Bluto

My son called for his daily chat, a time I really look forward to. He says, "How was your day?"
 
Well I've had a lovely day. I got to go into the office, work with a team of 6 very smart people, we all got some great thinking and work done. I was able to join them in the lunch I ordered for us, and I've extremely been productive all day. What were the first words out of my mouth in response to my son's question?
 
"Well, I'm still stalled."
 
WTH?? That's all I can think of to tell him about my day?? So he's a very insightful smarty-pants and he says to me, "Mom it was one thing to rely on the scale when you could say 'oh maybe I should cut down a bit tomorrow' and use the scale to monitor and adjust your eating habits. But really, what role does the scale play in your life now??"
 
For a change, I was speechless. Well he wasn't about to stop there. He carries on saying,
 
"Maybe you should ask yourself if it's healthy to let what you see on a scale determine your feelings of success for the day? After all you're doing what you need to, and you told me you were going to focus on process vs. the outcome. Would anything change in your process if you just threw away the scale for 3 months?"
 
No of course it wouldn't but can i throw away the scale for 3 months? I cannot. Why? Because maybe I'm sick in the head and I associate my self-worth with success or failure at pounds lost. Not what I do to succeed, but whether the scale says I've lost weight today.
 
Unlike a lot of people here, over the last few years i could NOT lose weight. I could control my calories, my cardio-vascular health, what I put in my mouth, but I couldn't control my weight. Yet I continued to judge myself by my ability to lose weight. Not by my ability to do what was healthy, but whether or not I could lose weight. I may have been sleeved, but apparently that way of judging myself still persists.
 
So really, if we are eating our protein, drinking our water, and exercising to the degree that we can, what role does or should the scale play in our lives when we're trying to lose weight? Should we not focus on the process, monitor the crap out of the protein and water and calories, and let the scale go off on a long hike to TImbuktoo? And can we do that? Why not?

I had a NSV this past weekend. Unfortunately, along with it came a problem. I had to go get the box out of the attic. You know the one that I filled with the clothes that were too tight. The clothes that I had from the last time I lost some weight .. and the time before that, and the time before that.... How could that possibly be a problem, you ask?
 
The routine in the past has always been to take out the smaller clothes (hurrah!!) and fill the box with the bigger clothes. At that point, the box sits in the closet for a few weeks while I decide if it goes to charity or back in the attic. Well, having gained and lost the same 40# several times in my adult life coupled with the fact that I'm frugal (ok ok a cheap rat bastard), the nagging thought that I may need those clothes again generally leads to them going back in the attic. Then later when I've lost my resolve and gone back to cramming my pie hole with whatever isn't nailed down.... the box comes out and the the process is repeated in reverse.
 
I keep telling myself that this time is different. That not only will I never need those clothes again, in all likelihood, I will have to buy new clothes when the "small" clothes are too big in another month. I am quickly coming up to the point where I will be smaller than I have been in 20 years, and my goal is a place that I haven't seen since middle school. Never the less, the box of big clothes is currently sitting in my closet silently mocking me. Stupid box.

Check out my latest video for this exciting announcement!
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXurQmN6IXE

My wife was going to Walmart yesterday, and texted me at work to ask if I needed anything. I said 'new clothes and sneakers'. I wasn't expecting her to actually buy me anything, but she asked what size pants I was wearing now. I had to close my office door so that I could check the size of the jeans I'm currently wearing. I told her they are a 36 and would fall down without a belt. I never even realized that I was wearing a 36 until I checked yesterday. These are old jeans I still had in my drawer from years ago, and are the only ones that aren't ridiculously big on me now. She asked me what size I was wearing when I was at my biggest. I said that I never really knew my 'true' size. I was wearing 42 or 44, but was wearing them under the belly, not at the belly like you're supposed to, so was probably bigger. She picked me up 4 pairs of shorts, in 34. I thought 'no way are these going to fit'. Well, guess what - they did! I haven't been a 34 in probably 17 years, I'm guessing. Can't believe I've come this far in only 4 months! This is the best thing I've ever done for myself (besides marrying my wife).