we split it. My exercise is still low key, I walk 3-5 times a week with a coworker, I need to turn it up a bit and get weights in but the weather has been so nice I want to enjoy it to the bitter end! I have all winter to be inside in the gym. As of today I am down 30 pounds and I am 8 weeks out. My closet is starting to not yield much to wear. I have this gap of clothing the "too big" stuff is being thrown into a pile for friends and goodwill, and the "I will get there" clothes are still out of reach and there's not much in-between. I am down to one or 2 pairs of jeans that I can fit. I never realized how long I went wearing clothes that were too tight simply because I couldn't wrap my head around buying the next size up! I may do a big overhaul on the closet this weekend. in 2 weeks I go on a girls trip and we will be hitting some outlet malls, I won't go crazy buying stuff but need to get a few things., I like how shirts are fitting me now. I am top heavy and have lost almost 2 cup sizes, the girls are a bit lower but still look nice in a bra! LOL, I managed to find 2 old bras that I had stashed because they were too small so that has saved the pocket book. My progress remains at 1-2 pounds a week. Sometimes with an extra bonus pound in there somewhere. So I am not the fast loser I hoped I was going to be but this is the fastest I have ever lost weight in my life and kept it off! And for once there's no end in sight, no rebound with binges because I can't handle being no carb or so super food restrictive that I just crash into a bag of McDonalds like a raving lunatic! I look at food for nutrition but I also allow for what I am craving. Partly because its such a small amount. I can usually curb a craving with a sugarfree popsicle, or a couple crackers with peanut butter. I have stayed away from all the cider doughnuts that keep making their way into my office. I did have a minisnickers but kept it to just that one! Which was a feat in itself. I am keeping with the mantra of protein first, and have not had a problem sticking to it. It doesn't really require much thought anymore. I know I am still in the "honeymoon" phase, I have no real hunger just a weird feeling when I go too long between meals. I love the little blue diamond 100 calorie almond packets. I usually have one between my morning shake and lunch, I also have been making mini rollups for a quick protein snack. I take a mini dill pickle, half of a slice of deli ham and a teaspoon of low fat cream cheese, roll it up and its a perfect quick grab snack. This is becoming quite long winded(and I can't separate paragraphs for some reason) I feel good about my future feeling optimistic. So on that note I will end this

OK so where to start.....I have been on the site since late november of 12 and here I am 9 months later ready to embark on the journey of the sleeve. I am on here just about everyday and have not done one of these yet. I guess I would like to have something to look back on during and after my transformation.(sounds like I am going to a sex change or something!!)
Anyway, I completed my 6 month ins requirement, had to walk the fine line of not dropping below a 40 bmi and not gaining, I started at 5'7' 258(40 bmi) and bounced up to 262 then back down to 257. Ins took about a week which surprised me, thought I would get declined or have to wait a month. Must say that was the most anxiety of this whole process, the insurance.
Now onto today I had a 4 hour pre-op appt, was given my pre-op post-op food, and all my paperwork as to the dos-donts of sleeve land.......
 
My other stats are I'm a 33 yr gal married to wonderfully supportive hubby who is more than anxious about my doing this. No kids yet but after I have lost enough to be healthy then we will try. I have a gordon setter named Cooper who is a 75# lapdog and my baby. I also have a 11yr old akita who I feel has probably been with me in another life. She is an old soul who just "knows" me. And anyone who has ever experienced that with a dog/animal knows exactly what I'm saying. Shes beginning to fail and I find myself taking extra moments out of my day to appreciate her. Last but not least is Buddy, hes my african grey parrot and hes a trip.
 
My fatness......well my fatness goes back to one of my first memories going to the doctor for shots and the doctor saying I was overweight, no more apple juice or graham crackers, my mom was a health nut there was never anything unhealthy around. My mom pushed me hard and before you knew it I was sneaking food and hiding to eat. I could think of nothing else but food. I stayed overweight till college when waitressing for 12 hrs and aerobics class took over. Oh yeah and that stuff called ephedrine that was miracle for me. I prob at that point got to my lowest in years around 170-180 and was never aware that I was thinner. I still had the monkey on my back, and I am worried that will be my biggest thing to overcome as the weight comes off. The Fat girl mentality., I must admit, I have the whole self loathing problem, can't make eye contact with people in certain settings, avoid having pics taken. My poor husband, has dealt with me withdrawing from the bedroom due to this as well. I am done hiding!!!!
 
So here starts my new journey, I have butterflies but I am not too freaked out. Considering I am having most of a major organ removed. hhhmmm I am going to take some pics(gasp) and measurements. I have also tried to keep this secret from most everyone. Only my mother and husband know, afterwards I may come clean because at that point it won't matter if theres negativity, whats done is done. I work in a cardiology office and have many people around me who have no filter in there heads and say whatever comes to there tiny little brains......and if I hear "easy way out" again I may scream!!
So my surg date is Aug 5 730am sharp!!! I am so ready to get a move on. Sorry for the lengthy post(or not) I will try to post the day of and after, because I know how much seeing those posts have helped educate me and prepare me for whats coming. Till next time

I almost finished my first one without stopping, it was so good. The chocolate shakes deserve 2 thumbs up in a Z formation!
 
Very good taste, no grittiness. I like them better than the EAS chocolate carb control shakes. Although I do wish both brands were a little thicker.
 
