momto6ix

****** We have different body chemistry and different brain chemistry, if we didn't we would not be in our starting conditions. We eat like "normal" people yet we are at least 100 pounds overweigh ************** really? you truly really believe this? I just read a quote about someone who put a shotgun on the porch, with shells inside of it. he came back, and low and behold it hadn't killed anyone. he was going to check on his spoons now, because he heard they make people fat. tell y'all what. if and when the day comes that you take responsibility for your own weight gain, then perhaps, just maybe, you'll be able to keep weight off. as long as you continue to believe that "you are different from others, you eat normal but gain weight" you will never succeed. it's called personal responsibilty. the other day he said to me, oh, those that gain weight, they eat ice cream and fast food. i don't do that. and i said, honey, neither of us does that. yet we've both managed to gain weight over the years. it has to be more then that. and he said, yeah, you're right. god if nothing else, i hope he leaves this site. it appears that many, not all of you by far, but many of you truly believe that you've done nothing but wake up one day as an obese person. i don't want him here. i want him to know that he can enjoy food again, just by using portion control.

good morning all. I do so appreciate answers to questions that try and explain why things will work and why they won't. the replies that are mean or defensive, I try and ignore. my questions are blunt and honest. maybe this upsets some of you, but they are legit questions. I look at weight like this. I know people who are really thin, and they eat all kinds of junk food. I'll bet everyone knows of some like this, and everyone is jealous of that person. but. some people also have really long legs, super blonde hair, they are pretty. I'm not them. I'm not the person who can eat with abandon either., I LIVE WITH RICK. and I love how you are all defending him. but, while I don't live with any of you, I can honestly say I have seen rick diet, and be successful. then he quits. so when he tells me, I can't lose weight on a diet, you betcha I have trouble with that, because he can. what he can't do is lose more then 5 lbs a week if that on a diet. what he doesn't want to do is accept that he is a person without that super fast matabolism, that he can not eat like he wants to. my hair looks awful if I let it air dry. so I spend time with it each morning to style it. my house gets dirty if I don't dust it. my body gets fat if I don't watch what I put in it. I do NOT understand how you can say I got surgery to save my life; isn't fear of early death enough of a deterrent to eating 3,4,5 slices of pizza? apparently not. we have life ins. we have wills. we do not expect to die tomorrow, but we are prepared for it. we wear seatbelts in cars, even tho we've never been involved in a bad accident. why is dieting so hard? maybe because we have to accept that it's not a diet, but a life altering decision to not overeat. my original question stands. what has changed in your way of thinking, that now you can succeed? Rick told me he would NOT feel hunger. but now he is surprised that he is hungry. I've seen posts on here that say, I got this to give me a jump start and I'm never going back. I've also seen posts that say, I'm gaining weight. I also saw a post from a woman who was MAD at her co workers cuz they constantly bring in food for the lunch room and she had the surgery don't they get it??? maybe they bring in food they know better to leave home so they don't eat it? but hesitate to throw it out? maybe they feel, here's 10 cupcakes, people will only take one........ and yes, I do feel, rick has to learn how to find his way again in the world of food. rick is totally upset that he is going to bobby flay's restaurant tonight and can't eat. he hasn't mentioned the joy of seeing the broadway show, or even just looking forward to hanging out with coworkers out of a work setting, just that he can't eat. and you wonder why I worry and ask questions that make you think? someone said they now enjoy parties more cuz the focus isn't on food. that's positive! maybe for him, he looked forward to parties just to eat. I would have never thought that until I read it here. as I said. I live with rick. I've seen him go on a diet and be very successful. but then, he'd just cheat. I don't know why. as with any diet out there, heck, you lose 30 lbs and you think, wow this is great!!! so why cheat? I'm sorry I'm stirring your pot on here. surely you understand that it is somewhat of a one sided site, meant for those who have had the surgery. there's nothing for the families. Protein. I need a good protein for his party because he should eat that first. anyone wanna suggest good recipes they've discovered? (it's ok if you yell at me, insult me, heck you can even blame me for all overweight people in the world ifn' ya want, I'm female, italian and scorpio, do you really think you can make me cry? smile) instead I'd rather learn some positive recipes so I can incorporate them into our lives. I have read on here that people cheated and ate food they shouldn't have before they were cleared to. haven't read many of people who exercised before they were supposed to. rick was raking last week, and I'm not sure he shoulda have done that. that kinda stuff worries me. anyone have input on that? theresa

