LipstickLady

My line is, "I'm sure you didn't mean to sound as rude as you just did." with a smile.

I'm totally with you. My skin is as thick as it comes and I rarely get offended by stupid asinine things ignorant people say. I also try to AVOID being the ignorant person who says asinine things that really have no bearing on the overall well being of someone. Is it nice? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? If it meets two out of three, I'll say it. If it doesn't, I tell my dog and my pillow.

I am all about brutal honesty *IF* I am asked or it's an issue that needs to be addressed. My friends know they can come to me if they want honesty, not fluff. That said, I see no reason to offer up my opinion on something trivial like hair color/cut that's already done, an outfit (unless we are in the dressing room), etc. Sometimes an opinion is best kept to oneself.

I disagree with you. A good friend would never say something that he/she knows would hurt you/make you feel insecure unless it was necessary. (You need help with your drinking, you are spending a LOT of money you don't have, you are in an abusive relationship, etc.) I will say it again. What good comes of telling someone you like their new hair color better? What if they decide to go back? What good comes of pointing out that you used to be fat? Because you didn't know? What happens if you gain a few back? Will you not just feel more self conscious? Why not just deliver a heartfelt compliment without that backhanded slap? Why throw in a dig at all? That's NOT a good friend, not a good friend at all.

I was never much of a sweets eater pre-op but I have grown quite the sweet tooth. Fortunately, my old favorite, ice cream, makes me dump so I have no desire to eat it. When I want something sweet, I just need a little bit, so I stick with a piece of good quality dark chocolate, a frozen mini snickers, two or three Hershey Kisses and I actually savor them instead of horsing them down so fast I don't even taste them like i used to. I go for something I know I want, not a substitute, because one or two bites will do me and I won't have it on my mind anymore.

Uhmm.. You ARE doing this on your own unless you have a personal chef/assistant/trainer who are cooking for you, feeding you precise amounts, exercising your body for you, etc. I tell people high protein, low carb, and a lot of moving my body. Then I move on. Period.

I have always worn a tankini. Skirt and long torso tank. This summer was my first summer in 15+ years at a normal weight so my skirt was a tad shorter and my top was the bra top variety. My thighs are really saggy and I want to go to the pool or beach and NOT feel self conscious so I will never wear a bikini bottom again, most likely.. Wear what makes YOU feel good. I felt great in my itty bitty bikini when I was in high school and college. I haven't felt great in a suit since until this summer. (This is a hurdle for me, too, as I was a competitive swimmer and still love to swim for exercise.) Shop around, you'll find the right style.

Beef Jerky, almonds, cheese sticks. Boiled eggs, pepperoni slices, edamame. I avoid Protein bars for the most part but I keep one in my car just in case I'm hungry and there is nothing around me that's a good choice.

Abolutely! What kind of jerk are you going to prove yourself to be (and to be very clear--I am NOT calling anyone a jerk, it's a general/plural comment <eye roll>) if or when they go back to their past hair color or gain a few pounds back? Why in the world would you taint a sincere compliment with an unfeeling dig on what used to be? Seriously, what good can come from insulting how someone USED to be as opposed to simply focusing on what they are now?

You need to reread my post. I never called YOU an ass. Please, show me where in the world I have EVER done any name calling on this forum. I "troll the boards" looking for ways to attack you? That's hysterical. I don't know you nor do I give a rat's patoot about you. I certainly don't have the time or inclination to LOOK for you. I am "forcing you" off the forums? Somehow I doubt that, but if you make the choice to post elsewhere, that's on YOU, it's certainly not on me. And if your reality is the above, along with having lack of tact and respect for someone else's feelings, more power to you. I would NEVER tell someone I like their new hair/body/clothes better than their old. That's an ugly sort of backhanded compliment -- not one most people would enjoy.

Yup.

You're right, you don't understand. I don't have any friends who would want/would like to be called fat in past or present tense nor do I. Was I fat? Yup. Am I fat now? Nope. Are you an ass to tell me the obvious about my former fat status ? Absolutely. It's not about being honest or dishonest, it's about being kind and considerate to others. Edit to add: I am NOT calling anyone HERE an ass, not even the person I quoted. My point was that it's highly likely that I *would* call someone an ass if they dared point out that I was fat but I'm not now. No sh!t, Sherlock. Back handed compliments are worse than flat out insults, IMO, because they are so passive aggressive.

