LipstickLady

I'm still a fattie so I've not encountered this yet, but I'm looking forward to it!

Laura made me do it. Love you back!

My hair has thinned a lot. I am afraid to say this out loud, but I am SO SO happy that it has. I have more hair on my head than the average half dozen women and it's BIG like... TINA TURNER big. Now that it has thinned, it is much more manageable. I am not looking forward to it all returning. <runs and hides>

Pix for proof!!!

Virginia. Yes, I was given a reason for no lapband just I was given a reason by one of the surgeons as to why he preferred not to do sleeve. No, I really don't want to list them here for fear of being strung up by my toes for being a band hater, something I am not. As for the doctor who would do it, I didn't pursue it because I was not interested in the band, but a friend of mine did and from what I understand, it's because there is so much more of a learning curve with the band, the doc wanted to make sure you were completely prepared. From what I've read here about full, unfills, green zones, sweet spots, ticklish area, pink butterflies, zombie apocalypses, etc., I see why!

Of the three bariatric practices I visited in my state, two refuse to do lapband (entire practice, not just individual docs) and the third had one doc out of twelve who would only do it if you did a WHOLE LOTTA pre-op work. I wasn't interested in LB but I did find this trend interesting. (Not slamming the LB before anyone gets all ape-sheet crazy on me, just stating my "experience". ) Each surgery has it's pros and cons and only I can make the best decision for me, just as only you can make the best decision for you. That doesn't make me right *or* you right, it makes us BOTH right as long as we are making strides towards good habits and healthy weight loss.

Y'all are very sweet. THANK YOU.

ME TOO!! I never saw myself as fat as I was but I also refused to be in pictures so denial was rampant. I looked great (to myself) in my (non full length) bathroom mirror. I realized my size only when I caught unexpected glimpses of myself in mirrors or windows while out and about. Now everyone is telling me I look great and I really do feel great, but I still hate pictures of me. For all my hard work, exercise, and a huge amount of weight lost, NOW I feel fat. I know I look better, and at a size 12, I'm "average" but I am still constantly wondering if I look normal or chunky or fat or "thick" (hate that word) and I fear it's the last. I still have a ways to go and I hope I end up feeling mentally great. I am still ecstatic. I still jump out of bed giddy and shopping is so much more fun. I love the new me and I can't wait to see where I end up, but these teeny feelings of self doubt and insecurity buzz in my brain alllllll the time. I'm not used to them at all.

Just my "ability" to post here!

I agree. It's a shame the OP doesn't see that.

Thanks, all! My official loss on my official day is 88.8 pounds! I am so frackin' happy I had this surgery.

