NMJG

The below quote is from here.
 
 
Welp. That's depressing. And very accurate for me.
 
My timeline (that I can remember)
 
2003 - 200 lbs, graduated high school tried Jenny Craig, Weight Watcher's, Herbal Magic, physician-supervised weight loss
2004 - 230 lbs, freshman "15"
2006 - 200 lbs with diet/exercise concurrent with first serious relationship
2006 - 230 lbs, 3 months after end of first serious relationship
2007 - 250 lbs
2008 - 220 lbs with diet and exercise, then started a grueling intensive 3 year program
2009 - 250 lbs
2011 - 275 lbs, graduated from said program, then couldn't find a job for 4 months, did food and retail therapy
2012 - 235 lbs, with personal trainer costing $4000 with diet/exercise
2013 - 285 lbs, highest weight ever at pre-op for vertical gastric sleeve surgery, found out 2 weeks before surgery I am hypothyroid.
 
Time to put an end to this horrific yo-yo dieting.
 
It reinforces in my mind that I'm doing the right thing by having this surgery. No turning back now.

My dad arrives from India today so I have to make something his 90-year body (and teeth) can enjoy, AND tomorrow is soft foods day for us! yay! We were told to eat meats that were out of a crockpot or pressure cooker so they were soft. So here goes.
 
This is massively modified from Anupy Singla's Indian Crockpot book to a) not make enough to feed the entire state of Texas and not to blow the roof off your head with her version of spice.
 
I'm Indian. Believe me when I tell you, this is the BEST chicken curry I have ever had and the EASIEST.
 
Ingredients
1 onion peeled & quartered
5 garlic cloves peeled
2 inches ginger root sliced roughly
2 tomatoes, quartered
I tsp salt
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
2 tsp turmeric
1 tsp garam masala, can buy ready mixed or use this recipe
1/2 cup greek yogurt
1.5 lbs of chicken, skinned
1 bag of baby spinach
1 2 inch piece cinnamon
4 green cardamom
2 whole cloves
 
Method
1. In a food processor, grind together everything except the chicken and the spinach and whole spices. Make a nice, smooth paste. This may take a few minutes, be patient.
2. Put the chicken pieces in a crockpot, and pour over the yummy-smelling sauce you just made. Put in whole spices
3. Chop up the spinach and add during the last hour of cooking.
4. Cook on low for 8 hours or high for 4 until chicken is tender.
 
Us Sleevers may have to eat the chicken without the sauce and eat the sauce separately.
 
Makes 6 servings of chicken (3 oz each, 21 gms of protein each.

Recipe adapted from my favorite Indian cookbook, Raghavan Iyer's 660 Curries. If you love to cook and are willing to spend a little extra time to make sure everything is made fresh and authentically, this is the one to choose.
 
Best places to get all the spices are either whole foods, central market, or other stores that have spice bins, or an indian grocery store.
 
Ingredientss
2 tbsp Coriander seeds
1 tsp cumin seeds
1/2 tsp whole black cloves
1/2 tsp cardomom seeds from green/white pods
2 dried bay leaves
3 dried red chiles or 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper or red chile flakes (the kind you put on pizza)
1 2-3 inch piece cinnamon
 
Method
 
1.Put all ingredients into a clean coffee grinder and grind until it's a coarse-fine powder. I use a this type of coffee grinder. Shake it about as it's being ground so all the seeds and bits get under the blades.
 
2. When you're finished, unplug the grinder, and turn it upside down. You want all the spice to collect into the lid so you can easily scoop it out without cutting yourself playing about around the blades.
 
