TracyK

Me again. A few days ago at 230.5 now at 227.5. I need to post on my blog more because it really is theraputic for me. I had stopped for a while because it is bad enough knowing I am failing at this band thing much less letting everyone else know I am failing but I decided I am going to my best not to fail anymore. I had done very well since the last blog and lost 15 pounds then regained all 15 plus 5 so here I am again. Since the beginning of summer I have been beyond stressed. And you veteran bandsters know what stress does to your band...tightens it. Well, needless to say absolutely everything I would try to eat would ot go down so in turn, feeling even more depressed would turn to the one thing that I could eat AND it would make me happy (or so I thought)...ice cream. Ice cream is my drug of choice.For the past couple of months that is what I have survived on, ice cream and oatmeal. Then the other day (after countless episodes like this) myself and my family went out to eat dinner and once again after the first few bites I was stuck. I started to cry sitting right there in the booth. I had been contemplating an unfill and at this moment I realized I had to take control of my life. I picked up my cell phone and called my dr and asked when I could come in for an unfill and lucky me...I went right then. Just being in that office again after a little over a year made me feel better, saner, safer. Gave me a new resolve. The nurse held me as I cried and told me that this happens to more people than you can imagine and together we will 'fix it'. I had gained 46 pounds since I was there in March of '08. BUT I am still not smoking and that is huge considering that here lately I have thought about it alot. But I am not going to start again just to lose weight. With my luck I would end up just being a fat smoker again. The first salad I got to eat after my unfill had to be the best tasting thing I had ever eaten in my life! No Joke! Now I am able to actually eat small portions of food and keep it down and not have to depend on junk. Yesterday I went to subway and got a 6" turkey sandwich and I swear that was the best sandwich ever! :cryin: I am going to probably get a fill again the first part of November, you know, right before the holidays :smile2:. If my stress level is still high, I will just get a small fill. If you are reading this, please pray for me that I continue to make good choices. I believe in the power of prayer. I am going to continue to blog. It really is helpful to me. Admitting things and putting them in black and white makes it more real. So, once again, here I go. :crying:

Good morning everyone~ Nothing really special planned for the day. Gotta go get Macy from my sister later this afternoon. My neck, left shoulder and arm have been killing me for the past couple of days. It is strange...for about a year off and on my shoulder would hurt in the joint. For the past few months it has hurt every day at least once a day. But the past couple of days it has hurt and been accompanied by neck and arm pain. Makes me wonder if the whole problem stems from my neck. All I know is I am out of vicodin (i have had the script for 6 months and now its gone) and I only have a few darvocet left. Drs are expensive and I do not know what I am gonna do....ice packs & massages help so I will get doing that. On the bright side I am still doing what I should food wise. Being unfilled for a while seems to be ust what the dr ordered. I can actually eat and therefore am not resorting to junk. :wub: I will get a fill around the begining of November. I am anxious to see how much I can lose on my own efore then. IF by then my stress level has not gone down, I will just leave it unfilled for a tad longer. OR When I go in I will just have them put in like .75 or 1.0 and see how it goes. Have a great day everyone!

Good to see ya Tracy :wub:

I wanted Jeff to win too but now that I think his days are numbered I am rooting for #1 Natalie, #2. Kevin #3 Jordan and #4 Michelle

Just ONE person won the 333 million....and it wasn't me. boo

Good morning... Jane, I have thought the same thing about it being the beginning of the end, then I remembered our group of ladies. No way is it ending. Friendships like ours do not end :w00t: Macy had her first dentist appt yesterday. I know I should have brought her sooner but...I hate dentists. But, I thought the sooner I get her used to the dentist...maybe she would not hav the fear that I have. You know, get her used to it. She did fantastic! She was a little scared but did well. She has a couple of pitts in her back teeth that need to be filled but he said they are not bad and he could fill them easily, no novacane (sp?) or anything. Get this...since she is so young and will be scared of the noise, I have to give her a valium an hour before her visit, lol. She is gonna be loopy. :frown: But I am glad she will be kind of out of it because she is deathly afraid of loud noises...always has been. She is just now getting to where she can tolerate the vaccuum. Have a great day everyone! (((hugs)))

Hi Ladies! Laura-I am sorry about the costs about the test and surgery :w00t: Jenn-way to go...you are an inspiration! Suzanne-I wanna burger :w00t: but dont give it to me! lol Judy-updating the ticker does take alot out of a person doesnt it? We will do this! Terry-have a great time with your friend! TracyinKS-hang in there sista! Haydee-I wanna go to FIJI...that is one of my dream vacations! SuzyT-good luck with the job! Heather-I will keep my fingers crossed that all is well with your band! Pamela-hope you had a better day today than yesterday! So are you psyched that Russell is gone? Jane-I am right there with ya on the bad eating. I am turning things around however. Who do you want to win BB? Kat-i hope you did not have a depressing day today! :w00t: Michelle-where are you? Did you get wrestled back into the PTA? :w00t: lol (or is it pto these days?) Well ladies, yesterday I did really well with food choices and guess what...I have done just as well today. GO ME! :w00t: Tomorrow Macy is going to my sisters house and staying the night. DH is working days, so it will be me & dsd. Gotta go get the rest of the school supplies they told her she needed. Here is it 7:45 PM and I am tired. :w00t: Have a good one!

