moonlitestarbrite

yoga! music, singing, dancing, being with good friends, walks in nature, going to the library or watching nerdy TV with my son, doing art with my daughter. gardening (no garden right now though).

start researching how to soothe yourself without food. start planning now how you will deal with trigger situations.

i do want to thrive in my new life... not just plod. yk? so much of the last 12 years of my life has been surviving... i found this a few days ago and finally got a chance to read it. it really resonates with roth's idea of compulsive eating being a way to bolt from oneself. i checked out her website and she has some free resources there i might check out. http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/05/if-your-relationship-is-failing-heres-why-dr-margaret-paul-2/

again, i think you see what you look for. if you are posting for someone else in this way, you seem like you are trolling. you seem pretty angry. just dont eat over it, okay?

i was responding to starspring, the OP on the thread.

this is a very sincere question coming from a place of caring that you seem to be creating suffering for yourself... (meaning i hope you can take the question in the spirit it is offered)... why, if you got lots of positive and constructive support in that "scared" thread, did you choose to focus on what felt negative, to the point that you started a thread to continue focusing on it? you should not answer this question for me. or anyone else here. but instead think about it and honestly answer it for yourself. so often, what we see other people doing is really what we are creating on this world. one of my favorite quotes is: "we do not see things as they are, we see things as WE are." i'm going post this again, cause it seems so many people could use the image it paints right now. **** sometimes people get so focused on what others are doing, they lose sight of why they actually come to bariatric pal in the first place. this is probably the worst analogy to use for us, but, here it goes.... when you go to a buffet and there is a dish there you dont like, do you get angry and rage at the chef for making and offering you something you dont like? do you feel offended and take it personally? do you feel like the chef's choice was made specifically as a way to hurt you? do you feel so hurt you tell the chef you can only eat the other food if he/she stops making all the food you dont care for? probably not. most likely what you do is say, "oh what is that over there that i do like?" and you move on to choose the dishes you do like. you dont let those dishes you dont like ruin your meal or wreck the enjoyment of the food you do like. online forums are exactly the same way. people will offer you all kinds of things. you get to pick and choose what you want to take in. you need not get angry, enraged, offended, take it personal, hurt, lash out, or allow it to wreck your experience here at bariatric pal. take what you want, leave the rest. of course its your choice. but ultimately, your experience here is your responsibility, no one else's..... only you can choose your attitude. only you can choose what to focus on.

i feel like i am moving along the path now that this surgery has short circuited my mindless eating. but i am still in a place where when i get really specific with myself about what i need, i feel tremendously sad and become very withdrawn. its really painful and makes it hard for me to function. so i just keep trying to do what is good for me and not get sucked into the pit. i know what i am hungry for is not food. again, thinking too much about the longing makes me really sad and so i avoid dwelling on it too long. even though i know pretending its not there isnt helping anything, i just have no way of approaching it at this point in my life... so i just keep trying to put one foot in front of the other and keep examining things and trying to be open to what might arise in me that will allow me to deal without collapsing in on myself. (though from time to time it feels this might happen anyway)

having spent 7 years as a chem dep counselor and then 10 more years working in various positions in private practice and human services i know there is a very fine line between a person being "heard" regarding his/her wounds and learning new ways of coping with life in general. if you focus exclusively on the trauma, the new way of doing things get overlooked.. but expecting someone to be able to make good choices when he/she is still living in pain from the pain is unrealistic. it has a lot to do with that "bolting from yourself" roth talks about in WFAG. which i am just beginning to deeply explore in myself. the question i keep asking myself is, what do i need to give myself, so i can keep making good choices every single day?

linda, quite humbled. thank you for this little gift this morning. trying to pay it forward.

i tend to think that learning new skills and good planning trump any insight... but i get stuck in that belief that i need "something" before i can move on. i was pretty much on my own as a kid and so inside, i drag my feet and pout and tell myself i cant do it, i need someone to hold my hand and care about me. but its just me. i need to care about me as much as i think others need to care about me. its really that simple, but not easy.

