DebDUtah

Well I do......surgery!! I swear I never thought this day would come, how in the world I didn't lose my mind I don't know. But now, how in the world am I going to keep this smile off my face, oh wait I don't have too!
 
For all those people who may read this and think, what I wouldn't give to me her, to have a date to know it is my turn, you will be here. Don't give up no matter what comes your way just do what you have to get to surgery. I already know it is worth it.

Today my life changed, at 09:02 mst my insurance approved my surgery!!! I thought this day would never come, and now that it is here I am even more anxious to keep going.
 
To all of you that are waiting on insurance approval, who think that everyone is out to get you, who think that the requirements that insurance give you are crazy......I was there and still can't have the clock move fast enough. Well I have my approval and I want my surgery date NOW....but of course my surgeon's office moves at a snails pace compared to how I think they should move.
 
My advice to you, don't give up, do what the insurance says, be your own advocate, talk to your insurance company (the utilization review nurse) and find out what is going on if your feel like your surgeon's office is not telling you everything. Ultimately it is the insurance that decides not the surgeon's office.
 
Ok I am so looking forward to my future for the first time in a long long time.

Today my life changed, at 09:02 mst my insurance approved my surgery!!! I thought this day would never come, and now that it is here I am even more anxious to keep going.
 
To all of you that are waiting on insurance approval, who think that everyone is out to get you, who think that the requirements that insurance give you are crazy......I was there and still can't have the clock move fast enough. Well I have my approval and I want my surgery date NOW....but of course my surgeon's office moves at a snails pace compared to how I think they should move.
 
My advice to you, don't give up, do what the insurance says, be your own advocate, talk to your insurance company (the utilization review nurse) and find out what is going on if your feel like your surgeon's office is not telling you everything. Ultimately it is the insurance that decides not the surgeon's office.
 
Ok I am so looking forward to my future for the first time in a long long time.

Today my life changed, at 09:02 mst my insurance approved my surgery!!! I thought this day would never come, and now that it is here I am even more anxious to keep going.
 
To all of you that are waiting on insurance approval, who think that everyone is out to get you, who think that the requirements that insurance give you are crazy......I was there and still can't have the clock move fast enough. Well I have my approval and I want my surgery date NOW....but of course my surgeon's office moves at a snails pace compared to how I think they should move.
 
My advice to you, don't give up, do what the insurance says, be your own advocate, talk to your insurance company (the utilization review nurse) and find out what is going on if your feel like your surgeon's office is not telling you everything. Ultimately it is the insurance that decides not the surgeon's office.
 
Ok I am so looking forward to my future for the first time in a long long time.

How many ups and downs are there on this "ride" put on by our insurance companies? I knew there were going to be hoops to jump thru, but how was I to know the hoops would change along the way!!! Let's see here is how my journey began, almost 6 months ago....
 
First met with my primary care doc, who once again said I might want to "think" about losing weight. Really, he said this like I have no idea that I am overweight, no wait obese, morbidly obese and he is introducing a new idea to me. I have (like everyone here) attempted, succeeded and regained, failed and basically had no success. But in a way he had, I had been looking into wls for several months and I came to the decision before ever entering his office that day that I was going to have to have wls to stay healthy. This "come to jesus" meeting about my weight was in the beginning of February. My insurance told me that I needed to have three visits no more than 2 months apart for the "supervised" diet to be considered supervised. So I planned my next visit in April, well within 2 months.
 
Then I am told that no I have to see the dr monthly for six months, this came from my surgeon, I called the insurance company and confirmed no not every month only three months.
 
So I continue and now I am told by my insurance that it is 3 visits in 6 months no more than 4 months apart. Oh for the love of it all.....if I didn't have a grasp on the requirements I would go insane and never meet their requirements. But I took a deep breath called again and cleared up the visit requirements a final time, and then started talking money.
 
This opened another can of worms as I have a maximum out of pocket of 1500.00 per year and this surgery will well exceed that (hospital stay alone) so the surgeon, anesthesiologist, etc will be paid 100%. Well my surgeon was wanting $900 before he would do the surgery and the hospital was wanting 1500.00 and the gas man wanted 500.00. What part of MAXIMUM OUT OF POCKET do these people not get. I have the money to pay but I will not be worried about getting refunds on top of my recovery diet and exercise. I found out that if I pay the hospital on the day of admission they will give me a 25% discount on my portion/responsibility!! Well of course, I will pay so this left the surgeon....hmmmm how do I explain this to them. I told them why I was going to pay the hospital instead of him, his office was very understanding, I was surprised it was easy, I mean really easy they agreed that I would not owe them the 900! The first thing that went my way, yeehaw. I actually did the happy dance.
 
So come July 9, my paperwork will be submitted I will be waiting on the utilization review department to give the thumbs up, waiting on the beginning of the rest of my life. Let's hope it is the first week of August

You know I usually have this wonderful idea of what I am going to write about, but not this time nope nothing, zero, zilch, zippo. This should be no surprise to me as this was also the weight loss I had recorded with me PCP this month on my second to last PCP visit, prior to submission to insurance. You know the appointment was great it was informative and my doctor is becoming my biggest advocate. I am so glad that I have such support from him. With all this happening, you would think that I would be getting excited about getting so close to my surgery date. Nope, still seems so far away that it isn't even real. I look at my calendar and I see all the days that need to pass and all I want to do is rip it up (but if I did that I wouldn't know where I had to be and when I had to be there!!). Everyone has their own reasons to do the surgery, their own motivation and their own goals. I was thinking about my goals, my motivations, and what will life be after this is all down. I have decided my goals are the non scale victories, those things that are taken for granted by so many without even thinking. I really don't care if my final weight is 150 of 170 or some other number, I just want to look good. To know that men and people are looking at me because I am beautiful not because I am a big woman. I just want one man to want me for me not for my appearance but you have to have appearance to attract men, I don't care what anyone says. It is all about first impressions, and I want those first impressions to be memorable because of who I am not what I am. I want to be able to walk into a store and try on a dress that is in the window and know they will have my size in that dress. Not some cotten stretch, print from a couch, frumpy fat lady dress. Just because I am large does not mean that I do not like to look good. And I do not care what anyone says just because it comes in your size (aka skinny jeans, spandex, short shorts, etc) doesn't mean you buy it or more importantly that you will look good. I would just like to be able to feel good about being me is that too much to ask? I am not sad I am not mad I am just tired, why can't people see past what we look like. I promise after I have had surgery and I am making my way towards my new beginning I will never ever forget what this feels like.
 