I updated my ticker...it took lots of courage. It hurts to see it in black and white...but admitting it is half the battle?!

Suzie, that is horrible. I will keep them in my prayers! :blushing: Hello again everyone!!

Good morning friends~ I am loving mobile facebook....you should try it. I get text messages when my friends (that I specify) post on facebook. And you can comment to it on your phone and it will post on facebook for them to see. You can also tell it what time frame you want the texts...all the time or like I have mine set from 8AM-9PM. Pretty cool. It did not say anything about cost other than text message rates apply but we have the unlimited....hopefully there are no other charges. Guess I will find out the hard way! lol Have a great day everyone. (((hugs)))

Jennifer...it is TracyinKS. Lets all say a big prayer for her ((((hugs))))

:thumbdown: hi again

Good morning~ Have a great day ladies.

OMG what a scary thought! But worth thinking about! Somethings gotta give. Looks like russell is finally gonna get his! lol I love it! Do you realize how many votes in the jury house he (Jeff) is gonna get for this one?

Jenn-give me your definition of clear liquids...pretty please

Good morning... Yesterdays eating went fairly well except for the 3 Chocolate Chip cookies. Other than that I did really well. Makes it easier when the ice cream is gone. I can tell since I had the unfill that my stmach has shrunk from the size it was preband. I plan to keep it that way so I am watching very closely how much I eat. The other day I ate a hamburger only because I havent had one in over 2 years. I wasn't too impressed, which is a plus! lol Jenn-wtf are you doing to lose 23 pounds in 3 weeks? Have a great day everyone!

<----has empty days and LOVES it! lol Laura-I agree with Michelle....suck it up and love every minute of it. I wish I could run pick macy up out of her crib right now :biggrin:

YeeeHawww! :biggrin: :ohmy: Listen to the quiet!

Good morning~ I am up and at it. Getting Macy fed and ready for school, then about to get dsd up and to school too :ohmy: I ate 2 and 1/2 pints of ice cream yesterday...I suck!:biggrin: It was one of those that I rationalize in my head by saying to myself 'but you need to get it out of the house'. Today, throwing it away seems like it would have been a much better choice but...too late. I am just going to focus on today now. I will go work out and follow the rules today. Have a great day ladies and I will check back in.

Goodnight everyone

Hello everyone... YAY...school starts tomorrow!!!!! I CANT WAIT!! Have a great evening!

I did too...I even put the site on my favs so I can vote again tomorrow :thumbup:

Good morning ladies~ Monday school starts :thumbup: That is going to be MY start date too. Now that I can eat healthy food again I am out of excuses. I will drop the kids off at school then go to the gym. When I went to the dr the other day I had gained 46 pounds from the last time I was there. But that is OK. I am still a non-smoker (go me). They say people gain 20-40 pounds after quitting, and I have always been an over achiever, lol...so...A Plus is that all the birthdays are over for a while so there will be no b-day cake in the house anymore. Terry-glad to hear that things are going somewhat better for you! I am going to be very careful with this unfill. I was gaining weight WITH a fill so I know what kind of damage I could do without restriction. I hope all of you ladies have a fantastic day & weekend.

Good morning ladies~ Wow, so much sadness...so many different things going on in our lives! I made a hard decision yesterday and went and got an unfill. Long story short version...my head isnt in the game...I can not eat anything other than liquids due to stress so I have been eating ice cream...literally ice cream all day every day for the past week. So, I made that very difficult decision and was glad I did. The nurse told me that it happens more than I could know. She made me feel 100% better and said WE would fix it It is just what I needed. Much love going out to all the violets....I love you ladies!!

Hmm, this touched my heart more than you'll know! Thank you! I am glad you had a good time and I am glad that you know where your head is now. Stay strong...I know it isnt easy. Laura-this is the funniest thing i have heard in a long time! Good to see the flying monkies werent sent out! And happy belated b-day! I am gonna kinda miss Jessie. He made me laugh. I am happy about what happened to Chima. She just didnt want to get voted out so she did it 'her way'. Kind of selfish though...shows she did not care about her teammates, just herself. I am so sorry to hear this. I will pray for all of you and pray that this was something that was caught in plenty of time! Keep us posted. This has TracyK written all over it. I love to eat. I love food. I am just an addict...plainand simple. No joke huh? At least we all have each other here! That is a wonderful feeling! Me too Laura! OK so as you can see I am back from my trip. We stayed longer than originally planned which is fine by me. For some reason I can not seem to eat anything other than liquids and mushies. You would think that I would 'go with it' and lose some weight but I have been shoveling in the ice cream and candy. WTF is my deal, I mean really? Anyway...today is another day?! Right?! Wow, I wish one of you lived right next door to me...so many things have happened that i need to talk about. DH is off until tomorrow night. Maybe I will give one of you a ring...whoever may wanna hear the crap! lol Pamela-so sorry about your trip getting ruined like that. Sounds like your brother is married to a real winner! I wonder how TracyinKS is doing. Hi everyone I missed! Love you all!