3. Finished! Use in the palak paneer recipe I have posted as well as the chicken curry recipe.

I did something I didn't think I'd EVER be able to do Saturday night: I attended a bachelorette party for a good friend, jumped on a party bus with 11 other ladies and didn't touch a DROP of alcohol the entire night. Well, ok, there was ONE sip at a comedy club after my friend sent her margarita back twice claiming it had soda in it so I just had to see for myself how truly hideous it was. And it WAS. But that was it! We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant. My FAV food in the world. Not a chip passed my lips. No beans. No rice. Just some grilled chicken with a bit of salsa on it and a few black beans. The moral? If I can spend 7 hours on a bus full of crazy drunk people, pass on Mexican, (oh and did I mention there was cake?), pass on cake (I shall leave the "shape" of cake to your imagination) - I CAN DO THIS. Just how tough was this? Oh so hard. Normally I'm the life of the party, and at my current height/weight I can put it away. Bottom line - WILL POWER. One week until surgery. I've turned down fruit, beer (gulp), chips, etc. My size 0, 19 year old daughter left a 1/3 eaten Snickers bar on the counter the other day (who DOES that?!) and I wrapped it up and stuck it away for her later. I wasn't even tempted to finish it as I would have been a month ago. I want to be healthy more than I want the 2 second gratification of tasting chocolate. The other thing I'm learning is that food is for FUEL, not for emotions. Old me: "Hey! It's sunny! I need a bowl of cereal! Oh crap, it's raining, I should probably make a pot of pasta and have 3 huge bowls. Look at that, I'm sad - better grab some chips and dip" (you get the idea). Now I'm listening to my tummy for cues that it needs fuel. Let me close this post by saying - to know me is to know how hard this has been and will be for me. BUT I'm doing it and so can you. Stay positive - eye on the prize.

I've struggled with telling people from the start of this journey. Mostly because I dread the negative reactions and rude comments. Another issue that I have is a direct result from a traumatic event that happened a few years ago. People focused on that constantly, for a couple of years....and it gets old---you try to heal, move on, live a normal life, and they can't help but ask about it, comment about it, and it can be a downer (even if their intentions are good). I don't want people to focus on this (I do enough of it on my own )
 
This morning I've figured at some point I may tell the truth when asked, but I won't put out a banner announcing it......and gmanbat's post below couldn't have come at a better time. THANK YOU GMANBAT!
 
 
 
Source: VSG: status symbol?

My husband & I were talking, and I got a bit emotional about this journey and so thankful for his support.....the poor man, he is my sole support......well, that and VST!
 
He's never asked how much I weighed, but knew I was over 200 pounds. I was 250 in January.....forget about getting to a healthy weight....I was feeling overwhelmed at the possibility at just getting below 200 and feeling I would never reach that goal.
 
Today I weighted in at 217 and got teary eyed when I realized getting under 200 is possible, and it's in sight.....don't know how long it'll take to get there, but am giving it my all.
 
My husband is hurt that I don't wear my wedding band/engagement ring. I already had them sized 5 years after we married...back in 1989....and I refused to have them sized again--unless it's smaller.....felt if I got them sized again to a bigger size it was acknowledging I'll never get to a healthy weight.....and I wasn't going down w/o a fight.
 
He has no clue, but I can now wear my wedding rings......our anniversary is coming up in a few weeks....I plan on surprising him by wearing them....I'm so excited, I want to wear them now....but I don't want to ruin the surprise.....wish me luck!

Today was a girls day out.....and we scrapbook together......I brought my meals....I'm still on full liquids.....and thought I'd be all set......then dinner was brought out..........total head hunger.......
 
I nearly reasoned that I could have a bite if I chewed it very, very well. Note: I've had this dinner before....it's not that great LOL But I still wanted it.............desperately..........and no, I wasn't hungry.....haven't been hungry since being sleeved.
 
I sipped my protein drink.....still wanted the dinner..........so I left the room and called my hubby........You're probably sick of me saying this, but I've come to far to screw this up.............After taking a walk, chatting with hubby, I was able to put this behind me.....just needed a distraction to focus on.
 
We've heard it before......and it's worth repeating.......whatever struggles we experienced before surgery, we will have them afterwards......and they need to be worked on/addressed.......the sleeve is only a tool, not a magic wand..
 
I'm glad I didn't give in to my old habit "a bite won't hurt".

Waking up at 2am and trying to get out of bed is painful as hell.
 
I don't have a normal bed with a frame that's all purdy. It's a bed and box spring. No headboard or nothing.
 
I kinda miss the remote for the bed, it would help me stretch and move the gas around. Now i have 6 pillows propping me up, lol. One of those pillows is used as a cat guard. They've been trying to lay on me.
 
 

Fast loser, slow loser, I am a half-fast loser! On average, I lose about 3 lbs each week. But on the other hand, I'm eating good and haven't really had to exercise hard. I walk 5 days a week and am working my way up to 5 miles per day. I've managed to get to 5 miles only 2 times since I've started. Knee and hip pain sometimes interfere with my walking.
 
How I wanted to be one of those posters who could say they lost 100 lbs in 6 months, but it doesn't look like it's in the cards for me. But I try to be satisfied with a steady down tick of the scale.
 