I own a small business as well. It's not my job to decide who's worthy of what medical procedure. As an employer, my focus is on providing my employees a fair wage, the insurance I agree to provide and a safe work environment. How they use their insurance is up to them, their doctors and the insurance company providing coverage.

Use baby spoons for tinier bites and wait a minute to 90 seconds between bites. Measure your food and stop about halfway through and reevaluate if you need more. I have a teeny sleeve. I can barely get in 1/2 cup at 19 months out. I eat tiny meals (2-4 bites) 6-8 times a day. I'm a grazer, but I make great choices so it works for me.

Start your plan again,. A week of liquid Protein, then add back in soft Proteins, then firm. "Reset" your weight loss. It helps me get back on track. That said, you look great! You have no need to worry or fret. Seriously.

I worry about people, too. I also know when to mind my own business.

So I'll ask you. Why do you care about what someone else is doing? It's not your health, it's not coming out of your pocket. WLS is no quick fix that I know of. Why in the world would it "steam you" if someone utilizes a tool to recapture good health? Personally, I am *HAPPY* for those who do this before they get as fat as I did. It steams ME that I waited so damn long. As for people who gain weight back? Not your problem. I know people who do Atkins, WWs, South Beach, Bypass, Sleeve, Paleo, etc. who gained it back, too. Some started really fat, some started not so fat, some started (IMO) thin. It's still not my concern and certainly none of my business.

I would tell her to do some research about the permanent changes she will have to make to her lifestyle and then advise her to talk with her doctor as the surgery is traditionally for people who are obese or with co-morbidities. Facts, not opinion.

I think it's no one's business but the person making the decision and his or her health care professional.

Consider the title of the thread and her follow up response. That's what irritated me the most. Who is anyone here to judge what is "abuse" of the surgery and when it may or may not be needed?

No, you are right and I agree with you. I love discussion and debate as long as it's responsible and the participants try very hard not to be offensive or easily offended. I think it was the way this "discussion" was presented that ruffled my fluffy tail feathers. I have little tolerance for judgement on something that is none of one's business, especially when it affects them in no way that I can gather. Edit to add: I totally judge leggings, short skirts, pierced belly buttons, bikini wearers, etc. Being a judgey b!tch is in my DNA. I just refrain from doing it where anyone but my besties can hear me or I can hurt the offenders feelings.

I remember going to WWs meetings and occasionally having a "skinny" walk in. I'd wonder to myself if they were a lifetime member, having lost and maintained their weight and was always pissed when I found out they were just starting and "only" had 10-20 to go. And I do mean PISSED. They didn't belong there, surely they were just sitting there in judgement, disgusted by those of us who had, 40, 60, 100+ pounds to lose. How the fluck could THEY understand the struggles of a a REAL fatty as they obviously never had weight issues? Then one day a light bulb moment happened and I asked myself how much better (and easier) would life had been if I started WWs when I only had 10-20 pounds to lose. Huh... Who's the stupid one in this scenario? And what genius came up with the perception that WLS is more risky on a body at a healthier weight, one not suffering from diabetes, sleep apnea, etc. (because the average human eye can SEE those things)? How in the world is it more dangerous to operate on someone who is starting out healthier? That doesn't even make sense. Who is anyone other than the doctor/patient to sit in judgement on who should or should not have WLS? Why do you care? Even if this topic was started just for discussion, why is it even up for discussion? Oh! Oh! I know! I want to be the one who decides who can and can't have surgery! Along with that, I want to decide who's hair is gray or mousy enough to color it, who's boobs are droopy enough to fix them, who's face is lined enough to need Botox, who's ass is nice enough to wear leggings, who's too old for short skirts AND who is too flabby to have a belly button piercing. Please?!?

Good for you!

Well, when I see bad advice, I discuss it. Whether it be regarding WLS, a caring relationship or lipstick color.