good morning all. I do so appreciate answers to questions that try and explain why things will work and why they won't. the replies that are mean or defensive, I try and ignore. my questions are blunt and honest. maybe this upsets some of you, but they are legit questions. I look at weight like this. I know people who are really thin, and they eat all kinds of junk food. I'll bet everyone knows of some like this, and everyone is jealous of that person. but. some people also have really long legs, super blonde hair, they are pretty. I'm not them. I'm not the person who can eat with abandon either., I LIVE WITH RICK. and I love how you are all defending him. but, while I don't live with any of you, I can honestly say I have seen rick diet, and be successful. then he quits. so when he tells me, I can't lose weight on a diet, you betcha I have trouble with that, because he can. what he can't do is lose more then 5 lbs a week if that on a diet. what he doesn't want to do is accept that he is a person without that super fast matabolism, that he can not eat like he wants to. my hair looks awful if I let it air dry. so I spend time with it each morning to style it. my house gets dirty if I don't dust it. my body gets fat if I don't watch what I put in it. I do NOT understand how you can say I got surgery to save my life; isn't fear of early death enough of a deterrent to eating 3,4,5 slices of pizza? apparently not. we have life ins. we have wills. we do not expect to die tomorrow, but we are prepared for it. we wear seatbelts in cars, even tho we've never been involved in a bad accident. why is dieting so hard? maybe because we have to accept that it's not a diet, but a life altering decision to not overeat. my original question stands. what has changed in your way of thinking, that now you can succeed? Rick told me he would NOT feel hunger. but now he is surprised that he is hungry. I've seen posts on here that say, I got this to give me a jump start and I'm never going back. I've also seen posts that say, I'm gaining weight. I also saw a post from a woman who was MAD at her co workers cuz they constantly bring in food for the lunch room and she had the surgery don't they get it??? maybe they bring in food they know better to leave home so they don't eat it? but hesitate to throw it out? maybe they feel, here's 10 cupcakes, people will only take one........ and yes, I do feel, rick has to learn how to find his way again in the world of food. rick is totally upset that he is going to bobby flay's restaurant tonight and can't eat. he hasn't mentioned the joy of seeing the broadway show, or even just looking forward to hanging out with coworkers out of a work setting, just that he can't eat. and you wonder why I worry and ask questions that make you think? someone said they now enjoy parties more cuz the focus isn't on food. that's positive! maybe for him, he looked forward to parties just to eat. I would have never thought that until I read it here. as I said. I live with rick. I've seen him go on a diet and be very successful. but then, he'd just cheat. I don't know why. as with any diet out there, heck, you lose 30 lbs and you think, wow this is great!!! so why cheat? I'm sorry I'm stirring your pot on here. surely you understand that it is somewhat of a one sided site, meant for those who have had the surgery. there's nothing for the families. Protein. I need a good protein for his party because he should eat that first. anyone wanna suggest good recipes they've discovered? (it's ok if you yell at me, insult me, heck you can even blame me for all overweight people in the world ifn' ya want, I'm female, italian and scorpio, do you really think you can make me cry? smile) instead I'd rather learn some positive recipes so I can incorporate them into our lives. I have read on here that people cheated and ate food they shouldn't have before they were cleared to. haven't read many of people who exercised before they were supposed to. rick was raking last week, and I'm not sure he shoulda have done that. that kinda stuff worries me. anyone have input on that? theresa

