Pammers Johnson

Today marks 3 weeks since surgery, and things are going quite well. I started my pre-op liver shrinking diet on 5/8/13, so I consider that my “start”. Since then I have lost 27.8 lbs, although my period started today so I’m probably good for another pound or two soon. I’m in the “soft foods” stage right now. I do feel restriction now! I also do feel hunger, although it is a reasonable hunger (not like the hunger I felt before all my life – THAT was unreasonable crazy and all-consuming hunger!). …..And once I have a few bites of good protein, my reasonable hunger is satisfied I love that.
I am eating things like cottage cheese, good quality lunch meat (chewed well), baked fish, ricotta, PB2, eggs, and protein shakes of course. For an obese girl I am a pretty healthy person –I love and have missed my fruits and veggies. So I bought a nutria-bullet! For those who haven’t seen the infomercial, it is a small blender type thing that is extremely powerful and will pulverize anything you put in it. So this week I have begun incorporating ‘green drinks’ into my daily routine. It has made a WORLD of difference in my energy level! You load it up with half dark green leafies, some avocado, and half fruit (covers the taste of the green leafies!) and add healthy nuts or dried goji berries (these get pulverized so it’s not bad for the sleeve!). The resulting smoothie is much better than jamba and no doubt much more healthy. I also add my protein powder and voila! I get my protein drink plus my fruits & veggies! I now feel much better that I am getting a good balanced diet.
I do 3 meals a day of a good protein, then 2 snacks in between of the green protein drinks, and I feel awesome. Sometimes for a late night snack I will mix up a tablespoon of PB2. Yum.
My nails are growing like crazy! I guess it’s the protein? I certainly don’t feel malnourished, even though my calories are still pretty low. I’m not losing all that crazy-fast, but it’s ok. I am losing. And I had wondered pre-surgery whether I would be a fast loser or a slow loser, and I have to say – both have good things about them. If I am indeed a slow loser, I believe my skin will be in better shape in the long run. I hope. I also have high hopes that my hair will not fall out if I am a slower loser. I also think that my colleagues and other people who don't know I had surgery will be less likely to try to get all in my business if I lose slowly, because it will be a more gradual change. The obvious benefit to being a fast loser is that you get to have the weight off faster!!! Since it;s summer time, that is really appealing. But I takes what I gets!
I have to say that all the months and months prior to surgery, time seemed to go by so quickly, and now time actually seems to go really slowly….because I know it’s just a matter of time until I lose a significant amount of weight. I am being a bit impatient in that way.
Oh! I must share this too – yesterday I decided to have one of those Morningstar farm breakfast sausages for lunch -- I'd been thinking about those for the whole time I was on liquids! I ate too quickly, and/or didn’t chew well enough, because OMG I had a really bad experience! It honestly felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, and I got really nauseas – although I never threw up. It. Really. Really. Sucked. Lesson learned. I guess we all go through that at least once, ya?
I think next on my agenda will be starting some more rigorous activity or even what could be called exercising So far I have just been hiking up the hill behind my house and back everyday. My dog loves it, because I am able to let her off leash. It’s maybe a mile round trip but it is an incline. The first few times I did it after surgery I was really going at a snail’s pace. But now I’m able to go at a pretty good clip. So it’s time to go farther I believe!
 
Onward!

So, I constantly see shows on TV that are about people losing, or wanting, to lose weight. Shows about how the USA has the highest obesity rate ever. When I started thinking about having this surgery, I had many people that had possitive things to say about it and one person that said absolutely don't do it because of the risks. After doing all the research, I realized for me, that the risks outweigh the benefits, plus I believe that if you have a good surgeon, are open and honest with him, and follow all the rules, the risks are very minimal. So, I went to a seminar and decided that this was what I wanted to do. I also decided at that time, that I wasn't going to hide it from anyone that I work with (there are many obese people in my workplace). I wanted to show everyone that it is possible, no matter how many times they thought they couldn't do it or had failed at trying. In June 2012, I had my first nutritional visit. I have very nosey coworkers (that sometimes can be annoying), so after every visit, they wanted to know "how it went." I have explained many things to them and even talked about how using MyFitnessPal had shown me so much of what I was doing wrong and right. I've also said they should try using it to see if it helps them. No one was using it. I had my surgery on 02/11/13 and have had a coworker try to get me to make poor eating choices, my supervisor tell me (in a joking way) that I'm driving everyone crazy with how I look at the label of any snacks that are brought in and explain why I can't eat it, and I've also had coworkers that have been very encouraging and supportive in this life choice/change that I have made. In the last two weeks, I have found out that 3 of my coworkers have started using MyFitnessPal and it made me feel good to know that I've influenced that.

