SleeveVPNYC

Ok, so I've never started my own thread but I'm looking for support or someone who has been in my situation. I started the journey for surgery in 2011 and insurance was the final barrier which I overcame by getting a new job with great health benefits. So I have 3 medically supervised weight management visits and in each one I gain weight. The weight I started in was 411. Then I got down to 368 with diet and exercise. But as I got closer to the surgery date and I just kept eating and eating and now I'm 451!! I was looking forward to the surgery but my actions say otherwise. Let me very honest when I say food is like my best friend, companion and my drug. That moment of euphoria is great but my weight increasing and affecting my clothes amongst other things is really getting me down. I'm searching for the magic to push forward but I just feel it coming. Quite honestly, I'm eating like a jerk. I wonder if someone out there has gone through this. I've tried OA for like 7 meetings and I didn't feel like a connection was developed. It didn't feel organic at all and I have two jobs now working 8-4pm, 6-10pm, Monday - Thursday. Friday just 8 - 4pm. I feel so sluggish and lonely because it just feels like I'm quitting on myself. I started taking baby steps to do the right thing again such as drinking black coffee now for Breakfast with some breadsticks and a fruit. I stopped eating fast food in the night and now I eat Fiber one Cereal. But I am super sedentary! Anyone experienced something like this? This is my burden. Looking for any enlightenment. - Erwin

Hi All! Thanks for the support! I love it. Candice, I've been thinking of making an omelette in the morning with some veggies. What do you think about that? Better?? I've been meaning to cut the breadsticks out because you're not the first to make that kind of comment and I do need to make a better effort with the Protein. Let me know what you think of an omelette please, I'd appreciate your feedback. Congrats on your Master's as well. That is a tough road and one I too need to go down one day. I'll make the changes tomorrow and have some good news again in 2 weeks time. Good night to all! Erwin

Hello All! I said I would follow up every 2 weeks. So my body is taking over subconsciously and I have not had the desire for the same food. In the last 2 weeks, I have lost 12 more pounds! I just need to integrate exercise in my daily routine and I'll be golden! In March, I'm going on a food program like nutrisystem called Medifast. I'll do that for 4 weeks and incorporate the exercise this coming weekend.i feel encouraged for the first time in a long time and I just want to keep saying thank you for listening and all of your kind words. It really has helped!! Well, stay tuned because I expect more good news in 2 weeks! I will not let my past dictate my future. Sincerely, Erwin

Hey Krystal, Thanks for sharing. That weight loss is awesome! I am sorry to hear about the hospital stays. I know it's a scary place. Thank you for sharing that information with the group. I really appreciate it. I'll pray for you and have faith that your hospital stays will stop. Kookichu, it definitely is "head hunger" and I love that expression because my hunger is not physiological in the least. I just love that euphoric feeling I get from eating out and eating late. It's encouraging to hear about your energy level because my level is so low I sometimes don't even understand how I get out of bed. I do it for my twin boys because I am all they got. I have to overcome this addiction and me and them. It's been one day at a time and somedays I just wish I could just lose 100 pounds this month but it's very unrealistic and I have come to accept it is a process and I also have come to realize I am not alone and people like me with the same struggles do exist and I am so happy to come across so many on this forum. It's such a blessing because I did not feel this connected at OA. Thank you for sharing kookichu!

Hi Krystal! How much have you lost if you don't mind me asking? Also, one of my biggest problems is my energy level. Has yours improved post-op?

So I apparently lost 16 pounds in the last month. I'm pretty excited but getting sick this week might have helped My appetite is changing and I'm not binging or wanting to binge in the last 2-3 weeks. I find myself driving around fighting with myself about buying and not buying food. I would like to continue the current trend and my biggest problem is cutting juice/soda from my daily/weekly routines. I will make this my unofficial blog and update this every 2 weeks because all the people on this post collectively gave me strength and I have faith that this "blog" will get me over the top. Food is my lover and my comfort. It is my Achilles heel and my pain. It is the last hurdle in my life and this year it will end. This is my manifesto. Love ya all! Erwin

Honestly just stopping the bad food habits I switched to black coffee and an omelette for Breakfast. I cut soda/juice out this week. Next week I'm going to start my DDPYoga program and walking. Then the week after that I'll look to make another small adjustment to my diet. For now, it's all about breaking the connection.

CBT, I'm definitely on the most difficult journey I have ever encountered. All these responses in this thread have been so real and really touched closer than anything else has in a while. I need this kind of support sob I can change my current mindset. food is my companion, my drug, my tool of pleasure and destruction and it is the only sustained relationship I have going today (besides my kids). It's truly hard to let this go and empty this crap from my life without having something to fill the gap. Thanks for the encouragement and trying to play the role of "Hero" is definitely something I look forward to because there is some magic attached to being "the Hero". -Erwin

Thank you all for responding!! I feel so great to know I'm not alone and that there are people who genuinely understand me. I'll tell you all that what I have found out recently is that I hate myself. I don't know when it happened but I stopped loving myself and I invest in everything and everyone but me. I think anxiety absolutely played a role and sugars is an absolute addiction for me. I can eat a whole pack of Cookies and a pint of ice cream and feel just terrible afterwards! I know I shouldn't but nothing other than my job and my kids gives me that kind of pleasure. Thank you for the article on sugar. I do feel better when it is out of my system. But starting that road will be my first step. My birthday is this week so I think I will accept that I will probably have some drinks but I will start tomorrow but cutting off soda and juice from my daily routine. But if not breadsticks and a fruit for breakfast, what do you suggest moonlite? I'll probably give OA another shot. All your responses really helped and caused me to second guess my decisions today. I have a fitness tracker so I'll start using that again too. At leanmeanfightingmachine, I'm definitely going to invest in massages instead of my binging. It sounds like a good idea! At teacherlady, thank you for your kind words! I don't love myself and I need to do that again. I'm trying to rediscover myself and look for me. I lost "me" a long time ago. But today was a better day because of all of your encouragement and kind words. Wildgrits, I've been told to go on an all Protein diet. So maybe just meat and veggies I guess? Thank you for the breakdown. I'll be using my fitness pal app to document. Finally, Jeana, thank you for being the first to respond to my thread. Today was a new day and all of the posts helped me making wiser choices today. I will work on getting the surgery date again with each day as a new day. I have a mentor who suggested I take two big steps this week with one of them being linking back up with Bariatric pal and I'm glad I did. The second big step was exercise but I still have to figure that out since my day starts at 6am and ends when I get home at 10:30pm. I can't to hear from you all again and even more people. I've just felt disconnected in this whole ordeal. But I feel like this was the start of something momentous in my life. Again, thank you all. - Erwin

Hey, Did you guys get it done? I'm from the bronx too but I'm in the process. I would love to know how you guys are doing with the surgery. - Erwin

How are you doing? How did the surgery go if you don't mind me asking?

NOw I was told to go on the liquid diet and lose weight for my next appt or AETNA won't approve. Talk about motivation!!

Congrats Therese!!!

Congrats on your approval. I go through the process for two years and then get told I'm not eligible because my insurance will not pay for any gastric procedure which I thought was totally wrong!! Anyways, long story short, I end up finding a job for the same hospital that was going to operate. The hospital covers the surgery for its employees and I have a December date set. I can't wait but you are closer than me in terms of getting the procedure so I wish you all the luck in the world.

You look amazing! Congrats on your progress.

I was thinking of a movie instead. Kind of a video blog. It should be cool to look at it and see the progress. Good luck! When did you get your surgery? I'm supposed to do it on 12/17