McFoxie

I hope this will be the last part...lol
Me: Really, u cant know who this is. Him: Yes, I do I dont giving my # 2 all kinds of women Me: Y me? Him: I dont kno, I was just lead 2. Me: um hum, game Him: no, seriously..I was walking by & I saw u, I thought she's beautiful but u looked so sad & I said 2 myself I would really like 2 make her day, so I did. Me: yea ok. So we talked for what seemed like hrs. Time flew by & it was time 2 go get my son, so I packed up my baby, got in the truck, picked up my son all while on the phone with HIM. I couldnt believe that I was talking 2 another man but his accent intrigued me & I just wanted 2 know more & more. Well, once I got home Josh was sitting on the couch in his usual spot, he asked me where I had been all day..I told him at my mom's & he said so u just dont give a damn if I dont have a way 2 get around or nothing 2 eat? I said no its not like that but in my head I was think hell no I dont care, I had reached my boiling point with him. We started a routine, as soon as I got in the house with the kids he would grab the keys from me & be gone until 2-3 in the morning, in my heart I knew we were done. While he was doing his dirt as he had been for 7yrs, I was developing a friendship with the "kroger's dude"...lol It wasnt about anything but convo, we would talk about my marriage, our kids, his baby moma & just life period. He was awesome, he was actually concerned about me & who I was, he would tell me if I ever needed 2 tlk I could call him, he would tell me how unhealthy my situation was..he never judged me for sticking around so long...he was my friend. One night, Josh called me & said that he wasnt coming home until the next day because of whatever reason he was giving, I was like ok um hum thats fine..I didnt put up a fight & ask 1000 ?'s like I normally would. My focus was changing. He said, whats wrong with u & I said nothing just used 2 ur lies & drama. He said, whatever bye. So after we hung up, I called HIM & he asked how I was doing, the usual stuff & this time I told him exactly how I felt, my marriage was over & I deserve better for me & my boys ect. He said, yea u do but u have 2 make sure that this is wht u want & ur not acting off of anger, I said, Im done. Josh came home the next morning, i grabbed the keys & left with the boys, dropped me oldest at school & this time I went 2 visit HIM. When I got there, I sat in the car for what seemed like hrs before I called 2 tell him I was outside, because I went back & forth in my head about, Im doing the same thing Josh done 2 me & so what he gets what he deserves. Finally, I called HIM & told him I was there, he came outside..we tlked for hrs, I had the baby with me & he asked could he hold him, I said yes & my baby was content in his arms. It was weird but he was. On the way 2 my son's school, I felt bad like I was taking it 2 far, Josh is my husband, what about my kids, everything was going thru my head. Once, I got home as usual Josh was out the door but he said, " I know u tlking 2 another man but u not bold enough 2 do nothing else." I looked at him & all that doubt/fear in my head went away & I was sure about my next move. The next morning Josh came home, I left & once again I went 2 see HIM...that also became apart of the routine before I knew it, we had spent a whole 30 days 2gether & it was wonderful. One saturday I came home, I handed the keys 2 Josh & he said, "im not going anywhere 2day, so lets tlk." I said, about wht? He said," the man u tlking 2" I said, I dont know what ur tlking about" He said, I see how rushed u are 2 leave every morning, how u give me the keys at night with no hesitation, how u hide ur phone now, how u smiling when u get a txt message, u in love with him?" I said, I dont know wht ur tlking about", he got up & he punched me in my stomach, he slapped me, he cursed me out, he pushed me on the floor all while the kids were right there watching, he told me 2 call him & tell him it was over or he would kill me & the boys. So because I feared what he might do, I called HIM & told him it was over & I was going 2 work it out with my husband..HE said,"Wow ok if thats what u got 2 do" then he hung up. I was crying but it was because, I felt like I was going 2 loose my best friend forever. Josh took my phone, he deleted HIS #, messages anything that came from HIM. That night I told Josh EVRYTHING, I told him that I didnt need him & he was I was worth more than what he thought, I even said, "u aint the only