If I can maintain this downward pace, I'll be down 150 lbs in 10 months. That would be freakin awesome! That would put me at my lowest weight since high school - 27 years ago! And at 190 - my ideal body weight.
 
Jeeze, until I wrote that last sentence, I hadn't taken time to do the math! 190 seems like a weight someone else is, not me. I don't know if I can handle being normal. It seems like one of those daydreams that only comes true in the movies.
 
Ok, back on topic - the one thing most fast losers don't mention in their posts is, what they had to do to have such fast results.
Did they workout 7 days a week on the treadmill for hours, living on Unjury and water? Or do they have a naturally fast metabolism?
 
Or are they just attention whores, looking for approval and praise?
 
***Disclaimer, I know of no one that has lied about their weight loss! And no animals were harmed in the writing of this post. But my cat thinks I'm starving him!***
 
Anyway, the whole point of this post was supposed to be, be satisfied that you are losing weight - whatever the speed! If you want to lose faster: move a little more, eat a little better, and stick with the guidelines from your NUT.
 
Oh, and don't forget to have a support group like the good folks here on verticlesleevetalk. You don't have to post anything, it helps me just seeing that others have the same questions and concerns keeps me from feeling alone.

For those who are looking for an alternative to the powdered whey or just want something a bit more natural, this recipe is for you!
 
Prep Time:10 min
Cook Time: 30 min
Inactive Prep Time: 3-4 hours
 
Ingredients:
 
1 Gal Pasteurized 2% Milk (grass fed is best)
1/2 cup white vinegar or fresh lemon juice
1 ½ tsp salt (for the curds)
½ cup of half & half
Kitchen or tea towel
Any flavoring or spices you want
 
 
Directions:
 
Get your milk to slowly heat up on med to low heat. Watch for this so it doesn't get too hot. Heat to 120 degrees F.
 
When you notice a lot of bubbles around the rim of the sauce pan gently add the vinegar or lemon juice and stir it around. The mixture should separate pretty quickly into curds and whey within 2 minutes. If it doesn't separate just add a little more vinegar or lemon juice a Tbsp at a time waiting 2 minutes between each Tbsp until it begins to separate.
 
Remove from the heat once they start to seperate. The curds are the solid looking things and the whey is the liquid. Cover the pot and allow it to sit at room temperature for 30 minutes.
 
Get a strainer and place a tea towel/kitchen towel in it. Below the strainer place a bowl or other container that will allow you to catch the whey and keep it separate from the curds. Allow to drain for 10 minutes.
 
Gather up the edges of the cloth and rinse under cold water for 5 minutes, squeezing and moving the mixture the entire time. Once it has cooled, squeeze the cheese into the cloth as dry as possible and put into a mixing bowl. Combine the salt and break down the curds into bite sized pieces. Add the half & half and store in a tight lid container in the fridge.
 
 
Place the whey in a tight lid container in the fridge. Once it has completely cooled add any flavoring ingredients. Some suggestions for flavoring: Nutmeg, cinnamon, honey, chocolate… just test it out and see what works for you. The taste is a little different for some people, and it can be diluted with water, or juice. It has a slight tang to it and many who enjoy yogurt, kefir, and buttermilk will mostly enjoy the fresh whey. Additionally, this can be used to make mashed potatoes.
 
These are the same products many of us buy in the store except the whey is not dehydrated and both the whey and cheese won’t have any weird additives in it.
 
Yields about 13 cup of whey and about 3 cup of curds
 
Whey is about 3.3 grams of protein per oz
Curds is 2 grams of protein per oz.

Today was one of those scary days were it seemed like I just never got enough to eat. I have days like this on occasion and don’t really know what triggers them. I haven’t strayed from eating “good” foods, so I don’t think it has anything to do with the foods that trigger my hunger monster.
 
But, the amount of food I have been able to eat is really starting to scare me. With everything I’ve eaten, I definitely feel full, but the feeling doesn't seem to last but an hour or so.
 
So to combat those feeling of “I’m going to obsess about eating until I’ve eaten something,” I keep plenty of lean protein in the house. Grilled chicken breast, grilled pork loin and plenty of low sugar sauces. I don’t keep any temptations in the house to ward against days like this. Maybe I need a WLS voodoo doll with pictures of bad food and pins stuck through them.
 
