reenalee

So in Nov of 2012 was my first visit with my surgeon. from there they gave me a list of 1 million things to do and set me up for a nutrition class in feb 2013. So I was off and running, I have insurance that's a bit of a pain sometimes so every week I was on the phone with SOMEONE trying to get things all worked out. I had to hound my PCP for about 3 months to get the letter from him. Well, no I asked in Dec for the letter, he wrote a script... not gonna work so I explain what it needs to say. His office sends me a notice that he is leaving the practice and I need to get set up with a new doctor! So Im freaking out and calling his office 800 times a day to find out if he wrote a letter or not. finally in the end of Jan 2013 I got the letter that he did write just before leaving! YaY!!!
next was the phsys eval, this was a pain. I called every office within 150 miles of my house! finally I found one who had an opening. The day that I was supposed to go I came down with a stomach bug AND we were getting a snow storm (I live in the snow capitol of the world)! So I had to cancel. get it all worked out and finally had that done by the beginning of March. The nutrition class was done in feb, my blood work was done by feb! I was doing an amazing job. So in april 2013, they gave me a date for july 10th. Now while she was setting up the request for the day she asked "did you do (insert task here)" and I was answering to each. Well a week went by and I got a call from the insurance lady from that office and she informs me that they have NOTHING FROM ME!!!!!
I almost cried! What on earth do you mean you have nothing!?! Well it turns out that they lost ALL of my stuff! Oh and by the way you have to have a sleep study done as well. Well. This is bull crap!
So my reason for not writing in a while? I have been chasing all of my paper work everywhere. When I quit smoking I put on 30lbs bringing me to 306lbs. I have lost to 300lb but can NOT seem to budge from there which is pissing me off. I am on a partial liquid diet right now. I drink 4 nasty boost shakes and eat one meal of 4 oz of chicken and 1-2cups of fresh veggies. and I have lost ONE POUND! I just want to cry, Id also like to say to them, if I could just drop 30lbs at once, why in the hell am I here?!?!?! UGH UGH UGH.

Well first let me just say my nails were way over due for some TLC and they look FANTASTIC!
 
Also slowly but surely my scale is moving down! I started at 306, today I was 294! This is
 
weight I’ve been fighting since I quit smoking. I have about 13 pounds more to go to get
 
back to where I was when I was smoking, that is my first goal! I am almost half way to it
 
which makes me feel so awesome. Now back to my story…
 
 
The following days and weeks after the guns had been reported missing and I got my requests
 
for a stay away through family court I began the paperwork needed to go in and change up our
 
custody agreement. Steve had been given a deal; if he helped the police bring down one of
 
his dealers (which I guess was a big time situation) they were going to give him a great
 
deal on the gun charges. So he was busy at work with the police, it would make me so mad
 
when he would call to talk to me about it. He would say things like “the police said if I do
 
really well at this they will put me to work for future busts” and “I won’t do any jail time
 
for any of this, not as long as I help the cops out”. These things made me so angry because
 
#1 he was right, #2 what did that teach our kids? They hear daddy stole a bunch of money,
 
guns have come up missing, drugs are being bought, sold, traded… and he is being granted a
 
job with the police? With the good guys?! It just made no sense! Besides all of that I guess
 
a valid #3 was that he really deserved to suffer for his wrong doings.
 
 
For around 2 weeks he went on these adventures with the cops, and then I got a call from his
 
mom. She said that Steve went to do a buy, the police picked up the guy this time they then
 
searched his house for the guns. They asked Steve to come to the station and they reported
 
to him they did find one of the guns that were traded but the second gun was still missing.
 
Because of this they had to charge him and send him to county jail until he can stand before
 
a judge!
 
 
Don and I were almost ready to buy some party supplies! How amazing, he was eating his words
 
now! Seriously, being an adult… this was good, not only did he get what he deserved but my
 
kids were seeing if you do something wrong you HAVE to pay for it, he was eating his words
 
as all of this was happening. My biggest disappointment at that point was that I didn’t get
 
to see him in handcuffs!
 
 
He went before the first judge who charged him with grand larceny for stealing an estimated
 
amount of $3500.00 from his mom and step father. Shortly after he went before the second
 
judge who charged him with stealing the guns (I cannot recall the exact charge) and because
 
this was a more serious offense he was sent to the county court for sentencing. It took
 
around 4 months for him to be seen by the county court. That judge sentenced him with a 5 – 6
 
split. This is 6 months jail time and 5 years’ probation. He had 2 years to pay off his
 
restitution. He got time served but was required to go into a rehab program for 28 days. And
 
last but not the least, if he screwed up his probation in those 5 years, he would be going
 
to prison, state penn. Not a county jail, for 1 to 4 years.
 
 
So he was out of jail and moved into the rehab. Before I go too much further let me explain
 
that while he was in jail he would write the kids letters. Well, no. He would write my
 
oldest child, Trevor letters. These letters I would get open and read through them. Then I
 
would read the parts that were appropriate to Trevor. These letters would often include
 
information about men who were pedophiles, inmates getting into fights, drug abuse and just
 
things that my 8-9 year old son didn’t need to be that informed of just yet! When he went
 
into the rehab he was able to make a phone call every day. This was both good and bad. My
 
oldest son was IN LOVE with his father, he could do no wrong! So he looked forward to his
 
calls, but he was more often than not, under the influence of some kind of prescription
 
drugs which made him act weird. These phone conversations consisted of things like how the
 
men and women weren’t to interact with each other but he did it anyway and has met a woman
 
who was “hot as hell” she has had her problems but that didn’t matter. He would also tell my
 
son about fights that broke out etc.
 
While Steve was in jail I did move to a new house to protect all of us when he returned.
 
During the conversations from the rehab my son started getting more cautious of his father,
 
becoming almost afraid of him. I wasn’t sure why, nothing in the conversations indicated a
 
good reason to be afraid of him. So I finally had time with just Trevor and he and I went
 
over why he was so afraid. He said that he had nightmares of his dad coming to our house and
 
busting through the door and when I tried to stop him, he shot me and I died! This was a
 
dream he had over and over again apparently ever since his father mentioned him getting out
 
of the rehab center.
 
 
After Trevor started telling me this, I got him all set up with a counselor. We went to 3
 
visits and they said he was fine and didn’t need to come anymore! Steve was released to a
 
halfway house sometime in October I believe it was. I had made some changes to the custody
 
order, he has to have supervised visitation, and none of the children could spend the night
 
with him. He was to come on Sat at 10AM and have the kids until 6PM, he could return the
 
next day and do it again, every other weekend. I didn’t have to let the children go with him
 
if he was more than a half hour late.
 
 
Most of the time they would get here around 11 – noon and get the kids, they would always
 
return by 3:30PM. Because of what he had done to his mom, all of his family had cut ties
 
with him with the exception of one sister and his mother. So whenever he got the kids he had
 
to take them places like the park, McDonald’s etc. So he never kept them for the whole time.
 
He was very good about coming to get them and they were all always excited to see him. He
 
would call them almost every night, he and I had even gotten to talking a bit at this point
 
too.
 
 
Don and I were about to have the baby, very exciting! It got slightly difficult when I found
 
out NY state law says if you are married and you are pregnant, no matter whom you know the
 
father is, your husband is always considered the father until proven to a court! So I was
 
unable to list Don as the baby’s father without permission from the courts! What a pain in
 
the butt! I hadn’t taken care of my divorce just yet because I was so wrapped up with the
 
pregnancy and work I had no time. My baby was due Nov 23rd, I was to go in for a C-section
 
on Nov 16th.
 