Hubby dove me 3 hrs each way to see surgeon for post op appt today. finally under 300# (299) so I'm down 26 from first appt in Feb
Incisions are still horribly red. He decided its allergic reaction to adhesive on steri strips.
He Rec OTC cortisone cream. He wasn't concerned that I still had some pain and wrote me an RX for more liquid Vicodin. I was starting to feel like a baby. Doing great, but feeling like I should have minimal to no Pain at a week out. He questioned me on fluids and amount of protein. I guess I'm only getting in half the protein I should be. He wants 80-90gr. It's getting harder to get down the premier protein drinks as I've Been on them for so long. We stopped on the way home and bought some unflavored whey protein to add to soups etc, but when I tried it tonite...it was just too big of a scoop if I'm only eating 1/2 cup of soup. Which is too bad cause his powder has 25gr protein. But the scoop is huge! Almost 1/4 cup volume I'm sure. Back to the drawing board I guess. I'll try to get 2 shakes in tomorrow.
Anyways, between the long car rides, and being in pain. I was worn out when we got home at 2 pm. I'd taken a protein drink with me and sipped on that and water for the car ride there. And hubby got me a latte with whole milk to sip on for ride home. I went too long without enough nourishment, was dehydrated and in pain. My B/P dropped and nearly passed out. All better now. But looking forward to a pajama day tomorrow and owning the tv remote while hubby goes to work.
Will really work on liquids and protein this week so stomach heals and I can move on to soft foods next Monday!

I'm on day 4 of my preop diet..and decided to make my "Own" tastier Lean Cuisine type meal tonite. I took chicken mixed with Greek yogurt and curry...to be put on top of broccoli with a smidge of cheese and heated up.
But while mixing the chicken mixture, I decided to add some fresh ground Himalayan salt
The entire lid came off and dumped salt everywhere!!
I carefully tried to scoop most of it out and had to vacuumed the rest. I was Soooo hungry I tried to eat it anyway. Alas. It sucked and couldn't finish the chicken.
I want some frigging pizza!
But fear not...I won't.

I'm on day 4 of my preop diet..and decided to make my "Own" tastier Lean Cuisine type meal tonite. I took chicken mixed with Greek yogurt and curry...to be put on top of broccoli with a smidge of cheese and heated up.
But while mixing the chicken mixture, I decided to add some fresh ground Himalayan salt
The entire lid came off and dumped salt everywhere!!
I carefully tried to scoop most of it out and had to vacuumed the rest. I was Soooo hungry I tried to eat it anyway. Alas. It sucked and couldn't finish the chicken.
I want some frigging pizza!
But fear not...I won't.

I'm ending day 2 of my "Liver Shrinking Diet" I have to be honest and say that I've been in tears most of it. I started out with my premeire protein drink nd made it into a smoothly with ice and 1/2 a banana. It took me or ever to get it down but I felt satisfied.....until about 2 hours later.
So I decided to have a Cup of cottage cheese for 200 Calories instead of the 160 in protein drink and the 50 in banana. I enjoyed chewing the cottage cheese and took tiny bites practicing hw my post op eating should be. But.... About 2pm I was starving again.
So I tired to fill up on water and iced tea. Chatted with friends online and just quietly cried. I mean SERIOSLY if i was ABLE to eat only 870 calories a day, then I wouldn't be 150 pounds over weight!!
So hubby took me out f the house to get some hanging potted plants for the back yard. We picked him up some baked chicken and veggies etc for His next couple of meals. I asked him to just Not eat any pizza on front of me. He understands and agrees. I've been called by the anesthesia department and just waiting for hosp call tomorrow or Fri with Surgery time. I can and WILL do this. I've lost 6 pounds since Sunday so will def meet my goal of losing 10lb a week before surgery. But I gotta say....it's Not an Easy Road.

I'm ending day 2 of my "Liver Shrinking Diet" I have to be honest and say that I've been in tears most of it. I started out with my premeire protein drink nd made it into a smoothly with ice and 1/2 a banana. It took me or ever to get it down but I felt satisfied.....until about 2 hours later.
So I decided to have a Cup of cottage cheese for 200 Calories instead of the 160 in protein drink and the 50 in banana. I enjoyed chewing the cottage cheese and took tiny bites practicing hw my post op eating should be. But.... About 2pm I was starving again.
So I tired to fill up on water and iced tea. Chatted with friends online and just quietly cried. I mean SERIOSLY if i was ABLE to eat only 870 calories a day, then I wouldn't be 150 pounds over weight!!
So hubby took me out f the house to get some hanging potted plants for the back yard. We picked him up some baked chicken and veggies etc for His next couple of meals. I asked him to just Not eat any pizza on front of me. He understands and agrees. I've been called by the anesthesia department and just waiting for hosp call tomorrow or Fri with Surgery time. I can and WILL do this. I've lost 6 pounds since Sunday so will def meet my goal of losing 10lb a week before surgery. But I gotta say....it's Not an Easy Road.