man that wants me"...I told him how I loved HIM..how he cared about me & didnt judge me, how he made me feel needed & wanted at the same time, how he held my hand for hrs & just listened 2 me...I know yall thinkin that was crazy because Josh was abusive but I didnt care, all those yrs that he made me feel unloved, unworthy, guilty, ugly, fat, like nobody wanted me but him, like I wasnt good enough for real love..I had 2 tell him why & I was ready for the fight that came with it...I didnt care. The rest of that night was queit, after I put the boys 2 bed & got in the bed..he came in the room & sat in a chair by the foot of the bed. I tired 2 stay awake becuase I didnt know what he was going 2 do but I couldnt & I actually slept the best I ever had in yrs...its crazy because he sat there watching me ALL night crying. Can u believe that he was crying, as if he had never done anything 2 push me 2 this, as if I hurt him, as if he was faithful all those yrs while I cheated, as if all those feeliings I felt he now feels...2 be honest with yall I hoped he felt the way I did for the past 7yrs. 3 days later, we had an eviction letter on the door..he left that morning then he called me around 11 saying he got a place...I said,"ok when can we move in"..he said, "I guess u didnt hear me, I got a place". I said, "what about the boys?" he said, "oh yall will find something soon." I know that we having problems but how could he turn his back on his son's & not care if they had a place 2 live? Although, I found out over the yrs who this man was, it still amazed me that he was done with his son's too. I called HIM as soon as Josh hung up & I explained 2 him what happened & y I called him 2 tell him it was over. He said, " u hurt me, I have feelings for u that I never felt for anybody else, I didnt kno if he hurt yall or what, I called ur phone, u didnt answer, I txted & no response, I cant believe that u hurt me"...I started 2 cry & tell him how sorry I was & that I had all of those same feelings for him, he told me 2 come see him but I couldnt go with the bruises on my arms & neck, so I said no..he told me that he needed 2 see me. So all that night I put ice on me, creams anything that would lighten up those marks..I didnt own any make up, so I couldnt use that. The next morning, I got up took my son 2 school & I went 2 see HIM. As soon as he seen me he started 2 cry which was so odd 2 me but he said, "I thought that I would never see u again, & then 2 see u with these bruises from him hurting u, & I was not there 2 protect u" then he grabbed me & hugged me, he wouldnt let go..he went 2 the back seat where the baby was & he got him out & held him so tight. This man must really love us, but I had no idea about what real love was so I didnt say anything, I didnt kno what 2 say. On March 26, 2009 I was moving out of that old apt 2 my sisters house until I could get things in order. While I was in the house, Josh came over...I didnt know he was coming, I didnt even know how he got there. He said he was coming 2 get the rest of his things, so I let him & I didnt say a word 2 him. When I was in the bathroom, getting things from under te cabinet..he came in & locked the door, he started choking me..he punched me & then he rapped me! All I could hear was my kids scratching & crying at the door..the worst part was I was on my cycle. He didnt care, when he was done he told me that I was still his wife & whenever he wanted me he could have me no matter where I'm at, then he left. I was disgusted & I didnt know what 2 do...I was confused & lost, he was crazy but I didnt know how crazy until then. I got 2 my sisters house, I moved all of my stuff in, within a few days I found a job, me & HIM were getting much closer..finally things were starting 2 look up in my life. Me & the boys were happy & safe. Josh called me one day & asked me could I help him get his lights back on because he was in the dark with no food. Keep in mind he didnt want me 2 know where he was staying, that same place he got & wouldnt let my boys come 2, I told him dont ever call me again, I know who u are & it took me a long time 2 get here but I'm here & I aint turning around. Over the next 7 months he called me EVERYDAY, asking can we fix our marriage & saying how he will never hurt me again ect. I told him no & I kept living my life. I am now in my own place, & have been for the last 4yrs...I havent broken NO lease, I am at a full time GOOD job, my lights have never been off, my kids are in