 
On Nov 11th (my 30th birthday) I started having the worst backache, began to feel
 
contractions. My first child was induced and once I started it was back labor. My twins were
 
a planned C-section! I have NEVER gone into labor so although this was my 4th child and 6th
 
pregnancy – I had NO idea what to expect if/when I went into labor! I also didn’t want to
 
alarm Don. I did have some rough times during this pregnancy; I had what they called
 
a “bleeder” which was a pocket of blood in the uterus, the larger these are the more risk
 
they become. Mine was almost twice the size of the baby at 20 weeks. I went in for a sono so
 
that we could measure it every other week, sometime around week 28 it was just gone! I
 
experienced some spotting around my 3rd month (12-14 weeks) this was very scary for me and
 
for Don because we knew that there was such a great chance that this pregnancy would be
 
terminated. But bigger things were in store for us! That baby held on for all his might! We
 
waited until after 25 weeks before we bought anything for this baby, just to be safe.
 
 
So as this back pain was getting worse and it seemed like the contractions I was feeling
 
were more intense and they seemed to be hitting me every 2 or 3 minutes I figured now was
 
the time to sneak the phone into the bathroom and secretly call my doctor and see what I
 
should do. I went into the bathroom and called the doctor, she said “sounds to me like that
 
baby is knocking! Come on out we need to get you on fluids and monitor him” so I walk out of
 
the bathroom, CRYING! I laugh now because it was so silly really, I didn’t want to be cut
 
open on my birthday… I am bawling and I tell Don he needs to drive me to the hospital, I
 
won’t be having any birthday brownies. I tried so hard not to, but I cried all the way to
 
 
the hospital. Lol
 
 
Once we got there (around 11AM) they hooked me up to some monitors and an IV. I was in fact
 
in labor; the contractions were really hard, coming very fast and very regular. The OR was
 
held up so we had to wait. Then the baby rolled and he pinched his cord which dropped his
 
heartbeat. This activity filled my room with 5 or 6 doctors, so many nurses I couldn’t
 
count. Someone gave Don a set of scrubs and told him to change quickly. They said to
 
me “don’t worry, I’m sure everything is fine, but we want to keep it that way. We need to
 
get that baby out” Off I went to the OR. Getting the spinal took forever, literally they
 
were threatening to have to put me to sleep, which made me cry I wanted to be awake and able
 
to welcome our little man into this world. Finally a 3rd doctor tried for the spinal and he
 
got it! It was almost 45 minutes before they had it in. I was laid out on the table and my
 
doctor entered. Don entered, game was about to start. My doctor was the best at helping us
 
relax, she allowed don to take photos of the baby being born (the last doctor only allowed
 
pictures on the other side of the curtain) so we have photos of the doctor reaching in and
 
pulling him out of my belly! They are amazing photos.
 
 
He was born finally at 8:02PM, he was 8 pounds 4 ounces and perfect in EVERY way! We named
 
him Owen Timothy! During my stay in the hospital Steve was supposed to pick up the kids,
 
Trevor actually told Steve he didn’t want to go with him he wanted to come out to the
 
hospital to see me and the new baby. I remember this very well because it was the first time
 
in his life he ever picked me over Steve! As happy as I was about this, it also worried me.
 
Made me think there was something going on there.
 
 
Steve had been pretty decent most of the time after the baby was born, he had been
 
respectful towards me and towards Don. Things were settling to be somewhat normal. In Jan
 
Steve called me to tell me that he was at DSS (department of social services) getting help
 
getting set up with a place to live, he had been kicked out of the halfway house! When I
 
asked why he said “I want to go to a different rehab group and they do not support my
 
decision” I was confused so I asked the first thing that came to mind. “That’s worth losing
 
your only home over?!” He said then that he had tested positive for meth but it was because
 
of his ADHD medication, a medication he had been on for months now. I was confused about it
 
all but one thing I was sure of, he was lying to me!
 
 
He ended up getting housing through DSS at a motel, they gave him rent money and food money
 
every month. Little by little his attitude changed, he would go on these rants for no good
 
reason. Sometimes calling my house at 12 am or later just to rant about how he felt
 
mistreated by my parents 3 years ago! Sometimes to rant about me leaving him! More and more
 
often he stopped calling to talk to the kids and began calling to fight with me. There were
 
many times my son (Trevor) could actually hear him through the phone calling me names,
 
swearing at me, screaming at me. This had an impact on how Trevor felt about his dad, since
 
while his dad had been away and done all this “stupid stuff” I was all Trevor had and here
 
comes dad treating me badly. Years ago Trevor would see this as alright because it was all
 
he knew. But now that Don was in our life and I had been treated totally different and
 
respect has been drilled in my kid’s heads. Steve’s behavior towards me was no longer
 
acceptable for Trevor. Trevor quickly grew apart from his father.
 
 
I still had to get the divorce so I began that in Aug of 2011, the first requirements were
 
to name Don as the father of Owen, to have a custody agreement, and to have a support
 
agreement. Well we had a support agreement, he didn’t pay anything and I never bothered to
 
fight with him over it. Unfortunately that was not what the court had in mind. So I filed
 
paperwork for the paternity issue and for child support. First we went in for paternity, the
 
judge asked me when I stopped sleeping with Steve, when I started sleeping with Don, asked
 
Don and Steve if they both agreed, we all said yes and he granted us the ability to put
 
Don’s name on Owen’s birth certificate!
 
 
The next issue on the list was child support. We went before the same judge as we did for
 
paternity. The judge asked if we had anything set in place so far. Steve explained to the
 
judge that he had just gotten out of jail, had been living in a halfway house for so long,
 
just gotten to where he can get and hold a job. The judge told him he was not impressed with
 
his story, that these were his children and he had better rise to the occasion. We were to
 
return in 6 weeks at which point Steve was to have a job, if he did not have a job the court
 
would order temp support anyway.
 
 
Six weeks later we go back to court, Steve has no job. The court offered a temp order of
 
$20.00 a week! We had to come back in 4 weeks for a final order. When we returned 4 weeks
 
later Steve still didn’t have a job. The court gave us a support order of $20.00 a week for
 
all 3 kids due each Friday. That gave me exactly what I needed to finish up with the divorce
 
paperwork. I went to my lawyer’s office and filed paperwork for the divorce.
 
 
Steve paid his $20 each week for about 3 weeks then nothing for the longest time. I called
 
up my divorce lawyer and she told me that I couldn’t violate him on that while filing the
 
divorce, so I had to make up my mind which one was more important at that time. The divorce
 
was obviously much higher on the list than the support! Now this began to bother me a great
 
deal, the state MADE me go after him for a support order, they forced me to agree that it
 
was the right of my children to have him pay support! Then when he didn’t pay it, I was to
 
ignore the whole thing until further notice. So I sat and waited for the judge to approve my
 
divorce. It wasn’t long before I got my paperwork in the mail. I think it was March 12th
 
that I was celebrating my official divorce! Magically on March 6th Steve paid his child
 
support up to date! So I was unable to violate him on that situation.
 
 
It wasn’t long before we were able to violate him however! In May 2012 I filed the paperwork
 
needed to violate him as he had not paid any support since March 6th2012. We went before the
 
judge, Steve said he was working on getting a job, the judge told him to get that job and he
 
had better have it before we came back in July or else he should “bring his toothbrush
 
because he was going to be going away”!
 
 
After this court date I would get a lot of drunken calls, Steve yelling at me about what a
 
horrible person I am. He would blame me for him being jobless, for his drug problem, for his
 
drinking problem basically whatever he could think up. He has a new girlfriend, who seemed
 
to be an alright woman, she was in his late 50’s which was slightly odd, but to each their
 
own!
 