I really started thinking about how and what I've been eating. And I have read the warning stories about people regaining their weight after surgery and it is a really scary feeling. I would never forgive myself for having gone through all this just to gain all the weight back.
 
So, I've set some limits on myself. Not so strict as to feel deprived, but not so loose as to let myself get out of control.
 
I will eat healthy food first. Protein/vegs/fiber every day.
 
I will let myself try a dessert, but never eat more than a bite or two. (And by bite, I don’t mean “as much of the cookie as will fit into my mouth at one time” bite. :-P)
 
I will not bring unhealthy food into the house. If I want something that bad, I’ll have to get off my butt and drive to the store. Most times, the craving does not overrule my need to stay camped out in front of the TV in my underwear or by the time I DO get there, the “craving” has worn off.
 
I will make my own lunches to bring to work. That way, I can’t rationalize going out to eat and making food bad choices, convincing myself that eating healthy food costs too much.
 
I’m trying to be realistic and know that I’m not always going to be faithful. But having the rules reminds me to stop and think before making a food choice. It’s a tool, just like WLS.
 
Knowing that I am allowed to eat SOME bad stuff removes the stress of “I can’t ever have that again!”
 
Knowing that I CAN eat a little of anything puts the power back in my hands and puts the responsibility on my shoulders to CHOOSE to eat the right way. It is empowering to feel like I am allowed to eat anything I want, but it’s my CHOICE to pick a different food option.
 
I like this new lifestyle and after 5 months of hating to get out and walk, I am beginning to WANT to go on daily walks. Although I don’t necessarily like them, I do like seeing the scale drop and my energy level go up!
 
Keep Pimpin that Sleeve!

They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with 1 step. What they don't tell you is that the journey is a b*tch if you're on step 1!
 
1/14/2015
Well it's been a few months since I last walked. November to be exact. With the cold weather and injuries and sinus drainage, I was pretty much out of commission. We were at it hard during September and October, hitting new highs on speed, sometimes going as fast as 3.9 mph for 3 miles.
 
But November, my partner hurt his ankle and was out for 3 weeks, then I got terrible sinus headaches from breathing the smoke from neighbors burning piles of leaves and then the cold rain set in. So here it is, the middle of January and we haven't walked a mile per day. Fortunately, I've actually lost weight in that time and kept it off. My new job keeps me moving quite a bit.
 
8/26/2014
Wish there was more the report, but it's still HOT in Texas. Most days the temp is around 91 with a heat index of 101 when I walk. I've had to start wearing a water soaked towel around my neck and a hat while I walk to complete 3 miles. I've come close to heat exhaustion a few times and had to head over to the water faucet and soak my head till the dizziness clears. I thought I'd have built up a tolerance to the heat by now, but doesn't seem like that is going to happen. Good news is, the worst of the heat is over, once we hit September temps will slooooooowly creep down to the low 90's every evening. And by October, we'll be back in the 80's. I can't wait to see how fast I can do 4 miles when the temps are down in the 80's. Hopefully, I'll break the 15 minute mile. :-)
 
7/30/2014
I know I keep saying this, but OMG!!! IT'S HOT IN TEXAS! The good news is that today was a cloudy day and I managed 4.25 miles @ 3.6 mph. I should be up and above 4 mph by the time cool weather rolls in during October.
 
The heat is still in the 94 - 95 degree range with a heat index of 101 - 104. And as Madge said on the Palmolive dish-washing detergent, "You're soaking in it." :-P I'm still walking 5 days a week and hugging every inch of shade I can find! But I had to cut back to 3 miles, down from 4. I was just getting too dizzy and sick - even with using a water soaked towel to keep cool and carrying a water bottle. Monday, I had to stop at 2.5 miles and go soak my head under a water faucet. I hit a point and knew I had better get cooled off or something bad was about to happen.
 


 
7/24/2014
OMG!!! IT'S HOT IN TEXAS!
For the past week it's been between 91 and 94 degrees with a heat index of 101 - 104... during the evenings... when I'm walking! I've had to begin carrying a wet towel and carry a water bottle to prevent dehydration and heat exhaustion. But aside from that, I've managed to walk between 3 and 4 miles in about an hour, averaging 3.5 - 3.7 mph. And haven't missed a day this week. But you gotta believe it when I say I was looking for ANY excuse to skip walking after work. But alas, the weather has been clear during the evenings and all the rain has managed to miss my exercise hour. I wonder how much it would cost me to have a crop duster fly up and seed some clouds just around the time I supposed to start walking????
 
