Jessiebear

It Was a Bad Traffic Accident Friday, December 02, 2005 A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!" The woman continues, "And look at this, there's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and Celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Ever Wonder............. Tuesday, December 13, 2005 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 on those little bottles of Evian Water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly) 3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans? 4. If four out of five people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it? 5. There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters. 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? 12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? 16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final exam. 17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks? 18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? 19 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? 20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? 22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS

For Those Who Are King of the House Wednesday, December 28, 2005 For all those guys who are King, until their wife gets home: Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one. I just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Charlie. "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken s**t !"

:xena_banana: :Banane03: :Banane20: :Banane21: :Banane18: :Banane35: :Banane05: :Banane04: :Banane32: :Banane48: :Banane41: :Banane47: :Banane43: :Banane31: :faint: Not gonna happen!!

Just remember, with each test that you take, you are getting closer to the answer! (((HUGS))) I'm still praying for you! You WILL get your answers soon!!

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter! I know that had to be hard for you. But I'm so glad that you found an answer & it's working for you!

Are you measuring yourself? A doctor once told me that when you hit a plateau, your body is shrinking to catch up with the weight loss. I look forward to my plateaus! That being said, I would also look at what I'm eating, when I'm eating & how I'm eating. Don't eat late at night, don't eat around your band (drinking with meals & other bad bandster behavior), & do eat like a bandster is supposed to. If you are doing all of these things right & you have been on a plateau for a while, it may be time for a fill. Also, have you started exercising or exercising more? This could be adding muscle which weighs more than fat, making you think that you are on a plateau. I'm sure there are many other things other bandsters could add here, but these are just off the top of my head! Good luck! & WOW!!! You've lost 79.5 lbs.!!! Congrats! Great job!!!! Oh. I just saw that you have been banded over a year. You know all of this stuff!!! LOL!!

Happy Bandiversary!!! :Banane03: :Banane52: :Banane41: :Banane28: :Banane21: :not_ripe: :Banane27: :Banane35: :Banane05: :Banane31: :Banane04: :Banane48: :Banane42: :Banane53: :xena_banana: :Banane33: :Banane44: :Banane32: :Banane45: :Banane43: :Banane41: :Banane47: :Banane08: :welldone: :Banane20: :clap: :waytogo: :Banane18: :cheer2: :thumb: :rockon: :whoo: :high5: :clap2:

That's awful! I'm so glad they found it though. Sounds like it was pretty bad. My thoughts & prayers are with her!

OHHHHHHHHH............... They are both just absolutely precious!!!

Cool!! I bet that will be a lot of fun! Congrats!!

Nanahanna, you go girl!! My Grandpa who is 81 was banished to the little bedroom cause he is such a horndog!! Yes, my Grandma discusses these things with me.

I was wondering if you were okay! Glad you found a nice doc! Now behave young lady! We want this slip to fix itself!!! Oh yeah..... Congrats on the 208 lbs!!!!

Welcome! Nice to meet y'all!!!

They're beautiful! They look like you.

Dang! That's sharp!

:whoo: :whoo: :whoo: :whoo: :whoo: Yay!! DeeDee, that's great! I think I have hit my sweet spot too! I had my fill on the 18th & I have lost 10 lbs. since. The inches are falling off too! Get your measuring tape out girlfriend!! We are almost the same weight & have about the same restriction. Cool!! Do the dang thang girl!! :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:

Definately! You go girl!! I think I may visit the lingerie shop myself!! Our 14th anniversary is Feb. 15th so I get double lovin!! LOL!!!

Read!! I'm with Gentlespirit here. I was going out of my mind 2 nights ago for no reason. I was pissed & depressed!! I think someone in DeLarla's challenge has a PMS voo-doo doll or something! I tried eating cause that is the old stand by for me as far as comforting myself, but since my last fill, I just can't do it. So I picked up a trashy book & went far, far away to historical romance land!! It worked! I forgot my worries, read until I passed out & I felt better in the morning. If you need some trashy books, just let me know! I always have plenty on hand!! I'm thinking about you & keeping you in my prayers. Please let us know what the tests say.

I'm glad I'm not the only one having these NSVs cause they are truely the best! :Banane23: ummm....... What is this banana?

Don't feel bad. I did the same thing but with pancakes! Sounds like you learn the hard way too!! Feel better soon!

starting weight = 305 current weight = 290 - 15 lbs. NSV = I cleaned my whole house in 1 day! & I got the stuff out to make no bake chocolate Cookies last night. I read the recipe & then I put everything back up!! I didn't make chocolate no bake cookies!!! Yay for me!!!!!

starting weight on January 5 was 300 lbs. January 5, 2006 weight = 300 lbs measurements: neck = 17 inches upper arms = 18.5 bust = 53 inches waist = 48 inches hips = 57 inches thigh = 32 inches calf = 20 inches January 16, 2006 weight = 296 lbs measurements: neck = 16.75 inches upper arms = 17.75 inches bust = 52.5 inches waist = 47.5 inches hips = 55 inches thigh = 31 inches calf = 19 inches January 23, 2006 weight = 292 neck = 16.75 inches upper arm = 17.5 inches bust = 51.5 inches waist = 47.5 inches hips = 54 inches thigh = 29.5 inches calf = 16.5 inches January 29, 2006 weight = 290 neck = 16.25 inches upper arm = 16 inches bust = 50 inches waist = 46 inches hips = 52.5 inches thigh = 29 inches calf = 16 inches current weight = 290 lbs total weight loss = -10 lbs. total inches lost = 19.75 inches A new NSV!! I'm shrinking!!!!! :bounce:

I know that had to feel good!! Congrats!!

Congrats on the weight loss!! 154 lbs?!? WOW!! :hail: