So I had a rough weekend. I got to add soft food to my diet on Friday. One would think that after three weeks of not eating any "real" food that it would be great, and it was! I got up on Saturday and I was up a pound from where I was Friday morning. Now, I know that my body is saying "Hey! I finally got some food, I need to hang on to it cause I don't know when I'll get the next round," and that is why the scales haven't been really nice this weekend. I still am bouncing around the same stupid half pound since Friday and its just frustrating. In my "previous life" I would have been irritated and just eaten something that I shouldn't have to justify the increase on the scales. Now, I didn't do anything or eat anything I shouldn't have but, boy, did I have a battle with head hunger all weekend. One of my favorite places to eat used to be Moe's, my husband has never really cared for it and I think that we have eaten there together just once in the past 5 years. Yesterday I had to run across town and what does he ask me to bring him back for supper?? MOE'S!! i couldn't believe it and it just plain made me mad when I had to go in there and order his burrito. I wanted one so bad but instead, I ordered his just like he asked (with absolutely nothing that could be considered healthy on it) and brought it home to him. I fixed my supper and was satisfied with it. My dad used to say that it didn't matter if you got full off of black eyed peas or steak and potatoes either way you were still full. That is very true, steak and potatoes just taste much better, as would have Moe's last night. Anyway, I needed something to take my mind off of the negative and I figured I'd list the NSV's that I could think of to lift my spirits a little
1. I can get my wedding rings on again, I haven't been able to wear them individually since last June and it has probably been more than a year since I have been able to get both of them on at the same time.
2. I already have a pair of pants that are too big and I can no longer wear (at least my husband refuses to be seen in public with me if I do!)
3. Its easier to shave my arm pits cause they aren't so full.
4. I can bend over to paint my own toe nails again!
5. The seatbelt in my husbands truck doesn't lock just because I'm trying to put it on and pulled it out a little too far anymore. I can actually bend down and pick my purse up from the floorboard and it doesn't lock!
6. I can put on and tie my shoes with almost no effort.
7. I have bad breath. (Okay so maybe that one isn't so exciting but apparently when you are breaking down fat you get ketosis which causes halitosis aka bad breath. I must be doing good breaking it down cause even my 5 year old tells me my breath is stinky! LOL!)
I know there are more but these are all I can think of right now. I'm going to keep working at it and keep working my tool. I know that I did the right thing and I know that I'll be able to eat more normally again some day. I did this for my kids and they are going to have a more amazing mom because of it.
My entire life I have been overweight. Even back when I was in Kindergarten I was the "big" kid in class. The one that was always MUCH larger than anyone else. This trend continued my entire life. I can remember being in the 3rd grade, weighing 120 pounds and having a group of my friends start taking about their weight and one of them made the comment that I was so much bigger than them and probably weighed 85 pounds i was so big! Oh if only I weighed 85 pounds! Right then is when I truly realized just how much bigger I was than everyone else my age.
Even at a young age I was always on a diet and watching what I was eating, but it was more like, watching everything I was eating go right in to my mouth, not really controlling what I was eating. MY parents put me in soccer and softball, but the weight never stayed off. I was always an active child but nothing really would help.
In college I actually lost weight. I got down to 200 pounds and felt great. I know - - 200 pounds was SKINNY for me - - that is sad
But the weight came right back.
I've gone back and forth with wanting to lose weight on my own versus needing help and I've finally come to the conclusion, I can't won't do this on my own. I need that little something that will assist me in restricting what goes in to my mouth.
I overeat. I can't control myself at times. I eat when I'm happy, when I'm sad. I eat to celebrate and I eat when I'm pissed off.
I have such a strong desire to become a runner. I want to compete in marathons, yet I can't walk from my house to my barn without gasping for air.
I hope and pray that this is the answer to my prayers because I need to become a healthier person, both for myself and for my kids.
