ploveda1

It' will be close to a year in a few weeks. I've not had the weight loss results as most have reported here. I'm seeing >100 lbs being reported by a lot of my peers. I' not even close to 100 lbs, but on the healthcare front I've remained off my insulin, no longer sleep with my CPAP and have managed to stay relatively free of bing eating.
 
I'm very disappointed in that I've not maintained an excercise regimen that would be considered a "Life Style Change." I did have some good starts and stops and right now I'm decidedly at STOP. I just don't have the motivation stay on an exercise regimen. I always end up hurting myself in some way, then that give me clearance to give up.
 
In Oct 2012 I was in the hospital with stroke like symptoms, literally paralyzed on my left side. They r/o a stroke and after 2 days of tests, released me to neurologist for f/up care with dx of hemiplegic migraine. Code word for I don't know WTH is wrong, but she has had migraines in the past, so let's roll with it. I was on restrictions for about 2 month while they tried to figure out what's wrong. All my feeling returned before discharge, but I had total numbness in the last 3 fingers on my left hand. After testing for everything from carpal tunnel syndrome to pinched nerves in my arm and shoulder, the prize-winner neurologist came back with I can give you some cream that may work, I can send you to therapy with sometimes helps, or it may just fix itself on it's on........BUT I see you've not had a sleep study in a while and your plan will bay for it, so let me set you up for a new one. OK. Dr. Neuro's office begins calling me weekly to setup this darn sleep study....I finally told them to NEVER call me again. I still have trouble typeing and my left hand it still giving me problem.
 
I'm hoping I'm not a stroke risk, but the PCP says get going with the excecise again. In February I start back walking. Doing good. Sporadic, but I'm getting it in at least 2-3 times a week. Weight going down, have to finally buy some new clothes because my black leggings are falling off an my colorful fat girl "pop of color" tops are looking like flour sacks on me 'cause they're too big. I have a chronic pain in my left foot and ask for an x-ray, my PCP says there's nothing remarkable but I may have small bone spurs that will just be a chronic issue for me. SUX.
 
I start feeling a little soreness in my left leg, it evolves into a limp, but I'm thinking it's just me getting back on the track and I ben-gay it up and bear down. I'm down to 1-2 times a week, but I'm keeping it moving. Garage sale Saturday, I'm digging for treasures and a radiating pain hits my left leg. I can't walk. I yell. The ppl help me to my car and my mom starts freaking me out telling me it's probably a blood clot and I'm going to die if I don't get to an ER soon (She has a flare for the dramatic).
 
I go to the ER and they r/o a blood clot, discharge to my PCP for follow-up the next day. PCP rotates my leg and refers me to an Ortho Surgeon the next day stating he thinks I'm going to need surgery. Now I"m on crutches. Ortho assesses and no surgery. Just 1 week of total bed rest. I have a grade 2 calf muscle strain!
 
 
I'm off my feet for a week and come back, it's healing, but still not out of the weeds for abt 6 weeks so take it easy but do what you can.....To me that translates into DO NOTHING, and I've been faithful to that regimen for about 2 months now. WTH? Really Elle? You going to cop out like that? Why YES I AM. Disappointed in myself, but yes. I did that.
 
Now I'm at the year mark and reflecting. I want to hit the century mark. I'm wanting a 1XX versus a 2XX at my weigh in. I hope to reach the 100s in about 6-8 months. Kick-off date is July 1,2013. Please pray for me that I can keep this new goal in sight.
 
 
I do have concerns that I may have a hernia or something because I feel I am able to eat more than I should in one sitting. As long as I don't drink anything while eating I'm fine. I've drank alcohol sparingly w/o any trouble. I don't do well with chicken or ground beef.
 
Bread and butter is my weakness, but I can only eat a little bit of it at a setting. I have been bad and do drink from straws on occasion.
 
My new guilty pleasure is McCafe Hazlenut Lattes and Caramel Frappes. I also enjoy the egg white delight breakfast combo. I can eat the hashbrown and mcmuffin in one sitting (I just throw away one of egg mcmuffin slices).
 