 
I was busy making plans for my backyard wedding! Don and I were to be married on June 9th
 
2012! I had sworn I would never get married again but let me tell ya, for those people who
 
don’t believe in marriage or whatever, the tax benefits are worth the ceremony! So Don and I
 
got married, Steve was acting like a dink around our wedding date, but I didn’t let that
 
hinder me at all! We got married, very simple outside bbq. In July I returned to court, I
 
was there but Steve was not. He had called the court and said that his ride had fallen
 
through and he was unable to make it. The judge said that they would set the date again, he
 
was unable to put a warrant out for him this time, but there will be nothing holding him
 
from doing it the second time he misses court. He assured me if it were up to him, Steve
 
would be sitting in jail for at LEAST 6 months!
 
 
More to come...
 
 
 

Ok sorry I havent written in a while we have been running like crazy for baseball and other
 
school things! I am back and I am back on track! That being said, normally when we are in
 
such rushes I have poor choices of foods and such. I have been doing such a great job in
 
this are and with little to no effort! Could this be because I am finally telling my story?
 
There has been a lot of things I have told here that I have never spoken about, still more -
 
but progress is progress! That being said lets get back to my story shall we? You would
 
think once he moved out and was no longer in my home things would ease up, not always the
 
case.
 
 
So Steve moved in with his mother and step father, he had gotten a part time job working for
 
wal mart. His first pay check he came right to my house with $125 for me. I was honestly
 
shocked! I in turn told him in order for us to make this as easy on the kids as possible
 
that I think it would be good for him to stop by several times a week, the door was always
 
open before their bedtime all he had to do was call. This worked out for about 2 weeks. It
 
had to become more restricted once he showed up at my house and thought it was still alright
 
for him to yell at me while Don was not there, in front of my kids! So we limited visits to
 
times that Don was home (with the exception of the times he came to get the kids). When we
 
finally went to court I made sure the judge put some things in the order such as it was his
 
responsibility to have car seats for the younger children and to provide transportation. He
 
was not "allowed" to argue with me in front of the children.
 
 
Everything went alright for about a month he showed up to get the kids and I had some things
 
that he had every right to if he wanted them, one of these items was a push mower for the
 
lawn so I offered it to him, he said he would take it. When he showed up he stayed in the
 
yard for a few minutes with the kids playing, then asked one of them to come ask me if he
 
could borrow my car seats! Mind you, they were 3 and a half at the time! When that failed
 
him he then went to Don. Don laughed and said to him I think the court order said for you to
 
have your own, you havent paid any support in a few months, you are still working and you
 
live with your mom, how can you not be able to spend $15 on each of the kids and get a
 
booster seat? You have to ask Reena, I have no say. So he came to me, I flipped out I
 
repeated what Don had told him and added in that I have not only one car seat for each child
 
but two for them since we have 2 cars, if I can afford to feed them, clothe them, pay the
 
sitter, put a roof over their heads ect, AND have two car seats then he can afford to buy
 
one! He left that day with no children.
 
 
A few weeks went by before he finally got the car seats, every once in a while I would use
 
him as a baby sitter to save me money. One day I was very sick and I needed to go to like a
 
urgent care so that I wouldnt miss any time from work. So I called Steve and asked if he
 
would come sit with the kids while I went. He agreed. He showed up and I told him I already
 
had food made, everything was all set just keep everyone out of my room. I went to the
 
doctors. While at the doctors they confirmed what I thought was the case, I was pregnant!
 
Now please don't think of me as irresponsible or anything like that and try to understand, I
 
have had 3 miscarriages and when I was pregnant with the twins I had a lot of assistance to
 
keep the pregnancy. So when they said I was pregnant I was scared! I did not want to lose
 
another baby, I didnt not want my boyfriend who had no children of his own to suffer through
 
such a thing. I was pleased, because a baby is a blessing no matter what time of day, but I
 
was afraid because there was a very high chance I would never get to hold that baby!
 
 
So on the way home I went over everything in my head. Don already knew I was pregnant and my
 
mother knew I was pregnant but we hadn't told anyone else. There was a few reasons behind
 
keeping the news to ourselves, the first on the list was the chance of loss, the second
 
reason was religon. I had decided to keep the reason for my illness to myself a bit longer,
 
Steve didnt need to know just yet.
 
 
When I arrived back home Steve was making small talk with me about my relationship with Don.
 
He saying how I was going too fast with Don, it was a relationship based around sex we had
 
nothing in common and eventually I would open my eyes and come back to him. I got very angry
 
so I said "would you like to know the real reason I had to go to the doctors today?" I took
 
the papers that they had given me in bold letters at the top of the page it said "You were
 
seen today for :pregnancy" and slapped them onto the counter! He read it twice, then he
 
said "you're f****** kidding me! What a f****** joke!" he laughed and went out the door. My
 
heart smiled as he drove away.
 
 
Later that night as I was going to bed I realized that there was something ... missing!
 
First I noticed a game system of Don's was gone, then I began poking around and realized a
 
ring my mother had given me was gone (it wasnt much as far as dollar value, but what it
 
meant to me had no price tag) a huge amount of video games were gone, just a bunch of
 
things, most from inside my bedroom. So the following day I called his mother's house and I
 
told her what was going on she said "oh I should have warned you, I have had things coming
 
up missing too!" Well, why are you ignoring this?! I asked her if I could come over to get
 
my things from him, she said yes.
 
 
Once she got off the phone with me she gave him her car keys and told him to leave. So when
 
I showed up she let me go through his whole room and take whatever was mine. I found
 
everything but my ring. (that was small enough to put in his pocket, I took some pleasure in
 
the fact that he would only see about $15 for it when he pawned it). We took our things back
 
to our house and nothing much was said or done about it, after all he and I were still
 
married and we shared children, according to the law in NY he still had every right to my
 
house and the things inside it!
 
 
I think it was about 2 weeks before father's day when Steve's mother called me, she was
 
crying and upset. She said they had to call the police because Steve had stolen a large
 
amount of money from her bank account, she didnt tell me an exact amount but that the over
 
draft was around $900! As it turns out, if you know the judge and you were arrested for
 
stealing from your mom? You get to go home that night because he called me the next day
 
laughing about the situation!
 
 
I had to allow him to take the kids, it was his weekend. So he came and got them without any
 
problems. He was supposed to get them by 10 am and bring them home at 6pm. Sometime around
 
11:30 am he showed up to get them, it was 3pm when he returned with them. His reasoning "the
 
twins were getting into stuff" So I gave my opinion, I said it must be nice to be able to
 
just pack up the kids and return them the minute they get slightly difficult. Then he began
 
to argue with me over things that had nothing to do with the kids all about the past. I
 
asked him to leave, I mean my children were right there as he was calling me things such
 
as a ****, a ***** ect. He refused to leave. I went inside and he follwed me, at which
 
point I felt threatened. I thought to myself there was no way in hell I was going to let him
 
 
push me back in my hole again! So I began yelling at him, I told him he had to leave. He
 
yelled back that he didnt! I said "alright fine! lets see if Im right, Ill give the cops a
 
call!" so I picked up the phone and for the first time in my life I called the police on my
 
husband! He took off as soon as he realized I was actually on the phone with someone. The
 
police showed up the officer did tell me there was actually nothing they can do since he and
 
I are still married, he suggested that I move to a new location where he has never lived.
 
 
Father's day rolled around, I had become very uneasy about dealing with Steve. I had made it
 
clear that someone else had to be there any time we were to exchange the kids or anything.
 
So the idea for father's day was that he could see the kids but he wouldn't be left alone
 
with them. I would meet him at a public place with the children. I wouldnt be in the mix,
 
more a bystander just watching. So on father's day I called to see where and when he wanted
 
to meet. His step father answered the phone (a less than friendly guy, since Steve had
 
filled their heads with garbage about me) I asked for Steve, he said "he can't come to the
 
phone right now, he is talking with an officer. I have 2 handguns that have come up
 
missing!" This alarmed me since just days before he had text me saying how I was lucky to
 
not become front page news yet! He ended up being taken into custody by the police but
 
released that night.
 