a Private Christian Academy,me & HIM are 2gether, Im getting sleeved June 3rd., we are planning 2 buy a house next year...life is GOOD. Josh, has 5 kids with 4 different mothers, has a girlfriend that has miscarried 2 times, 2 babies 5 days apart by the same girl mentioned in part 3 Keisha & Keturah, he is currently cheating on his girlfriend with those same girls. He has had his clothes burned, been put in jail for assault of 1 of them, no car, no job & no contact with his kids, he doesnt call, help out NOTHING. I tlked 2 his girlfriend the other day & she stood out there while he was in jail, tlking 2 me about why he was in there BUT what stood out the most is that she defended him & said how she loved him so much & at that moment I saw what I looked like after all those yrs. & I told her I feel sorry for u...oh yea, I know u didnt read anything about a divorce but thats because for the last 4 yrs he wouldnt sign the papers because he said when he's done doing all this he is coming back 2 his family. Anyway, we will be in court getting divorced June 26th rather he shows up or not! It tookn alot 2 get 2 this point but I lived thru all of that for whatever reason & it was sad, it was hard, it hurt ect but WE MADE IT & thats all that matters. I needed 2 get this out before I started my NEW life, I didnt want 2 take this with me in the O.R. when I started this process I still carried this burden but 2day, I leave it all behind! (HIM :wub: )
(my babies )

Me: Im sorry doctor u must have the wrong # Doc: Mrs. White, 07/15/83 Me: Yes Doc: yes maam, we have ur blood test results back & u r pregnant..whn was ur last cycle Me: 1 1/2 yrs ago...pregnant the doctors told me that I would NEVER be able 2 have kids again Doc: well God didnt see it that way, u need 2 make an appointment asap so we can see how far along u are, have a good day Mrs. White & Congratulations. I hung up that phone & I thought how can I bring another baby in2 all of this drama. So I went in the room & woke Josh up, I told him wht the doctor told me & this clown jumped up & said, "Ima be a daddy, I love u & we are going 2 make this work..this is our miracle baby!" I looked at him, I was very shocked because we were not in the best place in our marriage & foolish me thinkin maybe this will fix everything, I couldnt be more wrong. Went 2 the doctor & I was already 4months. A few weeks passed & I told my mom about it & she was not excited at all because she said if ur husband loved u he would provide for yall instead of sitting at home everyday waiting on u 2 do it, now here u are pregnant again, what are you going 2 do? I got so mad with her because I was thinkin, I need ur support not ur criticism but hey thats moma so I just said yes maam & we hung up. When I turned 2 months, the doctors diagnosed me as high risk & put me on complete bed rest, so of course that meant I had 2 stop working. Josh, not working as usual said, "maybe we should just move back home with our parents." I said, "if we do we wont make it, because my mom wont let u come 2 her house so we will be seperated" that was right up his alley 2 not have 2 be with his family & able 2 do whatever he wanted 2 do. Anyway, we moved..oh & his mom lived on the next street from my mom so it wasnt like we were far apart. When Josh moved in with his mom he got a job at an emergency shelter for runaway kids, 1 of my friends got him on up there. He started workin, so he had the car all the time & I was in my mother's dinning room sleeping on the couch EVERY night while he was "working". Well 1 day my friend called me & said, "I need 2 tell u something, Josh is tlking 2 1 of the women up here, I already told her that he was married but Im just giving u the heads up." Clearly, that is 1 of the most embarrassing things 2 hear from a friend & the bad part was u would think that since MY friend got him on that he would be on his best behavior since he knew me & her tlked ALL the time...smh. He barely came around 2 my moms house 2 see me & the baby, my moms dinning room is down stairs by the kitchen, when everybody was sleep I would cook meals for myself & go right back 2 that couch & cry myself 2 sleep EVERY night. I felt like he didnt really want this baby & it was causing more problems than we already had. 1 day I had a doctors appointment & I had 2 get an EKG & heart ultrasound...the technician asked me, "Mrs. White have u ever had a heart attack?" I said, "no! why?" He said u have scars on ur heart that shows signs of a heart