southernsoul

I have been a pretty frequent poster here since last March, except for the past few weeks. Almost 3 weeks ago, my husband was killed in a tragic fire at his brother's house. I am still reeling from the shock & trying desperately to find my way through this awful new reality into which I have been thrown. I miss him so much, at times I almost can't catch my breath. I am incredibly fortunate to have a strong & loving support network of amazing friends & family. Eventually, I will be OK. But at the moment, I am struggling to eat enough, I started smoking again, and I am having a drink each night to help me sleep. At some point, with the help of the many wonderful people who love me, I will find my way back to a healthy and happy path. I believe that in my head, even if I can't yet feel it in my heart. I am thankful that my improved physical condition will help me be better prepared to take care of myself now than I would have been six months ago.
But here's the thing I want to say to you. Sometimes, life is going to suck. Surgery is not a magic cure-all for the problems we deal with. Life is going to throw us curve balls & challenging situations. Sometimes we can prepare ourselves for those challenges, but sometimes there is simply nothing that will prepare us to face what we must. So, when life rises up & punches you in the face, remember these guidelines:
Spend more of your time focusing on your achievements rather than your shortcomings.
Devote more energy to expressing your love to others rather than tallying up the things that piss you off.
Understand that we are all far more than a number on a scale. If you are waiting to try new things until you lose weight, STOP WAITING. Your life is happening now, here, today....don't let it pass you by because of fear, insecurity, or doubt.
If you pray, send me a prayer. If you don't pray, then send me good vibes & healing thoughts. I appreciate all the good & supportive thoughts I can get right now.

I have been a pretty frequent poster here since last March, except for the past few weeks. Almost 3 weeks ago, my husband was killed in a tragic fire at his brother's house. I am still reeling from the shock & trying desperately to find my way through this awful new reality into which I have been thrown. I miss him so much, at times I almost can't catch my breath. I am incredibly fortunate to have a strong & loving support network of amazing friends & family. Eventually, I will be OK. But at the moment, I am struggling to eat enough, I started smoking again, and I am having a drink each night to help me sleep. At some point, with the help of the many wonderful people who love me, I will find my way back to a healthy and happy path. I believe that in my head, even if I can't yet feel it in my heart. I am thankful that my improved physical condition will help me be better prepared to take care of myself now than I would have been six months ago.
But here's the thing I want to say to you. Sometimes, life is going to suck. Surgery is not a magic cure-all for the problems we deal with. Life is going to throw us curve balls & challenging situations. Sometimes we can prepare ourselves for those challenges, but sometimes there is simply nothing that will prepare us to face what we must. So, when life rises up & punches you in the face, remember these guidelines:
Spend more of your time focusing on your achievements rather than your shortcomings.
Devote more energy to expressing your love to others rather than tallying up the things that piss you off.
Understand that we are all far more than a number on a scale. If you are waiting to try new things until you lose weight, STOP WAITING. Your life is happening now, here, today....don't let it pass you by because of fear, insecurity, or doubt.
If you pray, send me a prayer. If you don't pray, then send me good vibes & healing thoughts. I appreciate all the good & supportive thoughts I can get right now.

I have been a pretty frequent poster here since last March, except for the past few weeks. Almost 3 weeks ago, my husband was killed in a tragic fire at his brother's house. I am still reeling from the shock & trying desperately to find my way through this awful new reality into which I have been thrown. I miss him so much, at times I almost can't catch my breath. I am incredibly fortunate to have a strong & loving support network of amazing friends & family. Eventually, I will be OK. But at the moment, I am struggling to eat enough, I started smoking again, and I am having a drink each night to help me sleep. At some point, with the help of the many wonderful people who love me, I will find my way back to a healthy and happy path. I believe that in my head, even if I can't yet feel it in my heart. I am thankful that my improved physical condition will help me be better prepared to take care of myself now than I would have been six months ago.
But here's the thing I want to say to you. Sometimes, life is going to suck. Surgery is not a magic cure-all for the problems we deal with. Life is going to throw us curve balls & challenging situations. Sometimes we can prepare ourselves for those challenges, but sometimes there is simply nothing that will prepare us to face what we must. So, when life rises up & punches you in the face, remember these guidelines:
Spend more of your time focusing on your achievements rather than your shortcomings.
Devote more energy to expressing your love to others rather than tallying up the things that piss you off.
Understand that we are all far more than a number on a scale. If you are waiting to try new things until you lose weight, STOP WAITING. Your life is happening now, here, today....don't let it pass you by because of fear, insecurity, or doubt.
If you pray, send me a prayer. If you don't pray, then send me good vibes & healing thoughts. I appreciate all the good & supportive thoughts I can get right now.

