First of all, just take a deep breath! Relax, relate and release. Since the new year is coming, try to prioritize things and eliminate all the stress in your life. You are putting your health at risk by stressing out on top of being overweight. There is light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to be strong. What's done is done. I'd hate to see you totally regret going through all this to get the band, then give up. Hang in there. but you have to get a handle on things. Once you have a clear mind, things will come together. It may also help to go and talk to someone like a therapist, just to get things in perspective. Whatever you do, don't bottle your feeling up. That is when we tend to turn to food for comfort. You can do it!