I really appreciate all of your views. I agree that she needs to take some personal responsibility in the choice she makes, the saving money should help. My therapist has suggested a nutritionist who teaches classes; I will send her to those prior to our commitment. My daughter will not go to therapy and participate. I have tried several times but she refuses to discuss anything real; she just holds it all in. She said she wants the surgery but I think anything she can do to show me she is committed would be good. The reasons I gave were hers but I understand how uncomfortable that could be.
</O:p
My daughter is 5'9" and 260 pounds and she will be 17 in August, found a website that said her ideal body weight for her height is 143. My husband is 6'6" and 300 pounds. He should probably be about 220, I am 5'6" and 170, and I should probably be about 130. My husband has a sister that is obese and I had an aunt however neither my husband nor I have had significant problems with our weight or any surgeries, I have recently lost about 20 pounds and it seems the smaller I get the more unhappy she is. My daughter has tried dieting and working out but has never stuck with anything long enough to get any real results. I sent her to Camp Shane when she was 8 years old but I think it was one worst things I ever did since she was so young; they made here weigh herself in front of everyone which was humiliating and I thought it lowered her self esteem instead of empowering her. I think if she had been older it would have been much better.
I and my daughter are both emotional eaters. I often compare it to alcoholism, my sister is an alcoholic and she went through treatment when she was 19 and has struggled with it on and off throughout her life. They have both shown the same symptoms. I remember when my daughter was in elementary school and she took a Little Debbie snack that they had against the wall in which everyone in line had to walk by to get their lunch. I went to the school and spoke with the lunch room manager and told her I did not allow those types of food in my home and I didn’t appreciate that they were trying to fill their coffers with money from the sale of crap food. I told her it would be like having an alcoholic walk through the liquor store to get their food. I think it is appalling the way our public schools undermine parent’s efforts this way. The problem with eating is that you can’t ever stop completely and isolate yourself like you can with alcohol. I know that surgery won’t solve her problems; I just hope to make life a little easier while she is dealing with them.
</O:p
Of course she just brought it up today and I thought I should confer with some people who have experience with this. I will probably have to take her out of the country to have the surgery done as I don’t think that my insurance will pay for it and the cost is so much less elsewhere.<O:p