I have been a pretty frequent poster here since last March, except for the past few weeks. Almost 3 weeks ago, my husband was killed in a tragic fire at his brother's house. I am still reeling from the shock & trying desperately to find my way through this awful new reality into which I have been thrown. I miss him so much, at times I almost can't catch my breath. I am incredibly fortunate to have a strong & loving support network of amazing friends & family. Eventually, I will be OK. But at the moment, I am struggling to eat enough, I started smoking again, and I am having a drink each night to help me sleep. At some point, with the help of the many wonderful people who love me, I will find my way back to a healthy and happy path. I believe that in my head, even if I can't yet feel it in my heart. I am thankful that my improved physical condition will help me be better prepared to take care of myself now than I would have been six months ago.
But here's the thing I want to say to you. Sometimes, life is going to suck. Surgery is not a magic cure-all for the problems we deal with. Life is going to throw us curve balls & challenging situations. Sometimes we can prepare ourselves for those challenges, but sometimes there is simply nothing that will prepare us to face what we must. So, when life rises up & punches you in the face, remember these guidelines:
Spend more of your time focusing on your achievements rather than your shortcomings.
Devote more energy to expressing your love to others rather than tallying up the things that piss you off.
Understand that we are all far more than a number on a scale. If you are waiting to try new things until you lose weight, STOP WAITING. Your life is happening now, here, today....don't let it pass you by because of fear, insecurity, or doubt.
If you pray, send me a prayer. If you don't pray, then send me good vibes & healing thoughts. I appreciate all the good & supportive thoughts I can get right now.

Oh, come on...way back at the beginning of this awesome thread we all got to watch as the love bloomed between you two frisky kids. It was a beautiful thing! :wub:

Oh, come on...way back at the beginning of this awesome thread we all got to watch as the love bloomed between you two frisky kids. It was a beautiful thing! :wub:

I think your theory about losing the extra thigh cushioning might be right on the money. I also can't help but wonder about massaging chairs, like at my pedi place...

So, I'm down about 73 lbs & I've started checking out those full body shapers. I ordered one that lets you wear your own bra, so the front doesn't cover the girls. It has extended legs, too. When it arrived, I realized it is also crotchless. OK...a little weird, but could be helpful, right? I tried it on to see if it fit & I didn't bother with a bra. Well, it squeezed me in all over & made me look like this smooth, featureless, beige mannequin woman. With the crotchless-ness going on, I ended up feeling like some kind of creepy blow up doll!!! I felt like I should walk around with my lips pursed open, too. Ick...not sure I can wear that again.

My BMI was about 52 when I started at 320 lbs. I chose the sleeve because of the malabsorption issues that can happen with bypass & because I wanted to keep as much of my body's natural digestive process intact as possible. If you haven't come across her yet, check out LessofSarah on YT. I don't know her starting BMI, but she was well over 400 when she began about 14 months ago & she's lost over 200 lbs. I love her videos!

So, I'm down about 73 lbs & I've started checking out those full body shapers. I ordered one that lets you wear your own bra, so the front doesn't cover the girls. It has extended legs, too. When it arrived, I realized it is also crotchless. OK...a little weird, but could be helpful, right? I tried it on to see if it fit & I didn't bother with a bra. Well, it squeezed me in all over & made me look like this smooth, featureless, beige mannequin woman. With the crotchless-ness going on, I ended up feeling like some kind of creepy blow up doll!!! I felt like I should walk around with my lips pursed open, too. Ick...not sure I can wear that again.

Almost every month, I lose during 2 of the weeks & then don't really lose anything the other 2 weeks. Sometimes it's 2 straight weeks of loss, followed by 2 weeks of a pause, and sometimes it's lose, pause, lose, pause. Just recently, I stalled for a full month & just kept fluctuating between the same 2 pounds. This week, I suddenly dropped 7 lbs. It's weird how it works & everybody is a little different. Don't sweat the short view, just focus on the long term.

I made this tonight & it is delicious! We were out of flour, of all things, so I winged it with a couple of cans of cream of chicken Soup & only added about 1 cup of milk. The Dijon & the lemon juice are great in the sauce. I also added a layer of chopped broccoli (about 2 cups frozen, thawed in the microwave) above the ham & below the cheese layer. The hubs had eaten a few of the Swiss slices I had planned to use for this, so I added a little shredded Italian blend to the cheese layer. Thanks again for posting the recipe!

That looks delicious!! I love casseroles in the fall & winter. I'll bet it would be good with some cut up asparagus or broccoli, too. Thanks for posting!

I really want to to respond to this, but I also hesitate because my husband & I have just decided to split up. However, our breakup really doesn't have anything to do with my point, which is that attractiveness is often more about self-confidence and your general attitude than it is about the number on the scale. My hubs & I met via online dating when I was around 270 or 280 lbs. I have always had pretty healthy self-esteem & I didn't worry about the men who would not be attracted to me because of my weight. I know that I don't personally find every guy attractive (including some who are physically good looking but just don't rev my engine), so to me it seemed perfectly reasonable to accept that not every man would find me attractive. I met about 10-12 men online, had one date only with about 6 of them & had multiple dates with about 5 & married the last one. One thing he always told me was that my confidence and my attitude were very sexy to him. I am now smaller than he's ever seen me, and he still thinks I am beautiful. Our separation does not seem (on the surface) to be connected to my surgery, but it's very, very new & I'm still figuring it all out. But for what it's worth, don't sell yourself short. Get out there & let yourself shine!