7/04/2014
Another 3 miles (including 1 mile in total of jogging in short stretches) in the record book. It still amazes me when I think back to just 18 months ago when I would go to bed wondering how much it would hurt to walk from the car to my desk at work.
 
The Texas heat is a monster and I was really dreading walking (I mean baking) in 94 degree heat with a heat index of 101. That was yesterday! But I got rained out at the last minute. :-) ****Does happy dance**** I know, I know, I should be like those workout gurus and tell you how much I missed not going out there and sweating my ass off. But I gotta be honest and say I will take any "HONEST" excuse to duck out on walking in this heat. When I say "HONEST EXCUSE" I mean just that.... a real, "believable", reason (rain, when my car had a flat 2 weeks ago, or I feel like I've been pushing myself to the point of injury or sickness). Skipping a walk just because I don't feel like it is not enough.
 
So this morning the I had planned to walk with a friend at Claiborne Park just north of Vidor, TX. We normally do 3.25 miles and I've been increasing the distance I've been jogging. But the radar shows rain headed right for us in the next hour or so. So we cancelled it.
 
Instead I ran around my neighborhood. One lap around my block is approx. 1/2 mile. 2 long sides and 2 short sides. In 70 degree weather, I managed to run 12 of the short sides for a total of 1 miles....And the amazing part was I could have done more! So we'll see how much more tomorrow when I'm back out at Claiborne.

 
 
6/29/2014
Can't believe how well my attempts to jog are working out. Averaged 3.5 mph for 3.25 miles today. I walk a figure 8 style track and managed to jog the 4 straightaways all three laps. My next goal is to jog 1 mile non-stop. Shooting to reach that goal by the end of July. If the heat gets to be too much for me, my fall back plan is to go back to wearing the 30 lb weight vest and speed walk the trails.
 
6/19/2014
Another 3.25 miles down. Speed is still slow at 3.1 mph. Temp 91 degrees. Managed to make the whole circuit on 13 swallows of water. It's a pain to have to carry a water bottle on the trail, but it beats getting heat stroke!
 
It's been tough getting used to the Texas heat. The heat's really been kicked up a notch since the end of May. I thought it was bad when the temps were in the high 80's. Oh how I long for those days. My walking partner calls me the shade hunter. He's much more tolerant of the heat. He can walk in full sun for the whole 3.25 miles, while I zigzag on the trail - going from one patch of shade to the next. I think I may actually be walking farther than him, but he carries the GPS, so I have to go by his distance and time. Doesn't matter to me though, just completing the whole trail every day is a win.
 
06/18/2014
Man is it hot! The Texas Summer heat is just getting its stride and things are baking in the park. I'm up to 3.25 miles each day/ 3.1 mph while wearing a 30 lb vest. Fastest speed without the vest was 3.6 mph for 3.25 miles. Thinking it might be time to try the couch to 5k plan. Not really sure all this effort is worth the results. It's a vicious cycle - the more I get in shape the farther/faster I have to walk to burn the same amount of calories.
 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10/02/2013
Hit a new personal best time at the park. 3.2 miles an hour, did 3 point something miles in about 53 minutes or something close to that, I've forgotten the exact time. :-) But at least I'm getting better, both in distance and being able to recover enough to walk at the same intensity day after day. It seems like only yesterday (actually it was Jan 2nd) that I started my walking program by taking the long way around the office to the bathroom. :-P Just goes to show that taking small steps can add up to bigger things later on.
 
7/11/2013
Well, I lost Gilligan, my pedometer. I named him Gilligan cause he was my "little buddy". Not sure where he ran off to. I left the house with him on my hip and at the end of the day, he was gone.

 
So now I have Gilligan the 2nd or Gilligan the Next Generation, depending on your point of view. Gilligan II is a little smarter, so hopefully he won't get lost. He keeps track not only of my steps and mileage, but takes into account my weight, lists calories burned, total steps, aerobic steps (meaning any walking continuously for 10 minutes or more) and tells me how long I've been aerobically walking . And he remembers everything from the past 6 days.

 
The good news is that I've graduated to a 2 mile trail in a local park. It has lots of ups and downs - and the occasional rabbit/armadillo/snake/Pimp butterfly on the trail to keep things entertaining. And I'm able to make the walk 6 to 7 days a week.
 