 
The next morning I went to family court to get a stay away order and restraining order. I
 
had found out too that he was back into the drugs full force. I had given him $1000.00 of my
 
tax returns to wrap up our last year together (if he was smart and took me to court, my
 
lawyer said he would get at LEAST half! so I offered $1000) come to find out this money went
 
towards a weekend cocaine bindge. He said he had stolen those guns and traded them for drugs
 
that was also why he had stolen all of the other items from his mom and the money! He lost
 
his job, never told anyone so he still had use of a car. So I go to the advacate at family
 
court and I tell her my story, I asked her if we could move for an emergency stay away. This
 
would mean the judge had to rule on it today, and that Steve would be served today, he would
 
not be allowed to call my house (the kids would call him) he couldnt see the children until
 
we returned to court for a modification of visitation, he would not be allowed to come to my
 
work place or the school for at least 6 months. The advacate said yes, we moved forward with
 
the paperwork. I arrived at court at 7:45AM, I finally saw the judge at 4:30PM! When I went
 
in before this judge I explained to her about the text messages and the missing guns, his
 
drug habbits and explosive behaviors. She said to me "yeah, but do you REALLY think he will
 
harm you?!" as if I would wait around all damn day because I wanted to be a thorn in his
 
side! My reply? "I honestly don't know what he might do while he is under the influance, he
 
has surprised me more than once!"
 
 
She reluctantly granted me my requests. It was a good thing too becauses he was still
 
walking free and the police had yet to locate those missing guns!
 
 
More to come, I NEED to go get my nails done! A quick thank you for all of you who defended
 
me and my writing on the last post. I love to know there are people that stand behind me.
 
Although it has taken me almost 4 years, I am finally starting to see, I am a warrior and
 
one of the best kind too! The kind that hasnt given up. I hope I can inspire others to stand
 
up to their battles and have the inner strength to be victorious!
 
 
 
 

Ok sorry I havent written in a while we have been running like crazy for baseball and other
 
school things! I am back and I am back on track! That being said, normally when we are in
 
such rushes I have poor choices of foods and such. I have been doing such a great job in
 
this are and with little to no effort! Could this be because I am finally telling my story?
 
There has been a lot of things I have told here that I have never spoken about, still more -
 
but progress is progress! That being said lets get back to my story shall we? You would
 
think once he moved out and was no longer in my home things would ease up, not always the
 
case.
 
 
So Steve moved in with his mother and step father, he had gotten a part time job working for
 
wal mart. His first pay check he came right to my house with $125 for me. I was honestly
 
shocked! I in turn told him in order for us to make this as easy on the kids as possible
 
that I think it would be good for him to stop by several times a week, the door was always
 
open before their bedtime all he had to do was call. This worked out for about 2 weeks. It
 
had to become more restricted once he showed up at my house and thought it was still alright
 
for him to yell at me while Don was not there, in front of my kids! So we limited visits to
 
times that Don was home (with the exception of the times he came to get the kids). When we
 
finally went to court I made sure the judge put some things in the order such as it was his
 
responsibility to have car seats for the younger children and to provide transportation. He
 
was not "allowed" to argue with me in front of the children.
 
 
Everything went alright for about a month he showed up to get the kids and I had some things
 
that he had every right to if he wanted them, one of these items was a push mower for the
 
lawn so I offered it to him, he said he would take it. When he showed up he stayed in the
 
yard for a few minutes with the kids playing, then asked one of them to come ask me if he
 
could borrow my car seats! Mind you, they were 3 and a half at the time! When that failed
 
him he then went to Don. Don laughed and said to him I think the court order said for you to
 
have your own, you havent paid any support in a few months, you are still working and you
 
live with your mom, how can you not be able to spend $15 on each of the kids and get a
 
booster seat? You have to ask Reena, I have no say. So he came to me, I flipped out I
 
repeated what Don had told him and added in that I have not only one car seat for each child
 
but two for them since we have 2 cars, if I can afford to feed them, clothe them, pay the
 
sitter, put a roof over their heads ect, AND have two car seats then he can afford to buy
 
one! He left that day with no children.
 
 
A few weeks went by before he finally got the car seats, every once in a while I would use
 
him as a baby sitter to save me money. One day I was very sick and I needed to go to like a
 
urgent care so that I wouldnt miss any time from work. So I called Steve and asked if he
 
would come sit with the kids while I went. He agreed. He showed up and I told him I already
 
had food made, everything was all set just keep everyone out of my room. I went to the
 
doctors. While at the doctors they confirmed what I thought was the case, I was pregnant!
 
Now please don't think of me as irresponsible or anything like that and try to understand, I
 
have had 3 miscarriages and when I was pregnant with the twins I had a lot of assistance to
 
keep the pregnancy. So when they said I was pregnant I was scared! I did not want to lose
 
another baby, I didnt not want my boyfriend who had no children of his own to suffer through
 
such a thing. I was pleased, because a baby is a blessing no matter what time of day, but I
 
was afraid because there was a very high chance I would never get to hold that baby!
 
 
So on the way home I went over everything in my head. Don already knew I was pregnant and my
 
mother knew I was pregnant but we hadn't told anyone else. There was a few reasons behind
 
keeping the news to ourselves, the first on the list was the chance of loss, the second
 
reason was religon. I had decided to keep the reason for my illness to myself a bit longer,
 
Steve didnt need to know just yet.
 
 
When I arrived back home Steve was making small talk with me about my relationship with Don.
 
He saying how I was going too fast with Don, it was a relationship based around sex we had
 
nothing in common and eventually I would open my eyes and come back to him. I got very angry
 
so I said "would you like to know the real reason I had to go to the doctors today?" I took
 
the papers that they had given me in bold letters at the top of the page it said "You were
 
seen today for :pregnancy" and slapped them onto the counter! He read it twice, then he
 
said "you're f****** kidding me! What a f****** joke!" he laughed and went out the door. My
 
heart smiled as he drove away.
 
 
Later that night as I was going to bed I realized that there was something ... missing!
 
First I noticed a game system of Don's was gone, then I began poking around and realized a
 
ring my mother had given me was gone (it wasnt much as far as dollar value, but what it
 
meant to me had no price tag) a huge amount of video games were gone, just a bunch of
 
things, most from inside my bedroom. So the following day I called his mother's house and I
 
told her what was going on she said "oh I should have warned you, I have had things coming
 
up missing too!" Well, why are you ignoring this?! I asked her if I could come over to get
 
my things from him, she said yes.
 
 
Once she got off the phone with me she gave him her car keys and told him to leave. So when
 
I showed up she let me go through his whole room and take whatever was mine. I found
 
everything but my ring. (that was small enough to put in his pocket, I took some pleasure in
 
the fact that he would only see about $15 for it when he pawned it). We took our things back
 
to our house and nothing much was said or done about it, after all he and I were still
 
married and we shared children, according to the law in NY he still had every right to my
 
house and the things inside it!
 
 
I think it was about 2 weeks before father's day when Steve's mother called me, she was
 
crying and upset. She said they had to call the police because Steve had stolen a large
 
amount of money from her bank account, she didnt tell me an exact amount but that the over
 
draft was around $900! As it turns out, if you know the judge and you were arrested for
 
stealing from your mom? You get to go home that night because he called me the next day
 
laughing about the situation!
 