When I tried online dating after I got divorced I enjoyed dating several men at once. It's true that decisions have to made about who you will sleep with and when, but just because you're dating more than one man doesn't always mean that you're sleeping with more than one. It's a balance, and you have to figure out what feels right to you. Good luck!

Pamper yourself a bit before surgery. Have a mani or a pedi, buy a cute new nightgown or robe to wear in the hospital & at home the first few days, give yourself a little home spa day the day before surgery, etc. Being in the hospital & those first few days at home can be rough, so treat yourself extra special right before. Good luck!

Yes, I know my self esteem definitely took a hit these past 2 years. Slowly, but surely, I am getting it back though! Just the fact I'm even considering it is a huge step for me! Thank you for the pep talk. I need to get over myself sometimes

So I've been getting a few requests to post some updated pics. I had surgery on 9/10/13 and I took this pic tonight.
Best decision of my life. I'd probably still be that guy on the left, in total denial about how obese I really was.

What do you do if you are dating two of them at once?
the one is 4 hours and I really would like to keep seeing him but I am not sure what is going to happen with the one only 1 hour away. I don't see why I can't date both of them, but I sure don't want to be having sex with 2 people.

Hey everyone, I just wanted to share with you, that on Saturday the 4th of January I married my soul mate. My choice to have vsg surgery has been one of the best health and wellness decisions I have ever made. On the day of my wedding just a few days shy of 6 months post op I was down 92 pounds from day of surgery. I went from a size 22-24, 286 pounds to 194 pounds and a size 14 wedding dress! I feel amazing! If there is anyone wondering if they should do it, I hands down thank that you should do it. The changes are amazing. Toasting to me, my new husband, my healthier life, and to all of you who have taken the plunge into this journey as well as those who are standing on the edge... jump and be prepared to fly! Good bless you all!

Just an update...
SouthernSoul was spot on here. We ended up talking about EVERYTHING. I didn't get to see her before she left the country but we will when she gets back.
She called me on Christmas to tell me she has feelings for me and that she totally supports my goals and plans for self-care.
Turns out she loves me just as I am.
This surgery has always been for me and me alone but it was an incredible experience to have prior to losing weight and means a lot.

It sounds to me like you're talking about a woman who has known you for 9 years, clearly likes you just fine already, and is indicating interest in potentially more. If your weight has not been a determining factor in the success of your friendship, why would you think that it might be a factor in the success of a now-turned-romantic relationship? Because you'd be getting nekky? She's probably already figured out that you're not a skinny minny.
If you want to get to a different place before starting something new, then tell her that...while you are enjoying her company before you are separated for several months. Everything you said about needing to focus on self-care makes perfect sense, and I'm willing to bet that if this woman has been your friend for years already she's probably smart enough and mature enough to understand that & appreciate the honesty.

OK, now I understand better what you meant in your original post. I agree with both you & Seela, it can be really difficult when you feel like he's paying more attention because your outside has changed. It shouldn't matter, since we're the same on the inside. Nobody should feel invisible, but the truth is that many of us do.
Sometimes I wonder if I needed to feel invisible for some reason. Was I scared to be noticed too much? Why was I more comfortable in the role of the behind-the-scenes person who keeps everything clicking along for everybody else instead of being front & center in my own life? And how much of my getting upset at the hubs for paying more attention to me now is really more about my discomfort with increased attention from everybody else around me? I don't know...I don't have the answers, but it's definitely one of the head trips that a lot of us have to work through as we move along this path.

It sounds to me like you're talking about a woman who has known you for 9 years, clearly likes you just fine already, and is indicating interest in potentially more. If your weight has not been a determining factor in the success of your friendship, why would you think that it might be a factor in the success of a now-turned-romantic relationship? Because you'd be getting nekky? She's probably already figured out that you're not a skinny minny.
If you want to get to a different place before starting something new, then tell her that...while you are enjoying her company before you are separated for several months. Everything you said about needing to focus on self-care makes perfect sense, and I'm willing to bet that if this woman has been your friend for years already she's probably smart enough and mature enough to understand that & appreciate the honesty.

Right now your new stomach is not feeling like a lot can go in there..You are in the healing process and you don't want to put any pressure on the staples....Also you feel bad because you just had major surgery and all the stuff they give you makes you feel awful not to mention you no longer have 80 % of your stomach...
Please take my advice: you do not want to take a chance by going off of your Drs. advice...I am one of those people who have had a lot of problems with my WLS and it is not a ride in the park....Give yourself those few weeks to settle down and take care of yourself okay....
Better now then later!