Chaparra

I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. As a child, I was always chubby. When I was 15, I went to the gym 3 times a week for a couple months and lost 40 pounds and ended up with the perfect body. When I was 19, I got pregnant. I gained 100 pounds during my pregnancy, going from 120 to 220 pounds. I was in a bad relationship and depressed. After 7 years in that relationship, I broke it off and it took many years to get my self esteem back. After being verbally abused for many years and being told that no one is going to want me because I am fat. I learned to accept my body and felt for many years that I would never have the body I once had as a teenager again, but even though I accepted that, it didn't stop the voice in my head from reminding me of the negative things that were said to me in the past. Now, I'm 39 and have gotten to be the biggest I have ever been, topping out at 287 pounds before I started seeing a nutritionist. I have problems with the muscles in my ankles tightening up so badly that it hurts to walk. I feel like I walk "stomach first" and wobble. After losing 20 pounds, the wobbling went away, but the ankle problems still bother me from time to time. I do feel like I can move around easier, but know that I won't be able to get to my goal without help, which is why I am having the sleeve surgery. I'm anxious, but scared at the same time. I pray that I will have the success that a lot of other people are having, but that damn voice in my head keeps saying what if this doesn't work. I'm tired of the stereotypes that people that struggle with obesity have to deal with. Not all of us eat our way into this. Until my ankles really starting bothering me, I was out dancing merengue and other various latin dances every weekend, sometime both Friday and Saturday. For two years of doing that, plus going to the gym and watching what I ate, I didn't lose a pound. I only maintained. I have always believed that the word "diet" was very negative and therefore never tried any of the "latest" diet crazes. I have always believed that good nutrition, the right portions and exercise was the key. Since that wasn't working for me, I'm turning to weight loss surgery, hoping that it works. I hope to be able to update this with good news in the coming weeks. I can say as of now, having to go through all my pre-surgical appointments confirmed (again) that all my lab work is normal, my EKG is normal (I had never had one before this) and during my endoscopy, the doctor found that I have H pylori, which I had no symptoms at all for. Being that stomach ulcers can lead to cancer, I feel fortunate that this was found and I can be treated for it.