So basically, right now I am feeling life pass me by, I want to live my life and have someone live it with me where everyday is an adventure. I want to be involved to reach for and get that brass ring. I know there are a lot of people out there who know exactly what I am saying, so I won't go on.
 
Oh and no matter who small I get I will NEVER EVER buy anything at Abercrombie & Fitch, I hope they go bankrupt.

You know I usually have this wonderful idea of what I am going to write about, but not this time nope nothing, zero, zilch, zippo. This should be no surprise to me as this was also the weight loss I had recorded with me PCP this month on my second to last PCP visit, prior to submission to insurance. You know the appointment was great it was informative and my doctor is becoming my biggest advocate. I am so glad that I have such support from him. With all this happening, you would think that I would be getting excited about getting so close to my surgery date. Nope, still seems so far away that it isn't even real. I look at my calendar and I see all the days that need to pass and all I want to do is rip it up (but if I did that I wouldn't know where I had to be and when I had to be there!!). Everyone has their own reasons to do the surgery, their own motivation and their own goals. I was thinking about my goals, my motivations, and what will life be after this is all down. I have decided my goals are the non scale victories, those things that are taken for granted by so many without even thinking. I really don't care if my final weight is 150 of 170 or some other number, I just want to look good. To know that men and people are looking at me because I am beautiful not because I am a big woman. I just want one man to want me for me not for my appearance but you have to have appearance to attract men, I don't care what anyone says. It is all about first impressions, and I want those first impressions to be memorable because of who I am not what I am. I want to be able to walk into a store and try on a dress that is in the window and know they will have my size in that dress. Not some cotten stretch, print from a couch, frumpy fat lady dress. Just because I am large does not mean that I do not like to look good. And I do not care what anyone says just because it comes in your size (aka skinny jeans, spandex, short shorts, etc) doesn't mean you buy it or more importantly that you will look good. I would just like to be able to feel good about being me is that too much to ask? I am not sad I am not mad I am just tired, why can't people see past what we look like. I promise after I have had surgery and I am making my way towards my new beginning I will never ever forget what this feels like.
 
So basically, right now I am feeling life pass me by, I want to live my life and have someone live it with me where everyday is an adventure. I want to be involved to reach for and get that brass ring. I know there are a lot of people out there who know exactly what I am saying, so I won't go on.
 
Oh and no matter who small I get I will NEVER EVER buy anything at Abercrombie & Fitch, I hope they go bankrupt.

It has been awhile since I blogged, I think that is because the snow finally melted, yeah!!! Ok back to the reason for my entry. For those of you who have not followed me or know where I am....I am currently in the last 3 months of my pre-op diet and I am losing weight. Cool right, but what is not cool is my surgeon's insurance specialist not communicating and when she does it is obvious she is clueless......."Ain't nobody got time for that!"
 
I have emailed her repeatedly, giving her in excess of 15 business days to respond, nothing. I have patience but I do not have time for being ignored. And when she does respond it is like she has no clue what my insurance coverage is, or what my requirements are! The last straw came the other day when she told me that I had to see a doctor every month for six months (when my insurance requires 3 visits in six months). I know because it is spelled out in the plan, I pointed this out and she said oh sorry my mistake! Really, are you serious? I have no patience for this, the hoops I am jumping thru seem so tedious and I am determined to do it right the first time. So the next email I had a time sensitive question (which I have called and left her 4 messages on in the last 4 weeks no call back also) and guess what she NEVER responded. It had to do with me having the option of changing insurance coverages, well I had it so you know what I emailed the surgeon directly. Now we will see what happens next.....either they will hate me all around or they will appreciate the heads up!! Either way it needed to be said. Do people not get it that this is the BIGGEST thing to happen in our lives short of just a few other things in life..... AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT
 
Ok I feel better now No one is standing in my way of accomplishing this.

Well here I am in that perverbal holding pattern with nothing to do but wait. I have sent all my medical records to my surgeon, which the financial person has gotten, but has not reviewed. I have requested my clearance letter from my primary care physician, but they have not sent it yet. Ok so I have done all I can do and now I have to wait. I am not a good person when it comes to waiting. I get antsy, nervous and downright aggrivated when it comes to waiting. So I try to occupy my time otherwise, but everything comes back to me and wanting and more importantly needing this tool to get my life back on track.
 
I have even gone as far as cleaning out my closet of the clothes that I refuse to wear again. I have researched vitamins, gyms, protein and even the adverse side effects of the surgery. I do not know what to do with my time. Luckily I have my work and my family which keeps me busy but I keep thinking about all the things I want to do.
 
I am going to say, I have run across a lot of people who seem to think that this surgery is the magical solution to their weight loss. Those that sabotage their surgery by eating sold foods as soon as a week out of surgery. The ones who are upset that they are not losing more than 5-6 lbs a week. I don't know about you but that is amazing that is over 100 lbs in a year, it is almost unheard of outside of weight loss surgery or extreme exercise like Biggest Loser. I am trying not to lose touch with reality and know that I may not lose fast, or I may be slower than the biggest success story, but know I want it to be me who is the one who excels losing, like everyone else.
 
