nume130

okay, I am really going to show my ignorance here but does a brazilian wax leave you, completely bare? What happens when it starts to grow in? wouldn't it be like a bunch of prickles??? :eek: How about a nice painless trim (I think I could handle that )

What itch are we talking about?

Brazilian wax, well that isn't one for my list. Do men really like womens hoohoodillys bare???:rolleyes I can't imagine the pain that a treatment like that will inflict. :omg: I rarely shave my legs and underarms (don't need to). I do get my eye brows waxed and dyed routinely. I get my hair done routinely and pedicures severly times a year. I am in the public for work, so I try to look nice. My suitcase is half cosmetics and hair products etc. I am becoming high maintenace now that I am getting older. I will get a face lift once I lose my weight. I will not shy away from plastic surgery if needed (and believe me I will need it) I like perfume as well as long as it is subtle. Yes it is nice to be a woman but lots of work.

Thanks Nina I'll do my best!

hoohoodilly I just about died that is sooooo funny honestly I can't stop laughing ok girls what's next?

No stones will be thrown, I assure you. Actually I agree with you but I know I am trying to find my way. (I hope I understood correctly) I do want to find out what I want and you are right we shouldn't have to live without it. But how do you walk toward something that is not there???

I know what you mean. The last time I had surgery the kids were small and my H booked a speaking engagement away. (how convenient) I fussed and then he had his parents come to stay with us. I ended up taking care of the kids and them to. Wow what we women put up with!!! Anyway. I didn't realize you were so close to your surgery date. I am so glad that all went well. Congratulations!!! You are well on your way now. Are you hungry?

No hurry to do anything. I am just taking one day at a time and enjoying it. Great weather, great summer so far. Work is busy. I just want to concentrate on my kids and let all the rest go for now. I'll try to keep talking to my H though. Friendship is something to treasure. How is everyone coping this week?

Well my H and I had a really good talk last evening. It was really productive. We will never solve the intimacy issue but we understand each other and will work on friendship for our kids. We will probably be seperating some time down the road, but we will do it with maturity and with the kids best interest in mind. I feel relieved. I know that sounds terrible. Just being open and honest about our issues and how they have affected me has helped me alot. I am not as angry or resentfull. He feels bad about how this has affected me but he also is honest about the fact that he can't change. We both admitted that we should have had more premarriage counseling. He would have done very well single. But we have 3 great kids so we are happy about that. He is so devoted to his kids, God and he is so personable. Getting my issues out of the way will really help me appreciate his friendship more.

I don't really feel afraid to be thin. I have lost weight in past and then just gained it back again +. But I loved how I felt. I loved people telling me I looked good. The freedom to move etc. was amazing. To feel light on your feet. The confidence. My fear is gaining it back again. That is what terrifys me. I was in a plane to day and one of the last to get on, it was packed. I was sitting in the first row. The lady at the window seat was very large, she took up her seat and half of mine. Everyone was looking at me to see how I would react. That lady was also a bit nervous as well. Well I am not thin and my rear needs every inch of that seat but I just smiled at her and squeezed it. (it must have been quite a site!) I am not afraid to be thin. I don't want to wait until I can't fit into an airplane seat. I wish I had been thinner so we both could have fit.

Dear rroswelltx: thank you so much for sharing you story with us. I am so happy for you. You obviously did just the right thing for your marriage. Congratulations on losing all that weight.

It is funny, I am very outgoing and talkative at work. But when I get into a different situation- social- I can't find anything to talk about. Work is easy to talk about- I'm getting paid for information and information I can give, but after that- I'm lost. Everyone seems to have their own group. I tried to go to a small group at church but I am not consistently at my little house on the weekend. There isn't any weekend things happening in my local church other then Sunday service. Everyone is so busy. I did run into a gal I used to work with and we are getting together when I am in the area next week. I am really looking forward to that. She needs a friend as well as she has just relocated. She lives about 2 hours from either house. But I am in the area alot. Since my H and I aren't doing anything together socially, I rarely see my married friends. My kids find friends everywhere. I tell you to be young again... Work can really crowd in and take over your life.

I just reread my previous post, boy do I sound pathetic!

Don't worry, nobody is offended. And nobody thinks that anyone would just leave for a marriage for just one spot of trouble. No worries. We are all fine here. Right gals!! Thanks for all the great advice and I truly do all these things. I am alone in hotel rooms about 3 out of 4 weeks a month, so I do all the little things I would like as I am by myself now. My little house (that I bought for myself) close to work, is decorated like a little cottage and is adorable. It is a little sancturary. But I am tired of being alone. Don't want a pet, so thats out. My middle child is living in my little house now, since January. She's not the greatest company right now. She has always been moody and she is pushing up past the boundries, but motherhood never goes away. sigh. I have just got to stop whining!!! I really want to make some friends. Friends for me. It is amazing to me how I have let all that slip away. I want friends that are not attached to work. I am to consumed with my job right now and need recreation away from it. How does one go about making friends at my age?