I've tried Muscle Milk, EAS, Pure Soy and Premier Protein chocolate shakes and Premier Protein has been the best for flavor and smoothness. Very yummy, almost as good as chocolate milk.
 
Price wise, they are a little more expensive than EAS. EAS are 4 for $5 at Walmart. Premier Protien was 12 for $19 at Sam's Club (my Walmart didn't carry Premier).
 
But as good as Premier tastes, I will won't mind paying a little more. I only wish Sam's had the Premier Protein bars as well - but they were sold out. Maybe next trip.
 

Just a few notes on some of the changes I've noticed in myself over the last 9 weeks post-op.
 
1. I eat when I'm hungry now, don't really look forward to the "full" feeling or have a "taste" for anything in particular anymore - lovin' it. I use to get these overwhelming cravings for a certain taste (especially Whataburgers), they're gone now.
 
2. I do enjoy what I eat and sometimes I still catch myself trying to eat just one more bite, but I know I'll be feeling sick if I do. It takes time to learn the new "full" signals.
 
3. I feel satisfied and I get a small thrill seeing how little I actually eat now. Although sometimes, I catch myself trying to finish that last bite - even though I'm full. I've learned to leave it on the plate.
 
4. Once my staple line swelling went down, I was able to increase my eating to about 4oz per meal, and did start feeling more "normal" after the 2nd week, but it wasn't until about week 6 that I was back at my old energy levels.
 
5. I can eat pretty much what I want and walk away without gorging myself. I have always been able to take or leave stuff like cakes and cookies. Rice, pasta and potatoes were (I almost wrote "are") my thing. But I can easily pass up most starches now. Although pasta triggers my hunger cravings and I have to stop myself from overeating and making myself sick.
 
6. My feelings or attitudes has changed incredibly about food. Don't really care about food anymore. I have no "flavors" I desire. So I eat my own concoction of shredded grilled chicken, re-fried beans, cheese and salsa almost every meal - for the past month.
 
7. There isn't anything that I "want" to eat anymore. I am so happy with my restriction and I don't miss anything, no food cravings, nothing I miss. And there is no food that I couldn't eat at the 3rd or 4th week. It may cause some stomach upset, but if I eat it slowly, I can eat it if I want. However, I do miss being able to chug 16oz of icy cold Crystal Light.
 
8. I can still eat spicy foods (curries, peppers, etc). I eat salsa almost daily and I found this sweet/spicy dip made with Greek yogurt that I like - very warm. I find it weird that the thing that bothers my stomach the most is healthy fibrous foods, like grape skins, bananas, apple peels, and pineapple.

I must admit, I'm a "closet" sleever.
 
No family or friends know what I'm about to do because I choose not to share. i feel ashamed that i cannot lose the weight on my own. I've been trying for years only to regain the loss weight & then some.
 
My mother has been petite & tiny all of her life, so shes never understood my plight. If she knew, oh would I hear it... Yup, even at the age of 49, she still tries to be controlling. Our phone discussions are never about life events initially, the 2nd-4th question from her is, "HOW IS YOUR WEIGHT?". {I cringe at this question}
 
My friends are all shapes & sizes. My smaller friends call WLS a cop out. My overweight and obese friends say they're ok with their weight, but they're always on a "diet".
 
Instead of acceptance & encouragement, I'm sure I would receive critcism & hateration...{Hateration= a form of jealously and negative emotion about your situation or circumstance, b/c individual isn't able to obtain/acheive the same success}
 
The "excuse" I plan to use with all (including coworkers) is, I had my gallbladder removed & I'm now watching what I eat with a high protien & low carb diet with excercise incorporated within.
 
Yes....... this is my story & my truth. MY truth shall set me free.
Thanks for stopping by...I now feel a little lighter, less burdened.

All day I was in a slump...trying to figure out what my problem was. It wasn't until I got online earlier tonight and chatted with some wonderful people on Vertical Sleeve who have a lot in common, and I realized that is what I have missed, to talk with those who I can relate to and seek encouragement and advice from this site. I immediately felt a smile come across my face and a peace in my heart. I found my new beginning! I found where I need to wake up tomorrow and put my feet on the floor knowing where I am headed; my plans and goals and ideas...all to reach one destination, to be at my ideal goal weight. I am grateful for people who come into our lives and glad for God's leading to these people. I am definitely moving forward in the right direction, starting tonight! Thank you Lord! ~Missy~

I wasn't expecting to write any type of entry for week two, but this week has a big impact on my thought process.
 
Losing 22lbs in week 1 was amazing. I felt great! On top of the world! Ready to jump-start my new life! ...And then, it stopped. On day #7 the scale stopped moving. Now, I've researched this surgery soooo much and knew this was very likely. It seems many people have a stall around week 2-3. I thought I was prepared for this strange phenomena... But I was wrong. I had so many doubts this week. Would I ever lose the weight? Am I doing everything I'm supposed to do? Did I just have surgery to lose 22lbs? It was a terrible week.
And then I realized... This is completely normal. Not only not losing weight is normal, but also all these feeling are normal as well. It's easy to get discouraged when things don't go your way. It's easy to get angry or sad... But that's what this journey is about- it's about a fight to a better you. A physically better you AND an emotionally better you. It's about strength, determination, and learning.
To all you who are discouraged and down this week, pick up the pieces and keep on keeping on. This is all part of your story- the ups AND the downs. There are many times we will feel this way, down and depressed, but we just have to pick ourselves up, dust off, sip some water, and walk it off.