sorry you feel that way. but if you read, someone asked me if I'm missing my food buddy. really? talk about attacks. and yes, you're right, try as i might, I don't quite understand how some may post on here that they are never hungry, some say they are starving, and the posts about those regaining weight are downright scary. and I can't plan functions that don't have food. who can? imagine sending invitations out, we're getting married, please join us at the reception after, where we'll be playing cards? ok that's extreme, but you get the point. i think success in any diet, depends on learning how to get on in a world where yes, you are absolutely right, food is always/often at center stage. rick is more then a little bummed, after the broadway show, they're going to bobby flay's. he wanted to back out again, saying i don't think i'm ready for restaurants. i can't believe i'm going to miss bobby flays! i said, it's your decision, i understand either way. I hope you go, because you will have fun. and surely there is amazing Soup there. but isn't the first time in a restaurant hard for anyone? listen. no. my opinion isn't the same as yours. we're 2 different people, i'm someone who has been able to go on diets, and be ok with them. others need surgery. but, rick will insist that anyone who loses weight on regular diets is never successful. well no one is, including those who opt for surgery, if they do not learn how to survive in a world of food. i'm not mean. i'm honest.

hi all, been awhile since I checked in. Rick is not my husband, but only because I get alimony for another couple years and we're both willing to still get that. i know that sounds mean, or callous, but it's a joint decision on our part. the downside of that was MY insurance woulda paid for this years ago, whereas his ins doesn't. period. we used money from an IRA to pay for this. at our age tho, people always just assume we're married. lol we're used to it. in a way, i'm glad things went this way, because he mentioned last night he's way happier with this then he would have been with the lapband, something he tried for years ago. so it all worked out. we purchased a home together and plan our retirement together, and even tho I was frustrated every time he's quit on a diet, the main thing that Kimmie posted was "the choice to quit is taken away from us" maybe that's the most important thing. his stall has slowly stopped, but he lost inches anyway, and went down to a 48 pants from a 50, without losing weight. i think that when he saw that, he was encouraged because he just seemed to come out of a funk way faster. that, combined with being un able to quit, is huge for him. I think he would have succeeded on any diet, if only he would have just stayed on the diet. now, as kimmie said, he's got no other choice. amazing. when I've mentioned frustrations with him, those are a buildup of the past 8 yrs worth. when I met him, he was not this overweight. just a normal amount if that makes any sense. In fact, I gained weight after meeting him too, he's an excellent cook and we enjoyed that alot. we went on atkins together on his urging and I lost the weight but he quit. before his surgery date, he went on what he called a "world wide tour of eating" wanting to eat out every friday & saturday night. he wanted to go drinking with his buddies, go to all his favorite restaurants. I finally had to start saying no, because like I told him, YOU"RE having this surgery, not I and I can't keep eating like this. we're bikers, and yeah, drinking kinda goes with that. that's why I mentioned the alcohol. but in his group of maybe 15 guys that bike, he's the only one who's overweight, I never understood that. he does have a desk job, and on weekends he loves to hang out in his recliner all day. with this surgery, I have seen changes. he went back to seriously watching carbs. he's walking at work at lunchtime. we play pool alot, we had just refinished the basement. he misses the drinking. we didn't go out to eat alot anyways, that was mostly for special things. or when we were on the bike. so I'm sure I don't "miss my food buddy". He ate out every day at lunch cuz he just wasn't the type to take food to work, I live close to my job and come home for lunch. but now, he takes food. whoever mentioned they thought their husband missed her as a food buddy, but then said, he's never complained saved money etc; he probably didn't complain because he didn't think of you as a food buddy, just as I don't think of rick as one. but family gatherings are still going to happen, grandkids will