Patti K

Most days I am able to break this cycle. I have been struggling with "wasting Syndrome" for years. Most meals I purposely leave food on my plate and purposely make myself be the one who clears so I personally throw it away. However, some days it gets the best of me....especially at McDonalds. Indecision or rationalizing always gets me here. That is why I go soinfrequently (like I said in my post "as a treat"). This only happens maybe once a few months but as it happened today I posted for support. As a gentle reminder to those of us suffering from the fat disease that are through and now mentorng: Did YOU like it when people just assumed you were fat because you WANTED to eat? We all want to eat...have to eat. However there are other mitigating factors. This is an emotional and mental journey. I didn't post for judgement.

I know. That is what I am excited about. My new stomach won't be ABLE to do it. This will override my brain. I wont even bother ordering two sandwiches because at THAT point I will know it is a futile waste. When I am so concerned about the quality I never consider the sandwich will be just fine. It is always "what if it isn't?". So after my surgery I will be conscious of hurting my sleeve not conscious of my taste buds...

I have read every single post on this thread and relate to them all. I know some of these will be repeats but here are mine... I cannot wait until: I can put on my clothes like a normal person instead of stepping into undies and pants because the waist gets caught on my pinky toe as I try to bend my leg inward to get my foot in. I can sit in any seat without bruising my "big fat" (my nickname for my lower spare tire). My weight is no longer one of the main topics of conversation at family gatherings, followed by criticizing everything I eat, how I eat, and where food ends up (ie: in my bra, on my shirt, etc). I can walk WITH my friends and not ten feet behind them I can quit being called lazy because my weight has made it impossible to move, clean, get up to get something without sever pain in my knees, hips, back, ribs, etc. I can eat out with friends and watch them talk about how full they are after eating less than half of a salad or soup and I am still hungry after eating my whole meal. My mother no longer calls me "high maintenance" because she cannot by me just a value meal for lunch but it has to be a value meal AND a nugget or getting it larger sized. My boobs fit in bras purchased at any store I feel the urged to shower every day because the thought of getting in and doing the workout to clean and dry myself tires me out and I talk myself into going "one more day" I am no longer the fat friend who is comic relief at the table Skinny girls no longer try and "relate" to my social awkwardness by talking about how people think they need to gain wait and they just can't. I never want to punch my female friends, sister, etc in face when they say they fell "fat" when they gained 15 pounds to become a size SIX My boyfriend wants to have sex on a regular basis again (he says this his his thing but everyday it is something else: his back hurts, he is coming down with a cold, his allergies, he is tired, he has a headache, he got a groin pull - I swear he injures himself to avoid sex) I no longer need my bf or sister to pull me up off of couches and those fold-y outdoor chairs. I worry if I am going to break any of the following: chairs, porcelain toilet seats, benches, etc I can go to amusement parks with my niece and nephew I can have the potential of having a baby I don T get heat friction rashes and yeast growth in fat folds I can shave down there and actually see, not feel, how I did and inevitably miss a spot Get a piggy back ride instead of give one Be taken seriously for my contributions at work. Be known for anything else about me except my weight, laziness, grossness, etc. Buy bras and undies that match Sleep comfortably Have sex in any other position besides doggy style I don't have some friend, family member, co-worker, or strangers telling me about some new diet or asking if I work out. Doctors don't act surprised when my blood pressure is normal and I don't test positive for diabetes. (Although I have hypothyroid and borderline pros) Doctors don't tell me every ailment is caused by my weight, such as sinus infections, the flu, and female issues that my skinny friends get all the time and I got ONCE Ok that is a lot and I am not done but who wants to read war and peace? Well obviously me because I read a whole 26 page thread. Lol

The second to last time I visited Cedar appoint (almost 20 yrs ago) this happened to me. I was 150 lbs smaller than now but was still big. The boy called his buddy over to help and they both had their feet up on the car in front and they bruised my chest instead of allowing me to do it. I carried that chest and I knew how to maneuver it! Not to mention it was a legs-dangling ride so my sandals were under my butt! Gr!

I have actually said the only think I could go to a costume party as is Jaba!

I am new here too. Connor figure out how to friend someone!

Friend me Shimmer! I am almost done. Surgeon meeting June 13th and approval code received. Surgery in late July I am planning....

LOL! Sitting in a Dr's waiting room embarrassing my bf laughing out loud at this! My BMI is 67. I have "the perfect cocktail for weight gain so I had better get used to life over 300 lbs" as quoted by my gyno. I said ix-nay with a HELL NO!!! I begain in January and it is now June and I still don't have a date (they didn't see Snickers in the x-rays). I am expectin July but only because I developed severe osteo-arthritis jumping through their hoops!