 
I had to allow him to take the kids, it was his weekend. So he came and got them without any
 
problems. He was supposed to get them by 10 am and bring them home at 6pm. Sometime around
 
11:30 am he showed up to get them, it was 3pm when he returned with them. His reasoning "the
 
twins were getting into stuff" So I gave my opinion, I said it must be nice to be able to
 
just pack up the kids and return them the minute they get slightly difficult. Then he began
 
to argue with me over things that had nothing to do with the kids all about the past. I
 
asked him to leave, I mean my children were right there as he was calling me things such
 
as a ****, a ***** ect. He refused to leave. I went inside and he follwed me, at which
 
point I felt threatened. I thought to myself there was no way in hell I was going to let him
 
 
push me back in my hole again! So I began yelling at him, I told him he had to leave. He
 
yelled back that he didnt! I said "alright fine! lets see if Im right, Ill give the cops a
 
call!" so I picked up the phone and for the first time in my life I called the police on my
 
husband! He took off as soon as he realized I was actually on the phone with someone. The
 
police showed up the officer did tell me there was actually nothing they can do since he and
 
I are still married, he suggested that I move to a new location where he has never lived.
 
 
Father's day rolled around, I had become very uneasy about dealing with Steve. I had made it
 
clear that someone else had to be there any time we were to exchange the kids or anything.
 
So the idea for father's day was that he could see the kids but he wouldn't be left alone
 
with them. I would meet him at a public place with the children. I wouldnt be in the mix,
 
more a bystander just watching. So on father's day I called to see where and when he wanted
 
to meet. His step father answered the phone (a less than friendly guy, since Steve had
 
filled their heads with garbage about me) I asked for Steve, he said "he can't come to the
 
phone right now, he is talking with an officer. I have 2 handguns that have come up
 
missing!" This alarmed me since just days before he had text me saying how I was lucky to
 
not become front page news yet! He ended up being taken into custody by the police but
 
released that night.
 
 
The next morning I went to family court to get a stay away order and restraining order. I
 
had found out too that he was back into the drugs full force. I had given him $1000.00 of my
 
tax returns to wrap up our last year together (if he was smart and took me to court, my
 
lawyer said he would get at LEAST half! so I offered $1000) come to find out this money went
 
towards a weekend cocaine bindge. He said he had stolen those guns and traded them for drugs
 
that was also why he had stolen all of the other items from his mom and the money! He lost
 
his job, never told anyone so he still had use of a car. So I go to the advacate at family
 
court and I tell her my story, I asked her if we could move for an emergency stay away. This
 
would mean the judge had to rule on it today, and that Steve would be served today, he would
 
not be allowed to call my house (the kids would call him) he couldnt see the children until
 
we returned to court for a modification of visitation, he would not be allowed to come to my
 
work place or the school for at least 6 months. The advacate said yes, we moved forward with
 
the paperwork. I arrived at court at 7:45AM, I finally saw the judge at 4:30PM! When I went
 
in before this judge I explained to her about the text messages and the missing guns, his
 
drug habbits and explosive behaviors. She said to me "yeah, but do you REALLY think he will
 
harm you?!" as if I would wait around all damn day because I wanted to be a thorn in his
 
side! My reply? "I honestly don't know what he might do while he is under the influance, he
 
has surprised me more than once!"
 
 
She reluctantly granted me my requests. It was a good thing too becauses he was still
 
walking free and the police had yet to locate those missing guns!
 
 
More to come, I NEED to go get my nails done! A quick thank you for all of you who defended
 
me and my writing on the last post. I love to know there are people that stand behind me.
 
Although it has taken me almost 4 years, I am finally starting to see, I am a warrior and
 
one of the best kind too! The kind that hasnt given up. I hope I can inspire others to stand
 
up to their battles and have the inner strength to be victorious!
 
 
 
 

We made it to the circus last night and I am happy to announce, no one stepped in elephant poop! (Thank the good Lord above for that) The kids had such a
 
great time, it was a really good show! I haven't been to the circus in many years, it was great to see the reaction on my children's faces when they saw the
 
many wonders of the circus world! Its moments like these that we live for.
 
 
Speaking of moments like these, today was the first of many baseball games for my kids! My oldest son played his very first baseball game today! I know this
 
may not seem like that big of deal to some. I actually cried! (laugh it off, its ok ... go ahead and laugh, I'll wait) My oldest son when he was only 3
 
years old was diagnosed with autism. He didn't talk much before the age of 6 years, to say the least we have come a long way! Here he is 12 years old and
 
one of the most amazing kids you would ever meet, believe me I am not just saying that because he is mine. He played an amazing basketball season helping
 
his team come into 2nd place out of the whole season (missing first place by 1 game). I had to talk him into trying baseball, I thought it would be a good
 
way for him to spend his extra time during the spring, and it might help him unwind from basketball. Since 2 minutes after his last basketball game he has
 
been dying to play again.
 
 
My family is very complicated, my children are a lot of work. That was the nice way of saying, my kids are out of control! It is very rare I will take all
 
four children some place without my husbands help, and the same for him. Each of the kids have sensory issues and it can really be a very stressful event to
 
do on your own. Today my sons first game was going to be at 9am and it was a half hour away! He needs to be there by 8:30. My husband has to work at 8 am.
 
So this means? I am doing this alone! My mother did take the youngest which was a big help, I took the twins with me. I found out during basketball season
 
that dum dums will keep them still and quiet, however you do pay for it since if my son has a half a gram of sugar he will bounce for at LEAST 3 hours! The
 
next best option is Nintendo DS! I set them up with that, me up with my camera and it was peaceful! During the second inning my son, my pride and joy, my
 
Trevor came up to the plate to bat! I was so excited and scared for him. I thought to myself "oh God, what if he misses?" just then the pitcher threw his
 
first ball, "STRIKE!" I said a little prayer "Dear Lord above, please, please for all that is holy let this boy hit that ball just once today!" I saw my son
 
(5 foot 11 inches, 195 pound power house) step into the batters box again and he raised his bat, perfect stance! Here comes the pitch.... and CRACK! There
 
goes the ball!!! I stood to my feet, screamed and yelled and literally cried like a baby! (the tears are coming back as I re-live this event now) every fan
 
sitting there cheered for MY boy! At least 4 or 5 mothers came to me during and after the game to express how amazed they were by his hit! MY son is amazing!
 
 
Tomorrow we begin our t-ball season with the twins. I can hardly wait!! My daughter is very devoted to baseball. She spent over 2 hours hitting off the tee
 
without direction the other day. When I asked her what she was up to her response was "duh, I'm working on my swing mom!" As for Ethan, her twin brother, he
 
would rather be playing in the dirt and that is where I expect to see him most of the game tomorrow. I can hardly wait!
 
 
Now for a quick update on myself. Ive had a lot of heart to heart talks with my husband about my surgery, my journey and I have come to realize that he is
 
my biggest and strongest rock! I will do all of this with grace as long as I have him by my side. I have one really awesome, amazing, and loving man for a
 
husband! And together, we got this! Today Aunt Flo visits, which is so crappy since yesterday my scale read 300.0 which I know 100% without a doubt today it
 
would have been 299! Since I started my period, I wont even breathe in the direction of my scale for the next 3 days. Sigh - the joys of being a woman! On
 
that note, I am going to hop off from here and go make up some yummy bbq for my family.. going to have grilled chicken, I myself am skipping the pasta salad
 
and going to go green instead, then I have a really yummy sugar free strawberry cheesecake cobbler to enjoy after! Bring on the warm beautiful weather.
 
 
I love my family, I wouldn't be anything without them, and Im coming to realize, they wouldn't be much without me either... self worth, turns out that's
 
pretty important!

I believe anyone that has 85% of their stomach removed will lose weight. You can't help but lose, if you are limited to 4oz of food every few hours.
 
Now the big question is, where is your hunger coming from? Only you can figure that part out. Is it from emotional eating, boredome, stress, or is it because you have hunger pangs caused by the hormone ghrelin?
 
From my own experience, I knew that my hunger was real (even though I had eaten 2 hours earlier, I'd be hungry again). It wasn't until I talked to my surgeon that he told me that I had an excess of the hormone ghrelin (produced by the stomach). The bigger the stomach, the more of the hormone produced.
 