I am afraid and I worry, the more I wait the more this worry and fear compounds. So I have to make myself focus, I have to not lose sight in the fact that it is a long road I have ahead of me and there will be waiting along the way. I want this surgery to happen now, and yes I am having a temper tantrum in case you were wondering.
 
I want this part of my journey to start but since I cannot determine the pace or the way in which it happens, then I will wait, I will try and be patient, They say patience is a virtue......well it happens to be a virtue I do not possess.

Note: If you have been following my blog this should have been entered before "Friend or Frenemy" but I had a moment and didn't realize I hadn't posted it until today....please forgive me!
 
Going to get a physical, and this is my annual physical. Did I mention that it has been over 25 yrs since I had an annual physical. Now I have not neglected the annualy "women" physicals, the necessary mammograms when you get to "that" age or even the colonoscopy due to family history, but oh noooooooooo I wouldn't get a physical. <<dramatic pause to allow you to stop laughing>> Yeah I know beyond weird huh? I was afraid of that apparatus of stress, the one with all the numbers that used to be a dial and now is just digital which i think is worse, becase it is in kilograms and it gives me that false sense that I weigh less than the actual weight I am, the scale scared me. Going to the dr caused me so much stress I just kept being busy. Now what makes this even more pathetic, my insurance pays for annual physicals at no cost to me. You see I never wanted to find out what was really wrong with me. I was afraid of a conversation about my weight, my eating habits, and my lack of exercise. Kind of like when you go to the dentist and he asks if you floss "why yes I do 3 times a day" said no one ever! I was afraid of the truth. Well, I finally woke up, no more, I was going to find out just how bad all this weight had effected my overall health. We all know what I am talking about so I won't go thru the laundry list.
 
I went in to the doctors office, with my head held high and they took my blood pressure first. The medical assistants didn't take it once or even twice they took it four times (2 diffferent medical assistants). I started to get worried was I having a stroke! Then they said "hmmmm we will take it manually in the room". Why, is my pressure so high I am off the scale on this medical apparatus too?? Then they checked my heart rate, the next comment was "we should get this machine checked". Ok, now I am starting to be validated for why I stayed away, sick, I am sick.....how long before I am on a list of medication the length of my arm???? I made myself take a deep breath and walked steady to the room. Once there one assistant started taking my pressure again and the other was asking me the list of quiestions I am sure if printed out would be about 5 pages single spaced, about every illness I and my family have had. When they finished my blood pressure the assistant whispered to the other and I knew then something was wrong. When I asked they said the doctor would let me know what it was and answer any questions I had. They left and in came the phlebotomist, oh how I hate needles (and I work in the emergency room ~ it is a lot different sticking than being stuck!). She was good one small poke and that was over. The doctor comes in and we start talking. Now I had seen this man for years for bronchitis, sprains and any minor need for a physician. So his first words to me was "why a physical now?" and he smiled a smile that made me immediately relax. I told him I was taking control finally. He was glad to hear it. I immediately asked about my blood pressure, and what happens he smiles again. Well it seemed that I had a pressure of 110/60, and it was verified as it was that every single time they took it. But, the medical assistants assumed that it was wrong based on my weight. I was happy, but kinda mad at the skinny little techs for judging me, but I let it go. I got to feel the cold stethoscope on my chest and back, and breathed deeply as he instructed. He poked me and proded until he had check me thoroughly (oh and yeah I did stick my tongue out and say ahhhhh!). He said it looked good but he was waiting on my labs and outside tests before he could give me results. So I left with a bandaid from my lab draw and a small strut past the little medical assistants proud I had such a good blood pressure. A little part of me was afraid of what the labs would show, but right now this was my victory walk.
 
The next day I get my results..........healthy, I am healthy? how can someone be morbidly (i sure think they could pick a better adjective) obese and be healthy???? But I am. My ten year prediction of CAD is less than 1% (and according to the dr it doesn't get any lower!) I am happy that there is no underlying condition, that I am healthy but how did I get so lucky? why me? Then my heart sank, I will have to lose this without surgery even though my BMI is over 50. My healthy heart ached, I cried. How sad is that, I cried because I was healthy, people would give their right arm to have my labs and health and here I am crying.
 
After a short pity party, I called my insurance company and asked what requirements (no matter the height of the hoop, no matter how hard to jump thru, I was going to do it) did I need to comply with for approval for the surgery. Turns out it is my BMI and a year of dietary supervision by a primary care doctor is all it took. A year that's all, heck that's easy I have been overweight my entire life (sometimes more than others), I can do that. So for the last 6 months I have been soaking up every bit of knowledge and information I can get my hands on and now I am halfway there.
 
One last summer in a swimsuit looking like a stuffed sausage, one last halloween unable to wear that sexy costume, one more christmas of not being able to ask for clothes because I won't tell my size. Soon I will be able to sit in any chair I want without fear of fitting be comfortable walking in any store to look at clothes because I know if I want it they probably have it in my size. It is so close .......... the beginning of the best part of my life.

Note: If you have been following my blog this should have been entered before "Friend or Frenemy" but I had a moment and didn't realize I hadn't posted it until today....please forgive me!
 