How to Be a Good Ally to Fat People Who Appear to Have Lost Weight November 14, 2013 | by Bevin Branlandingham Source: Flickr Originally published on Queer Fat Femme and cross-posted here with their permission. Our culture normalizes talking about bodies all the time. There is especially a lot of value placed on weight gain or loss. Turn on a television and just listen to diet chatter. It’s pervasive, obnoxious, and well-meaning individuals perpetuate it in our personal lives all the time. I like to create an environment in my life that is about substance over small talk, where compliments are genuine and weight is value-neutral. “Oh, but Bevin,” you may be saying. “I really mean it as a compliment when I notice you’ve lost weight!” But, well-intentioned friend, just because you’re well-intentioned doesn’t mean what you say doesn’t have a harmful impact. Weight loss doesn’t mean I look good. I believe I look good at all of my weights – all bodies are good bodies. And I know your perception of me might have changed because you are socialized to believe smaller is better, but I would like to gently invite you to do something different with your non-pliments of “You look so good!” when someone has lost weight. It’s also important to remember that the well-intentioned friends come in all shapes and sizes, fat, thin, and in-between. 1. How About Don’t Talk About It?I strongly subscribe to the philosophy that my body is nobody’s business but my own. If I want to talk about it with someone, I will and I do. I completely understand the inclination to ask questions about an obvious change. I am a naturally inquisitive person. My friends call me the Queer Oprah because of my tendency to really like to get into the meat of people’s stories. But as I’ve learned how to become a more sensitive and compassionate person, I have had to learn that sometimes you just don’t ask and you stay in the dark. It feels kind of impossible not to be nosy about it, but I do it anyway because it’s not my business. Also, what if you’re wrong? A friend of mine just said she gets asked all the time if she lost weight when she puts her hair down! Being nosy and being inquisitive are natural things that I am still working on curtailing. But I think it’s worth it to do the work to be sensitive because I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. I want my friends to feel like they can be their most vibrant and awesome selves around me. 2. Wait for the Person to Bring It UpHave you ever noticed that lots of straight people will out themselves to you within about ten minutes of conversation? Sometimes as short as two. Straight people in a heteropatriarchy are reaffirmed all the time about how great, normal, and important their straightness is. Therefore, they have likely not had the experience of having to hide or code their sexuality to people. They don’t really play the “pronoun” game and affirm their heterosexuality without thinking about it. The same is true for lots of people who have lost weight. In a diet-obsessed culture, it is super normalized that weight loss is a good thing. People who are excited about their weight loss will probably bring it up because it is normalized to talk about people’s bodies whether that is right or wrong. So let it happen if it will organically. People don’t stop to think about whether or not weight loss might be a sign of someone’s increased health or not. I know many people who have had cancer that lost a lot of weight rapidly. Candye Kane (an amazing blues singer) said on stage once, “I don’t recommend the cancer diet.” Maybe just ask them what’s going on in their life and talk to them organically. The core questions you have about them may just come to light. But, again, their body is none of your business unless they bring it up. If they do bring up their weight loss in a positive manner, you can do the work of someone working in solidarity with fat people by saying, “I think you look great at any weight, but I’m really glad you feel good in your body right now.” 3. Mention a General Compliment That Is More NeutralIf you really want to compliment someone because you genuinely think they look good, there are lots of things about someone’s appearance you can go for. Instead of mentioning weight loss thing, if you want to compliment someone, you can go for something else. “Your hair looks great!” Or maybe: “I love this outfit!” There are a bunch of different ways to express positivity to someone that don’t take into account weight loss and reinforce that weight loss is the only way to look good. I can see friends who come at me when I’ve lost weight sort of looking for a way to talk about my appearance without going down the wrong road because they know I loved myself X number of pounds ago and they don’t want to bury themselves in the wrong kind of compliment. 4. Comment on the Self“You seem particularly present tonight. I don’t know what it is, but you just seem extra YOU today. I love it!” If you must say something to the person, I suggest the foregoing. Kris Ford gave me this quote. I think it’s really great! What a remarkable way to get to the essence of what your weight loss compliment is really about. When we stop to think about what we really mean when we’re talking to people, we might be able to clearly communicate without hurting them. 5. Absolutely Don’t Ask Someone What They’re DoingOh my God, my family is so into this discussion. I zone out when I start to hear diet talk, Weight Watchers, walking the track, whatever new thing they’re doing. I truly believe in health at every size and will totally pipe into discussions of fitness, feeling good in your body, and other things from an “All Bodies Are Good Bodies” perspective. But I have heard “What are you doing?” question so many times, and I just absolutely hate it. Again, often folks will offer it if they want to. But in general, the “what you’re doing” question is such a standard thing people think is okay to ask, but it’s actually really personal! I have a super close friend I asked this question of because I genuinely had no idea how she had lost weight and wondered. But I’m close enough to her that when she dropped that it was an eating disorder, it was a safe® space to talk about it. I also learned from that moment to tread even a little more lightly with that stuff, to open those kinds of conversations with gentle warnings, or to open slowly. Because people who are just hanging out or going about their life maybe don’t want to just talk about their traumas out of the blue because you want to comment on their bodies. *** I struggle with what to say to people when they comment about changes to my weight. True fact about me: I tend to be an emotional non-eater. If I am going through a rough time, I will likely lose some weight. I lost sixty pounds when my fiance left me. And every time someone commented on my weight, I would say, “Bad break-up.” I would kind of grumpily respond to a nonpliment with snark. I don’t always want to do that, but I really leave it up to how I am feeling in that moment. Sometimes I go with, “I think I look great at any size.” Often, especially if it is a friend or loved one, I go with a very long explanation of what lead to my recent weight loss so that they understand what I’m going through, that it’s been a real struggle, and that the weight loss is a byproduct of a larger initiative to resolve a chronic condition I have. Sometimes, I just respond to weight loss nonpliments graciously because it’s not worth the fight. I learned to respond to compliments I didn’t agree with back when I was still self-hating. I would do things like respond to compliments with, “Oh, I don’t look good. I still have xyz wrong with me.” And I replaced that with a simple “thank you” until I was ready to really hear and absorb good things about myself. A friend told me once, “Hi skinny,” in response to weight loss. My response was, “Um, I don’t identify as skinny.” Because anytime I’ve ever lost weight in my life (as someone who has a lifetime of fat experience), I have always been fat. And, in the case of my beloved Grandmother, I accept her compliments graciously and deeply appreciate when my mom pipes in with, “But we love you at any size.” Because sometimes it’s not worth the fight. But it is amazing to have my mom acting in solidarity with my politics and values around all bodies being good bodies at any size. This was not always the case, but working with her in love, respect and compassion through the last twelve years of my participation in body liberation activism, has actually been really rewarding.

I think that's your OTHER new cross over addiction. :ph34r:

Worked for me!

I will take one today!

My first post in this forum and I look illiterate. Awesome.

I didn't capitalize all the words in me title like that. Stupid bugs.

I truly don't think she meant it in a derogatory manner. Thoughtless choice of words, yes. Racial comment, no.

The pix weren't the reason, I was kidding. You never got the creepy PMs from him? Bluuuuurp! I don't know if that bad habit of his was part of it, but I was glad when they stopped!

I don't think you MEANT it in a derogatory manner, but it was still a bizarre and off-putting analogy IMO. Fat is considered a negative trait, race or color should not be. "You are not THAT fat" could be construed as a poorly worded compliment where "you are not THAT black" cannot be. Your zit isn't THAT angry looking, your hair doesn't look THAT bad today, the ice cream you dripped down your shirt isn't THAT noticeable... Throwing a person's skin color in there just doesn't fit.

Thank you. I thought I was overreacting so I stayed quiet for once.

Did you NOT see those PICTURES!?!??!?!!!?!?!!

My hair was falling out at it's most from 3-6 months. I am officially 6 months out tomorrow and my hair loss has slowed to almost normal.

Line.Leader.

I seriously hate you.