get baptized, weddings will happen, these things focus on food, hey, I DIDN"T MAKE IT THAT WAY, and we will still have to do these things, and rick will have to join us. On Easier, we do the egg hunt outside for the 9 grandchildren who live nearby. that went on. it's tradition. I don't think of rick as a food buddy, but he's my partner in this world, and this world isn't going to change to accomodate this surgery. he decided now to join his friends at work for this broadway show, and I'm happy about that. food is a part of our society, and when you choose this surgery, you still have to find a way in that society, cuz it's doesn't stop because you did this. i'm sorry if that's blunt but it's the truth. I'm glad that rick has decided to now go and enjoy the show, because that shows ME that he's willing to continue to do things, even tho he can't eat. missing a food buddy is a silly way to explain it, because the social world revolves around social gatherings and gatherings have food. when you go to a food gathering, have you ever looked around? have you ever asked yourself why, out of dozens of people, you'll see just a few who are extremely obese and most are not? somehow, people ARE making it in a world where a focus is food. are they exercising like nuts? or born that way? who knows. they are making it tho, and to expect things to now change because some have chosen surgery, well, it's just unrealistic. it isn't just fat people who go to gatherings that involve food, it's all people. but only some end up obese. it's important to both of us, that he finds his way in a world when things revolve around food. I believe he can and will. as far as the exercise bike, the main reason I was surprised is because the dr gave him the clearance for riding the motorcycle the same time for riding the exercise bike. the harley weighs about 850 lbs, and he sits on it to move it backwards to get it out of the garage. THAT on his abdomen/stomach muscles is way different then sitting on an exercise bike. last night he said to me, we need a new vacuum. I'm looking on ebay. I was surprised, I said , we have a vacuum? this was his reasoning: we have hardwood floors, but NOW have a finished basement that is carpeted. so I keep the vacuum downstairs now in the closet. he cuts his hair with a Flobee, if any of you have heard of that, it hooks up to a vacuum. so he wanted to buy a vacuum to keep upstairs. yes, I vetoed that. I said honey, you cut your hair once a month. go downstairs to get it, bring it up cut your hair and bring it back downstairs. think of it as burning calories. so he said yeah, ok. vacuums are way expensive, to purchase one to cut your hair once a month, because you don't want to walk downstairs to get the one we have, well, things like that are what put weight on you. as for his birthday? it's always been a surprise. that part was important to me. knowing him as I do, that a surprise party would thrill him. he will be able to eat regular food by then, has anyone any suggestions on what types of food. I was going to cater it, I planned on going to work at my normal 530 am; then finding a place to hang until he leaves for work at 8; then going home to set this up. I've been planning it for 3 yrs, since we moved in. the only glitch is this surgery and food. trust me, I don't want to go back to presurgery, but, as I said, life goes on. when one throws a huge party, food is involved. I do think he won't really care about food so much, he'll just totally enjoy being the guest of honor. the party goes on, I know he'll love it. he'll be 9 weeks post surgery. (the date has been planned for the 3 yrs too, to throw him off). can anyone suggest foods for this stage? perhaps recipes or things that you have learned you can enjoy. I'm not trying to make food that he can think, wow yay lotsa of food. rather i'm trying to think of what to make that will work all around. something easy for him to eat, that will be healthy for him. what do i know? usually we do burgers, dogs, wings, salads, a Pasta dish.etc. I have a good 50+ people planned, I gotta feed them. Like I said, you go to a party, food is there. but I want something that he can think, ok good, I can eat that, be healthy, now, relax and enjoy my party. theresa ps. tho one day I would like to know why, if hunger is eliminated, do I see posts of those couple years out who are regaining weight, have stretched out their sleeve, etc. obviously you can, and do stretch out the sleeve too, I've seen that Frisco guy's posts. many posts seem to contradict many of the points made by Kimmie