My 1st goal was to be able to complete the 2 miles every day 6 to 7 days a week. I have reached that goal as of July.
 
The next goal is to start increasing my speed. See if I can break the 45 minute mark for completing the trail. Current best speed is 46 minutes.
 
 
5/17/2013
Finally! Made over 10k steps a day for 6 days in a row. My original goal was to do it for 5 days in a row. Plus as an added NSV, I have graduated from walking on flat, level surfaces to walking in a parking garage. I do the 1st 5k steps in the morning on level ground, but at lunch, I step it up (no pun intended) by going out to a 3 story parking garage. Having to walk up those inclines between floors add a whole new level to the phrase "pain in the butt!" :-P
 
I was walking next to a coworker yesterday and she said, "I smell smoke." I said, "That's me. I'm not just hot, I'm SMOKIN!"
 
For those out there that have feet and knee pain like me, it pays to move, no matter how little. That's how I started out 5 months ago.
 
I could barely walk from the parking lot to the store without limping and being in a lot of pain. But I always parked at the far end of the lot and minced my way into the store. And I set a goal to walk the inside perimeter of my office every time I went to the bathroom or had to leave my desk. That was 4 to 10 laps a day.
 
When we move to a bigger office in Feb. I set a goal to make 4 laps a day around the office (approximately 1200 steps plus the 500 steps from the parking lot to my desk got me up to about 1700 steps a day).
 
When I got to the point where I could tolerate the 4 laps with no lasting pain, I added 4 laps at lunch. Then 5 in the morning and 5 at lunch till I could do 10 each time. That took several months to accomplish and I usually only could do that at most 3 days a week and be in pain for the other 2 days.
 
Now 10 laps twice a day is too easy, so I changed to going into the parking garage at lunch. The inclined ramps are easy on my ankles and ups my aerobic activity. Plus it gets me out in the sun - gotta have my Vitamin D!
 
That's how I did it. Little changes add up. Now I've got 2 ladies a work who SAY they want to start walking with me - but so far it's only been talk. :-)
 

This is from today, 5/17/2013. It's gonna break my heart to reset it in the morning!
 
 
2/19/2013
Just checked my pedometer when I got home and finally crossed the 10k steps goal or 4.5 miles in 1 day.
 
I usually on get in around 2.5 to 3 miles a day, but today I had a lot of extra walking at work and for the 2nd day this week I've been able to walk additional laps around the building at lunch.
 
Hopefully my feet and hips will allow me to maintain or surpass 10k a day from now on.
 
Update:3/28/2013
Still managing to get closer to my goal of 5 miles/day, 7 days a week. I'm averaging 4.5 miles/day 4 days a week. My hips no longer hurt, just some muscle soreness. And my feet are usually only a little painful after walking but the pain is almost gone the next day.
 
The people at work are starting to take notice of my walking before work and at lunch time. Commenting on my weight loss, that may sound encouraging, but I'd rather stay unnoticed and unremarked on. Noticing my weight loss and exercising will only lead to questions - ones I'd rather not answer.
 
I've had one or two people comment on how much they need to start walking with me, almost daily, but they never seem to find the time to do even one lap around the floor with me. I never made those type of comments when I'd see people working out, cause I knew that I wasn't going to make the effort. So why try to fool them and me? If I did, it would feel like I was apologizing for being fat and feeling guilty for not exercising.
 
I didn't feel like any kind of exercise plan was going to do me any good. I was too far gone. As Ralphie May said, "This is way past a diet coke fix."
 
 
3/4/2013
I'm still walking 3 - 4 miles per day, 5 days a week, but getting past 10k steps a day is tough. My feet and hips are pretty sore the day after doing that many steps and it limits me reaching 10k more than 2 or 3 times a week. But I keep working at it. As long as I'm walking every day, I'm getting closer to my goal.

Ok, I might get blackballed and lose my MAN CARD for admitting this, but here goes. I was cleaning out the closet, looking for smaller pants to wear. I started rummaging for something that would fit, found a nice pair to try on. They were a PERFECT fit, better than any pants I've put on. Looked good in the mirror too! All that walking is shaping my butt up! Did I really say that last line?
 
Up till recently, you could lean me up against a flat wall and there’d be no gaps anywhere from the top of my back to my calves. My butt was so flat… How flat was it? It was often mistaken for an end table when I lay on the floor.
 