The surgery stopped my hunger pangs. I have not had that nagging sense of hunger (other than my stomach growling) since surgery 7 weeks ago. And 4 or 5 oz of food keeps me satisfied, whereas before, I could eat 1 lb of steak and know I'd be raiding the fridge in 2 hours.
 
And I don't have any cravings anymore for certain flavors. Whereas before, I'd think about something that would taste good and I couldn't get the thought out of my head until I ate it - and a lot of it, not just a small portion.
 
Don't get me wrong, you can sabotage yourself after surgery. There are foods, called slider foods, that are calorie dense (ice cream, peanut butter) that pass through the stomach quickly, so it's possible to eat more. And it is possible to just graze all day on snacks that are high in calories.
 
The sleeve gave me the control over my eating that I needed. When I eat, I have full control of what I eat. I can pass on the donuts or just have 1 and be satisfied. With the exception of pasta - it triggers my sugar cravings. So I have to be real careful about eating it.
 
But I don't know if I'd the same success if my hunger was tied to my emotions instead of hormones.
 
I really believe food was an addiction - one you can't quit and never touch again.
 
Other addictions can be quit and never touched again. But what if a heroine addict, smoker or alcoholic knew they had to take some every day or their body would die?
 
What if they had 75 TV channels that ran commericals for cigarrets every 10 minutes during their favorite programs? Or had reality programs (like the best places to pig out or the food challenges) devoted to the best places to get their fix and showed people taking drugs and loving it? Could the addicts just reduce the amount they took every day and never over do it or would they give in to the nagging voice in their head telling them how good it was going to feel?
 
Ok, rant over. :-)

Hi, My name is Myla and I'm from Boone, IA. I am 48 years old, the mother of three beautiful daughters and grandmother to a gorgeous little grandaughter and one handsome little grandson.
We live close enough to all that I could see them daily and yet like to give them some privacy also. I work full time as a buyer for a company that I love...I have watched it grow from a mom and pop place to a huge company. I truly enjoy the challenges that come with my job...and after all who does not like to s spend money and haggle for a good deal... I also own my own online scrapbook store that keeps me hopping most of the time.
My daughters are all grown and with families of their own. My husband is retired and we are enjoying the the grandparenting years. Looking for some vacationing time. It is tough to do when one works full time and the other is retired. Our schedules dont usually match up.
About a year ago, I really started thinking more and more about a healthier way of life... I want to be here to see those grandbabies graduate and get married. Another fear that set in was I lost my own mother at 53 years of age...and as I approach that 50 mark it starts to get a little scarry. The doctor has told me that I have pre-hypertension... and so I have started to come into touch with my own health...
Over the years I have tried so many diets and the only one that really was ever successful for me was Weight Watchers, for my oldest daughters wedding, I lost 40 lbs.It just seemed as their was a big goal at the end...and once that was over... then the goal was gone. I also stumbled with some depression shortly after the wedding. I think it was a sense of knowing that it would not be long and the youngest would be gone from home also...Needless to say the weight came back on. It seemed like for the past 6 years I have held to between 230 and 240. Always being told that I was not over weight enough to have the surgery....You need that BMI to be at 40, well since I been shrinking in height over the past few years and have been working hard to quit smoking that number crept right up on me. Now at 5'6" and 253 lbs. I have to admit that I feel better not smoking and everything smells better...
With all this has also come the continued borderline high blood pressure, now the LDL is too high and the pre-diabetis... I have started the steps to have the Bariatric Sleeve done. I have been to one informational class, and have a group class on May 3, followed by the first visit with the Doctor on May 13th. I'm ready for the life style change and to be thin and feel good again. I know that it wont be easy, but I'm sure it will be so worth it.

i started my liver shrinking diet today, really believe it is going to happen now, 13 days to go,x

Yesterday was my 49th birthday. As I look back over the past almost-decade, I’m amazed at how much has changed, and how far I’ve come. Since I turned 40, I have gone through a number of big life changes, including divorce and remarriage, job/career changes, and achieving a college education. All of those changes have been enriching and empowering for me. It feels like my 40’s have just been one change after another. I have really come into my own over the past few years, in so many ways that I never anticipated. I am excited about becoming a professional counselor, and inspired by the opportunity to have a positive impact in my small corner of the world. I have been so blessed by supportive friends and family, and I am very grateful for the love that lifts me up each day.
 
Over the past few years, the one major negative change has been my mobility. I can no longer do so many things that I used to do and still want to do. The degree of limitation in my life has become unacceptable to me, and the time to take action is now. So, as I celebrate turning 49, I am already looking ahead to my 50th birthday next year. At that time, I will be 11 months post-op. I have no idea how much weight I will have lost, but I trust that my physical condition will have changed for the better. My plan is to celebrate the beginning of my new decade by doing something physical that would not have been possible at the end of this decade. I don’t know exactly what it will be, but I’ll think of something. It seems very appropriate to celebrate turning 50 by doing something that was not possible for me at 49. I don’t expect to start running or take up mountain climbing; I just want to walk without pain. I want to be able to stand for more than a few minutes, and maybe even to dance again. I want to be able to walk around downtown, or go shopping at the mall. I want to be able to do projects around my house and work in the yard. When we go to the beach, I want to be able to take Tony’s hand and go for a walk in the sand. But until that day comes, I will be thankful to hold his hand as I take this next step, and give myself a gift for next year and beyond.

This is going to be a GREAT day! My daughter, Makenna had a hard time getting to sleep last night so I was up until about 12:30 because of her. Then my husband who has been also trying to get his weight under control woke me up around 4 this morning while he gets ready to go for a bike ride... My response to that was "could you take some of this new found energy you have and fix the toilet seat?!" I am not a helpless woman, I do a lot of the fixing up around here myself, but for the LIFE of me I can not get the darn toilet seat to tighten up so that when you sit on it it doesn't FLOP to one side! If he were to wake me at 4 AM because he was fixing the toilet, I would be less likely to complain about it. At least I woke up feeling better today, my sinus infection may actually be clearing up!
So I wake up, I grab my dog. I have two Pomeranians, a male name Optimus Prime and a female named Vidia. They are very important to me and I am sure I will mention them more. My little Vidia is only about 4.5# and she loves to cuddle with me in the morning while I have coffee. So I grabbed my Vidia and head to the kitchen for coffee. I get about half way through making my coffee when my daughter comes out and she has so much energy! She is jumping around, twirling her dress! I tell her to come to me so I can fix her hair and she hops over to me with big smiles and giggles. Nothing starts your day off better than a happy little girl! I begin fixing her hair and I ask her what has made her so happy this morning. She yells out "We are going to the circus!!!"
Then her twin brother, Ethan comes into the conversation. He too was excited, the two of them start talking about what is at the circus. Mind you, neither one of them has ever been this will be their first time. In my last marriage, my husband never held a job and I rarely had any money to do anything. So Ethan says that he thinks there will be clowns, balloons, and lions. Makenna says there will be zebras, tigers and camels! I add in that there will be elephants too!! Ethan gets a very worried look on his face and says to me "I hope we don't step in elephant poop mommy!" Let me tell ya, the thought had never really crossed my mind before then, but I sure hope we don't either!
After I sent the kids off on the bus I got to thinking about that statement and I laughed, but also I learned a lesson from it. I have spent the past two or three days stuck in a negative funk about my decisions for surgery and really the things that got me in that negative place are just as relevant as the idea of stepping in elephant poop. Its so unlikely to happen and if I just keep my eyes open, stay on the clear path its highly unlikely I should suffer such misfortune!
Just to prove my point, I stepped on my scale and I have made it to 300.0! I can't wait to see that wonderful 200 range again! So my plan for the day is to remain positive, to love my family, enjoy the circus and to stay clear of elephant poop!