so do you all start joining in on family gatherings that include food again? we have a large family between us. he has 1 son and 1 grandson, we don't see them hardly at all, they live in another state. i have 6 daughters and 10 grandchildren that live close by, so we see them often. once he had this surgery, even I see it more, how yes, gatherings typically involve food. I have been planning his 60th birthdaty surprise since we moved here 3 yrs ago. I never thought of a surgery. Now, it's supposed to be at the end of May around Memorial day. I've been torn. do I have it? not have it yet? he can eat, but not much, and we usually get a keg when we party. now what? not sure how to handle this. oh, I have news for you. one thing this site is missing is a support group for the family members. not you guys, us. that would be helpful. whenever I ask him about things, he tends to snap. he's convinced he could have never lost weight without this. so if you say the wrong thing, he snaps because he's so sensitive about this. I found this site cuz he kept telling me I needed to educate myself on this. ok. here i am. at least when I ask you guys questions, you don't snap at me. my questions are legit. thanx again all. Tia

thank you all again. and please don't get the wrong idea, when I type here, I am being honestly blunt. with him, I've tried encouragement until I'm blue in the face. I've gone on every diet he wants to, once, we both were ''losing' until we found out our scale was broken, we bought a better one online for very obese people, and i kept going, he threw the diet out the window. he made a comment in the 1st week after surg, that now he is losing whole pounds. that's his comment, which suggests that if he isn't losing whole pounds, nothing is worth it. i've tried getting him to walk with me, go flea marketing, etc. we just finished our basement, on his insistance a treadmill and recumbant bike that sat unused by him for years, were included in the playroom portion of the basement. we also have a bar room and a pool table game room. he can't use the exercise equipment yet, i know this. i am surprised that he can walk but not ride the bike, but i didn't question the dr on this, i'm sure he has his reasons. but he did approve playing pool, and since i'm terrible at it, when we do play he gets very little sitting down time. so that is better then sitting. whoever typed ghrelin leptin adipose , i copied it, and i am going to do research right now on this. because i can see for myself that something is different in his head from mine, that allows me to stop myself from going nuts on food, that doesn't to him. while we're at it, what is the opinion of personality change after this? because this is a man who is a very good cook, who literally loves food, who has major head hunger i think because he tells me he is starving alot. yesterday he snapped at me all day long, to the point where i finally took my coffee and disappeared. i haven't said this to him, but i am wondering. i felt funny myself sitting down to eat breakfast before we left for flea marketing, then having lunch when we got home, while he is there with his very small soft foods he's made. he turned down going to NY with a vendor at work who is taking about 15 employees to see a Broadway show and have dinner afterwards, because "what's the point of going? I can't eat" any advice on things I can do?

thank you for your input. as I said, I live with someone who just had this surgery. what I've seen is that he would go on a diet, and if he didn't get these super results of 10 lbs a week, which is unrealistic, he'd just quit. right now, he's only 2.5 weeks out, and in a stall. I guess I can see that if this happened with "just" a regular diet, he'd quit and just eat. but right now he can't do that. Having never had this huge weight problem as he does, I guess I'm trying to understand. for me, I would have never let myself get to the point he is at. for me, my "omg I weigh that much???" number is far far lower then his. I struggle daily with losing 30 lbs. but that's all I've ever let myself go. and yes, being female who BEARS the kids, I've always felt that female who have had children have a slightly different disadvantage on weight gain then those who haven't had kids. be it male or female. I'm hoping desperately that this time he succeeds, but whenever I try to talk to him about this, he just snaps at me. I'm hoping he'd never see this post because he hates Oprah. I do know that if he were on a regular good ole fashioned diet, and not lost weight for 5 days, he'd say heck with it, and just binge on food. I live with him, I've SEEN this. right now, he's not losing, but unable to do any binge type eating. I tell him, don't be ridiculous, you will lose weight, how can you not on 800 calories a day? I believe that in 6 months or so, he'll have that huge WL that he seems to need, and be able to go forth and succeed when he's past this "honeymoon" period. no, to be blunt and completely honest, I don't think anyone "needs" WLS, I think people want instant gratification with huge WL's whenever they diet. so this was the point of my question. does this huge wl within such a short time, change your way of thinking so much that you do succeed? listen, I don't mean to criticize, please don't take it that way. but I myself have found, that it's super easy, and quite enjoyable, to eat whatever you want and gain weight seemingly overnight; but way hard to lose it. but let's face it, most of us are just not built in such a way, that we can indulge in Cheeto's every night of the week, and be thin. what makes you change you bad habits after surgery? what is it that does this, that regular dieting doesn't do for you?

it's a serious question as I try to live with someone who had this surgery. it does seem to me that many of the things I see and read on here, apply to any diet. isn't this surgery "tool" really nothing more then a diet? what is the difference? what is it that having major surgery does to your way of thinking, that just going on AND STAYING with a diet not do? I read on here that you've changed your way of thinking, the foods you eat, you give up carbs, alcohol & diet soda. you're willing to exercise. all of these things you'll do now, whereas before you wouldn't. you call no WL a stall, where as any diet calls it a plateau. what is the difference in your way of thinking, that changes because you had surgery?

I'm confused. If you CAN make sure you only put good fuel into your bodies and resist head hunger, if you CAN make good holiday meals for your family then not eat them, if you CAN go to the gym instead of lounging in bed -- why then do you need this surgery?