I looked at the tags only to find that they weren’t men’s pants at all - but a ladies size 16 that got left behind from a previous girlfriend! They must’ve mistakenly gotten mixed in with the tons of other pants and shirts that were put in the “I’ll be able to wear that again someday,” wishful thinking pile.
 
For the MAN Committee, I know you have no knowledge of this, but, a 16 is the 1X Women's Plus Size according to Overstock.com. And I DID have to look that up; it didn’t come from memory or previous experience wearing women’s clothing! (So MAN Committee, please take that into account when voting.)
 
This means that I now have the body of a woman with voluptuous hips!
 
P.S. Blackball or not, I'm KEEPING the pants!!
 
Keep Pimpin that sleeve!

Sorry yall!
Me: "u must have the wrong #", Keisha: "do u kno Josh?"..Me: "yes thats my husband" Keisha: ur husband, Josh cant be married, he is over here EVERY day and some nights as well. Me: (starts 2 cry) well since u didnt know YES, he is married and we have a son. Keisha: I knew about his son, he has brought him over here before Me: (complete anger) Well let me tell u this, u better not EVER call my phone again and if u continue 2 mess with my family I will find u and it wont be pretty. Keisha: I dont have 2 come for him, he keeps coming for me (hangs up). I started crying & I grabbed my baby, I held him for what seemed like hrs & of course Josh is not home. I got up, went into the kitchen to make the baby a bottle..I cooked, cried & ate! Probably 2 hrs later, here comes Josh thru the door....I didnt even know what 2 say 2 him. I put the baby 2 sleep, then I told him we need 2 talk. We sat dwn & I told him everything she told me & he said, she doesnt mean anything & he's not going 2 tlk 2 her anymore" & this bastard actually started crying...lol A few weeks went by, me & Josh were laying in bed tlkin...he said baby, the Lord called me 2 preach, I looked at him, he was crying & I said u cant be serious, he said that he is very serious & he was going 2 change his ways & he was so sorry 4 all of the things he's ever done 2 me blah blah blah. Time went on & Keisha called again 2 tell me that Josh needs 2 bring her cd's back 2 her...she said they got in a fight the day after she tlked 2 me & she hasnt seen or heard from him since. I have 2 say, I had a sense of relief but I was still so hurt. I dont think she actually wanted any cd's but she just wanted 2 know what was going on. Anyway, 1 night we were sitting in Bible study & Josh said, "I have 2 tell u something, I will tell u after church." I had that bubbly feeling in my stomach like wht is it now but it cant be bad after all he is a "preacher" now. After, church was over we got in the car & I said "whats up now?" He said, " I dont know how 2 tell u this but Keisha found me & she saying that she is pregnant! I just looked at him & I said " U know what, I hate u..I wish I had never met u, I shoulda listened 2 all of the things my moma had 2 say about u, then I wouldnt have 2 feel like this..Is she really pregnant? He said, "I dont think so but she say she is." I turned & looked out of the window as we drove all the way home & I could remember having a feelin of rage, thinkin that I should kill him but if I did my son would be left without either 1 of us. When we got home, he begged me 2 forgive him, he said he has not seen her in months nor has he tlked 2 her. I believed him BUT I told him, if she is pregnant then u didnt protect urself & therefore was not worried about my life at all, ur selfish! The rest of the week was completely quiet in the house, I didnt say anything 2 him & he didnt say nothing 2 me. On sunday, we went 2 church & I watched him sit in that pulpit like he had it all 2gether, I left out of the back with the baby & we just sat in the back of the church as I cried. I was wondering tho, why wont I leave him, whats wrong with me? After church, he came lookin for me, I told him the baby was crying so I brought him out 2 walk around for awhile. We got in the car, went home & his phone started ringing from a private #...so of course I was listening real close as I COOKED dinner, he said, "what, where, ok man give me a minute"...so I came out if the kitchen & he said, "Im going 2 the store real quick & I will be right back". I looked at him & rolled my eyes as he left, he was gone about 30 mins, when he walked thru the door...he said, "I seen Keisha at the store & she still says that she is pregnant & I dont think she is, she didnt have any papers 2 prove it." I looked at him & said , "u left out of here 2 meet her?" He said, "I had 2 know." At that moment, I felt like he needs me...while I look back I see exactly how stupid I was for just stayin there taking whatever he dished out because I never had a family so I wanted 2 keep mine 2gether..I was a fool & I fooled myself in2 thinkin that