So this is the last day I will be sitting comfortably at my desk and able to put up a proper blog entry before my surgery - Lucky you… I will actually have to shut up for a few days – a rare occurrence!
 
Tonight my sister and I drive out to my parents’ home in Brantford and drop off my son (which I anticipate being the hardest part of this journey)– and then off to the border of Niagara Falls to stay overnight beside the Buffalo Airport. My flight to El Paso leaves at 6 am and I should touch down at 12:30 pm. From there my driver will take me to Juarez, Star Medica.
 
I have heard nothing but wonderful things about my doctor, Dr. Jose Rodrigues, and although I did pay a higher price than some, I have 100% confidence in his ability, work and the organization I booked with.
 
I will definitely post a thorough review when I am home .
 
I started my pre-op dieting a month ago, and although there has been some up and down with my scale (and my life) in that time, I am officially down 16 lbs since April 1, 35 since January 2012 when I hit my top weight.
 
There is something attached to this weight loss this time… that I have never had before. Hope.
Two more sleeps, neither in my own bed, with my own cuddly furry boyfriend… so today, it begins.

My hubby and I just got back from a 3 day Anniversary trip to Vegas. I knew d be eating and drinking whatever I wanted, and I knew I'd gain weight. But I also knew I'd hunker down as soon as I got home and wean myself into my protein drink week. If I thought I was going to be able to forget about my weight issues a d upcoming surgery for a week....forget about it!
First off, I dreaded right away trying to fasten my seatbelt. My husband had to help my pull and stretch it so I could latch it. I was almost in tears. The next time I fly, it will be different. We went to a Buffett the first night and I enjoyed shrimp, crab sushi and a laded baked potato. I sampled a few desserts, but decided they weren't worth it. The old me would have eaten all that I took. The new me left a pork chop, carrots, sushi and several desserts on the table.
We did enjoy 2 Amazing steak dinners (one at Vic and Anthony's, and the other at Gordon Ramsay's.
Only once did I eat to the point of being over full....I told my husband: "I won't ever have to feel like this again" I know already that I will never ever eat that much food again!
I tried several times to not drink water with my meals...this and being hungry are the two things I worry about the most. I've been working on chewing to a pulp, taking smaller bites. But I'm still worried I will fail at this and be miserable because of it.
Last night as I was waiting to fall asleep, I actually wondered what God would think of me "mutilating" my stomach by having it hacked off? Then the voice in my head reminded me that I've already mutilated my body by getting 150# overweight!! I'm near tears writing this. I can't believe my husband of 36 years would still find me attractive or sexy at this size.
I just want to be done with this....I'm terrified that I won't be successful on this liquid diet, that my liver will be too big, or something will happen during surgery. I want to be successful....I want to do this! I deserve this...

My hubby and I just got back from a 3 day Anniversary trip to Vegas. I knew d be eating and drinking whatever I wanted, and I knew I'd gain weight. But I also knew I'd hunker down as soon as I got home and wean myself into my protein drink week. If I thought I was going to be able to forget about my weight issues a d upcoming surgery for a week....forget about it!
First off, I dreaded right away trying to fasten my seatbelt. My husband had to help my pull and stretch it so I could latch it. I was almost in tears. The next time I fly, it will be different. We went to a Buffett the first night and I enjoyed shrimp, crab sushi and a laded baked potato. I sampled a few desserts, but decided they weren't worth it. The old me would have eaten all that I took. The new me left a pork chop, carrots, sushi and several desserts on the table.
We did enjoy 2 Amazing steak dinners (one at Vic and Anthony's, and the other at Gordon Ramsay's.
Only once did I eat to the point of being over full....I told my husband: "I won't ever have to feel like this again" I know already that I will never ever eat that much food again!
I tried several times to not drink water with my meals...this and being hungry are the two things I worry about the most. I've been working on chewing to a pulp, taking smaller bites. But I'm still worried I will fail at this and be miserable because of it.
Last night as I was waiting to fall asleep, I actually wondered what God would think of me "mutilating" my stomach by having it hacked off? Then the voice in my head reminded me that I've already mutilated my body by getting 150# overweight!! I'm near tears writing this. I can't believe my husband of 36 years would still find me attractive or sexy at this size.
I just want to be done with this....I'm terrified that I won't be successful on this liquid diet, that my liver will be too big, or something will happen during surgery. I want to be successful....I want to do this! I deserve this...