Going to get a physical, and this is my annual physical. Did I mention that it has been over 25 yrs since I had an annual physical. Now I have not neglected the annualy "women" physicals, the necessary mammograms when you get to "that" age or even the colonoscopy due to family history, but oh noooooooooo I wouldn't get a physical. <<dramatic pause to allow you to stop laughing>> Yeah I know beyond weird huh? I was afraid of that apparatus of stress, the one with all the numbers that used to be a dial and now is just digital which i think is worse, becase it is in kilograms and it gives me that false sense that I weigh less than the actual weight I am, the scale scared me. Going to the dr caused me so much stress I just kept being busy. Now what makes this even more pathetic, my insurance pays for annual physicals at no cost to me. You see I never wanted to find out what was really wrong with me. I was afraid of a conversation about my weight, my eating habits, and my lack of exercise. Kind of like when you go to the dentist and he asks if you floss "why yes I do 3 times a day" said no one ever! I was afraid of the truth. Well, I finally woke up, no more, I was going to find out just how bad all this weight had effected my overall health. We all know what I am talking about so I won't go thru the laundry list.
 
I went in to the doctors office, with my head held high and they took my blood pressure first. The medical assistants didn't take it once or even twice they took it four times (2 diffferent medical assistants). I started to get worried was I having a stroke! Then they said "hmmmm we will take it manually in the room". Why, is my pressure so high I am off the scale on this medical apparatus too?? Then they checked my heart rate, the next comment was "we should get this machine checked". Ok, now I am starting to be validated for why I stayed away, sick, I am sick.....how long before I am on a list of medication the length of my arm???? I made myself take a deep breath and walked steady to the room. Once there one assistant started taking my pressure again and the other was asking me the list of quiestions I am sure if printed out would be about 5 pages single spaced, about every illness I and my family have had. When they finished my blood pressure the assistant whispered to the other and I knew then something was wrong. When I asked they said the doctor would let me know what it was and answer any questions I had. They left and in came the phlebotomist, oh how I hate needles (and I work in the emergency room ~ it is a lot different sticking than being stuck!). She was good one small poke and that was over. The doctor comes in and we start talking. Now I had seen this man for years for bronchitis, sprains and any minor need for a physician. So his first words to me was "why a physical now?" and he smiled a smile that made me immediately relax. I told him I was taking control finally. He was glad to hear it. I immediately asked about my blood pressure, and what happens he smiles again. Well it seemed that I had a pressure of 110/60, and it was verified as it was that every single time they took it. But, the medical assistants assumed that it was wrong based on my weight. I was happy, but kinda mad at the skinny little techs for judging me, but I let it go. I got to feel the cold stethoscope on my chest and back, and breathed deeply as he instructed. He poked me and proded until he had check me thoroughly (oh and yeah I did stick my tongue out and say ahhhhh!). He said it looked good but he was waiting on my labs and outside tests before he could give me results. So I left with a bandaid from my lab draw and a small strut past the little medical assistants proud I had such a good blood pressure. A little part of me was afraid of what the labs would show, but right now this was my victory walk.
 
The next day I get my results..........healthy, I am healthy? how can someone be morbidly (i sure think they could pick a better adjective) obese and be healthy???? But I am. My ten year prediction of CAD is less than 1% (and according to the dr it doesn't get any lower!) I am happy that there is no underlying condition, that I am healthy but how did I get so lucky? why me? Then my heart sank, I will have to lose this without surgery even though my BMI is over 50. My healthy heart ached, I cried. How sad is that, I cried because I was healthy, people would give their right arm to have my labs and health and here I am crying.
 
After a short pity party, I called my insurance company and asked what requirements (no matter the height of the hoop, no matter how hard to jump thru, I was going to do it) did I need to comply with for approval for the surgery. Turns out it is my BMI and a year of dietary supervision by a primary care doctor is all it took. A year that's all, heck that's easy I have been overweight my entire life (sometimes more than others), I can do that. So for the last 6 months I have been soaking up every bit of knowledge and information I can get my hands on and now I am halfway there.
 
One last summer in a swimsuit looking like a stuffed sausage, one last halloween unable to wear that sexy costume, one more christmas of not being able to ask for clothes because I won't tell my size. Soon I will be able to sit in any chair I want without fear of fitting be comfortable walking in any store to look at clothes because I know if I want it they probably have it in my size. It is so close .......... the beginning of the best part of my life.

Note: If you have been following my blog this should have been entered before "Friend or Frenemy" but I had a moment and didn't realize I hadn't posted it until today....please forgive me!
 
Going to get a physical, and this is my annual physical. Did I mention that it has been over 25 yrs since I had an annual physical. Now I have not neglected the annualy "women" physicals, the necessary mammograms when you get to "that" age or even the colonoscopy due to family history, but oh noooooooooo I wouldn't get a physical. <<dramatic pause to allow you to stop laughing>> Yeah I know beyond weird huh? I was afraid of that apparatus of stress, the one with all the numbers that used to be a dial and now is just digital which i think is worse, becase it is in kilograms and it gives me that false sense that I weigh less than the actual weight I am, the scale scared me. Going to the dr caused me so much stress I just kept being busy. Now what makes this even more pathetic, my insurance pays for annual physicals at no cost to me. You see I never wanted to find out what was really wrong with me. I was afraid of a conversation about my weight, my eating habits, and my lack of exercise. Kind of like when you go to the dentist and he asks if you floss "why yes I do 3 times a day" said no one ever! I was afraid of the truth. Well, I finally woke up, no more, I was going to find out just how bad all this weight had effected my overall health. We all know what I am talking about so I won't go thru the laundry list.
 
