happyfam

So I am only 4 days away from the biggest event in my whole 24 years of living and I am freaking out. I know this is normal I know this is normal, but I am so nervous at this point. I just don't want anything to go wrong. Finals are done, vacation is set to begin this Wednesday so I shouldn't have anything pressing. Liquid diet is getting on my nerves, but hey, it's just one of those things that you gotta do. So I'm a little irritated with that but I'm doing it. I'm down about 5 pounds from my starting weight so the scales didn't let me down at all. But I'm definitely getting rid of the scale as soon as surgery hits. I will not step on that thing until my post op appointments. I just don't want to overwhelm myself with trying to eat right and watch the scale drop pound by pound. I'll be ok I'm sure. Just panic. WOOOOOOSA! I'm ready.

I'm in puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Hopefully, and if everything goes well, in less that 12 hours I will have the VSG.
 
I'm very nervous. It is a huge change. I'm afraid of dying, not for me, but for those I love. I would never want to make my mom or sister suffer, but I have deprived them of a life with me because I'm always depress in my house, or of feeling ashamed of my weight.
 
I know recovery will be painful, but I hope and pray to God this goes well and I can handle everything with strength and peace.
 
I know once I'm awake from surgery, it won't mean everything is perfect. I already had a few surgeries in the past and complications happened about 2 weeks after. So whomever is reading this and believe in the power of prayer, please send some this way. I will forever thank you.
 
I'm having this surgery because I'm tired of seeing the best years of my life go by, and I don't do nothing about it. I'm tired of all the struggles, I'm afraid of my diabetics getting worse, I'm tired of being tired, feeling hopeless in a room isolating myself.
 
I've suffer several emotional disorders due to my obesity and my fear of being seen like this. But is time to change my life and embrace this new opportunity.
 
I've decided to do this journal to keep track of all the changes. I want this to be about me. I'm doing this for me but also for my family because I want to give them the best of me, and I never want to forget that they were my most important motivation.
 
This is one of the hardes decisions I have made in my life, there is nothing easy about this surgery. I will have to find the strength to say goodbye forever to many foods that were nothing but addictive and unhealthy. I have to to this the right time this time.

It almost 5am and as usual, I cannot sleep because I slept too much during the day.
 
I'm happy to report that my surgery went fine. Each time I walk by the hospital chapel, I cry thanking God for this new opportunity.
 
I don't remember waking up from surgery, the dr explained they had to use a lot of anestecia because the fat from my belly was absorbing it fast. Whatever that means. All I know is that I was so high when I woke up in my room at night time. I barely could talk, move and was feeling no pain at all.
 
All night I was so thirsty, those hours were endless, but the next morning we had a leak test and finally I could have water. I felt discomfort with every sip, but nothing horrible. Whenever I'd go walk I'd get nauseous, but it has gotten better.
 
Today, hopefully, I can go to the hotel.
I don't like the teas or juices. I just loved the chicken broth I had today.
 
I'm a bit scare about the Fly back, it's 3 hours to get to Dallas and another 3 to get to Tampa.
 
But I already overcame the biggest fear, I can now do anything.
 
I'm happy! Thank you Jesus!
 
Thank you all who prayed for me!
 
 

So I figure this is as good as journal.
 
I need to make sure I can have some system of record to track progress and see how I'm managing through this.
 
I can't begin to express my emotions. I'm so excited and every ounce of me feels like this is the right decision. Of course my mom is making so nervous with her over anxiousness. I keep trying to reassure her everything will be OK. I think, however, this speaks to a lot of fears within my family to try new things. It's so weird, my sister and I are just not cut from the same cloth as my family. She moved to Berlin just for the heck of it, I myself travel the world over at any and every chance. Yet, most of my family will not move further than 10 minutes from the other members. It's so bizarre.
 
Anywho, my surgery date is December 14th!!!
 
I'm so excited and I know it will be here before I know it. The last piece to all of this, is getting my passport renewed as I'm going to Mexico for my procedure.
 
I've already started my pre-op diet and walking 3 miles a day. I also bought a nutri-bullet. Surprisingly, it's actually help me beat the flu. I started my nutri-blasts the day I work up with an unbearable sore throat (that is always the first sign of a flu for me & it usually takes me down for a week or two). I will admit, 3 days of these nutri blasts and I feel great. I figured it would help me post-op when it was time to go to my soft food stage to help me get some better nutrients in. Whoever came up with that thing, is brilliant. I will admit, sometimes when I have more than 1 a day, I don't always add the green factor in & depending on the recipe, I allow myself a teaspoon of sugar or vanilla almond milk, but it definitely doesn't change the effect of getting all that good nutrition in me.
 
So yea I'm feeling great. Wish my surgery was earlier in December, just kind of ready to get it over with LOL. I've been mulling over this for like 5 years and for some reason, I know once I get going with this, I'm going to kick myself for not doing it 5 years ago. I guess the thing with me is that, I kept running into or hearing about people who were unsuccessful with bypass surgery or had complications with the band. The sleeve just makes more sense for me and I know this will be a tool that helps me succeed.
 
I guess I may as well start thinking of some rewards for myself. Here's a list to get started:
 
50 lbs = spa day
75 lbs = dance shoes
100 lbs = arjuni D
125 lbs = host huge event for friends
150 lbs = $1500 new wardrobe
Goal = book Europe trip to see my sis
 
I'm sure these will be tweaked a bit as time moves along, but it's a starting point and plenty of things to look forward too.