OneWritersSoul

I'm on Instagram as OneWritersSoul

I confess that Aunt Flo has awful, terrible timing! No visits for a year, then out of nowhere, hello! I don't dare step on a scale until she's hella gone! (Sorry to the gentleman here.) I confess that my fear of failure has controlled my life- every aspect. But I'm sick of being afraid all the time. So, I met a friend for dinner that I hadn't seen since before I gained all my weight. She wasn't uncomfortable around me or humiliated by me. It was a wonderful thing to be around someone out in public again! I confess that I'm worried I will stop showing a loss now that I'm on the Soft Phase of the program. Especially since I'm unable to drink the Protein Drinks to get the Protein in, but I see my calories going up. I'm still not brave enough to eat 1,000 to 1,200 calories a day. I confess that even having lost some weight, doing the elliptical is kicking my butt! What a modern-day torture device! I confess that I've never wanted a Screwdriver as badly as I do today! (And I rarely drink!)

I've been using the MyFitnessPal app to track everything since before my surgery. I started two weeks prior, so it was my meals and my liquid diet. Then it was my liquid phase, full liquid phase, and now my puréed phase. I make sure to track my walks every evening. I put down my weight when I weigh in. If I try a new food, I track that as well. I'm so OCD! Still, I'm receiving messages DAILY that my calorie intake is too low and my body is in starvation mode! And when I finish my log every night it tells me in five weeks I will weigh X number of pounds

Diluted Minute Maid low-cal orange juice. I can't live without it and by the time it's diluted, it's only 25 calories a glass- plus it has calcium! Now if only I could find a non-creamy, orange flavored protein to add to it!

I confess that last night's confessions make me feel pathetic in the light of day. I confess that I truly believe I went from binging/overeating to a different eating disorder. I'm OCD about my portions- so much so that when I can't physically measure bites on a scale, I obsess. I weigh every single day- morning and night. Sometimes in between. I keep the weights, every single thing I eat or drink, and BMs on a spreadsheet. I believe this keeps me honest and it helps me to hold myself accountable. I confess that sometimes I miss being able to eat bigger portions. It's a head thing, because I physically have no room for an entire veggie sub from Subway, but I do miss it. I confess that I feel like an idiot even thinking about dining out. All I can think about is the money that is being wasted, even if I take the leftovers home. I can't ever finish them before they go bad. I confess that of all the foods I miss the most, cheese ravioli is it. Buca had the perfect ravioli with the perfect sauce and it was one of my comfort foods.

I confess that I thought this would be a good thing but in fact, it has turned my life upside down. Other than online and at the surgeon's office, no one gets it. I confess that I'm feeling completely unhinged. Mental. Crazy cakes. Ask my husband who, after an intense argument, just told me he feels as if our entire relationship is hopeless- because I genuinely can't see -any- change in my body. He can't do crazy. I don't blame him- I don't want to do it either. I'd rather have him happy without me than miserable with me. I confess that people who are motivated to exercise (hardcore) both anger and astound me. Then I feel worse about the walking I do every day. It's not what they're doing, so why bother? So I put it off until I feel guilty as sin. Then I push myself until I'm sick. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. I confess that my honest sharing online has inadvertently led to people feeling like they are less than I am. I cry about it. I feel so guilty that I don't want to post, because I -never- want to make -anyone- feel less than wonderful. (This was scary, but I promised my therapist I'd keep participating. So, I'm sorry if I've angered or offended anyone in the process.)

I drank chai tea straight, no sweetener and my not going troubles were resolved. It's a natural remedy- actually black tea of any sort is. Just watch the caffeine if your surgeon restricts it. (Mine was caffeine-free.)

Hallelujah!!! My doctor gave me the green light for salad today at my one month follow-up! He said no broccoli or cauliflower or iceberg but salad was a go! Guess what I'm trying for dinner?

So, I'm a little less than three hours away from my one month post-op appointment and I am FREAKING OUT! I didn't sleep, I am too nauseous to eat, and I'm even afraid to drink because I don't want to get some wildly different number on the scale. Am I the only one that freaks before appointments? Other than being weighed, what else can I expect? I have my questions ready, etc. to make it as painless as possible but I like to be prepared.

Omgoodness! Honey, you're not to blame for being grumpy! Look at that schedule and think of the stress it causes (whether you're Superwoman or not!) and seriously, no one can blame you for being grumpy! (I'm worn out AND grumpy just reading it!)

I'm at one month post-op and I would KILL for a salad! Salads have always been my food of choice and I'm lost without my veggies! Hopefully at my one month follow-up tomorrow my doctor gives me the green light.

If anyone is interested in adding me on MyFitnessPal, I can be found there as Serenity_lynn

Pickle sisters! My jar of baby dills are soon going to be dry if I'm not careful! It's almost as bad as being pregnant, this whole craving pickles/pickle juice thing.

I'm so relieved to hear that someone else is struggling to reach that caloric intake! I mean, I'm sorry you're struggling, but it's nice to know I'm not alone!

That is such good news for you and your family! Let's hope and pray I can get my family to do the same! Continued luck to you!

So very normal! I swear I thought my husband was going to commit me to the local mental health facility while I was on clear/full liquids. He'd fix Kraft macaroni & cheese (which I detest!) and I'd cry. He'd fix steak (I'm a reborn vegetarian!) and I'd cry. He'd make a smoothie with my new Ninja and not use it for healthy stuff (he made gross Reese Cup flavors) and I'd cry. He was trying to be nice and live on things I hated so I wouldn't miss food as much, but I was still a hot mess! At one point I'm fairly certain I even told him I didn't care if it killed me, I was going to eat a huge spinach salad, then I collapsed in our bed and cried about everything from cheese balls and crackers to my Mama's cornbread dressing! And that was just the food stuff that set me off. I won't even get started on the clothes not fitting, the stall, or worrying about looking old! So take comfort in the fact that you're not alone AND in the fact that it gets better. Oh and remember, this is a safe place to vent!

I feel your pain! It's a major adjustment but it's imperative that you let your body heal. Perhaps ask your doctor about chewing gum, as others have mentioned it helped them get through this part. As far as your favorite meal by Christmas- that would depend on your Phase and your nutritionist/surgeon. If you're advanced into puréed foods or soft foods, there's probably no reason you couldn't but again, check with the professionals. If you're on Clear liquids, perhaps try other juices such as cranberry and white grape. Be sure they're light or diet and dilute them though as you don't want an upset tummy from the sugar content. Other good choices are broth, sugar-free Popsicles, and Crystal Light. Do you know how long each of your phases is? That might give us a better idea of recommendations to give you.

I'm a little over one month post-op and I'm consuming between 200-500 calories, depending on the day. 500 is extremely high for me, but extremely low according to my nutritionist and surgeon. Everyone is is different though.

Absolutely! She's going to be quite the busy little thing very soon!