I went in to the doctors office, with my head held high and they took my blood pressure first. The medical assistants didn't take it once or even twice they took it four times (2 diffferent medical assistants). I started to get worried was I having a stroke! Then they said "hmmmm we will take it manually in the room". Why, is my pressure so high I am off the scale on this medical apparatus too?? Then they checked my heart rate, the next comment was "we should get this machine checked". Ok, now I am starting to be validated for why I stayed away, sick, I am sick.....how long before I am on a list of medication the length of my arm???? I made myself take a deep breath and walked steady to the room. Once there one assistant started taking my pressure again and the other was asking me the list of quiestions I am sure if printed out would be about 5 pages single spaced, about every illness I and my family have had. When they finished my blood pressure the assistant whispered to the other and I knew then something was wrong. When I asked they said the doctor would let me know what it was and answer any questions I had. They left and in came the phlebotomist, oh how I hate needles (and I work in the emergency room ~ it is a lot different sticking than being stuck!). She was good one small poke and that was over. The doctor comes in and we start talking. Now I had seen this man for years for bronchitis, sprains and any minor need for a physician. So his first words to me was "why a physical now?" and he smiled a smile that made me immediately relax. I told him I was taking control finally. He was glad to hear it. I immediately asked about my blood pressure, and what happens he smiles again. Well it seemed that I had a pressure of 110/60, and it was verified as it was that every single time they took it. But, the medical assistants assumed that it was wrong based on my weight. I was happy, but kinda mad at the skinny little techs for judging me, but I let it go. I got to feel the cold stethoscope on my chest and back, and breathed deeply as he instructed. He poked me and proded until he had check me thoroughly (oh and yeah I did stick my tongue out and say ahhhhh!). He said it looked good but he was waiting on my labs and outside tests before he could give me results. So I left with a bandaid from my lab draw and a small strut past the little medical assistants proud I had such a good blood pressure. A little part of me was afraid of what the labs would show, but right now this was my victory walk.
 
The next day I get my results..........healthy, I am healthy? how can someone be morbidly (i sure think they could pick a better adjective) obese and be healthy???? But I am. My ten year prediction of CAD is less than 1% (and according to the dr it doesn't get any lower!) I am happy that there is no underlying condition, that I am healthy but how did I get so lucky? why me? Then my heart sank, I will have to lose this without surgery even though my BMI is over 50. My healthy heart ached, I cried. How sad is that, I cried because I was healthy, people would give their right arm to have my labs and health and here I am crying.
 
After a short pity party, I called my insurance company and asked what requirements (no matter the height of the hoop, no matter how hard to jump thru, I was going to do it) did I need to comply with for approval for the surgery. Turns out it is my BMI and a year of dietary supervision by a primary care doctor is all it took. A year that's all, heck that's easy I have been overweight my entire life (sometimes more than others), I can do that. So for the last 6 months I have been soaking up every bit of knowledge and information I can get my hands on and now I am halfway there.
 
One last summer in a swimsuit looking like a stuffed sausage, one last halloween unable to wear that sexy costume, one more christmas of not being able to ask for clothes because I won't tell my size. Soon I will be able to sit in any chair I want without fear of fitting be comfortable walking in any store to look at clothes because I know if I want it they probably have it in my size. It is so close .......... the beginning of the best part of my life.

I thought I should write a follow-up not only for those who are reading this but for continuity when I reflect back on this journey.
 
Today I walked into a meeting with a physician who knew nothing about me, nothing about my choices and why I have made the choices I have and why this is the road I am taking. It was not a meeting I was looking forward to. But I took the position that I have a strong belief in which is, "Knowledge is Power". I had the knowledge so I had all the power. The dr. walked in and I made sure I was open pleasant and not defensive and open to what he had to say. He started off trying to talk to me about the bad choices I had made in my life (and yes those were his words). I didn't flinch I let him finish and then I went to town. I basically took this man to school (in a good way lol). My first question was if he was aware of the procedure I was wanting and if he had any experience with patient who wanted them. He said he knew of this "experimental" procedure and its risks. Well I knew right there by his answer he had no idea. So we talked for the better part of an hour and you know what, he had no idea what the sleeve was he thought it was a the DS Switch. After we talked he took my hand and told me that he wished that every patient he saw was as sure of what they wanted and needed in their life, and he said he would do whatever he could to help me succeed. WOW, I was blown away. From frenemy to friends just like that!
 
Yet again another example that most of those opposed to us are just lacking the information that we already have. One step closer and I ready for every one of them, bring 'em on.

I thought I should write a follow-up not only for those who are reading this but for continuity when I reflect back on this journey.
 
Today I walked into a meeting with a physician who knew nothing about me, nothing about my choices and why I have made the choices I have and why this is the road I am taking. It was not a meeting I was looking forward to. But I took the position that I have a strong belief in which is, "Knowledge is Power". I had the knowledge so I had all the power. The dr. walked in and I made sure I was open pleasant and not defensive and open to what he had to say. He started off trying to talk to me about the bad choices I had made in my life (and yes those were his words). I didn't flinch I let him finish and then I went to town. I basically took this man to school (in a good way lol). My first question was if he was aware of the procedure I was wanting and if he had any experience with patient who wanted them. He said he knew of this "experimental" procedure and its risks. Well I knew right there by his answer he had no idea. So we talked for the better part of an hour and you know what, he had no idea what the sleeve was he thought it was a the DS Switch. After we talked he took my hand and told me that he wished that every patient he saw was as sure of what they wanted and needed in their life, and he said he would do whatever he could to help me succeed. WOW, I was blown away. From frenemy to friends just like that!
 
Yet again another example that most of those opposed to us are just lacking the information that we already have. One step closer and I ready for every one of them, bring 'em on.

I thought I should write a follow-up not only for those who are reading this but for continuity when I reflect back on this journey.
 
Today I walked into a meeting with a physician who knew nothing about me, nothing about my choices and why I have made the choices I have and why this is the road I am taking. It was not a meeting I was looking forward to. But I took the position that I have a strong belief in which is, "Knowledge is Power". I had the knowledge so I had all the power. The dr. walked in and I made sure I was open pleasant and not defensive and open to what he had to say. He started off trying to talk to me about the bad choices I had made in my life (and yes those were his words). I didn't flinch I let him finish and then I went to town. I basically took this man to school (in a good way lol). My first question was if he was aware of the procedure I was wanting and if he had any experience with patient who wanted them. He said he knew of this "experimental" procedure and its risks. Well I knew right there by his answer he had no idea. So we talked for the better part of an hour and you know what, he had no idea what the sleeve was he thought it was a the DS Switch. After we talked he took my hand and told me that he wished that every patient he saw was as sure of what they wanted and needed in their life, and he said he would do whatever he could to help me succeed. WOW, I was blown away. From frenemy to friends just like that!
 