I called the hosp back and completed my registration. My Endoscopy is done and just awaiting biopsy results. I told 2 more people about the surgery I'm having. I guess im ready?!
I've Been reading post about training yourself to chew food slowly and not guzzle water. I feel like this may be the hardest part. I'm almost 55 and am going to have to re-train myself on how to eat. I'm already looking ahead to a couple of post op events I'll be at nd trying to figure out what I'll eat and if I'll feel strange going out to dinner and not ordering anything? Well be in Seattle with our daughter nd her family when they come home from Africa as missionaries. I'll only be 5 weeks post op. there will be eating out, and a Mariners baseball game..
I've just finished 2 weeks of not writing down what I eat, or going to the gym..it's like I've had a bit of grieving or depression over my upcoming surgery and changes I'm going to have to make. I had lost 12 pounds in the past 2 months and then gained 4 pounds after eating a "normal" amount of food on Easter Sunday. The 4 pounds turned into 6 and i just gave up trying. My husband has been doing a 12 week Golds Gym challenge and as lost almost 40 pounds. He now weighs less than me for the first time in our 36 marriage. I AM very proud of him, but burning with jealous rage at the same time. He had planned on doing the sleeve also, but was in the middle of this challenge. He just needs labs, endoscopy and surgical clearance. I didn't want to wait for him to finish the challenge, so am proceeding without him.
I'm back on track the past few days and have lost 2 of the 6 pounds. I'm so excited for this surgery. I have such issues with being hungry. I hope I'm not one of the few who still struggle with that post op. I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to get from Here to There....

I had my 3rd nutrition appointment yesterday and I am scared! I KNOW that the benefits outweigh the stuff I’m going to have to give up, I just need to get these thoughts on to paper…maybe that will help. I’m feeling guilty that I’m even having these thoughts because I want this surgery so badly. I worry that if I’m having these thoughts am I going to fail, or is this what everyone else thinks prior to surgery and this is normal???
Here is what worries me. One of the things she said was after surgery, don’t drink water (or any other beverage) 30 minutes before, don’t drink during and don’t drink an hour after a meal. When I asked why she said that water speeds up the digestion process and will cause your teeny stomach to digest even faster, which will make you hungry earlier. Makes sense, but I don’t like it! I ALWAYS drink water with my meals, always. I know that in the grand-scheme of things not drinking water at a meal isn’t a big deal…for a few meals, but for the rest of my life???
next is eating meat. She said that after surgery a lot of people can’t really digest meat any longer. She also said that meat isn’t really all that great for you (I’ve heard this before) so that it’s really not a big deal. Well I know health-wise it’s not a big deal, but after having such a love-affair with food for so long, I worry that I will be sad when I can’t order a nice, juicy steak. It’s easy to say something isn’t a ‘big deal’ when you’re not an addict. I’m a food addict. Everything when it comes to food is a ‘big deal’.
Portion sizes. She said that your portion size goes down to like the size of the palm of your hand. Holy cow. I don’t eat to be “full” I eat, and eat and eat because I like the flavor of food…to only be able to eat that small of a portion….will I regret having this surgery and will that in turn make me miserable?
I WANT to give up needing the comfort of food. I WANT to not overeat any time I sit down to a meal. I want to have something stronger than ME controlling what I put in to my mouth because I just can’t control what I eat at times. I’ve tried so hard and after a few weeks of great will power I succumb and let weeks of good choices go down the drain in a few meals. I know that on the outside looking in these are all really stupid reasons to be concerned. I know that when I read them tomorrow I will look at them and wonder what I was thinking. But right now, today, right in this moment I wonder if the fact that I’m having these thoughts means that I am not in the right place, mentally to have the surgery. Ugh, this sucks! I guess yesterday in talking about everything it just hit me hard that once I have this there’s no going back. Don’t get me wrong - - once I leave this fat, unhealthy body I don’t WANT to go back to where I am right now…it’s just so final and official.
I HATE FOOD AND THE CONTROL IT HAS OVER ME!!! I hate the fact that I am doing things to my body that I know if it continues will kill me, yet I am questioning letting it go...I hate this. I think for the first time in my life I am feeling what a drug-user feels! The 'knowing' that you need to give something up, yet the longing for the relationship and comfort that it gives. Not cool, not wanted and not welcome in my brain!