This is going to be a GREAT day! My daughter, Makenna had a hard time getting to sleep last night so I was up until about 12:30 because of her. Then my husband who has been also trying to get his weight under control woke me up around 4 this morning while he gets ready to go for a bike ride... My response to that was "could you take some of this new found energy you have and fix the toilet seat?!" I am not a helpless woman, I do a lot of the fixing up around here myself, but for the LIFE of me I can not get the darn toilet seat to tighten up so that when you sit on it it doesn't FLOP to one side! If he were to wake me at 4 AM because he was fixing the toilet, I would be less likely to complain about it. At least I woke up feeling better today, my sinus infection may actually be clearing up!
So I wake up, I grab my dog. I have two Pomeranians, a male name Optimus Prime and a female named Vidia. They are very important to me and I am sure I will mention them more. My little Vidia is only about 4.5# and she loves to cuddle with me in the morning while I have coffee. So I grabbed my Vidia and head to the kitchen for coffee. I get about half way through making my coffee when my daughter comes out and she has so much energy! She is jumping around, twirling her dress! I tell her to come to me so I can fix her hair and she hops over to me with big smiles and giggles. Nothing starts your day off better than a happy little girl! I begin fixing her hair and I ask her what has made her so happy this morning. She yells out "We are going to the circus!!!"
Then her twin brother, Ethan comes into the conversation. He too was excited, the two of them start talking about what is at the circus. Mind you, neither one of them has ever been this will be their first time. In my last marriage, my husband never held a job and I rarely had any money to do anything. So Ethan says that he thinks there will be clowns, balloons, and lions. Makenna says there will be zebras, tigers and camels! I add in that there will be elephants too!! Ethan gets a very worried look on his face and says to me "I hope we don't step in elephant poop mommy!" Let me tell ya, the thought had never really crossed my mind before then, but I sure hope we don't either!
After I sent the kids off on the bus I got to thinking about that statement and I laughed, but also I learned a lesson from it. I have spent the past two or three days stuck in a negative funk about my decisions for surgery and really the things that got me in that negative place are just as relevant as the idea of stepping in elephant poop. Its so unlikely to happen and if I just keep my eyes open, stay on the clear path its highly unlikely I should suffer such misfortune!
Just to prove my point, I stepped on my scale and I have made it to 300.0! I can't wait to see that wonderful 200 range again! So my plan for the day is to remain positive, to love my family, enjoy the circus and to stay clear of elephant poop!

Today I shall begin to document my progress. Today I am going to give you all some information about myself and vow to stop by at least every Thurs from here on out and give an update.
To start with allow me to introduce myself! My name is Reena, I am from upstate New York, I live and love the country! I am currently 32 years old and the mother of 4 beautiful children. My oldest child is 12 years old, he is 5'11" 180# and autistic. My pride meter went through the roof this year for this child, he has been on honor roll all school year! I am very proud of him. Besides his wonderful grades he also plays saxophone, and drums. He has recently gotten into sports, played basketball and just started up playing baseball. I love seeing his progress, a child who at 5 years old, didn't talk... is now on high honor roll!
The next in line would be my twins. I have a set of twins, boy and girl. They are 6 1/2 years old. My son is the older of the two (by a whole minute), he is also a special needs child, he plays baseball and LOVES school! He is an amazing young man, I call him my lil runt because he is much smaller than his sister and has always needed a lil more protection than the rest of the group.
After him would be his twin sister, She is our little princess! She is beyond spoiled by nature, a beautiful young lady, long dark hair, large blue eyes, eye lashes all women would die for! Shes tall and very thin! Oh and the brain of her! Shes awful smart.
My youngest child is 2 1/2, which is very hard for me to believe! Each of my children are very special to me, the youngest holds a very special place in my heart for many reasons, to start with he was born on my 30th birthday! He is the only child I share with my current husband, and of course, he is the youngest ... his older siblings spoil him rotten! But what a sweet young man he is!
I am currently into my second marriage... my first was with a boy/man I met when I was 14 years old. I dated him for about 5 years and we were married a year after I finished high school. Within 2 years of the marriage he developed a drinking problem, 3 or 4 years in he also developed a drug problem... these situations left me and my children homeless a few times, often with no food or no money to pay bills, no car ect. I went through about 10 years of that when I finally woke up one morning and as I was getting ready for work I told him I wanted a divorce. I have tried my best from that day to do nothing but move forward!
I started dating my current husband the fall of 2009, we were married june of 2012. He and I are very happy with the life we have built together. Although I still have to deal with my ex husband from time to time, it is pretty limited between his time in the county jail for stealing ect.
So about a year and a half ago I came to the decision that I need to continue to better my life and I should start with bettering my health. I started my WL journey at this point. It hasn't gone very well lol!
When I began, I weighed 252#... I currently tipped my scale at 305#! So heres what happened. I went to my PCP for over a year, he had me on prescription WL pills and diets ect. I didn't loose, I didn't gain either. He suggested I talk to a WLS. I went through the seminar, went to my first appointment in November 2012. After talking to him I had come to the conclusion that this was the road for me! at that time I was 281#. He told me if I want to continue I MUST quit smoking for 6 months in order for him to do the surgery!... UGH!!!!!!!!
I have smoked for 21 years! But I want a happier, healthier life for me and my kids... wouldn't that include smoking? Yes, yes it would. So I got myself in the mind set and I said good bye to smoking!
I may have said good bye to smoking, but in turn I said hello to 25#! Now I am busting my tail to get rid of my "I quit smoking so I gained a bunch of weight" weight! Ive lowered my calories to about 1200 a day, drinking water, doing at least 45 mins of some kind of workout each day, which is very hard for me lately because Ive had a sinus infection from hell!
I will wrap this up because I need to get some housework done before the kids get home.
Today.. today I make the choice to tune out the negative around me, to make great choices for the foods I give my body (and my mind)! To hug my children just a little longer than I did yesterday! I welcome me to the loser's bench, may I be here a long, long time!

This is going to be a GREAT day! My daughter, Makenna had a hard time getting to sleep last night so I was up until about 12:30 because of her. Then my husband who has been also trying to get his weight under control woke me up around 4 this morning while he gets ready to go for a bike ride... My response to that was "could you take some of this new found energy you have and fix the toilet seat?!" I am not a helpless woman, I do a lot of the fixing up around here myself, but for the LIFE of me I can not get the darn toilet seat to tighten up so that when you sit on it it doesn't FLOP to one side! If he were to wake me at 4 AM because he was fixing the toilet, I would be less likely to complain about it. At least I woke up feeling better today, my sinus infection may actually be clearing up!
So I wake up, I grab my dog. I have two Pomeranians, a male name Optimus Prime and a female named Vidia. They are very important to me and I am sure I will mention them more. My little Vidia is only about 4.5# and she loves to cuddle with me in the morning while I have coffee. So I grabbed my Vidia and head to the kitchen for coffee. I get about half way through making my coffee when my daughter comes out and she has so much energy! She is jumping around, twirling her dress! I tell her to come to me so I can fix her hair and she hops over to me with big smiles and giggles. Nothing starts your day off better than a happy little girl! I begin fixing her hair and I ask her what has made her so happy this morning. She yells out "We are going to the circus!!!"
Then her twin brother, Ethan comes into the conversation. He too was excited, the two of them start talking about what is at the circus. Mind you, neither one of them has ever been this will be their first time. In my last marriage, my husband never held a job and I rarely had any money to do anything. So Ethan says that he thinks there will be clowns, balloons, and lions. Makenna says there will be zebras, tigers and camels! I add in that there will be elephants too!! Ethan gets a very worried look on his face and says to me "I hope we don't step in elephant poop mommy!" Let me tell ya, the thought had never really crossed my mind before then, but I sure hope we don't either!
After I sent the kids off on the bus I got to thinking about that statement and I laughed, but also I learned a lesson from it. I have spent the past two or three days stuck in a negative funk about my decisions for surgery and really the things that got me in that negative place are just as relevant as the idea of stepping in elephant poop. Its so unlikely to happen and if I just keep my eyes open, stay on the clear path its highly unlikely I should suffer such misfortune!
Just to prove my point, I stepped on my scale and I have made it to 300.0! I can't wait to see that wonderful 200 range again! So my plan for the day is to remain positive, to love my family, enjoy the circus and to stay clear of elephant poop!