Yet again another example that most of those opposed to us are just lacking the information that we already have. One step closer and I ready for every one of them, bring 'em on.

I thought I should write a follow-up not only for those who are reading this but for continuity when I reflect back on this journey.
 
Today I walked into a meeting with a physician who knew nothing about me, nothing about my choices and why I have made the choices I have and why this is the road I am taking. It was not a meeting I was looking forward to. But I took the position that I have a strong belief in which is, "Knowledge is Power". I had the knowledge so I had all the power. The dr. walked in and I made sure I was open pleasant and not defensive and open to what he had to say. He started off trying to talk to me about the bad choices I had made in my life (and yes those were his words). I didn't flinch I let him finish and then I went to town. I basically took this man to school (in a good way lol). My first question was if he was aware of the procedure I was wanting and if he had any experience with patient who wanted them. He said he knew of this "experimental" procedure and its risks. Well I knew right there by his answer he had no idea. So we talked for the better part of an hour and you know what, he had no idea what the sleeve was he thought it was a the DS Switch. After we talked he took my hand and told me that he wished that every patient he saw was as sure of what they wanted and needed in their life, and he said he would do whatever he could to help me succeed. WOW, I was blown away. From frenemy to friends just like that!
 
Yet again another example that most of those opposed to us are just lacking the information that we already have. One step closer and I ready for every one of them, bring 'em on.

I thought I should write a follow-up not only for those who are reading this but for continuity when I reflect back on this journey.
 
Today I walked into a meeting with a physician who knew nothing about me, nothing about my choices and why I have made the choices I have and why this is the road I am taking. It was not a meeting I was looking forward to. But I took the position that I have a strong belief in which is, "Knowledge is Power". I had the knowledge so I had all the power. The dr. walked in and I made sure I was open pleasant and not defensive and open to what he had to say. He started off trying to talk to me about the bad choices I had made in my life (and yes those were his words). I didn't flinch I let him finish and then I went to town. I basically took this man to school (in a good way lol). My first question was if he was aware of the procedure I was wanting and if he had any experience with patient who wanted them. He said he knew of this "experimental" procedure and its risks. Well I knew right there by his answer he had no idea. So we talked for the better part of an hour and you know what, he had no idea what the sleeve was he thought it was a the DS Switch. After we talked he took my hand and told me that he wished that every patient he saw was as sure of what they wanted and needed in their life, and he said he would do whatever he could to help me succeed. WOW, I was blown away. From frenemy to friends just like that!
 
Yet again another example that most of those opposed to us are just lacking the information that we already have. One step closer and I ready for every one of them, bring 'em on.

I thought I should write a follow-up not only for those who are reading this but for continuity when I reflect back on this journey.
 
Today I walked into a meeting with a physician who knew nothing about me, nothing about my choices and why I have made the choices I have and why this is the road I am taking. It was not a meeting I was looking forward to. But I took the position that I have a strong belief in which is, "Knowledge is Power". I had the knowledge so I had all the power. The dr. walked in and I made sure I was open pleasant and not defensive and open to what he had to say. He started off trying to talk to me about the bad choices I had made in my life (and yes those were his words). I didn't flinch I let him finish and then I went to town. I basically took this man to school (in a good way lol). My first question was if he was aware of the procedure I was wanting and if he had any experience with patient who wanted them. He said he knew of this "experimental" procedure and its risks. Well I knew right there by his answer he had no idea. So we talked for the better part of an hour and you know what, he had no idea what the sleeve was he thought it was a the DS Switch. After we talked he took my hand and told me that he wished that every patient he saw was as sure of what they wanted and needed in their life, and he said he would do whatever he could to help me succeed. WOW, I was blown away. From frenemy to friends just like that!
 
Yet again another example that most of those opposed to us are just lacking the information that we already have. One step closer and I ready for every one of them, bring 'em on.

This is such a personal journey for each and every person who choses weight loss surgery. I find that like everyone else this is not my first time at the rodeo, so to speak, when it comes to losing weight and trying to be healthy. We all have our demons and those who say they support us and want the best for us. But when the sun sets and it comes down to it the only person who can do this is looking right back at me in the mirror. Since I know this is such a personal journey, I have decided that the best way for me to deal with this is to reach out to those people like me, on this website (as my dog is getting tired of me talking to him and the cat just ignores me!). Let me explain who I am and why I am here....
 
I am the youngest of three children, the baby and the only girl. Now most people would say wow you are the spoiled one, that I got away with everything and that I could do no wrong. This is the furthest from the truth in my case. I came from a loving family, and a mother who was home and when it comes down to it I had a great childhood. I never wanted for anything, I never knew what it was like to go without, and this included food. In defense of my mother, she never had to worry about her weight as she was blessed with that metabolism that allowed her to eat anything. Until I came along, she was cooking and feeding a family of all men, which meant the more food the better. We were all active and played sports and I was no exception. I played softball, soccer, volleyball and spent the summers swimming and even swam on the country clubs swim team. But to this day I hear that I don't eat enough. Really!! Let's see I got to this size by eating broccoli, uh I think not. There was an endless supply of twinkies (and yes I will miss them) pepsi by the case (and in bottles my weakness), chips and candy and we were never denied. Now, I am not blaming my mother, she just didn't realize nor did I. She sent me off to fat camp when I was 9 because I was in "husky" clothes (and the person who classified clothes as husky should be shot!), she had me checked out by physicians for "gland problems", who told her I was very healthy and if i lived in the islands I would be considered gorgeous and sought after by men (well we weren't moving and this devestated my mother I think more than me). From that point forward it was a tsunami of weight watchers, nutri systems and fad diets. I never had a problem with boys or men, I am everyone's friend and love to make people smile (the curse of a fat person to be accepted), in fact I was part of the in crowd in high school and college. I married had a child and the divorced and none of this was because of or in spite of my weight. So this only fueled my RA (I will explain later), I kinda wish I had I think I would have woke up long ago.
 
I look back and say, ok I have a great sense of who I am (I work in a level 1 trauma hospital's ER and love my job) and what is right and what needs to be corrected, I just haven't been able to correct it, until now. I never knew the why, I never really knew what got me to the massive weight of 352, and yes for me that is massive. Well the why is rather complicated, yet simple, and took me a bit to figure out. It is simple the why is because, simply because. Ok, stop laughing but that because has a very strong foundation. I am this size because I never stop eating the wrong things, because I wanted everyone else to correct my problem, because I would never get on a scale or acknowledge my weight, because I wouldn't admit nor did I see that I was overweight, this is my RA. Now let me explain that one. I used to look in the mirror and I never saw an overweight person. I know that sounds strange but I think I have a disease that has yet to be identified, a type of reverse anorexia (aka RA). You know it's an eating disorder of an obese person, just as devestating and it was fueled by not just my friends family and physicians (yes I had numerous physicians tell me I didn't need to lose weight, that I am healthy!) when deep down I knew better. I could keep going and going but I think you get the idea by now, so I am obese because, simply because.
 
Well, I snapped out of it, what caused me to snap out of it I don't know but I did. I have no co-morbidities I am healthy and if you looked at my medical records (with the exception of my weight) you would see an above average healthy female, so it wasnt my health. I am going to have this sleeve as I know that I cannot stay this heavy and this is my only way. If I don't my health will decline and I will become ill if not die, and I don't no I won't let that happen before I have lived a long long long life. I now have no problem saying my weight to those I trust, I see a fat person in the mirror when I look now (oh and I don't like what I see!). I have researched this surgery until I feel like there is no way I can fail. I have researched my physician and hospital and have confidence in his abilities and the capabilities of the hospital. I just now have to get my insurance and my life in place to succeed. First, I have to finish a year (only 6 mos more to go) of nutritional visits with my primary physician before my insurance will approve my surgery. I will finish this 12 mos requirement in July. I thought that this process would take forever, but I do not see that being the case, the first half has flown and now I am on the downhill slide.
 
I will use this blog to express my feelings and just get it off my chest, I am not sure if anyone will read it, or if you are reading this then I hope if nothing else it lets you know you are not alone in this battle. Until next time

This is such a personal journey for each and every person who choses weight loss surgery. I find that like everyone else this is not my first time at the rodeo, so to speak, when it comes to losing weight and trying to be healthy. We all have our demons and those who say they support us and want the best for us. But when the sun sets and it comes down to it the only person who can do this is looking right back at me in the mirror. Since I know this is such a personal journey, I have decided that the best way for me to deal with this is to reach out to those people like me, on this website (as my dog is getting tired of me talking to him and the cat just ignores me!). Let me explain who I am and why I am here....
 
I am the youngest of three children, the baby and the only girl. Now most people would say wow you are the spoiled one, that I got away with everything and that I could do no wrong. This is the furthest from the truth in my case. I came from a loving family, and a mother who was home and when it comes down to it I had a great childhood. I never wanted for anything, I never knew what it was like to go without, and this included food. In defense of my mother, she never had to worry about her weight as she was blessed with that metabolism that allowed her to eat anything. Until I came along, she was cooking and feeding a family of all men, which meant the more food the better. We were all active and played sports and I was no exception. I played softball, soccer, volleyball and spent the summers swimming and even swam on the country clubs swim team. But to this day I hear that I don't eat enough. Really!! Let's see I got to this size by eating broccoli, uh I think not. There was an endless supply of twinkies (and yes I will miss them) pepsi by the case (and in bottles my weakness), chips and candy and we were never denied. Now, I am not blaming my mother, she just didn't realize nor did I. She sent me off to fat camp when I was 9 because I was in "husky" clothes (and the person who classified clothes as husky should be shot!), she had me checked out by physicians for "gland problems", who told her I was very healthy and if i lived in the islands I would be considered gorgeous and sought after by men (well we weren't moving and this devestated my mother I think more than me). From that point forward it was a tsunami of weight watchers, nutri systems and fad diets. I never had a problem with boys or men, I am everyone's friend and love to make people smile (the curse of a fat person to be accepted), in fact I was part of the in crowd in high school and college. I married had a child and the divorced and none of this was because of or in spite of my weight. So this only fueled my RA (I will explain later), I kinda wish I had I think I would have woke up long ago.
 
I look back and say, ok I have a great sense of who I am (I work in a level 1 trauma hospital's ER and love my job) and what is right and what needs to be corrected, I just haven't been able to correct it, until now. I never knew the why, I never really knew what got me to the massive weight of 352, and yes for me that is massive. Well the why is rather complicated, yet simple, and took me a bit to figure out. It is simple the why is because, simply because. Ok, stop laughing but that because has a very strong foundation. I am this size because I never stop eating the wrong things, because I wanted everyone else to correct my problem, because I would never get on a scale or acknowledge my weight, because I wouldn't admit nor did I see that I was overweight, this is my RA. Now let me explain that one. I used to look in the mirror and I never saw an overweight person. I know that sounds strange but I think I have a disease that has yet to be identified, a type of reverse anorexia (aka RA). You know it's an eating disorder of an obese person, just as devestating and it was fueled by not just my friends family and physicians (yes I had numerous physicians tell me I didn't need to lose weight, that I am healthy!) when deep down I knew better. I could keep going and going but I think you get the idea by now, so I am obese because, simply because.
 