I am 5'7" which is shorterthan you and am 432 lbs and wear a 30/32. You must hae loved baggy clothes! When I was 265 or whatever I wore a 24-26 depending.

So the BRS program that I hadn't enrolled in was something from the insurance company and the first 5 people I talked to did not know about it! Now I find out the new surgeon taking my assigned surgeon's place (he did not renew his contract) is not going to be covered! UGH! And patient advocate is not getting back to me. I keep running into obstacles that I shouldn't be.

St. Vincent Charity medical center in Cleveland Ohio

So I got my approval code today after a few glitches with the insurance and on June 13 when I meet the new surgeon I should be able to schedule my surgery for the end of July which was my original plan he just needs to become affiliated with the centers for bariatric excellent and I think two months is plenty of time to do that

Amazing turnaround today insurance went ahead and approved me pending the new surgeon becoming affiliated with the centers for bariatric excellence. I have an approval code and can schedule my surgery but I have to give him time to get situated with that affiliation. I want an end of July early August date so I think two months is plenty of time!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!

I googled it and found out that BRS program I need to sign up for is through United healthcare and their customer service didn't even know this

So how is it even fricking POSSIBLE that the hospital who I am going theough for the surgery forgot to send the proof that I am in their program??? UHC got everything BUT the proof that I am officially enrolled in a weight loss surgery program. I said the hospital that submitted it THAT is the program I am in. They said they need proof. WHAT? My hospital does 5-7 surgeries a day and work with UHC all the time. They have GOT to be kidding. Rant off.

Amazingly I called UHC again and it is a "support program" they offer (which I found out when I googled it when they couldn't figure it out) and I know I signed up for it when I called in January to get their requirements before paying for my hospitals program. So I have to sign up again I guess....

No, I am trying to get y insurance to APPROVE it! And they freaking say they don't have proof of my being enrolled in a WLS program....

It feels like forever! I am wanting it to hurry up! I can't have surgery until July because I need to use my student loan I get in July for my portion. However, my work is way unstable right now and I worry everyday if I will make it to the time I can take my time off (my work pays 13 weeks 100% short term disability because of my tenure). I need this surgery! Pray for me that the work thig is all in my head and I make it to July! Lily u should friend me! I use this on my phone so it wont let me friend anyone.

Ashlee, i got the giggles because of your mistype about being able to eat a get together. I know you meant eat AT a get together (and I feel ya, girl) but I had to laugh!!!!

Not scheduled yet but expecting a July date (toward the end). All stuff submitted to insurance last Monday. Ready for my approval!!!!!

Roller coasters! Kick-ball! Going on a dolphin watch where I can actually snorkel! Zip-lining! Waterslides at Kalahari! No more being ruled by my next meal! Bike rides! Air travel! No more bruises on my sides from chairs with arms! No more heat rashes! Actually being the weight on my drivers license! Lol and then actually having to CHANGE it! Omg, the list goes on and on.....

I am still waiting for the insurance to cave and give me what I want LOL but I know what you mean. Ten days seems so short but so long at the same time. I am looking at an end of January date probably because at my size I will probably need to do the liquid diet shake thing for about 2-4 weeks. And I wont have the money to cover my portion til July 20th. Good Luck! Keep me updated as to your surgery and success!!!!

Awesome for you!!!!! Tres-Town it is! And with all that dancing it souds like it is next door to Funky Town! Lol. I hope to be close on your heels come July!!!!! And my first plane trip would be...um....Key West!!!!

My rewards when I hit my goals.... Starting weight: 451 CW: 432 Surgery date: end of July-ish (waiting on insurance and student loan for my portion Milestones: 350 (when I first felt successful the last time I did it on my own) Reward: donate all of my 30/32s to my church for our free clothes closet GOOD RIDDANCE Milestone: under 320 (the weight I couldn't get below on my own) Reward: at home mani-pedi where my boyfriend paints my toenails. Milestone: under 300 I haven't seen this weight in this millenia! I weighed 305 on January 1,2000. Reward: new haircut and highlights - at the salon if I have the money, have my sister's niece cut it for $5 and do hone highlghts myself for the cost of the $10 box highlight if not. Milestone: under 270 (what I weighed when I graduated high school) Reward: take a bubble bath (I will now fit), buy a cute knee length dress (as that was the last time I felt comfortable in one) donate all size 28s to clothes closet Milestone: under 200 (ULTIMATE) Reward: do a before an after scrapbook. Get a piggy back ride from someone! For once, I can get one and not give one! Go to Cedar Point! I miss roller coasters!!!!! Also: if money is tight remember that a "professional" massage for cheap is only as far as your local massage school. Most schools do half hour or hour massages for $25 for students to get their hours in before state boards....