Today I shall begin to document my progress. Today I am going to give you all some information about myself and vow to stop by at least every Thurs from here on out and give an update.
To start with allow me to introduce myself! My name is Reena, I am from upstate New York, I live and love the country! I am currently 32 years old and the mother of 4 beautiful children. My oldest child is 12 years old, he is 5'11" 180# and autistic. My pride meter went through the roof this year for this child, he has been on honor roll all school year! I am very proud of him. Besides his wonderful grades he also plays saxophone, and drums. He has recently gotten into sports, played basketball and just started up playing baseball. I love seeing his progress, a child who at 5 years old, didn't talk... is now on high honor roll!
The next in line would be my twins. I have a set of twins, boy and girl. They are 6 1/2 years old. My son is the older of the two (by a whole minute), he is also a special needs child, he plays baseball and LOVES school! He is an amazing young man, I call him my lil runt because he is much smaller than his sister and has always needed a lil more protection than the rest of the group.
After him would be his twin sister, She is our little princess! She is beyond spoiled by nature, a beautiful young lady, long dark hair, large blue eyes, eye lashes all women would die for! Shes tall and very thin! Oh and the brain of her! Shes awful smart.
My youngest child is 2 1/2, which is very hard for me to believe! Each of my children are very special to me, the youngest holds a very special place in my heart for many reasons, to start with he was born on my 30th birthday! He is the only child I share with my current husband, and of course, he is the youngest ... his older siblings spoil him rotten! But what a sweet young man he is!
I am currently into my second marriage... my first was with a boy/man I met when I was 14 years old. I dated him for about 5 years and we were married a year after I finished high school. Within 2 years of the marriage he developed a drinking problem, 3 or 4 years in he also developed a drug problem... these situations left me and my children homeless a few times, often with no food or no money to pay bills, no car ect. I went through about 10 years of that when I finally woke up one morning and as I was getting ready for work I told him I wanted a divorce. I have tried my best from that day to do nothing but move forward!
I started dating my current husband the fall of 2009, we were married june of 2012. He and I are very happy with the life we have built together. Although I still have to deal with my ex husband from time to time, it is pretty limited between his time in the county jail for stealing ect.
So about a year and a half ago I came to the decision that I need to continue to better my life and I should start with bettering my health. I started my WL journey at this point. It hasn't gone very well lol!
When I began, I weighed 252#... I currently tipped my scale at 305#! So heres what happened. I went to my PCP for over a year, he had me on prescription WL pills and diets ect. I didn't loose, I didn't gain either. He suggested I talk to a WLS. I went through the seminar, went to my first appointment in November 2012. After talking to him I had come to the conclusion that this was the road for me! at that time I was 281#. He told me if I want to continue I MUST quit smoking for 6 months in order for him to do the surgery!... UGH!!!!!!!!
I have smoked for 21 years! But I want a happier, healthier life for me and my kids... wouldn't that include smoking? Yes, yes it would. So I got myself in the mind set and I said good bye to smoking!
I may have said good bye to smoking, but in turn I said hello to 25#! Now I am busting my tail to get rid of my "I quit smoking so I gained a bunch of weight" weight! Ive lowered my calories to about 1200 a day, drinking water, doing at least 45 mins of some kind of workout each day, which is very hard for me lately because Ive had a sinus infection from hell!
I will wrap this up because I need to get some housework done before the kids get home.
Today.. today I make the choice to tune out the negative around me, to make great choices for the foods I give my body (and my mind)! To hug my children just a little longer than I did yesterday! I welcome me to the loser's bench, may I be here a long, long time!

Today I shall begin to document my progress. Today I am going to give you all some information about myself and vow to stop by at least every Thurs from here on out and give an update.
To start with allow me to introduce myself! My name is Reena, I am from upstate New York, I live and love the country! I am currently 32 years old and the mother of 4 beautiful children. My oldest child is 12 years old, he is 5'11" 180# and autistic. My pride meter went through the roof this year for this child, he has been on honor roll all school year! I am very proud of him. Besides his wonderful grades he also plays saxophone, and drums. He has recently gotten into sports, played basketball and just started up playing baseball. I love seeing his progress, a child who at 5 years old, didn't talk... is now on high honor roll!
The next in line would be my twins. I have a set of twins, boy and girl. They are 6 1/2 years old. My son is the older of the two (by a whole minute), he is also a special needs child, he plays baseball and LOVES school! He is an amazing young man, I call him my lil runt because he is much smaller than his sister and has always needed a lil more protection than the rest of the group.
After him would be his twin sister, She is our little princess! She is beyond spoiled by nature, a beautiful young lady, long dark hair, large blue eyes, eye lashes all women would die for! Shes tall and very thin! Oh and the brain of her! Shes awful smart.
My youngest child is 2 1/2, which is very hard for me to believe! Each of my children are very special to me, the youngest holds a very special place in my heart for many reasons, to start with he was born on my 30th birthday! He is the only child I share with my current husband, and of course, he is the youngest ... his older siblings spoil him rotten! But what a sweet young man he is!
I am currently into my second marriage... my first was with a boy/man I met when I was 14 years old. I dated him for about 5 years and we were married a year after I finished high school. Within 2 years of the marriage he developed a drinking problem, 3 or 4 years in he also developed a drug problem... these situations left me and my children homeless a few times, often with no food or no money to pay bills, no car ect. I went through about 10 years of that when I finally woke up one morning and as I was getting ready for work I told him I wanted a divorce. I have tried my best from that day to do nothing but move forward!
I started dating my current husband the fall of 2009, we were married june of 2012. He and I are very happy with the life we have built together. Although I still have to deal with my ex husband from time to time, it is pretty limited between his time in the county jail for stealing ect.
So about a year and a half ago I came to the decision that I need to continue to better my life and I should start with bettering my health. I started my WL journey at this point. It hasn't gone very well lol!
When I began, I weighed 252#... I currently tipped my scale at 305#! So heres what happened. I went to my PCP for over a year, he had me on prescription WL pills and diets ect. I didn't loose, I didn't gain either. He suggested I talk to a WLS. I went through the seminar, went to my first appointment in November 2012. After talking to him I had come to the conclusion that this was the road for me! at that time I was 281#. He told me if I want to continue I MUST quit smoking for 6 months in order for him to do the surgery!... UGH!!!!!!!!
I have smoked for 21 years! But I want a happier, healthier life for me and my kids... wouldn't that include smoking? Yes, yes it would. So I got myself in the mind set and I said good bye to smoking!
I may have said good bye to smoking, but in turn I said hello to 25#! Now I am busting my tail to get rid of my "I quit smoking so I gained a bunch of weight" weight! Ive lowered my calories to about 1200 a day, drinking water, doing at least 45 mins of some kind of workout each day, which is very hard for me lately because Ive had a sinus infection from hell!
I will wrap this up because I need to get some housework done before the kids get home.
Today.. today I make the choice to tune out the negative around me, to make great choices for the foods I give my body (and my mind)! To hug my children just a little longer than I did yesterday! I welcome me to the loser's bench, may I be here a long, long time!