LipstickLady

Ok so I'm so close to Onederland that it is killing me. I am a frequent weigher, I weigh everyday that's just something that I do. So I thought that instead of obsessing over that 1 stinking lb, I could make a list of NSV's that I'm happy about, maybe that would make me feel better. So, here it goes:
1. I can fit in the booths at the diner that we go to, no more taking the table just because I could'nt breath in the booths.
2.I can slide the seat in the car all the way up and everything fits just fine. yeah!
3. I can fit in the smallest size hand-me-down clothes that my sis gave me when she lost weight.
4.Now everyone at work is starting to tell me that I look good, have lost a lot of weight.
5. I can wear my grandmother's heirloom ring, it fits me now.
6. I can wear necklaces again and not look like a walrus in a tie!
7. I actually have a neck now, it's amazing.
8. I tried on coats in Wallyworld in the regular size dept, and they fit!
9. I walked around the fair for 6 hours, was not out of breath, didn't have to sit down every 10 minutes and my feet didn't hurt.
10. My singing has improved, I can hold a note a lot longer than I could before, I guess my lungs needed the room to expand that the fat was taking up.
 
Woo-hoo, I am feeling good, OK you 1 stinking lb, you are going to be history!!!!

An amazing thing is happening. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say, "I don't give a s h i t what other people think." Perhaps it's because I'm another year older today, and on birthdays one is wont to take stock. Perhaps it's because I am feeling the empowerment than accompanies true change. Perhaps it's because I'm finally realizing I have people in my life who love me unconditionally, or that I now know I am deserving of that love. Perhaps it is all of these. What I do know is I've said that phrase many times before, at times very convincingly, but I never meant it. I wanted to mean it, others even believed that I meant it because I come across as irreverent and impossible to embarrass, but there was always a motivational undercurrent of wanting to be liked.
 
The following is a list of notions I've recently come to accept as valid. Some are mere reminders to myself, some are rants, some are missives directed at specific people on this site. All are liberating:
 
I am not required to tell anyone about my decision to have weight loss surgery. Should I choose to do so, I have no obligation to explain or defend my decision.
 
I am justified in flipping off another driver when the egotistical delusions acquired from watching "The Fast and the Furious" momentarily override his cognizance of the fact that he is operating a deadly weapon.
 
I may express my offense when someone implies I should be ashamed of the way I look, or used to look.
 
I am permitted to be impolite, even rude, to a man whose words or actions are causing me to feel uncomfortable or unsafe. I am allowed to inflict physical harm if his clear intention is to harm me.
 
I am free to voice my belief that it is not all right for people posting in the general forum to attribute their weight loss to a higher power. If I attributed mine to Obama or the recent supreme court ruling on gay marriage, and put that post in a general discussion forum, I would be criticized. And rightfully so.
 
I have a right to discuss the increase in my libido on an internet forum, as well as the conundrum I'm faced with as a single teacher in a small town, without being accused of advertising for sex. And should someone attempt to shame me out of talking about sex, I have a right to stand firm in my refusal to be shamed.
 
I am allowed to call people out for misusing this and other support sites; for not following the rules, which have been clearly laid out; and I am allowed to do so without being subjected to ridicule and insult.
 
I am not required to dumb myself down because others are intimidated by my intelligence. I also am allowed to state that others are intimidated by my intelligence without apologizing or prefacing such a remark with a qualifier or self-deprecating damper such as "This is probably going to sound egotistical, but...." when I have a higher than average IQ. It is also true that I am endlessly disheartened by the dissolution of the English language, have won awards for performance and writing, and am, on the whole, infinitely more impressed with the emotional intelligence of animals over that of people. None of these statements require compensation.
 
I do not have to remain passive when others make remarks that are sexist, racist, ageist, homophobic, heterosexist, xenophobic, misogynistic, violently aggressive, indicative of body fascism, or convey intolerance of mental illness, mental retardation, or other disability.
 
I deserve to be treated with dignity.
 
And if you don't agree with me, I really don't care. Honestly. And it feels so f u c k i n g good to say that.

Source: Sweets, Snacks, Sneaks And Lies
 
This isn't my blog entry.....but it's so wonderfully written and inspiring, I am adding it to my blog so I know where to find it again.....Thank you WriterGirl!