he loved me. Anyway, we moved 2 another apt. (we moved 13 times the entire marriage smh), while we were cleaning the apt we were movin from...Josh left his phone in the kitchen while he went 2 take the last load 2 the new apt. Of course I looked thru it but I was shocked because I didnt see ANYTHING outta place, until I READ the messages. He had alot of messages back & forth between him & a dude named "Kenneth"...so I read them. One message said, "I'm not about 2 run after u behind ur baby...if u want 2 be in this baby life u need 2 say that or leave me alone" another read, "come see me 2day & bring me some of that ice cream u brought monday" another read, "are you going 2 leave her or what." As I put the phone back dwn Josh comes RUNNING thru the door tlkin about he left his phone, this time I wasnt going 2 play the good wife & not say anything. When he came in the room I was in I started punching him everywhere...he had a fight on his hands 2day & I wasnt going 2 stop until 1 of us was going 2 the hosp. After about 1 hr of fightin he threw me on the ground & he kicked me, he said, "im am not going 2 leave my kids behind because u want me 2, if thats my baby ima be there for it, rather u like it or not." We went 2 the new place & I was in the bathroom crying by this time my baby could tlk & he said, "what's wrong mommy?" What do I tell my baby, I couldnt tell him what was really wrong all I could say was "mommy dont feel good baby", he said, "ur stomach hurt, u hungry?" I cried more & said, Yes baby lets get something 2 eat." Days went by, weeks went by & Keisha was calling the house like everything was all good, she told me that she was getting an abortion because she didnt want 2 bring a baby in2 the world like this & that she didnt want 2 mess up my family. Are u serious, u dont think u already done that? That next week I went 2 the doctor he weighed me, I was 426 lbs & he told me that I had PCOS & that I would never be able 2 have kids again & since I had 1 already 2 be glad. I went home devestated, & with my stupid self I told Josh that maybe they should keep the baby because I wouldnt never be able 2 give him that again. I was depressed, devestated & for days I cried & ate all the time. Maybe a week went by & Keisha called 2 tell us that the next day she was aborting the baby & could she come over 2 tlk 2 Josh for a few minutes. He said, Yes come on over. I wondered, how could he be so disrespectful 2 me, why would he say yes 2 her coming over? So he went outside 2 tlk 2 her & he came in 2 hrs later, I asked wht happened & he said, "she told me how u been tlking about my mom, she told me how u been calling her everyday forcing her 2 get that abortion, this is all ur fault." I couldnt believe that he was blaming me for his screw up & she was lyin on me just 2 try 2 tear us apart. He slept on the couch, me & the baby in the room..in the morning he woke up & he was throwin up & all quiet so I assumed maybe he's sick. Later that day I called Keisha, I said, "are u ok?" she said, "yea,why?" I said, "didnt u have that abortion 2day, she said," Oh yea, Im good." I knew then that something here just aint right. So, as the weeks & months rolled by I didnt hear anything else about or from Keisha until 1 day Josh came home & he said that he had seen Keisha & confronted her about the abortion papers, he said he asked for a reciept or paperwork from her even being pregnant in the 1st place because he believed it was all a lie. Come 2 find out it was! With my stupid self, I felt bad for him that she played him like that but at the same time he DESERVED it! Things started 2 look up, Minister Josh was trying 2 act better, now dont get me wrong, he was so much fun 2 be around, very smart & had lots of things 2 tlk about all the time but he was a *****! I guess being on the right path was old for him, I found out about more & more women, he even had a std from 1 of them...the baby was growing up & I was getting bigger...we moved maybe 3 more times since then, him cheating became the norm as sad as that sounds. Women were calling me, sending me messages on myspace it was awful. Well, in our new place 5 yrs later I was cooking some quesadillas (if thats how u spell it) & I went 2 lay dwn after I ate but I was feelin really sick & I was thinkin I over did it on the cheese & stuff. So in the middle of the night I had 2 go 2 the bathroom & when I got done there was ALOT of blood but it was from my stool...so of course I was scared & I went 2 the doctor the next day...she said let me run some test, it will take a few days 2 get the results but let me give u some anti inflammatories for ur stomach. Cool, got my prescription & we left. A few days went by & I got a call from the doctor who said, Mrs. White, dont take that medicine that gave u becuase u're pregnant!" TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!