attack they are called infarts" I said, "I dont think so, I never went 2 the hospital with that kinda problem" He said, Mrs. White I beleive u had a heart attack & didnt know it, u are only 24 yrs old this should not be on ur heart at all." I started 2 cry because he was right, I had taken so much pain, hurt, drama, lies, & STRESS from this marriage that it was literally killing me. A few months later, my family gave me a baby shower which Josh did not show up 2 because he said my family does not like him so why would he come & be all in their faces. I told him they dont like because of those reasons right there, keep in my I NEVER told anybody in my family about the cheating & fighting that went on all this time. After the baby shower, he told me he was tired of me whinning & complaining all the time & he was done with me. Of course being 8 months pregnant I was completely emotional & I begged him 2 stay with me atleast until after the baby was born & if he wanted 2 be done after that then fine, he agreed. The doctors, called me in 2 talk about delivery they told me that it was extremely risky 2 deliver me by c-section becuase I was so over weight & that none of the doctors would try 2 save me in an emergency situation & I was like so u would just let me die? She said, "ur just too big", that hurt me so bad & again I was thinking this baby is causing so many problems. On October 22, 2008 my mother's bday..my mom, Josh & I went 2 the hosptial for the c-section...he was acting so stupid, he didnt want 2 ride with my mom, he didnt sit with us when we got there, he kept leaving 2 go outside while we waited and of course my mom was pissed. Around 10 am they took me in the back 2 be preped & Josh came with, when the nurses left the room he reminded me that after I have the baby that we were done..I started crying & I just remember this feeling of failure & defeat all the things that I excepted thru this marriage & he's the 1 saying he's done with me. I was wheeled 2 the O.R. I had another healthy baby boy, but this time since I was so heavy the epidural didnt work so they put me 2 sleep. They tried so much medicine that it took me 6 hrs 2 wake up. Once I was in the room & the baby was there my mom said, "she was going home & takin my oldest son with her", I said, "ok see u later, I'm fine"...when she left, Josh started leaving the room like every hr, now for this c-section I got cut on top of my stomach so I could barely move. The baby started crying & I couldnt even get up 2 pick him up, so he cried unitl the nurse came in or until Josh decided 2 come back in the room. The last time Josh came back, he said, "I'm about 2 go, my ride out there 2 get me & I have 2 work 2night anyway so, call ur moma 2 come back up here cuz I'm out." I said, "who coming 2 get u" he said, "thats no longer ur business, its over." I said, "but Josh" he said, "man look I dont want 2 hear all that crying its over" & he left. The next few days in the hosp was so hard because I couldnt barely move but I pushed my way thru it so I could go home. On the last day, I called my mom & told her that we were being discharged & could she come get us, she said, "yes, I'm going 2 send Josh in my truck." I wanted 2 tell her about what happened but I kept it 2 myself as usual. He walked in the room about a hr later, he grabbed all the baby stuff & the baby, told me 2 come on & at the time I was walkin bent over with a pillow in front of me because I was hurting so bad. The nurse told him 2 push me in a wheel chair & he did, he pushed me 2 the car & didnt even help me get in. On the way home, I asked him 2 please dont hit the bumps hard because it hurts my stomach & he said, "stop being dramatic"..I knew then that this BOY never loved me. When we got 2 my moms house, I had 2 go upstairs so I could be in an actual bed with the baby plus I had a serious cut the couch wasnt good enough. My mom has 16 stairs & each stair I went up felt like I was being ripped apart, I cried like a baby tryin 2 make it up there & Josh just stood behind me like it he really didnt care. I got upstairs, sat on the bed he put the baby down & he left. I cried until I was out of tears 2 cry. I remember later that day, I was upstairs with the baby...my moma, sister, aunt were all down stairs & I tried 2 lay down, I had staples at the time...