I've finally completed all of my insurance req's and am now awaiting approval. Since I've completed my requirements I guess this entire process has become really 'real' to me and it scared me. I kept asking myself if I really NEEDED this surgery...why couldn't I lose wieght on my own? Am I being lazy and taking the easy way out? Is it worth putting myself under the knife and having major surgery when I'm already too lazy to eat right and exercise? Am I wasting my family's money by having surgery? etc, etc, etc.
Well tonight my sweet 5 year old ittle girl innocently made a statement that first broke my heart and then made me realize without a doubt this surgery is the right thing for me.
We were driving home and she asked what would happen if I started to drown (We have a pool and swim a lot. I used to teach swim lessons and water safety, so water safety is REALLY important to me). I said, "Well, if I was truly drowning and couldn't get out, hopefully someone would help me out of the water." She replied (Here's where my heart broke...) "But Mommy, you're so big. How would they be able to pull you out? You're too heavy." And THEN she tried to backtrack...that broke my heart even more. She shouldn't have to worry about what she says to me and if it hurts my feelings. She shouldn't have to try to change what she said to make me feel better - - she's FIVE!
AND THAT DID IT FOLKS. I almost broke down in tears right there in my car. I can hide from cameras, I can hide from the mirror. I can ignore the fact that my clothes are too tight I can hardly zip my pants. I can look past my double chin. I can choose to not look at my stretch marks. I can ignore being breathless just from walking from my car to my house. I can not pay attention to the fact that I now have to undo my top button to my jeans when sitting at my desk because it is digging in to my stomach. I can pop another blood pressure pill and ignore my high blood pressure...
But I cannot ignore the fact that my kids notice I'm overweight and that kills me. I guess up until then I knew I was wayyyyy too heavy but since no one else would address it I could go on my merry-way and ignore it. But there's no ignoring it anymore. I have to do something more powerful than myself so that I can stop living a hollow life and stop living in the shadows, hoping no one addresses the fact that I am unhealthy. The heck with the fact that I am so unattractive anymore, I am unhealthy and am not the role model that my kids deserve.
So I'm having this surgery.
I don't care how it happens, I need this surgery. I need to lose weight. I need to get healthy. I need to start caring about myself. I need to start caring about my family and their future - - with ME in it.

My office has an official celebration for everyone having a birthday each month. And they bring out the goodies. Lots of cookies, dips, chocolate gooey thingies and of course cake.
 
For reasons unknown to me the thought of all those goodies lined up for the taking triggers something in my brain. I get a ravenous hunger that almost compels me to eat stuff that normally I don't even think about. I just want to bury my face in the cake and go, "Nom nom nom. Oh, you're a dirty cake aren't you! Nom nom nom."
 
I was able to restrain myself to just one piece of coated popcorn. I thought it was a coated nut. Honest! AND it was yucky! (That's my story and I'm stickin to it!) I am not looking for applause or a pat on the back, since I only did what I was suppose to do - for the past 35 years. Just wanted to share that we all have our weak moments and demons to fight.
 
Keep Pimpin That Sleeve!

I learned that I will be getting my Lap-Band removed and my gastric sleeve on Monday June 10th. That is only 46 days away!!!!!
 
I am so excited, happy, nervous, grateful, strong....... the list goes on. It has been a long rocky road since my first bariatric surgery in May of 2009. I have had some major success and huge disappointments and failures as well. Looking back, I would not change a thing.
 
The band worked for me in the beginning. I experienced good weight loss and for the first time felt what it was like to enjoy many new things at a healthy weight. I was a much more active happy person. When I started having issues with my band I went to my doctor immediately. But, unfortunately and for whatever reason, he didn't listen to what I was telling him. I had a slipped band for almost a year before I demanded the tests which resulted in a second surgery. I lost all faith in my doctor when I continued to gain weight after my second surgery. Finally, after I pressed my doctor for answers, he told me there was nothing that he could do for me. My band was broken a second time. I felt defeated, angry, lied to... but from this situation positives arose. I learned to listen to my body and be assertive. I have grown stronger as a person. I have developed much better eating habits. I exercise more frequently. I could have just accepted my Lap-Band as a failure. I could have given up hope. But, I decided to move forward.
 
I am so grateful to have found Dr. Howard Simon at Upstate Bariatrics in Syracuse, NY. He has explained things to me that my previous surgeon failed to. He has directed me to websites and groups so that I could see that numerous other people have had the same experience with their Lap-Band. He has walked me personally, step by step through this revision process to gastric sleeve. He has restored my confidence in both doctors and more importantly in myself. Because of him I realized that I did not fail but rather my tool (Lap-Band) failed me.
 
I am completely 100% ready for my sleeve. I believe that my previous failed weight loss experience has helped me become so prepared and a much stronger individual overall. I am so happy that it is almost here.
 
Until then........I will be counting down the days!!!!