Well, I snapped out of it, what caused me to snap out of it I don't know but I did. I have no co-morbidities I am healthy and if you looked at my medical records (with the exception of my weight) you would see an above average healthy female, so it wasnt my health. I am going to have this sleeve as I know that I cannot stay this heavy and this is my only way. If I don't my health will decline and I will become ill if not die, and I don't no I won't let that happen before I have lived a long long long life. I now have no problem saying my weight to those I trust, I see a fat person in the mirror when I look now (oh and I don't like what I see!). I have researched this surgery until I feel like there is no way I can fail. I have researched my physician and hospital and have confidence in his abilities and the capabilities of the hospital. I just now have to get my insurance and my life in place to succeed. First, I have to finish a year (only 6 mos more to go) of nutritional visits with my primary physician before my insurance will approve my surgery. I will finish this 12 mos requirement in July. I thought that this process would take forever, but I do not see that being the case, the first half has flown and now I am on the downhill slide.
 
I will use this blog to express my feelings and just get it off my chest, I am not sure if anyone will read it, or if you are reading this then I hope if nothing else it lets you know you are not alone in this battle. Until next time

This is such a personal journey for each and every person who choses weight loss surgery. I find that like everyone else this is not my first time at the rodeo, so to speak, when it comes to losing weight and trying to be healthy. We all have our demons and those who say they support us and want the best for us. But when the sun sets and it comes down to it the only person who can do this is looking right back at me in the mirror. Since I know this is such a personal journey, I have decided that the best way for me to deal with this is to reach out to those people like me, on this website (as my dog is getting tired of me talking to him and the cat just ignores me!). Let me explain who I am and why I am here....
 
I am the youngest of three children, the baby and the only girl. Now most people would say wow you are the spoiled one, that I got away with everything and that I could do no wrong. This is the furthest from the truth in my case. I came from a loving family, and a mother who was home and when it comes down to it I had a great childhood. I never wanted for anything, I never knew what it was like to go without, and this included food. In defense of my mother, she never had to worry about her weight as she was blessed with that metabolism that allowed her to eat anything. Until I came along, she was cooking and feeding a family of all men, which meant the more food the better. We were all active and played sports and I was no exception. I played softball, soccer, volleyball and spent the summers swimming and even swam on the country clubs swim team. But to this day I hear that I don't eat enough. Really!! Let's see I got to this size by eating broccoli, uh I think not. There was an endless supply of twinkies (and yes I will miss them) pepsi by the case (and in bottles my weakness), chips and candy and we were never denied. Now, I am not blaming my mother, she just didn't realize nor did I. She sent me off to fat camp when I was 9 because I was in "husky" clothes (and the person who classified clothes as husky should be shot!), she had me checked out by physicians for "gland problems", who told her I was very healthy and if i lived in the islands I would be considered gorgeous and sought after by men (well we weren't moving and this devestated my mother I think more than me). From that point forward it was a tsunami of weight watchers, nutri systems and fad diets. I never had a problem with boys or men, I am everyone's friend and love to make people smile (the curse of a fat person to be accepted), in fact I was part of the in crowd in high school and college. I married had a child and the divorced and none of this was because of or in spite of my weight. So this only fueled my RA (I will explain later), I kinda wish I had I think I would have woke up long ago.
 
I look back and say, ok I have a great sense of who I am (I work in a level 1 trauma hospital's ER and love my job) and what is right and what needs to be corrected, I just haven't been able to correct it, until now. I never knew the why, I never really knew what got me to the massive weight of 352, and yes for me that is massive. Well the why is rather complicated, yet simple, and took me a bit to figure out. It is simple the why is because, simply because. Ok, stop laughing but that because has a very strong foundation. I am this size because I never stop eating the wrong things, because I wanted everyone else to correct my problem, because I would never get on a scale or acknowledge my weight, because I wouldn't admit nor did I see that I was overweight, this is my RA. Now let me explain that one. I used to look in the mirror and I never saw an overweight person. I know that sounds strange but I think I have a disease that has yet to be identified, a type of reverse anorexia (aka RA). You know it's an eating disorder of an obese person, just as devestating and it was fueled by not just my friends family and physicians (yes I had numerous physicians tell me I didn't need to lose weight, that I am healthy!) when deep down I knew better. I could keep going and going but I think you get the idea by now, so I am obese because, simply because.
 
Well, I snapped out of it, what caused me to snap out of it I don't know but I did. I have no co-morbidities I am healthy and if you looked at my medical records (with the exception of my weight) you would see an above average healthy female, so it wasnt my health. I am going to have this sleeve as I know that I cannot stay this heavy and this is my only way. If I don't my health will decline and I will become ill if not die, and I don't no I won't let that happen before I have lived a long long long life. I now have no problem saying my weight to those I trust, I see a fat person in the mirror when I look now (oh and I don't like what I see!). I have researched this surgery until I feel like there is no way I can fail. I have researched my physician and hospital and have confidence in his abilities and the capabilities of the hospital. I just now have to get my insurance and my life in place to succeed. First, I have to finish a year (only 6 mos more to go) of nutritional visits with my primary physician before my insurance will approve my surgery. I will finish this 12 mos requirement in July. I thought that this process would take forever, but I do not see that being the case, the first half has flown and now I am on the downhill slide.
 
I will use this blog to express my feelings and just get it off my chest, I am not sure if anyone will read it, or if you are reading this then I hope if nothing else it lets you know you are not alone in this battle. Until next time