& I could not lay all the way down but I couldnt get back up...I was in so much pain, I knew I was about 2 die it hurt that bad. I couldnt scream so I called Josh, who is right around the corner & I asked him 2 please come help me he said," man why u called me, u need 2 call ur moma she there" & he hung up. I called my moma & she came 2 help me but I couldnt believe that he was really doing ME like this. He came 2 see the baby every now & then, he told me that he quit that job the night he left the hosp, I asked him why didnt u come back & he said for what? A few weeks past by & he came over 2 see us & he said, "we need 2 get out of our parents house & try 2 fix our marriage & if it doesnt work this time we need 2 just let it go for real", me with my stupid self..didnt think about how we both not working, didnt think about all the things he done 2 me up until this point & I said, "ok, I will find us a place this week." smh so stupid. We moved, & things were the EXACT same. I noticed that I wasnt as involved with the new baby as I was with my other son & actually I felt kinda funny around him...I didnt want 2 hold him, feed him, change his pamper..something was wrong. One night we went 2 an anniversary party at him moms house & it was a few ppl there, 2 girls walked in that I didnt know & they were there with his moms best friend...I didnt think anything of it. Well maybe a few weeks later, I seen a strange # in his phone so I called it & sure enough it was 1 of the girls from the party. So, after all of this we are back where we started again. Upon further investigation of his phone, I found out that he was bck talkin 2 Keisha a girl named Keturah & the girl from the party. I had enough yall this was so old. One night in the truck, I was in the back seat with the baby who was then 1 month & he was crying & crying & crying...I just opened the door, got out & started walkin the other way. Josh, drove behind me & told me 2 get in the car, I said, "I cant handle this, every since that baby was born its been problem after problem" but in reality there was ALWAYS problems I just somehow laid all the blame on that poor baby. My mom made me a doctors appointment & they diagnosed me with post partum depression & said, "I didnt need 2 be alone with the baby." We went back home & my moma told Josh, he said ok but that didnt stop him, he told me, "if I did anything 2 his baby he was going 2 kill me." A few weeks passed, & I was taking my cousin around 2 find apartments..while in the parking lot of Kroger's a guy came up 2 the truck & said, "hi beautiful, get a pen" I said, "for what?" he said, "so u can take down my #" I said, "excuse me, I'm married (so stupid)" he said, "ok im sorry but let me give u my # anyway in case u change ur mind" he wrote his # down on some paper & put it on the windsheild & he said, "talk 2 u later" I rolled my eyes & I was thinkin he sure is bold...lol. When my cousin came out of the store I asked her 2 get the # after I looked around 2 make sure he was gone..lol. I figured Im not goin 2 call him but I'll just hold on 2 it. 2 weeks later, I woke up in the middle of the night because the baby was crying. I called for Josh so he could get the baby but no answer back, I got up walked past the baby crying in the crib & looked around the house, there was no Josh. I got my phone 2 call him & it was 4 am, so I called him & he didnt answer, I called that phone about 15 times & finally he answer only 2 say 1 of his friends had a blow out so he went 2 help them bullshit. Anyway, I gave the baby a bottle & he come strolling in the house at 6...I was up gettin our son ready 4 school & as soon as he feel asleep, I was out the door. That day,I was at my moms house..she told me that she was goin somewhere & she wasnt taking my baby with her & that I needed 2 get over whatever was wrong with me & be that baby's mother then she left. While I sat there, I was looking thru my purse for something & came across the Kroger's dude #, during this time the baby started crying..I just looked at him for about 5 mins..then I picked him up & he looked at me with those big brown eyes & i feel in love with my baby...whatever was wrong with me was gone in an instant. I cried & held him so tight, I told him how sorry I was & that I promise 2 be his mother from now on. I couldnt believe that I let 2 months pass by & I didnt hold this baby, whip his tears, nothing..but whoever I was before just left at that moment. I picked up my phone & I called the Kroger's dude, it rung & rung then he answered & said," hello" I said, "hi" & he said, "I knew u would call!" TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my baby