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Ghost: I am so glad for you!!!! You have worked so hard, you must be so thrillllled. In a year, if I run fast enough I may catch up to you.

I just want to say how wonderful everyone has been on this thread. It is great to have a place to work it all out.

Lafs, I'm a nurse as well. I am not in clinical practice at the moment. I work as a consultant. Counting down the days. It is zooming by sooo fast! In 2 weeks, I start my preop diet, then it will really hit.

Well... my banding date is getting closer. I'm starting to get ready. I have made my preop physical apt., getting my labs done next week etc. I can't believe how fast the time has gone. My counselling is going well. My H and I are going to separate. I haven't told the kids yet, but its coming. I am going to be a grandmother in the spring! So many changes... its gets hard to breathe at times. I am starting horse back riding lessons on Sat. Even though life is really hectic and upside down, I am feeling hopeful.

Thanks for the welcome, it is finally coming closer, I can't believe it. I have been considering this for almost 2 years and it is zooming closer. I am going to my naturalpath today for some advice. I hear that many lose their hair etc. I want to make sure I take good care. I will visit my family doc in 3 weeks for the preop. I am going next week for the blood work and eeg. I start on optifast in 2 weeks. Wow. I can't believe it!!!

I get a little worried about the port. My surgery is in 5 weeks and I spoke to the surgeon about it. I sleep mostly on my stomack and am worried it will bother me. We'll see. About sex bothering it - what is sex....? Counselling is going well.

Hi everyone: I am getting banded Oct. 5 in Canada. We are self pay here. Looking forward to it, but a bit nervous. A big life style change but it will be worth it.

I will be starting counselling on Thursday. I hope this will help me get my life sorted out.

I guess porn is the current subject: I have been away and didn't have access to internet. I do feel very strongly that porn is adultery, how can it be otherwise? I would have no idea, if my H was into porn. We all have our own computers and I'm sure the history would be erased. He has been into porn in the past (gay porn of course) but that was over 8 years ago, but now I have no idea.

I am fast coming to the realization that my H isn't really all that keen on fighting for our marriage. I work 2 hours away from home and live in the city where I work during the week. I tried doing the drive but after several months, I came to the realization that I couldn't keep it up especially last fall with winter approaching. I am not allowed to work from home very often. I go home on the weekends. I asked my H why he never came down to spend time with me and he said he didn't want to pay the gas. This week he was offered a job in the same city where I work and he turned it down, because he felt that the pay was too low, he didn't negoitiate a higher salary. I think that about sums it up, don't you? MVR, I agree, who wants to wake up in the next 20 years and realize how long it had been since you've been held and loved. What are your plans?

No, there is no coverage in Ontario for the lap band. I understand the freaking out part. I was hoping to do the surgery over a year ago, but once I saw the price, I knew it was out of the question. I am going for it in October though.

I guess for the most part I experience great fear and guilt. If I leave my H my guilt over wrecking my family and kids would be so huge- how would I ever be able to start a new life. Also fear- I don't believe a better relationship would come my way.

Hi Carol, thanks for posting. I did the same thing, I told my H that I will never ask for sex again. It has been 3 years and he hasn't asked once. So is that the answer? For me it is at this time. I don't think I could take one more rejection, I'd smother him in his sleep, I'd go over the deep end etc. etc. I am at my limit. Once you said that to him, did it make any difference? Anyway, can anyone tell us what is wrong with these men?????? Or is this normal???? There seems to be way to many of us in this situation.

Nicnik: I totally understand the anger. Every once in a while I feel it and I grumble non stop to myself. I am angry about more than that with him though. What is the madonna complex?

[quote name=faithmd I really think what we are named affects us later in life. I truly do.[/quote] I agree, I think there is a lot in a name. Who would name their daughter apple? Come on. Making fun of a childs name is probably the beginning of being teased. I also think what your name means is important as well as why you were named that. For example, My one daughters name means 'cheerfull', and the other 'most beautiful'. I was named after a tug boat, if you can imagine "the cheryl ann". Doesn't that make your life start out on the right foot.?! And then who would tell the child that is what she is named after!!!- no wonder I am short and squat (fat) ha ha. I guess there is more to worry about in life but there are some secrets I didn't need to know. It is wonderful to hear the stories people tell about their work with youth. What giving dedicated hearts. Hats off to you all. Faith: we have missed you. How are you doing since your surgery?

This is what is happening. But it is a life-long problem for him. He is always the victim.

Lovely, inside and out!

I think you nailed it BJ. My H doesn't like any physical touch, my DD's don't try anymore but my son keeps at it. But I think my H especially shrinks from it with me because I have pushed. My oldest DD is fine because she isn't touchy feely but my middle sweetie is damaged from it. My H ignores me when I tell him that. There are alot of issues in his own life that he doesn't like to face.

What worries me about journaling is "what if the way I am viewing things is twisted?" Maybe I am self-deceived. How do you really know. I see things one way my H the other. My glass is half empty ya think?

I'm not banded yet but I can see from my package the surgeons office set me that there are 2 snacks built into the day. I wonder though, how everyone gets in the fluids? If you can't drink for awhile after each meal/snack how do you stay hydrated?

I feel like I am being sabotoged. I am trying to save for my surgery but it seems that my H is behind again on his bills and once again I have to pay up. #!^&*+' I haven't even told anyone yet about the surgery. I knew that I would be sabotoged big time by my family and crisis after crises would rise up to take the money set aside for this. Yet noone knows and it is happening anyway. My daughters know that I am considering it but that is all. So it isn't as if my H is doing it for that purpose. If the lack of intimacy was the only issue, this marriage would be a bit more simple to solve. I have started to journal. I'm starting to see all the issues that I put up with and hid from. My ears are plugged with sand from having my head stuck in the ground so long. Does any one else journal? I pray that no one stumbles across it. So far it's on my laptop password protected. I keep thinking if something happened to me, I hate to think my kids would read it.

Yes BJ, I agree. Porn probably doesn't cause a person to become a deviant but it is part of the equation. It may be that porn causes a seed to be planted. Or maybe the seed is there and porn is one thing that feeds it. But either way it I do believe the perv has a weakness in this area and porn is all part of the sick cycle. With forgiveness esp. sexual abuse, I am not sure you actually have to go to the person to tell them you forgive them. I simply believe that you have to be willing to forgive them and then God helps you with the rest. It is way to hard to do within your own strength. I have never gone to my uncle. Could never stand the guy, wouldn't ever approach him to tell him I forgive him, never. He recently died and he's in God's hands now.

BTW, this thread has really changed, from marriage problems to this, but I can't help but to wonder if for some us they are related????? J I think we should let this thread lead us where it needs to go. I agree with you Ghost that the third definition of forgiveness is vital. By applying this forgiveness to our situation we can start to move forward. By doing this, the perv is no less at fault, no less deserving of punishment etc. We do it for ourselves.

Monk: absolutely. I would love to read it.