I can honestly say the term "use VSG as a tool" not a solution is a great message. You will not drop an insane amount of weight just from having this procedure. You have to work at it and change. My health is better and I will praise this procedure to the mountain tops, but you must be willing to put in the work to get the pounds off. My mother recently had the procedure and is doing well. She was not nearly as obese as me, so I'm excited to see if a little competiton will help boost me on the walking track.
 
Her start weight is my current weight! So we're even in getting out of the gate. My mom had a lot more stuff broken in her health wise so I"m elated that she finally did the procedure.
 
My marriage is struggling at the moment. Not heading for divorce or anything, just facing some challenges with a blended family. We're working through it, but I'm feeling my old urges and our lack of intimacy isn't helping things at all. I hate being mad all the time.
 
Work is sucking as well. I don't know if I should move on or stay with them. My company has great benefits but I'm working 16-20 hour days and not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel. It's shockingly overwhelming.
 
Any way in closing. 1 year has been faced with several set-backs, but I'm optimistic that I can refocus and get back on track. Besides my husband and kids, the VSG decision remains one of the best decisions I've made in life. I think I bought myself more years on this earth by just choosing to not die of morbid obesity complications.
 
This board has been most helpful in letting me know I'm not alone and others are in the struggle with me and offering support.
 
Thank you all

For the past week I have been thinking of what to write for my one year update.
 
Firstly,I dont regret having the sleeve as far having lost the weight and the way I am looking.It feels good to be thin even though I have loads of extra hanging skin.
 
But,and I am so sad that there has to be a but here...
 
I went into menopause at the age of 45 3 months after having the surgery.At the time my dr said it might just be because I am losing a lot of stored estrogen and the symptoms might disappear,but it didnt quite go away.I now have a period every 4 mnths or so and hotflashes,as they please.Horrible to be dealing with this now.Anyway,I am dealing with it.
 
I am bruised black and blue the whole time.Bruises that is clearly not casued by bumps as they are in such strange places.My bloods are all out of wack,different ones every time I have it done.The amount of pills I have to take is unreal.This would be fine if it wasnt affecting my stomach the way it does.I now have to add carafate to the PPi I am taking.As for the bruising,no one seems to know why this is happening and I am due for more tests in the next couple of weeks.The one thing that has also changed drastically is my lipid profile.My TC was never high,I had great HDL and LDL was normal.Now my HDL is super low,my LDL is super high and my Tc borders on high.Who knows how the heck that happens while losing 137 pounds?
 
About a month ago I started having symptoms of peripheral neuropathy.I dont want to comment on this too much as I am still inshock dealing with the burning,tingling and pain in my hands and feet.I hope this will go away with the supplements I am taking as I have no idea how one live with this indefintely without going stir crazy.
 
Just to top all this and make it more interesting,my neck,back and tailbone is giving me hell.I seem to be growing a hump om my upperback and the kids tell me I am bent like the moon.I have a lot of upperback and neck pain but the bad thing is I cannot atand for longer than a couple of seconds before my lower back is killing me.I can sit and I can walk,no problem.I just cannot stand.
 
I am extremely sad that things are not as straight forward for me as for others as it would have been nice to enjoy being at goal at this point.To have dealt with my fears about having plastics as I am almoat ready to so it I dislike my arms that much...lol.
 
However I am constantly trying to deal with some health fallouts at the moment.I am so scared that this will be my life now.Hands and feet on fire,a back that cause for me to have to sit down all the time.A neck that keeps me awake all night and to top that I look like I was in a bad accident or fight,all the time.
 
This all sounds so negative.But I might have gotten sick just from being fat if I didnt have this surgery.If only dealing with these issues werent so complex.If only there were some easy answers and fixes.I am a fixer.I am a doer.If something is wrong,fix it and most of my issues I cannot only not fix,I can hardly manage them.
 
Maybe in a couple of months I will find myself healthy.Painfree!Burn free!Free of bruises!Taking less than 15 pills a day.But for now I am a little fearful about my future.
 
And then I want to just delete this post as it isnt what I want things to be like and about.
But then I will leave it to read in a little while when things are better and the problems have been resolved.
 