last night i dreamed i gained all my weight back. i am facebook friends with a woman from my local support group. i havent seen her since december. she posted some photos of herself this week and omg! she's gained back a lot of weight! it freaked me out... but not as much a another friend who had surgery at the same time and was closer to her. but i guess it affected me more than i thought.

i am sure you will think i am being a bitch for saying this... but being pre op, i dont think you are really in a position to judge how someone who has actually gone through this process decides to respond to someone else who is post op. bob is being honest. he's been through the process and come out the other side. he has experience and insight you simply dont. you only think you know where his head is. you dont. after you have had this surgery, then you will be in a place to judge.

jane, i am not sure what you are disagreeing with.... that there is an "answer" for me? i think i spend a lot of time putting the cart before the horse. i feel like i need the insight before i can move forward... that probably isnt true. i probably dont need anything in order to make good decisions and take good care of myself. i just need to do it. but i get stuck in bullshit. yk?

queen! a dead man in your bathtub? I YI YI! my conscious mind is a little afraid... my unconscious mind must be more anxious about it! the woman from my support group is like 2.5 years post op. my other friend said... "she must be really hurting." i agree. she must have something going on that she is trying to cope with. al roaker is looking good! he did regain, but got it together and is doing very well now.

i appreciate your feedback. i have been reading WFAG, and a few things she says goes right through me to my very guarded heart. but she doesnt provide much guidance on HOW to remedy this stuff. but does give good guidelines on the eating part, which is really helpful. i have this vague feeling, which just might be made up on my part, that i have a lot of pieces, but am missing how to put them together. i have had this feeling for a long time now, and sometimes it makes me cry in frustration. there probably isnt any real "answer" but my mind (and heart) keeps grasping for it.

i have a friend who uses it and says she loves it. but i dont know that she has much to compare it with. she has lost 150 pounds, but isnt a WLS patient. i have a friend who uses thrive and raves and raves about it.

how are you doing hon?

shout out from rochester!

some people are just so bizarre.. my friend's dad finally had knee replacement surgery... he was down to bone on bone. so he didnt listen to the doc about aftercare and was in lots of pain, my friends say, "the doc said you shouldnt be on your feet at all except to go to the bathroom!" he rolls his eyes and says "what, do you think i'm a pushover?" apparently for some its some sort of game to see how much they can defy the doctor and not die. or something. like he's winning if he doesnt follow his aftercare plan... i dont get it. but whatever.

http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART03504/You-Are-Not-a-Water-Heater.html

there is a standard bariatric panel. have them run that. http://www.questdiagnostics.com/testcenter/BUOrderInfo.action?tc=700337X&labCode=QUX

my H reminded me this is the one he took every day. the triphala was just when he was having problems. http://m.vitacost.com/products/natures-plus-ultra-juice this one isnt cheap, bit it lasts for quite a while. and works very well. or it did for my H who had IBS.

who know? it probably depends on why you are having ongoing constipation. as with all natural remedies, you'll need to try it and see how it works for you, tripahala is likely cheaper, but might not give you immediate relief. try looking on vitacost.com and ordering small sizes of a few things to see how they work. i have found konjac root really expensive in the HFS.

imma post this again. it seems sometimes people get so focused on what others are doing, they lose sight of why they actually come to bariatric pal in the first place. this is probably the worst analogy to use for us, but, here it goes.... when you go to a buffet and there is a dish there you dont like, do you get angry and rage at the chef for making and offering you something you dont like? do you feel offended and take it personally? do you feel like the chef's choice was made specifically as a way to hurt you? do you feel so hurt you tell the chef you can only eat the other food if he/she stops making all the food you dont care for? probably not. most likely what you do is say, "oh what is that over there that i do like?" and you move on to choose the dishes you do like. you dont let those dishes you dont like ruin your meal or wreck the enjoyment of the food you do like. online forums are exactly the same way. people will offer you all kinds of things. you get to pick and choose what you want to take in. you need not get angry, enraged, offended, take it personal, or allow it to wreck your experience here at bariatric pal. take what you want, leave the rest. of course its your choice. but ultimately, your experience here is your responsibility, no one else's..... only you can choose your attitude.

i hope you arent trolling! trolling means posting stuff in order to get negative emotional responses from people!