I'm channeling my inner Dori and singing to myself...Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...in more ways than one. Today is 8 weeks and I lost a whole pound this week. So my 9# loss in Month 2 is a lot less than my 19# loss in my first month. BUT things are definitely changing...so I've just gotta keep going!
I joined a gym last week. After a little fiasco with the first gym I tried (a very uncomfortable experience) I ended up joining a gym that the whole family can go to. They have 3 pools and a great kids program and I think it's going to be a great place for my whole family. I have gone everyday since I joined and am doing a lot of swimming. I'm not a very fast swimming but I can definitely tell I'm working parts of my body that haven't been worked in awhile. My step daughter is a water polo player and she has taken it upon herself to be my personal trainer and is having me do her water workouts....well my version of them anyway She is either going to whip me into shape or kill me...LOL
My kids are swimming with me, and it's been interesting to hear their comments about Mom getting in and swimming and not just sitting on the side soaking my feet. Apparently, I have been missing out on a lot since I got heavier .
So I am walking, and biking, and swimming...trying to get in 5-6 days a week of some sort of activity. So even if the scale isn't moving very much, I KNOW I am in a very different place than I was last year at this time. I'm not the heaviest person at the pool, and I'm not the skinniest...but I am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin!!!
Well, after browsing this site all yesterday and reading others blogs, I decided that I should put my own thoughts to page and hopefully get some really awesome feedback from people who actually get it.
First off, let me share a little of my story.
I have always struggled with weight, even in high school. I was really active, participating in soft ball and played golf for my school. I was "plus size" even then. Got married at 20 to a man in the Navy, and then divorced by 24. I guess you could say I am an emotional eater, but this journey really has taught me a lot about what I actually need for nutrition as opposed to that satiating yummy feeling, that usually ends up making me sick 30 minutes afterward. I have tried every diet known to man, to only be knocked down a peg and it not be successful. After numerous tests (when my weight spiked to 299, and bp was 180/103) my doctors determined that not only do I have high bp, sleep apnea, PCOS, and depression; they found that my thyroid was barely working.
I was referred to a seminar with Mission health at the end of November and from there it really has been a fast, whirlwind process. Had my first doctors appointment in December, and now here we are April, and I'm going into surgery in two weeks. I have been so blessed with my insurance plan. BCBS of NC has literally come back with an approval hours after submission. So far the process has been stress free and everyone has been really supportive. I can only think that this is devine intervention or something.
Well, anyways. Today marks my first day of "full liquids" and I was so excited. It is like that final step before surgery. I sit and day-dream about all the things I'm going to get to do. All the clothes (that you don't have to pay extra for) that I can wear.
It started almost like any morning, I was sitting at my desk at work. I had made the terrible mistake of telling my co-worker that I had taken "before" pictures. Which I probably will never share with anyone. Seeing yourself from a third person prospective totally warped my sense of "self-image." Like, I have no illusions that I'm obese. But at least when I look in the mirror I go "hmm, not that bad," but when I saw the pictures I was like OH MY GOODNESS, how could I let myself get like that?
Anyways, my co-worker is and this is her quote "126 pounds and OH MY GOD a size 6" she's gorgeous. I hear daily from random patients "you are the most beautiful woman I've seen." While here I am a troll, hiding in my cave at work. She had the comforting idea to go "I took before pictures too!" (as she is doing crossfit three times a week and resistance four times a week) I can barely walk to the bathroom without getting out of breath. Of course her before pictures were disgusting and hideous and should be burned. I snapped. (Not proud, but whatever). I looked at her and said, "do you realize I've NEVER been a size 6." She retorted, "when I started working here I was a size 2, but everyone eats all the time I just join in." Like it's my fault she's gained six pounds and went up two pant sizes.
We currently are acting icy towards each other and I just laughed at her response and told her I had work to do.
So after saying all of that, I beg to ask... do people really not get it? When they think they are being helpful and supportive, do they really not hear what comes out of their mouths?
I hate that I've let her ruin my day so early, but I'm so frustrated that someone so beautiful could think so little of herself to compare her to me, and think that its supportive that she's gained weight working here also. Just sayin' I would probably risk 10-20 years in prison to get a body like hers.