Part 2 will talk about all the nice stuff...like wearing a size 36B bra..hehehe!And having bought a size 10,yes a size 10 broadshort, yesterday!Not all is bad and life does go on!

When I first decided to have VSG, I didn’t initially come to this board. I did my research, talked to my Drs. and went through the process. Any questions that I had, I was able to research through the internet and typically I found answers. If I couldn’t I would discuss them with my Dr. or my nutritionist during my 6 month pre-op requirement. I found this board just days before my surgery. I came here looking for mutant people like myself. People whose life had spun out of control and sought solace and comfort in excessive food and drink. People who had decided that they have had enough of the churn. People that were taking the steps to improve their health and their lives. People that actually allowed themselves to be spread out on an operating table and let a group of strangers cut out a perfectly good stomach. You see, I don’t have a lot of support at home as my spouse had RNY a few years back and failed to maintain her weight and is fairly obese again. She’s been pretty passive aggressive about the whole thing and, well that’s a whole Jerry Springer episode all in itself. I don’t have any close family, and I didn’t share my surgery with anyone who was particularly close friend wise. For some unexplained reason, I needed to be in a tribe for this journey, so I found this board. I came here and I met a whole raft of nice people, people that I enjoyed conversing with on a daily basis, mutants like myself (you all know who you are, and I thank you for the friendship that you all have extended to me).
 
I learned things on this board and I contributed and tried to support. As I did, I came to realize that this surgery is a whole lot tougher on some people than it had been for me both physically and mentally. I guess that I had focused so much on trying to lose the weight and get healthy, that I didn’t see WLS as that big of deal. I’ve done every diet, taken nutrition classes as part of my school work, was a pretty faithful follower of good gym habits; I just couldn’t put down the fork and the cup. I barreled through all this like I always had, by not taking any prisoners. It never occurred to me that others weren’t like that, so it was an eye opening experience to hear the struggles of others. As I tried to pass along my experiences and support, I started getting offline messages. Some were funny, some were more questions, but over the last couple of weeks, I got a couple that were just down right mean. I was being chided for responding in an honest and forthright manner, not being judgmental, but offering an opinion based on experience and facts. Then last week, I was perusing a thread over in one of the other sections that basically called out the so called “vets” on the board for hijacking threads and interjecting silliness and nonsense into too many threads. The poster felt like all this should be relegated to the chat room and policed off the boards. What really melted my butter was a reply by someone that I had truly respected, and someone that had been chastised openly on the board for some of their responses, actually agreeing with the poster about how some of the “vets” handled their posts. This was someone that I had actually defended and sent a message of encouragement to, now blazing away at others (and myself, in my opinion) on the board. It was a wake-up call that maybe there are mutants here that don’t come here for the same reasons that I do. Maybe they feel that this should be a very narrow, well patrolled repository of information and facts, and that there’s no room for a joke and a smile and a bit of irreverent behavior among the tribes people.
 
So, last week I decided to take a few days away from VST and figure out what I wanted from it. Had I graduated from the tribe of mutants? Was this drama that seems to interweave itself into threads on a regular basis worth it? Had I really been that callus in my responses as I was accused of being? I even visited another gastric sleeve board just to get a perspective of how the other tribes live. Then, it dawned on me that we all come here to get something that we need. It might be information, it might absolution, it may be reassurance, and it might even be a joke when we need one, but we all come here seeking something. Because my reasons for being here are different from others, I shouldn’t be castigated for offering an opinion or a word of tough love or even warm and fuzzy encouragement. I shouldn't feel bad to have a joke with a fellow mutant about some nonsense. But, I have decided that for now, it is best that I don’t participate as regularly as I have in the past. I want to continue to learn, I want to see how others react to their quest for health, but mainly I want to be with my tribe. I can do that from the lurkers chair just as easy as I can by participating and I don’t have to sweep the drama from my mailbox.
 
Thanks for listening – I appreciate each and every one of you for taking the courage to make the life altering changes necessary to live a long and happy life.
 
Peace....
 
John