I agree there is alot involved in a marriage. The intimacy issue may be a symptom of some serious stuff happening in a marriage. No one would seperate just for that one reason- at least I would hope not. If we scratch at the service- what would we find underneath? Yup, it's complicated all right. P.S. I wouldn't go anywhere nude, let me tell you! That is the thing that nightmares are made of, (for me and any one who would have the misfortune to see me)

lizrbit: you are so candid, you make my day.

Hi Carol: It can be so difficult at times. Have you talked with your husband? It may help. I know with the increased weight, we don't always feel that great about ourselves. Lots of things really add to the situation. As women we crave so much more then the sex (although it is that as well). How about not having to ask "can you hold me"? And then you just hear a sigh then "okay just for a minute, I'm tired" and then a heavy arm just plunked over you. To me, thats not holding me. I stopped asking that question over 5 years ago. Yup for me it is more then just the sex, its the tenderness.

Thanks lizrbit: no we don't have access to insurance companies for these types of things. We have provinical, public insurance but it doesn't cover this type of operation. Oh well! I keep telling myself that I am worth it. I'm nervous but this forum is amazing. I will know exactly what to expect when I get this done. I have considered going to Mexico, but I don't know it there is any after care available to me. The surgeon that I have chosen is excellent, just almost double from the mexico prices but I will have good after care and if anything goes wrong it is covered. I feel at peace about it now that I have made the decision. I haven't told my husband yet. (I just hope this will give me enough time to get the money)

lizrbit: I have given this alot of thought and at this point I am not willing to do this to my family. Maybe if things don't improve (I'm not really hopeful) I'll change my decision once my son is finished high school. So I guess I just have to stop whining. But it has been great to know that I am not the only one staying in a marriage like the one I have. To know that I am not a freak. That it may not be all my fault. To share tears with others. I guess just for all these years I have felt so much shame. This thread has helped me put into words what has been happening and to work through this decision. I am going to make decisions and try to live my life that benefit myself but not at the expense of my children. So I did it- I e-mailed the surgeons office yesterday to book my surgery for October. It will take me that long to get the money together. It is 16,000 for us here in Canada. Time for me to start to reverse the effects this has on me and get a life.

Welcome and great job losing so much already. There is a thread that tells you exactly how to put the ticker into your signature. I will be self pay as well. 16,000.

Mariecarmen: thanks. Every once in a while I can't put things into perspective. My husband is not vindictive or mean. He just doesn't desire me. Hates touching and being touched. At this point I don't feel that I am better off with him but my family is. I have identified my needs, but he makes no effort. He is very passive. He is a very nice, personable, passive by nature man. And for some reason, I don't know how it happens he always ends up being the victim in every situation. His kids love him. We have always tried to provide a secure home life. It is what it is. I guess if I were to change that and separate, the only evil person would be me, again. There are some things you can't tell your kids and this is one of them. So yup, I'd be the one destroying our family and my husband the poor victim.

I was walking to work this week, thinking about everything, trying to sort out how I feel, trying to define everything and getting no where. What is this problem anyway, I keep asking myself over and over. So because my husband doesn't like to touch me etc. is this abuse? Well is it? Does any one know? I mean, I can't really think of my husband as abusive. But when you are in the situation, it is hard to see the forest from the trees. It is such a horrible word. I'm probably over reacting. So many of us are experiencing the same issues, so maybe we are more the norm. I feel very mixed up today. One thing I do know is that all you ladies are terrific!!

Funny thing: I was going thru airport security in a small airport when the security gal said to me "we have to do a physical search" I replied a physical search???!!! I had visions, well.... I'm sure you get the picture. "Do you want us to do it here or in a private room." well what do you think, a private room of course. Everyone who going on that plane with me heard the conversation. In the end all it was was a guard patted me down from head to toe and checked my shoes, but afterwards it hit me: thats the first time any one touched me a month! It was a very funny weird realization. I'm insisting on hugs from my kids. I don't from my husband because I don't want to be pushed away anymore. Sad ha ha but true.

If I lived quite a distance from Toronto, I would definetly be banded by Dr. Ortiz in Mexico. (9500 us) But Dr. Ortiz doesn't have the new AP band yet that Dr. Cobourn has been using. I would go to mexico because I have heard what a great surgeon he is and aftercare will be an issue, if I was banded in Canada or Mexico. But I live only 2-3 hours from Dr. Cobourn's office, so I think I will have my surgery there. Dr. Cobourn's surgery includes aftercare and any complications you may encounter. Thoughts to think about, that is for sure.